Finally, For Me

by Burke, Roseanne

  I snickered spitefully. "No there's not. Hence the reason I'm buying a bed today," I said, turning my back to her and rolling my eyes. What kind of question was that anyway?

  She seemed somewhat ruffled by my comment. She shook her head slightly, trying to gather herself. "I see, well let me show you our selection. Do you prefer soft or firm?"

  I couldn't help but think, I prefer firm, "that's what she said." I chuckled internally; I figured she wouldn't have gotten my joke. So instead I just replied, "usually a softer mattress."

  She showed me around, and I laid on several different beds.

  "I think I like this one best," I said. "How much is it?"

  "Well with this one, we can do twelve hundred. You qualify for monthly payments as well as a bonus gift of five hundred dollars to be used in our sister furniture store," she said, looking over her clipboard.

  That would be great. Then I could use that toward a new couch, I thought. "Sounds perfect! When can it be delivered?" I asked.

  "It looks like it's in stock, so tomorrow if that works for you?" she asked, her brown, overly lined eyes shining.

  "That works," I smiled. Ok saleslady, you did well, I forgive you for rubbing it in my face that I'm single.

  I paid with my credit card, and headed back to the apartment. I heated up another Lean Cuisine for lunch. I really needed to find more appetizing yet cost effective meals for myself. Before I knew it, it was time to head to Johnny's, or work as it was now known. I decided on dark jeans that hugged my ass perfectly, and a black button up shirt that showed off the curve of my chest. I curled my hair in loose waves that fell on my shoulders, and applied my makeup. I usually just threw on some mascara and lip gloss, but I did a touch of bronzer and eye liner tonight. I knew some of my income would be based on tips, and it wasn't any secret that better looking bartenders got bigger tips.

  With a mix of nerves and excitement, I headed to the bar.

  "Hey Johnny," I called as I entered. I had no idea what to expect.

  He looked up from the paper he was reading. "Well hey Lacey! Good to see you. You ready to get started?" He wore a light gray polo shirt and worn down jeans. He always looked so relaxed and comfortable.

  I took a deep breath, trying to clear the butterflies from my stomach. "As ready as I'll ever be."

  "Good, let's get going then." He motioned for me to follow him. We walked back behind the bar. I felt slightly intimidated by all the bottles of liquor lining the shelves. I definitely knew how to make some basic drinks, but I was not familiar with a lot of what I saw.

  I was introduced to the other bartender, Shannon. She was a little older than me, maybe twenty five, and had bright blonde hair. She immediately took me under her wing.

  "Oh I'm so excited to have you here!" she bubbled. She definitely wore more makeup, but she didn't look trashy. She wore a hot pink tank top and dark blue jeans; her legs seemed to stretch for miles. She looked like hot pink would be her favorite color.

  "Me too," I said with a smile.

  That night was a blur. I learned how to make several different drinks, and I learned I definitely needed more practice to keep up. But more importantly, I learned about the regulars.

  "Brendan and Jenna, they're over there with the Bud Light and vodka cranberry. They're a fun young couple, good tippers too. And Sam, he always wants a whiskey sour and the Vikings game on during football season," Shannon listed.

  I nodded, trying to pay attention. But all I wanted to do was ask about that lawyer I had seen, and I didn't know how to bring him up without being obvious.

  "Johnny told me about a regular I saw here the other night. A lawyer I think? I recognized him from his billboard," I said as casually as I could, not making eye contact, and paying more attention to wipe the counter than necessary.

  She carried on, restocking a shelf, seemingly oblivious to my anxiety. "Oh Ben! Yeah, he's a doll! Always so nice. Too bad he has a girlfriend, he's so hot!"

  A wave of disappointment washed over me. Of course the hot lawyer had a girlfriend. "Yeah, I guess he was pretty good looking," I said as nonchalantly as possible.

  She turned her whole body to face me, her hand popped on her hip. "Um, yeah! Good looking is the understatement of the century."

  I quickly tried to change the subject. "So tell me more about Johnny, what's he like as a boss?"

  "Oh he's the sweetest," she smiled, glancing upward. "I would describe him as everyone's friend."

  I looked around at the pictures on the walls. "Does his family come in at all?"

  Shannon's demeanor changed quickly. She looked down, brushing her shirt with her manicured nails. "His wife passed away two years ago from breast cancer, and his kids live out of state. We're the closest thing he has to family around here."

  I brought my hand to my mouth. "Oh god, I'm so sorry to hear that! He seems like such a great guy."

  "Yes he is," she said soberly, her lips curling into the slightest frown.

  As if on cue, Johnny walked up. "How's it going ladies?" he asked, his honest-to-goodness smile quickly changing our tone of conversation.

  "Great!" Shannon answered. "She's catching on so quick!"

  "Good to hear! I knew you would Lacey," he said, his grin widening.

  I couldn't help but return it. This man had offered me a chance without really knowing me. After learning all he had been through, I wanted to hug him. "Thanks, for everything. I'm so excited," I exclaimed.

  Suddenly our attention was turned to someone sitting down at the bar. My heart skipped a beat.

  "Ah Ben! The usual tonight?" Johnny asked.

  Chapter 4

  I stared, dumbfounded, at Ben. I knew he was a regular, and I may eventually run into him, but I was not prepared for him to walk in at that moment.

  "Hey Johnny, that sounds good," he said. "Shannon, how are you tonight?"

  He was dressed in a silver dress shirt and black dress pants. He wasn't wearing a tie this time, and I could see the shirt stretch across his broad chest. Seeing him closer, I noticed he had chestnut brown eyes, and that same sexy stubble. He exuded a quiet confidence, not too full of himself to be obnoxious, but knew he had something to offer.

  "Oh good," she said with a giant smile, leaning over the bar. "And how are you? Don't tell me you're working on a Saturday night," she said dramatically. I stood nervously, watching them talk. I realized I didn't know what to do with my hands. I really hoped she wouldn't bring up how I just asked about him.

  "No, I just figured I'd stop in before meeting up with Marissa and her family. And who is this?" He casually turned toward me. I could feel his gaze all over me, causing me to practically melt into a puddle right then and there. I tried my best to maintain eye contact, despite my heart thudding in my chest.

  "This is Lacey! She's our new girl!" cried Shannon. "Ben, Lacey, Lacey, Ben!" she giggled. She moved her hand back and forth emphatically between us as she spoke.

  "Nice to meet you Lacey," he said coolly, offering me his hand.

  "Nice to meet you as well," I said, grabbing it, trying as hard as I could not to let him notice my knees buckling. I felt fire where our skin touched. As soon as we pulled away, I felt his presence lost. Don't blush, don't blush, don't blush, I told myself.

  Johnny returned with Ben's drink. "Here you go Ben. Ah Lacey, I see you've met Ben. He always wants a Grey Goose martini, a little dirty, unless he says otherwise," he said with a wink. I nodded in response.

  I bet he likes it a little dirty. God, I needed to get a grip. He had a girlfriend. He was off limits.

  "Shannon, can I show you something really quick? Excuse us for a second," said Johnny, as he and Shannon stepped over to the other end of the bar. I couldn't focus on what they were doing; I just had to try to keep my head above water in this man's presence.

  "So Lacey, when did you start here?" he asked, taking a sip of his drink, his dark eyes locked with mine. Hearing my name on his lips gave me chills. I wished I had a martini to give me so
me courage.

  "Oh just tonight actually," I said as calmly as possible. I rested both my hands on the bar, nervously flicking my wrists. Stop moving, you twit! I consciously wrapped my hands behind my back, my right hand holding my left in place.

  "That explains why I haven't seen you here before. Are you new to the area?"

  A twinge of disappointment ran through me. He had seen me before, he just didn't remember. But why would he? It was a single moment in passing. Of course the sexy lawyer with a girlfriend wouldn't remember such an insignificant instant. "I moved here in June. I'm actually a nurse over at St Mary's hospital. I just started doing this to earn a little extra money," I explained. I wasn't sure why, but I wanted him to know I wasn't "just a bartender."

  "Oh ok. What kind of nurse?" He set his drink down, running his thumb over a drop of martini on his lip. My thoughts traveled to how I wanted to lick that drop off. Damn it, focus!

  I shifted my weight between my legs. "I work in the ICU," I replied, trying to match his confidence.

  "Impressive," he said with a smile. It was a gorgeous smile, and it was a genuine smile. I started to relax somewhat, my right hand releasing the other. Bringing my hands back up to the bar, I noticed a bright red ring around the left wrist.

  "So what do you do?" I asked, leaning in slightly. I pretended not to know anything about him, let alone the fact that I already knew he was a regular at the bar, a lawyer, had a girlfriend, and had a billboard in the middle of downtown.

  "I'm a lawyer, with Anderson, Turner, and Bines." He looked at me expectantly.

  I smiled, slightly embarrassed. "I see, is that supposed to mean something?"

  He laughed, leaning back on his stool. His arms crossed in front of him, the strain on his shirt increasing from his muscles. "I suppose you are new to the area. It's just that we're really the only major law firm in the area. Really for the next two hundred miles."

  I nodded, smiling. "I see, well that is impressive then."

  He laughed out loud again. "Well my father is the Anderson part of it, so me being in the firm isn't that impressive." He rubbed his hand over his stubble. Was that...nervousness?

  I started flicking my wrists again, my thumbs rubbing the shellac on the wood. "No! It is! I'm sorry, I just haven't needed legal advice. Which is probably a good thing." I felt bad, but wasn't sure why. Why did I want to heal his bruised ego?

  "Well if you ever need it, now you know who to call," he grinned.

  I smiled back, feeling the blush invade my cheeks. If I had a cocktail in my system, I would've asked him for a business card.

  Once we got our nervous energy out of the way we got to chatting. He told me about starting working at his father's law firm last year, and the work he was putting in. I was glad the bar wasn't too busy, so I had a chance to talk to him. Other than when he first mentioned his girlfriend, her name didn't come up again.

  In our short conversation, I already felt like I knew him, and I wanted to know more. He made me feel warm and comfortable, the red ring around my wrist, now gone. Maybe he couldn't be the man in my life, but he was shaping up to be a great friend.

  "Oh shit! It's already seven twenty!" he cried, looking at his watch. "I have dinner reservations at seven thirty."

  "Oh, well let me ring you up then!" I ran his card through the machine, thankful I remembered all the steps. "Here's your receipt. It was nice to meet you," I said, sad that our time had come to an end.

  "It was really nice meeting you, Lacey," he said as he scribbled his signature. I tried to regulate my breathing, hearing him say my name again. He smoothly stood up, flashing me his bright smile as he turned toward the front of the bar. I kept my eyes glued to him until he disappeared out the door. As the door shut, I felt slightly empty again.

  I grabbed the receipt, a ten dollar tip for one drink. I smiled, well that's pretty nice, I thought. I glanced at the bottom of the receipt. It read, it was great meeting you, with the word, great, underlined. I couldn't help but smile. He had been so easy to talk to, and I wanted to know more about him. I secretly couldn't wait for my next shift.

  ********

  Ben

  I ran to the corner in an effort to catch the cab that was waiting there.

  "The Veranda Steak House," I told the driver as I climbed in.

  Luckily, the restaurant was only a few blocks away, hopefully I wouldn't be too late. I settled into my seat, thinking about the night's events so far. I was completely and pleasantly surprised to see Lacey working there. I had tried to play it cool, hoping I hadn't been too obvious. Did she remember seeing me there the other day? Probably not, it was so quick.

  It had been genuinely nice, just talking to her. She was quick-witted and funny; she made me want to impress her. I groaned thinking about our conversation about my work. I felt like a douche.

  I tapped my fingers on the door handle. I couldn't get her face out of my head. Her big blue eyes, soft pink lips. Fuck, I needed to stop. I was on my way to meet my girlfriend and her family. Oh, and her perfect ass that I couldn't help but check out when she rang up my drink. Stop, I told myself. You are capable of being friends with another woman without it being something sexual.

  I arrived at the restaurant, paid the driver, and ran in. My party was there waiting for me. I caught a glimpse of Marissa and her parents through the tinted windows. She sat, arms crossed, a giant scowl on her face. I glanced at my watch, seven thirty three. I'm not that late, I thought. I entered the lobby, pretending to be in a rush.

  "Ben! There you are, finally! Now we can sit," cried Marissa as she stood, turning her back to me, ignoring my instinctive lean toward her for a kiss. She was wearing a short sexy red dress, her light brown hair blown out. I examined the side of her face, realizing how much makeup she really wore.

  "Hello to you too, honey," I mumbled under my breath.

  We shuffled to our table in a straight line behind a shiny haired host. We took our seats, and I immediately looked for the drink menu. Three minutes. I had been three minutes late, and that would set the tone for the rest of the evening. I sighed, deciding just to order my usual Grey Goose martini.

  "So Ben, how's work?" asked her father, Rick, unfolding his napkin on his lap.

  "Going well, thanks. Just very busy." I stole a sideways glance at Marissa, hoping she was paying attention. She wasn't.

  "Your father told me his plans for after he retires. Europe, sounds incredible."

  I nodded politely. "I know, it sounds like a dream vacation. Wish I could go," I chuckled.

  I actually didn't mind making small talk with Rick. He had always been nice to me, and treated me with respect. I looked to my right at Marissa. She was leaned in, whispering to her mother, and snickering.

  "What's so funny?" I asked.

  She looked at me, her eyes filled with irritation. "Nothing. Just that woman over there." She pointed slightly at a woman two tables over.

  I tried to look without drawing attention. "What about her?"

  Marissa scoffed. "Her highlights, duh. They're atrocious." She giggled, rolling her eyes at her mother. Ok then.

  Our server walked over with our drinks, saving me. I took a large sip. Keep 'em coming, I wanted to say. This was going to be a long night.

  We ordered our food, and broke off in two different conversations, as usual. I chatted with Rick about business and work, while Marissa and her mother continued criticizing other people.

  "So where were you before this? Marissa asked.

  She's speaking to me again. "Oh I just stopped at my usual spot, said hey to Johnny."

  "I don't know what you see in that place," she said, taking a bite of her salad. Yes, we've already established that.

  "Johnny's a good guy, it's close to the office," I said nonchalantly. I carefully didn't mention Johnny's new bartender.

  "Well maybe I'll have to come in again, see if anything has changed," she said, smiling sweetly up at me.

  "Sure." Did she know something? Could s
he read it on my face? There was absolutely no way I wanted to bring her there now.

  We finished dinner and went our separate way from her parents. We decided to call it an early night and just head home. Walking in the door, I grabbed a beer from the fridge, and sat on the couch. I snatched up the remote from the coffee table, and put on SportsCenter. Marissa said nothing to me, walking straight for the bedroom. How much longer until she comes back out here, pouting, wondering why I didn't follow her in there? To my surprise, she quickly returned, rolling a giant suitcase into the living room.

  "What's that for?" I asked, leaning forward.

  "Ben, I really didn't want to do this, but I'm giving you an ultimatum. I was hoping that the reason you were late was because you were at the jewelry store. Tonight would have been perfect for you to propose! But you won't! I'm going to stay with my parents for a while. You need to think about what's good for you. I just can't wait any longer for a ring!" Her hands flew wildly around as she spoke.

  I sat there, dumbfounded. "Riss, what the hell? You know I'm going to do it. Just because I didn't do it tonight, you're moving out?"

  "Not moving out, just giving you the space you need to think about how much you miss me," she pouted, fiddling with the handle of the suitcase.

  I honestly hadn't expected this. But really, who was I kidding? I knew I was dating a bully who always got her way. "Come on, this is nuts. This is putting a lot of pressure on me." I stood to talk to her.

  "Well maybe it's what you need." She cast her eyes down. "I've made up my mind. Our four year anniversary is next month, and if you can't figure it out by then, well I guess you never will. But you know you won't find anyone better for you than me."

  I stood, speechless. Was she right? I thought about how hard it was to maintain my current relationship with how busy I was. I couldn't imagine starting all over, trying to date someone. But that also didn't mean I was ready at that moment to propose.

  "Marissa," I started to argue, but stopped. She looked up at me. I realized I honestly had no will to fight with her. "Ok fine, go."