Lost Angel

by Mandasue Heller

  ‘Where have you been?’ Zeta hissed when she heard her son’s voice. ‘I’ve been worried sick.’

  ‘At Tommy’s,’ Ryan told her, warmed by the thought that she hadn’t turned her back on him after all. ‘You should have come round.’

  ‘I have,’ Zeta told him. ‘A few times, but no one’s ever there.’

  ‘Oh, sorry,’ he apologised. ‘I’ve been really busy at work. But anyway, listen – I’ve got something to tell you.’

  ‘What is it?’ she asked, turning and glancing nervously at the living-room door when she heard a noise.

  ‘I’m getting married,’ he announced, his voice as joyful as she ever remembered hearing it.

  ‘Really?’ She frowned. ‘Who to?’

  ‘Her name’s Angel,’ Ryan told her. ‘You’ve already met her,’ he went on with a smile in his voice. ‘Gorgeous blonde girl who rescued our Cherise from them girls in the park – remember her? You should do, ’cos you had a right go at her. But you’ll love her when you get to know her.’

  Something clicked in Zeta’s mind and a thrill of dread ran through her. That girl had come round to the house that night, and a couple of hours later the man Ryan had called his boss had barged in and started flashing a gun around.

  She breathed in shakily and asked, ‘Is she anything to do with that man who came round that night?’

  ‘Yeah, she’s his daughter,’ said Ryan, chuckling softly as he added, ‘Yeah, and I know what you’re thinking, but you’re wrong. I’m not interested in his money. I just love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her. And not just her.’ He paused and took a deep breath before delivering the next bit of news. ‘We’re having a baby.’

  ‘No . . .’ The blood drained from Zeta’s face.

  ‘Christ, Mam, you don’t have to sound so happy about it.’ Ryan laughed. ‘I know it’s a shock, but the registry office is booked for next Friday, so—’

  Zeta didn’t hear the rest. Gary had come storming out of the living room, and his eyes were so wild that she dropped the phone in fright.

  ‘Give me that,’ he bellowed, shoving her out of the way and snatching the phone up off the floor. ‘That you, you little prick?’ he barked into it. ‘Well, fuck off, and don’t ever ring here again, ’cos you died to me the day you brought a fucking maniac into my house and nearly got me killed. And the same goes for your mam. Contact her again, and it’ll be on your head what happens!’

  He slammed the receiver back onto its cradle and backhanded Zeta across the face, sending her flying down the hall.

  ‘You ever go behind my back and talk to him again, I’ll fuckin’ kill you,’ he hissed. He rushed at her where she’d landed against the bottom step of the stairs and put his hands around her throat. ‘And then I’ll kill him and them other two brats, an’ all. This is my family, and I can do whatever the fuck I want to it. And no cunt’s gonna tell me different – gun or no gun. D’ya hear me, bitch?’

  On the brink of passing out, Zeta clutched at his wrists and nodded.

  ‘Good job an’ all,’ Gary snarled, tossing her aside and going back to his beer.

  Zeta stayed where she was, her whole body quivering, her heart thudding so loudly that it sounded like bombs going off in her head. Gary was more than capable of carrying out his threat, she had absolutely no doubt about that. But she couldn’t just sit back and let her son marry that girl, because it would ruin his life. She had to put a stop to this wedding before it was too late.

  34

  The sky was a brilliant azure blue when Angel opened the curtains on the morning of her wedding. There wasn’t a cloud in sight, and the sun was already shining brightly despite it being only six o’clock. It was the best omen she could have wished for, and she was certain that God was smiling down on her, Ryan and their baby. Nothing and nobody could spoil this day. Not her mum with her mumbled misgivings, or her nan with her nasty under-the-breath remarks. Nothing. At eleven o’clock today she would officially be Mrs Angel Johnson. And, sad as she felt that she would never again be called by her father’s surname, she couldn’t wait.

  The rest of the morning rushed by in a blur. The hairdresser arrived at seven and did Angel’s, Ruth’s and Rita’s hair and make-up. Then the girl from the dress shop arrived, followed by the florist with the bouquet, the buttonholes and the posies for her mum, nan, Lisa, the two aunts she’d invited, and her sole bridesmaid, her schoolfriend Vicky.

  Angel would have liked Ryan’s little sister Cherise to have been a bridesmaid as well. But none of his family were coming, which was kind of sad. But it was his business, not hers, and Angel didn’t want to quiz him because it was obvious that he didn’t really want to talk about it.

  Johnny stayed in his bedroom while all the woman stuff went on throughout the morning. He read the papers and watched a bit of telly, trying to pretend that he was cool about what lay ahead.

  Ready by ten, he went downstairs and paced the front-room floor, smoking cigarette after cigarette and staring out of the window, waiting for the cars.

  ‘Here . . .’ Ruth came in and shoved a glass of neat whisky into his hand. ‘Drink that, and calm down. You’re going to wear a hole in that carpet if you don’t stop walking up and down on it.’

  ‘Cheers.’ Johnny took a grateful swig.

  ‘You look very handsome.’ Ruth smiled up at him as she straightened his tie. ‘You know, this is where I found my dad on the morning of our big day,’ she said, a wistful glow in her eyes. ‘He was doing exactly what you’re doing – pacing and smoking.’ She laughed softly. ‘He was a right hard bugger, but his heart was soft as anything when it came to me.’

  ‘I know,’ Johnny agreed, giving her a rare hug. ‘He was a good dad. I modelled myself on him.’

  ‘Really?’ Ruth gazed up at him as she savoured the hug.

  ‘Yeah.’ Johnny took another swig of his drink. ‘I never told you what really happened when I went to tell my mum about you and the baby, but we had a massive falling-out, and when I left her flat I remember vowing that I was never going to treat my kid like she’d treated me. I was going to be the best dad ever – like your dad was with you.’

  ‘And you have been,’ Ruth said softly. ‘Angel couldn’t have asked for better.’

  I haven’t been the best husband, though, have I? Johnny thought guiltily. But he didn’t say it.

  The doorbell rang.

  ‘I’ll get it,’ Rita called, already on her way up the hall, her heels clicking on the laminate flooring.

  A couple of seconds later, Lisa popped her head around the door. She was smiling, but the smile slipped when she saw Johnny and Ruth embracing.

  ‘Sorry.’ Ruth detached herself. ‘We were just reminiscing about our big day.’ She dabbed at her eyes with the back of her little finger so as not to smudge her make-up. ‘It seems like only yesterday. And now our little girl’s about to take the same step.’ She smiled lovingly up at Johnny. ‘Hope they’re as happy as we’ve been over the years.’

  Lisa couldn’t take any more. She already felt sick to her stomach, and she flashed an accusatory look at Johnny from under her lashes as she said, ‘Hope you’ve got the wine open, Ruth? I really need a drink.’

  ‘I’ll get you one,’ Ruth said. ‘I could do with a quick brew myself. My nerves are shot. You look very pretty, by the way.’

  ‘Thanks.’ Lisa smiled tightly. ‘So do you.’

  Angel was coming slowly down the stairs when Ruth and Lisa went out into the hall, and they stopped in their tracks and stared at her.

  Suddenly misty-eyed, Lisa said, ‘Oh, babe, you look beautiful.’

  ‘Stunning,’ Ruth agreed. ‘Absolutely stunning.’

  Angel smiled, but her gaze drifted over their shoulders to her dad who was standing in the front-room doorway.

  ‘What do you think, Daddy?’

  Johnny shook his head and stared at his daughter in wonder. The dress was far simpler than her mother’s had been. It was pure white satin with a lac
y overdress and a slimline skirt that flowed softly to the floor. It had a sweetheart neckline and elbow-length sleeves, and the bodice was adorned with tiny pearls and subtle diamanté chips, which matched Angel’s simple pearl earrings and the delicate tiara that was perched in her upswept hair.

  ‘I can’t even speak, darlin’,’ he murmured. ‘You look . . . incredible.’

  Ruth sighed softly and took Lisa’s arm. ‘Come on – let’s leave Daddy and his princess alone for a minute.’

  Lisa suddenly got it, and she smiled to herself as Ruth led her into the kitchen. That was why Ruth was being so nice: because Johnny was about to hand his daughter over to another man, and Ruth thought that she would be the only woman in her husband’s life at long last. But she was wrong: because Johnny loved Lisa, and as soon as Angel and Ryan were settled he would do what he’d been promising to do for so long and take his rightful place in Lisa’s bed – permanently.

  Ryan had been on a knife-edge all morning, even though everything had been running like clockwork so far. He’d woken up on time – and without a hangover; the carnations had arrived in perfect condition; and the suit hadn’t shrunk, fallen apart, or succumbed to moths. Nor had any of the other nightmare scenarios he’d been imagining come to pass.

  Tommy had been great. He’d kept the beer flowing and the cigs coming, and he’d been chattering away non-stop to keep Ryan’s mind off what lay ahead.

  When the car arrived, Ryan’s nerves jumped up a notch. Not because he was having second thoughts, but because he couldn’t believe that this was really happening.

  Dave and Hannah were already at the registry office.

  ‘You look smashing,’ Hannah said, hugging Ryan. ‘Angel’s a lucky girl.’

  ‘He’s the lucky one,’ Dave corrected her, winking at Ryan. ‘But I don’t suppose I have to tell you that, do I, lad?’

  ‘No.’ Ryan shook his head and rubbed his hands together.

  ‘Let’s go wait on the steps and have a fag,’ Dave suggested, sensing that the lad’s nerves were frazzled.

  ‘I’ll stop here.’ Hannah reached into her tiny handbag for her compact mirror. ‘Need to touch up my lippy.’

  ‘Nowt wrong with it.’ Dave kissed her. ‘You look gorgeous.’

  ‘Go and have your fag,’ Hannah said, smiling as she shoved him away. ‘And don’t go walkabout.’

  Dave winked at her and followed the lads outside. He passed cigarettes to Ryan and Tommy and lit one for himself.

  ‘Nervous?’ he asked Ryan.

  ‘A bit,’ Ryan admitted.

  ‘Don’t be. It’ll all be over before you know it.’

  ‘Can’t wait.’

  ‘Do us a favour.’ Dave jerked his chin at Tommy. ‘Just nip down to the corner and keep your eye out for the cars. Wave when you see them coming, so I can get soft lad inside.’

  Dave drew on his cigarette and waited until Tommy had gone. Then, turning to Ryan, he said, ‘You know I think you’re a good lad, don’t you?’

  ‘Mmm.’ Ryan nodded, wondering where this was going.

  ‘And you know I think the world of Angel, an’ all,’ Dave went on. ‘So I want you to look after her, yeah? Marriage ain’t always easy, and even the best ones have hiccups. But if you hit a low point, don’t fall into the trap of thinking there’s something better over the hill. Every girl’s got a pussy, but they haven’t all got the full package, and when you find one that has, you do right by her. D’ya get me?’

  ‘I get you.’ Ryan nodded. ‘And you’ve got no worries, ’cos Angel’s the one.’

  Dave peered into his eyes. Satisfied by what he saw there, he clapped him on the back.

  ‘They’re coming,’ Tommy yelled, waving to attract their attention.

  Dave gave him the thumbs-up and took a last drag on his cigarette before hustling Ryan back inside.

  In the ceremony room a few minutes later, Ryan breathed in deeply when the registrar’s assistant pressed play on the CD machine and Angel’s chosen song floated softly out of the speakers.

  He turned his head when he heard the swish of material, and his stomach did a somersault when he saw Angel gliding towards him on her father’s arm.

  ‘You look beautiful,’ he whispered when she reached him.

  ‘So do you,’ she whispered back.

  ‘Are we ready to proceed?’ the registrar asked. Smiling when they both nodded, he said, ‘We are gathered here today, to witness the joining together in matrimony of Ryan Lewis Johnson and Angel Rebecca Conroy . . .’

  When he asked who would be giving this woman to this man, Johnny stepped forward and took Angel’s hand in his. Their gazes met, and his heart filled up with a conflicting mix of pride and sadness. He raised her hand and kissed it softly, then placed it in Ryan’s and stepped back.

  It was done. Angel was no longer his.

  When the ceremony was over and the couple went to sign the register, Johnny walked briskly to the door.

  ‘Where are you going?’ Ruth hissed.

  ‘Need some air,’ he told her. ‘Won’t be a minute.’

  He rushed outside, lit a cigarette and leaned back against the wall.

  ‘Excuse me . . .’

  He glanced around at the sound of the voice and squinted at the woman who was staring up at him from the foot of the steps.

  ‘You’re Angel’s dad, aren’t you?’

  ‘Yeah.’ He nodded. Then, straightening up when he realised who it was, he said, ‘Sorry, love, didn’t recognise you.’

  ‘Is – is it . . .’

  She trailed off, but Johnny guessed that she was asking if she’d missed it. He nodded.

  ‘’Fraid so, love. You should have rung – we’d have held it up for five minutes if we’d known you were on your way.’

  ‘Oh, no,’ she said quietly, her face crumpling.

  ‘Hey, don’t get upset,’ Johnny said, trotting down the stairs. ‘You’re here now, so it’s not a total disaster. Ryan will be made up to see you.’

  ‘He won’t,’ she croaked, her eyes filled with pain as she looked up into his. ‘Not when he hears what I’ve got to tell him.’

  ‘Has something happened?’ Johnny asked, getting a horrible feeling that she was about to say that one of Ryan’s relatives had died. He just prayed it wasn’t the kid sister or baby brother, because that would destroy him.

  ‘I’m so sorry.’ Zeta’s tears had started to fall. ‘I couldn’t get hold of him, and it’s been really difficult to get out ’cos Gary’s been watching me like a hawk.’

  ‘What are you trying to say, love?’ Johnny frowned. ‘Only they’ll be out in a minute, and I don’t want anything to spoil their day. Tell me what’s up and I might be able to soften the blow.’

  ‘You won’t.’ Zeta shook her head. ‘No one can. It’s terrible, really terrible. And now it’s too late.’

  ‘What is?’

  ‘I can’t tell you. I shouldn’t even be here. Gary’s going to kill me if he finds out.’

  ‘Hey, you’re part of this family now,’ Johnny told her reassuringly. ‘And we look after our own, so don’t you worry about Gary. I’ll sort him out.’

  ‘You don’t understand,’ Zeta sobbed. ‘This is bad. Really, really bad.’

  ‘Come on, love, nothing’s so bad that it can’t be sorted.’ Johnny put his arm around her as she cried. ‘I can help. Just tell me what’s wrong.’

  ‘You’re his dad,’ Zeta mumbled.

  Johnny jerked back, his face screwed up in disbelief. ‘Don’t be so ridiculous. Why would you say a thing like that?’

  ‘Because it’s true.’

  Johnny felt the anger churn in his gut. The kids would come walking out at any minute, and their marriage would be damaged before it had even started if they were confronted by this crazy bitch spouting shit. He grabbed her arm and marched her away from the entrance.

  ‘Listen, love, I don’t know what kind of sick game you’re trying to play here, but it ain’t on. Your son and my daughter have ju
st got married, and they’re about to have a baby. Have you any idea what it would do to them if they heard what you were saying?’

  ‘It’s true,’ Zeta insisted. ‘I wish it wasn’t, but it is, and there’s nothing I can do to change it. That boy’s my life. Don’t you think I know how much this will hurt him?’

  ‘So fuckin’ pack it in before he hears it,’ Johnny ordered. ‘I wouldn’t mind, but I’d never even seen you before I came round to yours a few weeks back.’

  ‘It was a long time ago,’ Zeta sobbed. ‘You’ve forgotten.’

  ‘I’m not being rude,’ Johnny said, ‘but I have never slept with a black woman in my life. If I had, believe me, I’d remember.’

  ‘I used to work at LA Ladeez,’ she told him.

  ‘And?’ He shrugged. ‘I don’t even know what that is.’ Then, glancing nervously back at the door, he said, ‘Look, love, it’s your problem if you screwed around behind your old man’s back, but don’t try and drag me into your mess.’

  ‘Ryan is yours.’ Zeta was adamant.

  Johnny’s patience snapped. ‘Just fuck off back to your crack pipe, or whatever you’ve been taking that’s got your head all twisted up,’ he snarled. ‘And keep your whacked-out fantasies to yourself.’

  ‘Johnny . . . ?’ Ruth called out just then. ‘Are you out here? Where are you? They’re about to come out.’

  ‘Coming,’ Johnny called back. Then, giving Zeta one last warning look, he shook his head and ran back up the steps.

  Dave and Hannah followed the wedding party back to the house in their own car. There had been no chance to talk back at the registry office, but Dave had something on his mind.

  ‘I want a word with you,’ he said quietly, pulling Johnny out into the back garden.

  ‘What’s up?’ Johnny asked, taking out of his pocket the spliff he’d made earlier and walking around to the bushes to light up.

  ‘Who was that woman you was talking to?’ Dave demanded. ‘And don’t say you wasn’t, ’cos I saw you. And if it was one of your tarts, you’re bang out of order for fetching her near Angel’s wedding.’