This Guy Kills Me

by Anlyn Hansell

  “Come on,” he stood up, holding his hand out toward her as she stared at it for a moment before placing her hand in his and allowing him to pull her up gently.

  “Tomorrow,” she stated firmly as he started to walk, refusing to look at her. He pressed a button on the wall and the fire died immediately.

  He felt a slight tug as they walked down the hall, her feet stopping at one of the guest rooms, the one she had taken a shower in earlier.

  “Is this my room?” Turning, he hadn’t even thought to let her sleep anywhere but next to him. Unless of course, she didn’t want to, in which case…how could she not want to? His body was going to literally explode if he didn’t hold her tonight. Maybe that wasn’t what she wanted. Give her some time. Maybe she doesn’t feel the same way about you. Maybe she…

  “Goodnight, Joe…and…thanks.”

  “Sure.” His eyes were boring into hers, his hand still holding her hand in a firm grasp as she took a step back. He reluctantly released her and watched her turn. Wrong. This was definitely not the scenario he cooked up in his head.

  She took two steps in the room before he finally moved.

  *****

  That was odd.

  The intensity of his gaze was just weird. As if he wanted to say something or better yet, do something, but his body had other plans. Maybe he didn’t miss me? Maybe I read too much into things. Maybe I should just get some sleep, she thought as she wandered into the room before she felt strong hands clasp around her upper arms, drawing her body back toward…him.

  “Question.”

  His breath was a whisper in her ear. His touch caused a tremor to run through her body.

  “Wha..yeah?”

  “This ‘two-month rule’…do you ever break it?” His hands had moved from her arms to her sides. They were slowly easing their way to her abdomen.

  “I mean, technically, I have three days to go…” he whispered again as his hands caressed her through the fabric of her borrowed shirt.

  “Technically, I haven’t seen you for a month,” she whispered back before her arm rose up on its’ own and her hand caressed the back of his neck.

  “Technically, I don’t give a fuck. Tell me you want this,” he commanded before capturing her earlobe in his mouth. The warmth spread through all parts of her body, the intensity pooling in one location in particular.

  “I…want this,” she blew out as one hand traveled south and the other pulled her shirt up. A gasp escaped her throat as his hand touched her breast lightly before kneading tenderly. His other hand cupped her gently before his fingers moved, parting her, touching her intimately.

  “Jane,” he whispered as his finger circled, causing another involuntary gasp to escape her throat. “I need you, Jane.” Suddenly, his fingers disappeared and he was turning her toward him. His hands cupped both sides of her face before his lips found hers. This was not a gentle kiss; this was the kiss of two people who couldn’t seem to get close enough to each other. There was certain sort of desperation to it as their mouths worked over each other’s, tongues tangling almost frantically. He was lifting her, causing her legs to wrap around his waist as he walked effortlessly out of the room, down the hall, all the while never removing his lips from hers. If there was any doubt…well, the distinct bulge in his pants, pretty much dispelled it, she thought as she tightened her grip.

  Moments later, her body was being laid down on something soft as he finally broke the kiss and stepped back, his hands pulled the shirt from his body fluidly, revealing the hard muscles underneath. The sight caused her to sit up immediately before his hands reached out to help lift her borrowed shirt up and over her head. The room was dark, but there was still a definite glow from the moon outside. He was staring at her, not speaking, one hand reaching out to trace the lines of her body softly. Everywhere he touched, an electric current seemed to zap and ping as she watched him watch her in some sort of fascinated state.

  “Would it be cliché to tell you how beautiful I think you are?” he whispered as his tracing finger snaked up her torso before his hand tangled into her hair.

  She couldn’t answer. He was settling his weight on the bed, straddling her, bringing his lips to hers once again as his other hand roamed freely. Her hands skimmed up his arms, reveling in the feel of his contorted muscles as they made their way to the back of his head. He was sucking her bottom lip causing a low moan to escape her throat before he pulled back to stare at her. There was some sort of silent question in his expression, her answer was to remove one hand from the back of his head down his rigid torso, pulling the elastic waistband of his pajama pants to grip him. He sucked in a breath as her hand felt the smooth skin, gently applying pressure before her hand was captured and removed.

  “No, Jane. I think I’m gonna explode if you keep doing that,” he whispered on a shaky breath as she felt the mattress rise up. He was getting up. Her body protested immediately, her mind was screaming ‘No!’ before he grabbed something out of his nightstand. It reflected the dim light of the moon. A condom? Never mind…

  She lay back down, waiting rather impatiently as the sound of ripping permeated the silent room. The anticipation was building to a fevered pitch as she watched him. Within seconds the mattress dipped again as he settled his body between her legs, his hands cupping either side of her face.

  “Are you sure?” he whispered against her lips as her legs wrapped themselves around his waist automatically.

  “Are you kidding?” she whispered back as her pelvis arched up against him.

  *****

  So this is what love felt like.

  She lay on her pillow, her whole body turned toward his like some kind of magnet. All night. They were up all night. If he wasn’t kissing her, he was touching her - everywhere. It was crazy. It was beautiful. As soon as she would settle down for sleep, she would feel a hand roaming her body aimlessly, building her up once again before she would turn to him and take anything and everything he was offering, in every way possible. It was like the floodgates broke and they couldn’t keep their hands off each other.

  He looked so…content in his sleep and he should. It was quite possibly the most incredible feeling. She loved him. Not that sappy kind of Titanic love, but that raw, in your face, ‘I fucking LOVE you’ kind of love. It was intense; it burned the back of her eyes because she wanted to cry. Not an ugly cry, a happy cry. Her whole life…she must have been waiting for him, for this.

  He stirred in his sleep, causing her senses to perk up immediately. It also caused a little tingle to erupt in her core.

  Hussy. One night with him and suddenly she became some sort of nympho sex addict. Already her mind was conjuring up the image of him above her, inside her…Geez…

  She quietly and gently removed herself from the bed, grabbing the borrowed shirt from the floor as she turned and shot one more longing look in his direction. It looked like he was smiling in his sleep. Seriously, his mouth was kind of turned up. It was so cute. Turn around, go to the bathroom, let him sleep, do not jump his bones, she mentally commanded herself before pulling the shirt over her head and trudging to the bathroom.

  *****

  Toothpaste.

  She should at least try and rid herself of her landfill morning breath before she woke him up. And boy…was she going to wake him up – in the best way possible.

  She smiled wickedly at the thought as her hands pulled the drawers in the sink cabinet open.

  Nothing. Well, some stuff. Not a whole lot but he was a single guy, living alone. No toothpaste. Her hands rose to the mirror above the sink. She pushed on the small metal tab and the mirror clicked and opened quickly. A tube of toothpaste was situated on the bottom shelf but her eyes didn’t focus on it right away.

  No, her vision was pretty much full of small amber pill bottles with white labels affixed to them. Every shelf was full and there were four shelves. There had to be…at least a hundred bottles. Her eyes widened as she struggled to focus on one of the labels…No
clue what that is… She scanned the labels, turning some to read the names. They were varied but there were some repeats. Risperdal. That was one she was familiar with. An anti-psychotic…Why did he have an anti-psychotic…why did he have so many?!?

  She backed away, her eyes widening even further. There has to be some…logical explanation. He didn’t seem…at least he seemed normal to her.

  But then again, I’m not exactly normal so maybe my normal is skewed.

  Oh my god, I’m in love with a psycho.

  “No. No…just…talk to him,” she whispered out loud before closing the cabinet door and looking at herself in the mirror. Frightful. Her hair was a mess, her face…not so bad considering she hadn’t slept more than a couple of hours. It was the strange expression that needed to change. She looked…shocked, maybe just a touch concerned.

  She turned woodenly, her hand grasping the door handle as she gave a slight twist with her wrist before opening it slowly. As soon as the door opened she held back a gasp.

  He was staring at her. His body was turned toward her on the bed, his head propped up by his hand, elbow resting on his pillow. His smile was so beguiling; it caused her nerves to jump.

  “Good morning,” he murmured softly, his eyes beckoning her.

  “Ah…hey.”

  “Come here. I have a present for you.” A slight wiggle of his eyebrows caused a small nervous laugh to erupt from her throat before she clamped her lips shut.

  Her body stood still as a statue and his face went from teasing to serious in the blink of an eye.

  “Are you…Ok?” he asked as he straightened up, causing the blanket to drop, revealing his chiseled body. If she wasn’t so freaked out, she would probably be drooling.

  “Sure?”

  “Come here.”

  “Umm…”

  “Jane?”

  “Hmmm?”

  “What’s wrong?”

  A small shrug was her answer.

  “Jane? Speak.”

  “I went to get some toothpaste,” she blurted automatically.

  “That’s nice. Fresh breath is awesome. Come here.”

  “There’s, like, a pharmacy in your medicine cabinet,” she added in a serious tone.

  “Oh, yeah…that. Jane, I don’t take any of those.” He turned his body to a seated position. He was…Oh, hello – apparently he was ready to go at it again. She forced her eyes back to his before swallowing loudly.

  “There’s some…Risperdal is an anti-psychotic -”

  “I know. There’s some pretty crazy shit in there. I can explain it if you would just come over here”, he emphasized.

  “What’s wrong with you?”

  “Wrong? There’s nothing wrong. I mean - maybe years ago. They diagnosed me with PTSD, but I haven’t had to touch any of those meds in at least three years. I swear. I only get the prescriptions filled because Dr. Mike keeps tabs on me – as well as pretty much everyone else that knows me. It’s really annoying.” He reached up to push his fingers through his mussed up hair. “I’m fine, sweetheart. I’ve been fine. Now I’m really fine. Especially after last night. So come over here before I get up and throw you back on this bed.”

  Her eyes darted around the room, her mind trying to process the information before settling back to him.

  “Babe – you spent a month with me. Did you ever once see me pop a pill, ever?” He was standing up. She took an involuntary step backward.

  “Jane. Don’t. You know me. Please don’t do that.” She swallowed a loud, involuntary gulp as he continued to walk toward her. He was absolutely phenomenal…the sight of his body was intoxicating to say the least. She willed her body to stay rooted where it was.

  His touch was feather light on her face.

  “Look at me, Jane.”

  Her eyes connected with his as his palm lay gently on the side of her face.

  “I love you, Baby. I love you more than anything. I would never, ever hurt you.”

  Her eyes closed as a small tear escaped her lashes.

  “Don’t cry. Oh please, Jane…don’t cry.” His lips planted the smallest kiss on her temple before she felt them brush lightly over her lips. Her body was quickly lifted, causing her eyes to open. He was carrying her back to the bed, laying her down gently and settling himself down next to her.

  “I’m going to explain something about me, Ok? And then I’m going to make love to you, but first,” he took a deep breath. His fingers were absently combing through her hair gently. It was mesmerizing…

  “So, I was in the Army, right? Special Forces…pretty intense stuff. I was a sniper, and a pretty damn good one, if I want to be honest here. I was maybe a little too good. Like I actually enjoyed it. Apparently, people get a little nervous when they realize that killing people doesn’t bother you, like…at all. It never bothered me, Jane. It doesn’t bother me now – you know that. You know I don’t feel any remorse over this shit. I feel like I’m doing the world a favor, you know?” He paused long enough to kiss the side of her mouth before lifting up again.

  “So I’m doing what I think they want me to do, except wound shots start becoming kill shots, because let’s face it. They’re scum, right? If they live, then you have to deal with them. Why not just end it? Who gives a crap? I just didn’t get it. So, I got in a little trouble, and then all of a sudden, I start having to meet with a shrink. Then all this shit starts happening back home with my dad. And then…I kind of lost it. I went home for the funeral, came back, disobeyed a couple of orders and the next thing I know, I’m back in the States for good. They gave me an honorable discharge, but…they also ran me through some serious psychological tests. I can pass that shit with my eyes closed, Jane. I’m not crazy. On paper, yes. In real life…I don’t think so. Do you think so?”

  “I…no?”

  “Hmmm. That came out as a question, Babe,” he stated with a stern expression on his face.

  “No. I think you’re…normal. Except for your job, which is…different,” she whispered.

  “I know,” he stated before burying his face near her neck, his lips caressing her skin hypnotically.

  “So, that’s my story. Anything else you want to know? Actually, can it wait? I need to be inside you,” his voice was muffled but the words were perfectly clear. Holy hell…

  “One more thing,” she stated, causing his head to rise; their eyes connecting instantly.

  “Anything.”

  “How did you find me last night?”

  A pregnant pause. Big time pregnant pause.

  “I…ah…”

  Her vision was blurring, tunneling…oh crap…this can only mean one thing…

  She was looking at…herself. Walking into the office building, not once but several times. She was walking into her apartment building, Where am I, or actually – where was he? This was him watching her. His car. The interior looked familiar.

  “Why are you watching me?” she murmured out loud. An overwhelming feeling of guilt hit her like a wave.

  “I can explain…” she heard as her eyes narrowed, still watching…there she was, running around the side of her apartment building, disappearing behind the door to the basement.

  “You were there? Why were you there?”

  She gasped. Unless…he was watching her the whole time. The whole time.

  Realization dawned like a bucket of ice water. Her hands shot out, shoving him away from her as her body pushed toward and then off the side of the bed, causing her to land on her ass before she scrambled backwards.

  “You…you piece of…shit.”

  She stood up quickly, ignoring the pain in her ass as she pointed at him accusingly. “That’s why you dumped me off at my apartment. You…wanted them to come and get me. Yeah, you did. That’s what you wanted. That’s why you were watching me. Not to keep me safe. Oh! How could I be so…stupid?!”

  “Jane, sweetie, listen -”

  “Don’t…uh uh, don’t you…sweetie…what the fuck?! I am not your sweetie. You neve
r planned on killing me. You wanted them to come after me. You weren’t going to kill me, because they were going to…and…you didn’t care!” she practically screamed, one foot stamping the soft carpet.

  “Not true!” He shot up, his hand reaching out, trying to calm her. “Maybe at first, but not now. Especially not now. I thought you were in on it. I tried to tell myself I didn’t care. I did!” he yelled back when her arms crossed. “But…I fell in love with you, Jane. I tried to fight it. I tried to convince myself that I didn’t care about you. Jeezus, Jane! I gave up Rick for you! Doesn’t that count for anything? I could have had him, but I saved you instead! Where are you going? Jane…!” she could hear him yell as she stomped from the room.

  She quickly walked to the spare bedroom, grabbing her clothes and pulling them on as fast as her shaking hands would allow.

  *****

  SHITSHITSHIT…clothes. Where the fuck are my underwear?

  “Jane! Give me…DAMMIT!” Stubbed toe. He ignored the pain as he grabbed the closest drawer and yanked it open. Socks. Whatthefuck. “Jane! Don’t move!” he yelled as his mind struggled to do something as simple as find his damn underwear drawer… Something slammed. He ran down the hall, in all his naked glory in time to see her stomp down the hall, fully clothed, her shoes in her hand.

  “Jane, Baby…you can’t go.”

  “I can do whatever the hell I want. Don’t call me Baby. Go back to bed, go fuck yourself…whatever.” She was crouched down, putting her shoes on. His eyes scanned the general perimeter of the room before it landed on a black case setting on top of his chairs. He walked up to it, pulling it open and grabbing an object.

  She was shrugging her coat on, looping her purse over her shoulder; completely ignoring him.

  “Do not walk to that door. Turn around, let’s talk.”

  “Sorry.”

  She continued toward the front door.

  “Jane! You leave this apartment; you’re as good as dead.”

  “Really?” She whirled toward him, her eyes widening when she very clearly spotted the gun aimed in her general direction. “You’re gonna shoot me? Go for it, asshole.”