This Courage of Mine

by Amanda Bennett

  When I caught sight of her blonde hair blowing in the breeze and her sun kissed skin glistening under the morning sun, my heart practically melted. She looked more beautiful than the first day I met her. My eyes followed every line and curve of her body as they made their way down to her tight and perfect ass that were covered by her tiny white jean shorts. I was about to walk over to her and make a joke when I caught sight of a stray tear falling down her cheek.

  Everything that we had fought about earlier quickly slipped away and I took off running in her direction. She needed me; I knew it and I couldn’t leave her to comfort herself, no matter what we were arguing about. “Babe, are you okay?” I lightly pulled on her shoulder to turn her towards me, but she pulled away from me.

  “I’m okay. Just go, Glenn.” She raised her hand to wipe away another tear and my heart started to break.

  “Cami, please look at me. I need to know what’s goin’ on. Is this because of me?”

  She finally turned and faced me, mascara streamin’ all down her face. “Glenn, honestly I just can’t talk about this with you. At least not right now.”

  “How can you say that? I’m your husband. We are married. I am exactly who you should be talkin’ to. How did we get here, Cam?”

  “I know you’re my husband and I want to talk to you more than anybody about what I’m feeling, but you’ve changed. Right now, I need to find me. I need to figure out if this is truly what I want for the rest of my life.”

  “WAIT! WHAT? You have got to be kiddin’ me right now.” I frantically started pacing in front of her. I kept glancing around us at the house that I was havin’ built for her, for us. But somehow that still wasn’t enough for her. “I don’t know what you need from me Cami. I’m bustin’ my ass, tryin’ to give you everything you’ve ever wanted, everything you’ve ever deserved in life. Tell me what I can do to please you, because from where I’m standin’, nothin’ is good enough for you.” She raised her hand to try and cut me off, but I just couldn’t let her walk on me anymore. “I think this next leg of the tour will be exactly what we need, some space. You go figure out you and I’ll just keep workin’ my ass off for us.”

  I turned and started makin’ my way back to my truck. My mind was spinnin’ in circles and I was havin’ a hard time figuring out which way was up. I was so head over heels in love with Cami, but it all seemed so immature to her. She made it seem like she was just playin’ house, and that I needed to conform to what she wanted or she was gonna leave. I have never been good with ultimatums and I wasn’t about to start dealin’ with em’ now.

  I glanced behind me a few times as I maneuvered my way through the wooden beams that made up our house, but Cami wasn’t following me. Apparently something I said must’ve stuck with her, either that or I just walked away from my crying wife makin’ me look like an even bigger asshole. I shook my head in disbelief that this is where we ended up after everything that we have been through. I quickly dug my phone out of my pocket and dialed Madison. If anyone deserved to get their ass reamed, it was him.

  “Hey, what’s goin’ on?”

  “Cut the shit, bro. I hope you and your wife are getting along great, because me and mine, not so much.”

  “What the hell, Glenn. What’s your deal? I get that this is a little tough, but it’s only for another six weeks and then we’re back home for a long break.”

  “This isn’t just a little tough, it’s practically breakin’ up my marriage. Cami is seriously comin’ unglued and all we do is fight. Sometimes I wish I could just quit.”

  “What?” I could hear Madison start to freak out and I didn’t need another wife.

  “You know I wouldn’t do that to you guys, but man. I honestly thought this would be so much easier. I thought Cami was gettin’ used to this life. I mean, you and Kayla make it work, and with a baby no less. But Cami can’t even make it work with just the two of us? I knew she was spoiled goin’ into this, but I am completely shocked at how selfish she is bein’.”

  “Just wait a second, I’m gonna put you on the phone with Kayla. I think she might be able to give you a little bit more insight into Cami than I can.”

  “Cool.” I knew Cami would be makin’ her way over to Kayla and Madison’s house soon, so I was eager to get this conversation over with before we were interrupted.

  “Hey Glenn. What’s goin’ on?”

  Knowin’ that we were about to start talkin’ about her best friend who was practically her sister, I knew I needed to tread lightly. “Hi Kayla. Let’s just say, I’ve been better.”

  “So what did she do now?”

  I wasn’t sure if this was a trick question. “Um…”

  “Look Glenn, I know Cam. I know how selfish and spoiled she can be, so just tell me what happened. There is no need to sugar coat it, I promise.”

  “Honestly Kayla, I don’t know what the hell I did, but she’s ready to just pack up and call it quits.”

  “Are you kidding me?” I could hear the anger in Kayla’s tone and it began to fuel mine.

  “No, I’m dead serious. Last night everything was fine, we were talking about possibly trying to have a baby and all that shit, but then this mornin’…she freaked out. Madison called and I told her that we were leavin’ tomorrow mornin’ and she immediately started goin’ off on how we wanted different things, and how are we supposed to have a baby if I’m always gone? It was insane. Now she wants to go back to school and get her business degree, and I’m supposed to just be okay with that even though she decided on her own, but yet she can’t even deal with me bein’ on tour? I bust my ass to give her the things she wants and needs, but there’s never any appreciation for it.”

  “I know, Glenn. She knows how hard you work and I know she may not show it sometimes, but she does appreciate you. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to tell you or not, but Cami’s been having a really hard time with the fact that her mom and her brother aren’t talking to her right now. You have to remember, she moved here to be with you. She’s rearranged her life and practically cut out her family, for you. I’m not tryin’ to make you feel bad by any means. I’m just tryin’ to help you understand her a little bit better.”

  “I didn’t know the whole mom and brother thing was that serious. Why hasn’t she said anything to me?” That would explain why she looked so distraught when I first found her.

  “She didn’t want to bother you with it. And I’m sorry, did you say tryin’ to get pregnant?” The excitement in her tone was unmistakable.

  “Now settle down there killer. We have just talked about it, that’s all. And if the last twenty-four hours is any indication, then I’ll be waitin’ until my wife doesn’t completely despise me before goin’ and tryin’ to knock her up.” We both laughed and I instantly felt better. “Thanks so much for talkin’ to me, Kayla. I know it’s not easy bein’ mine and Cami’s friend sometimes.”

  “Anytime, Glenn. Speaking of Cami, she just showed up on my doorstep. Go home and relax. I’ll talk to her and send her home soon.”

  “Will do. Bye.”

  “Bye.”

  I hung up and started makin’ my way back home. I had to figure out a way to make this up to her. I needed Cami to know that no matter what we fight about, I will always be there for her and that I’m in this marriage one hundred percent. When I pulled up to the apartments, I had an epiphany. I knew exactly what I could do to get back in Cami’s good graces.

  Chapter 9

  Cami

  “Kayla, I really don’t need a lecture from you. Trust me, Glenn tore into me enough to last a lifetime.” Kayla wrapped her arms around my shoulders giving me a tight squeeze.

  “Cami, I’m so sorry. I swear I wasn’t trying to lecture you, or even make you feel worse. I’m just trying to help you look at it from both sides. He loves you so much, and he is torn up over this whole thing.”

  “Well, tomorrow morning he’ll be gone and he won’t have to worry about it now will he?” Kayla glared at me, and I knew that
bashing Glenn wasn’t making her want to listen to me. “So, I have a few things to tell you and a huge favor to ask of you.”

  “Okay, shoot.”

  I made my hand into a gun and aimed it at Kayla. She threw her hands up in surrender, but I pulled the trigger anyway, she fell over dead and we both started laughing hysterically.

  “What the hell is wrong with the two of you?” Madison’s voice was completely unexpected and scared the ever livin’ shit out of us, which made us laugh even harder. “You two are out of control.” He laughed. “You ladies need anything?”

  “Wine.” We both said in unison. Madison simply nodded and went to head inside, but stopped abruptly.

  “Wait, if y’all are tryin’ to get preggers, maybe you shouldn’t be drinking. And can I just say it isn’t even noon yet. I’m assuming I’m not supposed to go hang with Glenn this mornin’ now?”

  My mouth dropped open and my eyes practically popped out of my face. “I’m going to go ahead and assume that Glenn told you? And, you can go over there if you want.” I stared blankly at Kayla waiting for her answer.

  “I don’t think he knew it was supposed to be a secret.”

  “Its not. I’m just surprised is all. Anyway, it isn’t set in stone. Obviously, that part might take a little bit more time. So, I called my brother…and my mom.” I sat back and waited for Kayla’s reaction. When she hadn’t said anything by the time Madison came back with our wine, I knew I should explain the entire story to her. “Well, when I got to the house…”

  “Wait!” Kayla downed her entire glass of wine and motioned for Madison to grab her another. He returned in record time, handing his wife a glass with quite a bit more wine than before. She downed about half of it, sat back and blinked her eyes a few times before speaking. “Okay, go.”

  I laughed at how dramatic she was being, but that’s how Kayla was when it came to my mother, and I for one couldn’t blame her. “My mom is coming to visit. I don’t know for how long, but she will be here later tonight according to her text.”

  “I’m sorry, I think I just went deaf for a minute. Did you say the devil was coming here?” Kayla tried not to laugh, but I could see it in her eyes, she wanted to.

  “Well, I made the mistake of calling Mike first. Kay, I tried so hard to have a decent conversation with him, but no matter what I said or how much I tried to apologize, he just didn’t want to hear it. What did I do that was so wrong in his eyes?” I tried to catch the stray tear that began to roll down my cheek, but I decided to just let it fall.

  “Cam, it’s not you. I love your brother to death, I really do, but Mike has his own issues. They have nothing to do with you. If anything, I blame your father. Once he left, Mike just shut down. I think if anything, he’s hurt because he feels like he wasn’t a part of it. He has spent the last couple of years trying to take on the role of your dad and now I just think he feels like it was all for nothing. He’s a good man and he has the best of intentions, I swear he does. Maybe he just doesn’t know what it feels like to be in love with someone.”

  “I told him almost exactly that.”

  “You didn’t?” She gaped.

  “I did. I wasn’t trying to be hurtful, but let’s face it, if he knew what a love like ours felt like, he wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss what I have with Glenn.”

  “I mean, I agree to some degree, but I never would’ve said that to him.” She laughed.

  “So…I’m thinking about going to college and getting my degree in business management. What do you think?”

  Kayla stopped mid drink and her eyes went wide. That’s when I knew Glenn had spoken to her. “Nice subject change. I like it.” She muttered.

  “Bullshit! So what didn’t he tell you?” I was starting to feel as though no one was on my side.

  “He told me that part.” She slouched in her seat, and then quickly sat up straight as she set her wine glass down on the table between us. “Look Cam, I love you to pieces but you’re being a bit dramatic with this whole thing. You knew what you were getting into when you married Glenn. You should count yourself lucky that you at least have a piece of paper that binds y’all together.”

  I saw a shameful look cross Kayla’s face the minute the words came out of her mouth, but I knew she meant every word she said. Especially the last part. “Kay, it’ll happen soon. I just know it.” I leaned forward to comfort my sad friend, but she instantly backed away from me and stood up.

  “This isn’t about me, Cami. This is about you and your husband. You need to go home and talk to him, before he leaves on tour.”

  Oh but it was most definitely about her, and now I knew exactly what she had been hiding from me all this time. “Kayla, why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about?” Kayla started walking down the porch steps and across the drive to the open field before I could catch her.

  I ran down the steps and stopped just short of my weeping friend. She was crouched in a ball with her arms wrapped around her legs, and my heart began to break for her. I crouched down next to her and wrapped my arms tightly around her hunched over shoulders. “Kay, he wouldn’t have asked you if he had no intentions of marrying you. That man in that house absolutely adores you.”

  “I know he does, but sometimes I just feel like because Mia came first, now he has no reason to rush into marrying me. What if he feels like it was a mistake to ask me in the first place? Honestly, this is all your fault, Cami.” She glanced over at me as sarcasm drenched her words, and we both began to laugh.

  We both sat back as we calmed our giggling. Two best friends with mascara-ridden faces, staring aimlessly out at the wonder that sat before us. The trees were sparse, but still just as beautiful all the same as the green claimed the brown peeling bark as its own. The rolling hills were filled with hay bales and the sun was casting a beautiful shade of orange across the blue clear sky.

  “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever actually noticed just how beautiful this place really is.”

  “I did. I always have. This place was my sanctuary every year for three whole months. It made the other nine months just a little bit more bearable. There were so many times I wished I could’ve brought you out here with me.”

  “I would’ve come out in a heart beat had I known what the guys out here looked like.” I laughed as I playfully nudged her shoulder. “Kayla, he-“

  “Let’s just not go there Cam, okay?”

  I could tell by the tone in her voice, that she was done talking about her and Madison. “Thank you, Kayla.”

  “For what, Cami?”

  “For being there, no matter what. You’re the one constant in my life in a whole sea of mass destruction. You make me feel like I have something and that I can do anything.”

  “You can, Cami. I have faith in you, but you have to have faith in yourself. You know, Glenn believes in you too. He just wants you to be happy is all.”

  “I know, and I love him to death for it. I just wish I could be happy.”

  “I have a proposition for you.”

  I turned towards Kayla. “Well buy me a drink first, and maybe some dinner.” Kayla let out a heartfelt laugh and I smiled.

  “No, in all seriousness, why don’t you come work with me? You can work there while you go to school and when you’re ready, you can buy me out or we could be partners. Whatever you’re comfortable with at that point. What do ya think?”

  I sat there staring at Kayla in disbelief. “I think I’m lucky to have a friend like you. Oh, and it helps that the wicked witch sold you the place for an amazing price.” I winked.

  “You’re such a bitch.”

  “You’re such a whore.” I joked back. “I think this is, this thing between us, is definitely gonna work.” And it would.

  Chapter 10

  Glenn

  As soon as I walked into the apartment, my phone started ringin’. I quickly dug it out of my front pocket and answered without even lookin’ at who it was. “Ye
ah?”

  “Hey, it’s your little bro. Whatcha up to, buddy?”

  I rolled my eyes as my brother’s voice echoed through the phone. “Hey, Joey. I’m a little busy right now. What’s up?”

  “Was just wonderin’ what everybody was up to tonight?”

  “Well given the fact that my wife wants absolutely nothin’ to do with me at the moment, I doubt we’ll be doin’ anything at all.” I let out a loud sigh of frustration. I knew I was lyin’ to my brother, but I had to make things right with Cami before I left in the mornin’.

  “Oh no, sorry bro. That sucks. I’ve seen her wrath and I wouldn’t want to be caught up in that.”

  “Thanks, Jo.”

  “Hey, that’s what I’m here for, emotional support.” He chuckled and I instantly wanted to deck him. “All right, well I’ll let ya go then. Hit me up when y’all get back.”

  “Will do, Jo. Talk to ya later.” I hung up the phone and quickly dialed Madison before Cami got home.

  “Hey, what’s up?”

  It was quiet in the background so I assumed that either the girls weren’t around, or Kayla was off takin’ care of Mia. “Hey, is Kayla still talkin’ with Cami?”

  “Yeah, I’m pretty sure. I’ll check. Why what’s goin’ on?”

  “Just tryin’ to plan a surprise for Cam, but I need to know when she’s gonna be home.”

  “I see. Well it looks like they’re just sayin’ goodbye to each other now. You wanna talk to Kayla?”

  “Yeah, please.”

  “Cool, just hold on a second. Cami is walkin’ away now.”

  I could hear Madison call out for Kayla and I started to panic. What if no matter what I did, Cami stayed pissed at me? What if this was the end? I shook my head clearin’ it of all the doubt I had rollin’ around in there, when I heard Kayla’s voice on the other end. “Kayla, I need your help.”