Finally, For Me

by Burke, Roseanne

  With that, she rolled her suitcase out the front door. I was left standing in the middle of our living room, with nothing but random sports commentary to fill the silence.

  ********

  I woke up Sunday morning, confused to find the bed empty next to me. Then it all came flooding back. I laid flat, sprawled out, staring up at the ceiling fan, trying to process my thoughts. What was I really feeling? Relief? If anything, I was excited about the prospect of no one telling me what to do today. And if it's space she wanted to give me, I might as well take advantage of it. I glanced at the clock, ten thirty. This was the first Sunday in a while I didn't have some brunch or random shopping errand planned for me. And football season was starting. I decided to go watch the Vikings game at Johnny B's.

  At noon, I headed over. The first dead leaves of the season danced across the sidewalk. I wondered idly if Lacey was going to be there. The thought of getting to talk to her made me quicken my pace. I pulled open the door, cheers erupting from the crowd that had already gathered. A kickoff had been returned for a touchdown.

  "Maybe you're good luck. As soon as you show up, they score," a familiar voice said as I sat down. There was that electricity again.

  I looked up to find Lacey in front of me, her hair pulled into pigtails and wearing a tight pink jersey. My thoughts drifted to pulling those pigtails as I did her from behind.

  "I do what I can," I said, trying to hide my thoughts. Her smile stretched across her cheeks, reaching her eyes.

  "So the usual today?" she asked. "Grey Goose martini, a little dirty?"

  "Actually, I'll have a Sam Adams draught. Thanks," I replied. Beer was for daytime drinking. It was cute, though, how she remembered my usual drink.

  "Coming right up," she turned and walked away. Again, I couldn't help but check out her ass.

  She brought back my beer, and our hands touched as she handed it to me. A little spilled over the side.

  "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed. "I can save people's lives but I can't pour a proper drink." She grabbed a handful of napkins and started to wipe down my glass and my hand. It was electric just feeling her touch.

  "No big deal," I said, smiling at her, trying to calm her nerves.

  "Thanks," she smiled, embarrassed. "That girl over there wasn't so nice when I did it to her." She winked at me.

  I glanced down the bar at the woman. She had dried out brassy blonde hair, and was about fifty pounds overweight. "Well obviously she doesn't like when any of her food spills."

  Lacey laughed out loud. "You're bad!"

  You have no idea, I thought.

  "Well let me know if you need anything, I'll be back in a bit to check on you." Her eyes stayed locked with mine until she walked away. I watched as she helped other patrons, so comfortable in her own skin. Her smile lit up her whole face. I pretended to pay attention to the game, but all I could focus on was her in front of me. She walked over to the register, and she bit her bottom lip as she concentrated on ringing up an order. God I wanted to suck that lip. Seriously, what was it about her? I realized I was drinking my beer faster, just so she would come back over to me quicker.

  "Another?" she asked, making her way over. Her slender arm reached for my empty glass.

  "Sure," I replied.

  "You got it." There it was again, that bright cheerful smile. So refreshing, compared to the scowl I was used to seeing lately.

  Bringing the drink back, she said, "and spill free at that!" Her hand popped to her hip, her pigtails bouncing slightly.

  I laughed a real laugh. I thought to myself how long it had been since I had genuinely laughed.

  "So what brought you to Forrester?" I asked, trying to keep her over by me. I wanted to know more about her. And I wanted to redeem myself after our law firm conversation.

  I saw a strain in her eyes. Interesting.

  "Oh, you don't have to tell me about it if you don't want," I said. I hated seeing that look on her face. Was this why she looked so sad the first time I saw her? Again, I truly wanted to know why, and this time, I found myself wanting to make it better.

  She leaned herself up against the bar, her arms straight, her wrists rolling back and forth on the edge. "No, it's ok. It's just a long complicated story," she said, shaking her head and rolling her eyes.

  She told me about her ex, and how she found out he cheated.

  "So now I'm just trying to make ends meet, and trying to meet people that make me happy. It's hard being so far from anyone familiar." She was looking down, picking at a slight defect in the wood. I had to stop myself from placing my hand on hers.

  Instead, I took a pull from my beer. "Well, you've come to the right place. Johnny will treat you like family." Now I really wanted to make her feel better. That guy sounded like an asshole.

  "Absolutely," she smiled. "So enough about me. What are your plans today?" She now leaned herself forward, propping her head in her hands. The word adorable flashed across my mind.

  I shrugged my shoulders. "This is it. My time suddenly freed up last night."

  "Oh? What does that mean?" she asked, standing upright, her voice high. Was this interesting news to her? I secretly hoped it was.

  "Marissa, my girlfriend, gave me an ultimatum last night. She's staying with her parents until I decide to propose," I said, staring intently at my beer, wiping away the condensation on the glass. This was the first time I admitted it to anyone. It sounded kind of cliché, now saying it aloud.

  She paused. I looked up at her, trying to gauge her reaction. She wrinkled her nose and said, "Ouch, what are you going to do?"

  I thought for a moment. "I have no fucking clue," I laughed. I literally felt the tension leaving my body, and I knew it had nothing to do with the alcohol.

  "Well as long as you're sure about it," she giggled, her fingers dancing lightly along the edge.

  I laughed. "What about you? What are your plans?"

  She glanced up at the neon Corona clock on the wall. "I'm here just until four, then I need to go couch shopping. Right now I have a giant gap in my living room where a couch once stood, reminding me that I'm single."

  I laughed. "Sounds fun. Would you like company?" I asked before I could stop myself. Oh shit, what had I just done? Why would she want me to go with her to go shopping for a couch? I held my breath, preparing myself for her imminent rejection.

  I could see the surprise in her eyes. "Ok, sure," she stammered. "Are you sure you won't be bored?"

  I exhaled, the realization of her saying, yes, setting in. I wanted to say, being with you could never be boring. But instead I said, "no, all I'd be doing at home would be sitting around anyway." I brought my drink to my lips, trying to act casual. I actually felt eager to spend time with her.

  "Well ok then, sounds good," she smiled. "I'd better go check on the heffalump over there before she gets pissed again."

  I watched her walk away, casually running her finger along the bar. Again, my thoughts took a dirty turn, wanting to suck on that finger, feel that finger run down my chest.

  Now I couldn't wait for four o'clock to roll around.

  Chapter 5

  Lacey

  My stomach was in a thousand twisted knots. I stood in the cluttered back office, trying to gain my composure. Shannon walked over to me, her eyes twinkling.

  "Ok lady, you can pass the torch to me! Have a great night!" she cried.

  "Thanks, you too." I walked out from the employee office and into the bar. I smiled as I met eyes with Ben. I clutched my purse in front of me, as if it were a shield. I was so shocked when he had offered to come furniture shopping with me. What did this mean? Especially now that his relationship was on the rocks, was he wanting to spend time with me as a friend, or something more? I tried the best I could to push my sandstorm of thoughts to the back of my brain.

  "All set?" he asked, standing up from his stool, swiftly putting his arms through his jacket. Just the way he moved was sexy. I had to focus. I decided this was just a f
riendly gesture on his part. I had just told him my sob story about how I had no friends nearby, and he was just trying to be cordial.

  "Yep," I replied with a nod. "I actually walked here. I figured we could walk to my apartment and then I could drive us?"

  "Sure, I actually walked here too; I live about two blocks down."

  He held the door open for me, a bubble of excitement erupting in my chest. How sweet was that? We headed out the door into the sunny evening; the air was refreshing. We walked side by side, figuring out each other's pace.

  "Me too. What street?" I asked.

  "Harbor Pointe."

  I whipped my head up. "Seriously? Me too!" I cried. "It must be fate then." I immediately regretted my last sentence. I felt my cheeks burning. "I mean, small world."

  "Ha, it really is," he said, smiling down at me. "What number?"

  "Fourteen hundred."

  "Well the world keeps getting smaller. I'm at fourteen hundred too. The eighteenth floor." Seriously? How rich was this guy?

  "That's the penthouse right? Very cool. I'm in twelve oh two. Seriously how crazy?" I laughed, nervously brushing my hair behind my ears. Really? The same building? Maybe we really were meant to know each other.

  We made the short way to our apartment building, the conversation never hitting a lull. "Well here's my car."

  "Nice," he said as he climbed in.

  I buckled myself in, trying to restrain the giant smile that threatened to cross my face. This is not how I had anticipated my day going when I woke up this morning. We headed out into traffic.

  "Over here is Antonio's Pizza, it is hands down the best pizza around here. And it's perfect because it's in walking distance," he said, pointing at a red brick building.

  "I love pizza. It is definitely my favorite food."

  "Mine too, I would eat it every day if I could."

  "What are your other favorites? Movies, TV shows," I asked. I quickly stole a glance as we stopped at a red light. Even his profile was sexy. I watched his face light up as he spoke.

  "Hm, well I have a few favorites, but right now I'm into Breaking Bad. I know it's over, but I started binge watching it on Netflix. And I'd have to say favorite movie is Reservoir Dogs. I'm a Tarantino fan."

  Shut up, I wanted to say. "I love Tarantino movies!" I cried. "And I loved Breaking Bad. I've already seen it all the way through, where are you at? Oh it's so good!" I tried to contain my excitement. Handsome, and good taste in TV and movies, what's his flaw? Oh yeah, a potential fiancée.

  "I literally started it last weekend, so I'm only in season one. Don't tell me what happens!" he laughed.

  "I wouldn't dream of ruining such a masterpiece for you," I giggled.

  I turned into the parking lot of the furniture store, pulling into a space right in front.

  "Ready?" I asked. I looked at Ben, and it took everything I had to break eye contact. My eyes lingered on his clean cut dark brown hair contrasting his rough five o'clock shadow. He had a light blue striped button up shirt on, with khaki pants. At least his sleeves were rolled up, making it seem a little more casual. Again, I felt underdressed.

  "Yep," he smiled.

  I couldn't help but laugh in my head about the situation. Never in a million years would I have thought that the hot guy from the bar would be helping me pick out my couch. He held the door open for me again, brushing his hand against my back as I walked in. I felt a small flame starting to burn in my belly. What was it about him?

  "Hello, how can I help you two tonight?" asked a cheerful salesman.

  Ok, time to focus. "I'm looking for a couch. I have a dark brown leather recliner, so something to go with that." I hated shopping. Especially when there was a commission involved. But this was kind of fun with Ben here.

  "Ah, I see. And are you looking for something that reclines?" he asked, his question directed to both of us.

  I smiled at Ben. I was expecting him to say it wasn't for him, but instead he said, "what do you think sweetie? Reclining?" He winked at me.

  I struggled to find my words, shocked at his response. I decided to play along.

  "Well, I was thinking probably not a reclining couch, because we already have the recliner. I'm not sure it would all fit if they all were reclined. What do you think babe?" I batted my eyes at him.

  "I think you're right. Non-reclining it is," he said to the salesman.

  The man walked ahead of us, leading us toward the living room section. He was going on about some deal or brand, but I wasn't paying attention. Ben and I smiled at each other as we followed him, both in on our secret joke.

  "What do you think about this one sweetie?" Ben asked as he sunk down into a soft red sofa. He looked up at me with his sexy confident eyes.

  "Well, I don't think the red would go well with our brown and tan decor, do you?" I said sweetly, trying not to laugh and break character.

  "You're right. How about that one over there?" He pointed to an off white sofa across the row.

  "That looks more like it," I said as I ventured over. We both sat down, and I pressed my hands down into the cushions, feeling how soft it was. My breath hitched as Ben put his arm around me.

  "What do you think?" he asked, looking me directly in the eye. He knew what he was doing. The butterflies in my stomach seemed to be multiplying.

  "I think this is it. I can picture us watching Breaking Bad on this," I smiled. I was only half joking.

  "This is the one?" His words felt heavy, like they had other meaning, but I was sure it was just in my head. Our eyes were still fixed on each other.

  "Yep, this is it." I turned away reluctantly to the salesman. "We'll take it."

  "Excellent! Now unfortunately we don't have it in stock, so it may take two to six weeks for delivery."

  "Oh, ok, I'm sure we can make it until then," I said.

  After paying, we headed out to my car. "You are so bad!" I cried.

  He laughed. "It was funny. Plus you didn't need to explain that your friend was helping you pick out furniture because you just broke up with your boyfriend for cheating on you."

  His use of the word friend gave me mixed feelings. Of course that's all we were; he was practically engaged for goodness sake. But it did feel nice, knowing I had someone here in Forrester. I put the key in the ignition, breaking our eye contact.

  "Well thank you. You're such a gentleman," I smiled, pulling the car out into the street. I was finding it hard to concentrate with him so near me.

  "Anytime," he said, his back against the seat and head turned toward me. I quickly glanced at him. God, he was so sexy, I couldn't get over it.

  As we neared the apartment building, I was trying to think of what to say to extend our evening, but I decided not to chance it. This outing had been better than I could have expected.

  "So when do you work at Johnny's again?" he asked casually, rubbing the glove compartment with his thumb.

  "Not until Thursday. I'm working the next three nights at the hospital," I said, putting the car in park. We lingered in the car for a moment, me fidgeting with my keys. I realized I was literally dreading our time together coming to an end.

  "Ah, I see. Well I seem to go there most week nights, so I'm sure I'll be seeing you. How about I walk you home?" he asked with a grin.

  Yes please. "Are you sure? It's so far out of your way," I joked.

  "You're right, it is, but for you I'm willing to make the sacrifice." He looked at me, his perfect white teeth shining. I focused longer than I should have on his mouth. His lips were perfect and pink. I found my thoughts drifting toward how they would feel on my mouth, my neck...whoa, I needed to stop.

  We walked into the elevator, pushing the button for twelve. We didn't say much as the car took us up. I was thinking to myself, where do we go from here? Will we hug when we say goodnight? It wasn't a date, we were just new friends. My mind spun in circles until I heard the ding and the doors slid open. We stepped out into the hallway.

  "Well, here we are,"
I said, playing with my keys.

  "Here we are," he sighed.

  We stood in the hallway, both waiting for the other to say something. I felt tension, but wasn't sure why. Did he feel it too?

  "You know, I'd like to see the rest of the living room, make sure the couch we picked will work. If that's ok with you that is," he said, rubbing his chin.

  Oh my god, he wants to come in. "Yes, absolutely!" I cried. I cringed at myself as I turned to unlock the door. Hopefully I hadn't come across as eager as I felt. My heart started to beat a little faster. I pushed the door open, and we walked in. "Home sweet home."

  Ben slowly walked into the entryway, then the living room, looking around. I stood back, watching him. He moved with a sexy, confident ease. It was at this time that I wished I was a mind reader.

  He stood in the middle of the room, his arms outstretched, making pretend measurements. "I think that couch will suit this room," he said.

  "Well thank you. And thank you for going with me. It was fun," I said quietly. I looked down at my keys in my hands, moving each of them, one by one, around the ring.

  "It was, wasn't it," he said, turning toward me. His eyes looked intense, almost hungry. I boldly maintained eye contact.

  We were now facing each other, two feet apart. I leaned the small of my back up against the breakfast bar, his dark eyes on mine. I could feel my pulse quicken.

  His eyes suddenly softened. I could have sworn I saw him shake his head slightly. "Alright Miss Lacey, I'll let you be. But seriously, let me know if you need anything. A cup of sugar perhaps," he smiled, the intensity of the moment, broken. I'm sure that had all been in my head anyway.

  "I'll keep that in mind." We turned toward the front door. I pulled it open, holding it for him as he stepped into the hallway.

  "Good night Lacey," he said.

  "Good night Ben," I replied, closing the door.

  Chapter 6

  Ben

  I rode the elevator up to my floor, my mind flooded with a thousand thoughts. I hadn't wanted to say good night, but I knew I needed to. Everything about the evening had been great. I felt so comfortable with Lacey, and genuinely enjoyed something as mundane as furniture shopping. My phone started buzzing in my pocket. A small part of me hoped it was her, but we hadn't exchanged numbers. Mom, it said across the screen.