When We Kiss

by Louise, Tia

  “Don’t talk about your sister that way.” My mother’s voice goes shrill. “How could you say bad things about her now that she’s gone? Are you deliberately trying to hurt me?”

  She looks down, and I glance over at her. I can’t tell if she’s crying, and I’m not trying to hurt her. I can’t understand what it would be like to lose a child, but I do know her overbearing nature ultimately was too much for my sister.

  “I’m not trying to hurt you.” I take a breath and adjust my tone.

  I don’t want to fight with my mother or make her cry. I just want her to stop trying to manipulate me. Cherry is gone, and I’m not looking to take her place.

  “What made you decide to come for a visit? Was it really to see me or was it to try and make me come back to Charleston?”

  She sniffs and shakes her hair back. “A little of both, I guess. I wanted to see you, to know you’re okay.”

  “I’m okay. I’m actually better than okay. I really like living here. I like my job…” I like Tabitha Green. Maybe a little too much too soon.

  “I don’t believe that. You’re a Charleston man, and it’s time for you to act like it. You have a place in society and a responsibility to your family. We need you at home. I want my son back.” Her chin goes down again, and my brows furrow.

  What new line of bullshit is this? “I haven’t been home in almost ten years.”

  “That doesn’t mean you can’t come home now. Nan is still available. She understands you broke things off because you were upset about Cherry.”

  “Did you tell her that?” Now my hackles really are up.

  “Only because it’s true. If you came back now, everything could be like it was before you left.”

  It’s taking all my effort not to go off on her. I’m holding back because I know she’ll just shut down, and I want her to hear me for once. “Mom, I don’t want that life. It’s why I left.”

  We’re back at my place, and I put her car in park. Fuck trying to reason with a crazy person. I hustle around to help her out. She moves at her own pace, and I exhale a little growl.

  “I’m sorry I don’t move as fast as I used to,” she grumbles.

  I don’t answer. I walk her to the top of the stairs then dash to my room to change into a dark gray tee while she gets herself settled on the couch. I offered her my bed, but she refused—something about not wanting to intrude. Irony.

  “I’ll see you in the morning.” I grab the keys to my truck and lean down to kiss the top of her head. “Help yourself to anything.”

  “Where are you going?” Her voice rises.

  “I have to talk to Tabby.”

  “Charles! Do not go over there!”

  She’s still yelling, but I’m out the door and in my truck, again doing my best not to break all the rules of the road as I cover the distance between us.

  When I finally get to Tabby’s place, the lights are off, but I see the glow of her computer screen in the living room. I throw the truck in park and jump out, jogging up to her door.

  “Tabby?” I knock… a little too hard. “Tabby, it’s me. Open up.”

  She says something on the other side, and the door opens fast, causing me to lean forward slightly. She’s standing in front of me in that same silk romper, but the jewelry is gone. Her feet are bare, and her long hair is gathered into a messy bun on her head with a pencil stuck through it. I know what that means.

  “Sorry to bother you while you’re working.” I try giving her my signature grin.

  Slender arms cross over her waist, and she’s not smiling. “What are you doing here? Don’t you have a house guest?”

  “Ahh, yeah. About that.” I rub my chin. “My mom can be a bit much.”

  “Ya think?”

  “She wanted to know why I like it here.” I wanted to show her my top reason. “I didn’t think it through.”

  I wanted to see her so much tonight, I’d have done anything.

  Dropping my arm off the doorjamb, I hesitate. I want to pull her to my chest and kiss her. I want to bury my face in her neck and inhale the sweet scent of her perfume. Somehow, I get the feeling that might not go over so well.

  I clear my throat. “Anyway, I was curious about the job you mentioned. What’s that about?”

  Her lips press together, and she frowns. “That’s none of your business.”

  “It’s not? I thought we were going to those places together.” I motion between the two of us.

  “That was all just pillow talk.”

  “It was more than that.”

  “Who’s Nan?” Her eyes flash.

  Straightening, I clear my throat. “Nan is… Nancy Miller.”

  “Why is she waiting for you?”

  I exhale a growl. “She is not waiting for me.”

  Tabby steps out onto the front porch and closes the door behind her. “But you were engaged to her?”

  “It was a long time ago.”

  “How long?”

  “A year? More than a year. As long as I’ve been here.”

  Her arms are still crossed, and she’s showing no signs of thawing. “So like right before you came here?”

  “Yes, but to be fair, I’d just gotten out of the service. I’d been gone, and when I came back, I ended it with her.”

  Tabby’s lips tighten, and I can see her mind working. “So you came home and broke her heart after being engaged to her for at least four years?”

  “I didn’t break her heart.”

  “No one stays engaged that long and doesn’t have her heart broken.”

  “We never saw each other. It should’ve ended long ago.” Stepping to the side, I rub the back of my neck. “Why does this even matter?”

  “Because you were engaged for more than four years.” She takes a step to the other side, away from me. “I told you about Travis, and he was just a douchebag I wasted six weeks on. You were with a girl you wanted to marry, to spend your life with. What other secrets are you keeping, Charles?”

  “Nobody calls me that but my mother.” Who I’d like to strangle…

  Her voice grows louder. “It’s another thing I didn’t know.”

  “I’m sure it would’ve come up eventually. Tabby, listen to me. Nan and I were high school sweethearts. I felt like I had to propose to her before I went overseas because it’s what they all expected of us. Not because we were in love. It was because that’s what they wanted.”

  “Are you so sure that’s how she felt? You were off on a boat.”

  “I’m sure.”

  She shakes her head. “You have this whole other life in Charleston—”

  “A life I don’t want. I never wanted it. The pressure, the expectations… I hated it.”

  It killed my sister… The unwelcome thought drifts through my mind.

  Tabby’s voice is quiet. “You say that, but it’s all still back there waiting, unresolved. What happens when you realize one day that’s where you belong?”

  “Nothing. Because it’s not going to happen!” Now I’m shouting.

  This whole fucking night is pissing me off—this argument included.

  Tabby’s eyes widen slightly and she returns to her door. “I need to think about it.”

  “A million miles away?” My voice is still raised. “Do you know how dangerous blue holes are? They’re called diver cemeteries. And you’re going to go there alone?”

  “They’re not all like that.” Her voice gets louder, matching mine. “Anyway, I’ve never let fear stop me from doing anything.”

  “Fear can be a healthy emotion if it’s telling you not to do something that could get you killed.”

  “Stop bossing me around!”

  We’re standing on her front porch shouting at each other.

  I take a step back, take a few breaths, lower my voice. “You’re doing this because of your uncle. Emberly told me what he said.”

  “Bob Green’s approval is usually a red flag in my experience. Seems it still is.”

 
“Don’t do this.” My jaw is clenched again. “Don’t shut us down because of what he said. You know what we have is special.”

  “I thought it was. Then I found out how much I didn’t know.”

  “You know everything that matters.” I take a step toward her. I want to hold her, kiss her. Everything would change if I could just kiss her.

  Her back is to the door, and she shakes her head. “I don’t like secrets. I don’t like feeling like you’re living a double life. I don’t like feeling like you have all these unresolved feelings and one day you could just leave. I can’t let you…”

  “Tabby, all I want is you.” My hands are on the door, one palm on each side of her head, and I have her caged. “I want you.”

  Leaning down, I’m just about to take her lips when she opens the door and goes inside. It slams in my face, and I place my forehead against the wood. I know she’s right on the other side, and my chest aches at this barrier between us.

  “Tabby…” My voice is loud enough for her to hear me if she’s there.

  She doesn’t answer, and I have to walk away.

  * * *

  The Tuna Tiki is crowded for the off-season, but I don’t care. I don’t even look around at the Friday night revelers. I lean on the bar and order another whiskey. It’s my fourth.

  “You know Jimmy Rhodes is the only Uber driver in Oceanside County right now.” Robbie Cole’s familiar voice pulls me away from my drink. He’s smiling gently. “What’s on your mind, cowboy?”

  “Women.” I lean heavily on the bar.

  He chuckles and sits next to me, signaling the bartender. “I’ll have a Coke.”

  The bartender nods and turns away.

  I give him a glance. He’s dressed in jeans and a Hawaiian shirt. “What are you doing here on a Friday night? I thought you were on duty.”

  “Just finished having dinner with my family. I told them to head on back to the house when I saw you.” He takes a sip of Coke, and I take a sip of whiskey. “Did you drive your truck up here?”

  I nod and he nods in response. “Figured I could give you a ride home. Then check in at the station.”

  I don’t answer. I’m feeling the alcohol, although it’s not taking the edge off my anger.

  He gives me a wink. “You don’t look like you’re up for a ride home from Jimmy.”

  My jaw clenches, and a growl is in my throat. “You ever wish you could stop being a sheriff… just for five minutes?”

  That gets me a real laugh. “All the time, friend. All the time” He puts a hand on my shoulder. “It’ll pass the longer you’re here.”

  We’re quiet a moment. Music filters around us. I can’t stop thinking about tonight, all that went down.

  “How’d dinner with your mom and Tabby go?”

  “About like you’d expect.” I rest my elbow on the bar, rubbing my eyes with one hand.

  “That good?” He chuckles again. “Tabby Green is something else. She always has been. I saw your mom earlier today. She hasn’t changed much.”

  “Never truer words…”

  He looks down at his drink. “How’s your dad doing?”

  “I don’t know. The same I guess.”

  Robbie sits back, holding his soft drink. “Your family’s been dealt a heavy blow. I can’t imagine losing a child. Be patient with your folks. If you can.”

  “Mom’s trying to get me to move back to Charleston.” My eyes are on the half-full tumbler.

  “How do you feel about that?”

  “Nothing interests me less.”

  Robbie rests both arms on the bar and exhales deeply. “You went into the service right after it happened. Then you came straight here after getting out… If you need to take a few days, go back there and check on things, see how you feel, we could arrange that.”

  Tabby’s words are in my head. It’s all still back there unresolved…

  And she is right here unresolved.

  “This isn’t like you, Chad.” Robbie’s hand is on my shoulder again. “You’ve come a long way this year, and you’re always in control. It’s impressive.”

  “I’m in love with her.” I can’t believe I said it out loud. Clearly, I’m drunk. Fuck.

  “With Tabby?” He sits back.

  “I’m an idiot. It’ll never work.”

  “Hm… I don’t know.” He rubs his chin as he thinks. “Why not?”

  My stomach is tight, and I don’t know how to answer him. I want Tabby more than I’ve ever wanted any woman. It has to work. I’ll make it work.

  I realize he’s waiting, and I clear my throat. “I don’t know. Maybe it will.”

  “Okay, then.” Robbie grins, sliding off his stool. “Now that that’s off your chest. Let’s head on home. I need to check in at the station, and you need to get some rest.”

  He’s right. I’ve had too much to drink. My head’s a mess, and now that I’ve said it, I’m ready to sleep. I’m also ready to make this right, and I’m going to start by going back to Charleston.

  Then I’m coming back for what’s mine.

  Twenty-Two

  Tabby

  I shut the door in Chad’s face, sat on the floor in my living room with my back to it, and cried. It felt like somebody had pulled the thread on our relationship and all the guts had fallen out. All these things had been waiting to come crashing down, and boy did they.

  From Uncle Bob’s speech to Chad’s horrible mom to the discovery of all the things… I feel like the rug got pulled out from under me.

  Maybe it’s unfair, since I kept trying to keep it casual between us—not too serious. We’re oil and vinegar, right? We don’t mix. We can’t get serious.

  Only I did. I seriously fell for him in a major way.

  But we were playing different versions of the game, and somehow the tables turned when I wasn’t looking. I fell in love, while he kept it casual. I told him everything, and he told me nothing. He simply went along for the ride…

  And it hurts like hell.

  I did not spend Saturday in bed.

  Not all day, anyway.

  Emberly texted me a few times, but I told her I was too busy working to chat, which was the truth. As a responsible businesswoman, I checked in with Travel Time to be sure everything was up and running properly—it was. Then I took a shower and washed my hair…

  Then I wrapped it in a towel and lay in bed watching sad Nicolas Sparks movies all day. I started with Safe Harbor then The Longest Ride, Dear John… finishing with the ultimate cry into your ice cream film, The Notebook.

  I’m wearing cooling eye pads when I call Emberly this morning.

  “Why are you calling me so early on a Sunday?” Her voice is muffled, and I hear the noise of the mixer in the background. “Where were you all day yesterday? I tried to call… How did your date with Chad and his mom go?”

  “Can you kill the twenty questions?” I flop on my bed staring at my closet. “His mother is a controlling shrew. Chad’s real name is Charles, and he was engaged to some fem-bot named Nan right before he moved here.”

  “Shut the front door! You are kidding me.” The whirring noise stops. “I can’t see him as a Charles.”

  “He said only his mom calls him that. Are you going to church this morning?”

  “Are you going to church this morning?” The shock in her voice makes me roll my eyes.

  “It’s time for one of my tithe Sundays, but I’m not going if you’re not there.”

  “Yeah, explain that to me again? You go ten Sundays a year?”

  “Good lord, did you fail math? Five. I go five Sundays a year.”

  “Because of the tithe.” Her voice is muffled again. “I still don’t understand.”

  “There’s fifty two weeks in a year. Ten percent is five, so I go five Sundays a year.”

  “Technically, you should round up and go six.”

  “Did Uncle Bob put you on the payroll? Are you in league with Betty Pepper? Five is plenty.” I step over to my closet, movin
g hangers as I inspect my dresses. “Are you going? It sounds like you’re baking.”

  “I’m making white monster number two cupcakes.” Her voice is warm with pride.

  “What the hell is a white monster number two cupcake?”

  “Coco has the best preschool teacher this year. She’s teaching them colors, numbers, and even Spanish with these monsters every week. Last week it was green monster number one, uno. This week it’s dos, and I told her I’d make a cupcake for it. I’m making coconut cream with white chocolate frosting and a big two.”

  “Coco is the only kid I’ve ever heard of who eats coconut.” I settle on a demure, fitted beige dress that hangs mid-calf. I have no idea if Chad will be there or his mother.

  “I liked coconut when I was a child.”

  “So are you going?”

  “I’ll see you in an hour! I’ll need to run these by Mamma’s first so they don’t melt.”

  An hour later, I’m waiting at the door to the sanctuary for Emberly to show up. Everyone’s inside, and I don’t miss Chad’s truck parked down the lane in one of the spaces. I can only guess that means Evelyn went home, as I doubt she’d ride in an old silver step-side.

  “Sorry. The door was locked, and I had to climb the tree into my old bedroom. I was a mess. I ended up having to scrub my knees…”

  “We almost missed the song service.” I grab her hand just as I pull the heavy, squeaky door open. “Why they don’t oil this thing.” I murmur under my breath as everyone in the sanctuary turns to stare at us.

  “And not shame the latecomers?” She murmurs back.

  Looking down, away from their shocked eyes, I scoot into the closest empty seats just as the final hymn ends. Emberly and I sit, but right before my butt hits the cushion, my eyes land on Chad—sitting with Daisy Sales!

  “Oh!” It’s like the word jumps right out of my mouth on its own.

  My eyes are locked on her hand touching his forearm. He’s holding her program and her Bible, and it looks exactly like they’re here together.

  I can’t move. All the blood drains from my face, and in the space of two seconds, my heart feels like it shrivels inside my chest. It goes to the size of a prune, then it shrivels tighter to the size of a raisin.