Hidden Barriers

by Sara Shirley

  “Nah, I was up anyway. I’ve got to head to the bar to train the new guy. I need him ready for the summer when derby season starts.”

  “Maybe on my way back from my parents’ house, I’ll swing by to say hi, if that’s all right with you.”

  “Yeah, I’ll be there until closing the next three nights. Weekends get crazy, but if you stop in, that’s fine.”

  “What if I were to ask you on a real date next week sometime?” he asks without reservation.

  I hate to admit that last night didn’t exactly play out how a normal first date should go, but I might be to blame for that. I can’t let him believe I still think I made a mess of the whole thing.

  “Josh Page, are you insinuating that last night wasn’t a real date?” I ask as I twirl my hair around my finger.

  “Well, let’s see. The drinks at Vines were free since you tricked me, and the pizza cost me ten bucks. I think I can do better than that.”

  Shit. I never even thought about how it must have looked when he found out I partly own Vines. Stupid, Sam.

  “If you swing by the bar and ask me properly on a date, I might consider your request.”

  “I’ll see you tonight, Sam.”

  “Talk to you later, Josh.”

  The entire day has been a whirlwind with thoughts of Sam infiltrating my mind. I can’t for the life of me understand what has possessed me so about her. She is strikingly beautiful, without a doubt. Her sassy, smart-wit attitude adds that something special, making her unique in her own way. Then, the minute she laughs, it consumes every fiber of my body, but it’s the fact that I know she’ll be a challenge to me that has me spellbound. She’s unlike all other girls I’ve ever met, even Sue doesn’t compare.

  I left my parents’ house after checking on Emily. Since Courtney had classes this afternoon she wasn’t around as a buffer zone between Mom and me. Mom cornered me and said if I had Sunday off, she’d like me over for the Sunday family dinner. Evidently, after being away for so long with working in Boston, I would be required to begin attending the family dinners more often living as close as I do now. It’s not a bad thing; in fact, I enjoy spending the afternoon with them. It’s the running into Sue that has kept me away more often than I’d like, even more so after she announced her pregnancy months ago.

  I am driving down the back roads and countryside with the radio blasting as I head into downtown to ask Sam out properly. An idea comes to mind as I sing along to “Candy” by Gavin Degraw. After turning my car in another direction, I pull into the strip mall and make my way into the shop that will ultimately give Sam no other option but to go out with me.

  My hands are full to the brim, but the main item I’m keeping hidden at the moment. You could say I have a little somethin’ in my back pocket. The bell over the door jingles as I make my way into Vines. Cara appears to be working the bar with another guy today, but it’s slow right now, so neither is busy. When she sees me approach, she slides over from the other end of the bar.

  “Hey, is Sam around?” I ask her, keeping one of Sam’s gifts hidden below the bar top so she can’t see it.

  “Yeah, she’s out in the back office. Let me get her for you,” Cara says coldly. She’s usually full of laughs and smiles. I wonder what’s up her ass today. Watching her grab the bar phone, I can only assume she’s calling Sam out back. Cara places the receiver down before turning back to me. “She’ll be out in a second. Do you want a drink?”

  “Nah, I’m good. Is everything okay today, Cara?” I ask, trying to find out what’s irking her.

  “Just peachy,” she says as she walks away without giving any further insight.

  As Sam walks through the back door, Cara pushes past her. They exchange a quick word before Sam turns back to me, smiling as she saunters over in front of me. Keeping my hands hidden from her, I ask, “What’s up Cara’s ass today?”

  She laughs as she points her thumb over her shoulder toward the door. “Oh, that moody bitch? No need to worry. It’s keg delivery day, and her ex-boyfriend is our delivery guy. She normally has the day off, but because Brian is training today on the bar, I had to schedule her. Pleasant, isn’t she?”

  “I guess,” I say, returning my attention to her. “So, someone once told me the way to a woman’s heart is through flowers.” I smile as I place the yellow tulips from behind my back in front of her.

  “For me? Josh, these are gorgeous! You didn’t have to, you know.”

  “Oh, I know. Because if I were to properly ask you out on a date, I know flowers aren’t the way to your heart.”

  “What is the proper way to my heart?” she asks with a taunting smile.

  Pulling my other arm from inside my coat pocket, I produce a big bag of various kinds of candy. “Somehow I had a feeling you were a candy kind of girl,” I say as her eyes flash from the bag of cavity-causing concoctions to mine. She remains speechless as I continue, “So, Sam, what do you say? You maybe want to go out on a date with me?”

  Her hand reaches out for the bag of candy as I hear the front door bell jingle behind me. Her eyes shoot over my shoulder at the person walking inside the bar.

  “Drew!” she shouts as she scurries by me. Turning around, I get a glimpse of her brother. He’s every bit the Marine she described him to be, except he’s dressed in a suit and not cammies. She rushes into his arms, giving him an enormous hug as he eyes me cautiously.

  Sam and Drew withdraw from their embrace and step back. I grab a seat at the bar, knowing I’ve just taken a backseat to my grand plan now that her brother has arrived. It’s fine, but I know how much her brother means to her, and I’m not about to be a selfish prick and try to hog their time together. I notice Cara passing me behind the bar and decide to hang out for a drink. “Hey, Cara, when you have a chance, can I grab a Smutty Winter Ale?”

  Gripping the pint glass from the counter, she starts pouring the pint. “What’s the matter? Did you get pushed aside for someone else?” Cara asks with an attitude as she nods toward Sam and Drew sitting on one of the sofas. “Sucks, doesn’t it?” She deadpans as she places the pint glass in front of me.

  Okay, maybe grabbing that beer wasn’t a good idea.

  When I see my brother stroll through the doors of my bar, I think I’m seeing things. Drew hardly makes unexpected visits to see me because he’s usually too busy with helping my dad at his law firm in Connecticut and continuing his duties as a Marine. If he’s in my neck of the woods, it means he drove at least two hours out of his way to see me. This can’t be a good sign.

  Once I sit down on the sofa with him, he explains that Dad has him doing some work at the Boston office for a few days, and had I actually responded to his text messages, I probably would have known he’d be in the area today.

  “Why is Dad having you work at the Boston office this week?” I ask.

  Drew leans forward to rest his head in his hands, letting out a long breath before looking back at me. “Sam, do you have to ask that, knowing what you already found out last month?” Chills course up my spine, and fear settles in as it dawns on me he’s here because of Stone’s parole hearing. “Drew? He’s not—”

  “Sam, listen to me. I can only do so much on the case, since I was a key witness, but they are working their asses off in the office to ensure he stays behind bars. Plus, we are the only ones from back then that know where you are now. Promise me you won’t start panicking.”

  I stop picking at my fingernails and realize he’s right. Nobody outside of my family, lawyers, and derby girls know about my past. Stone has no way of finding me, even if he does get released from prison.

  I don’t know how long we’ve been talking about the C-Naughties and other random things going on back home with Mom and Dad, whom I haven’t seen in ages, but it makes me realize how much I miss seeing my family.

  “Are you going to tell me about this guy?” Drew asks, leaning back on the sofa as he props his foot up over his knee.

  Glancing over at the yellow tulips lying
on the coffee table, I realize I forgot about Josh being here. “Shit!” I mutter as I scan the bar looking for him.

  “What’s the matter, Sam?” Drew asks as I reach for the tulips and push myself up from the sofa.

  “He was here, but I must have lost track of time talking to you. I guess he left.”

  Walking over to the bar where Cara is still showing Brian the ropes, I wait for her to finish talking to him before getting her attention. “Hey, Cara, have you seen Josh around?” I question as I still look for him in the bar, but all I see are more people strolling in for happy hour and an older woman with a fiddle setting up for open mic.

  “He took off about a half hour ago. He said to give you this because he didn’t want to interrupt you and your brother.” She shakes her head as she pulls the bag of candy from her apron pocket. “He’s a good guy, Sam, but you totally gave him the cold shoulder the minute your brother showed up. If I were you, I’d go over to his house and make things right.”

  Eyeing her suspiciously, I reply, “How do you know where he lives?”

  “Let’s just say I’ve become closer to his roommate.”

  “Nick? Really, Cara? You know that means I win the tally bet.”

  “Yeah, I know. I owe you, but not until you take care of this thing with Josh.”

  My brother grabs the seat next to me at the bar and looks between Cara and me. “What’s going on?” he asks with furrowed eyebrows.

  Thinking there really isn’t any way to avoid this conversation I’m about to have, I decide to just spill the beans. “The guy I was talking to when you walked in, well, that was the guy who asked me on a date.”

  “Let me get this straight. He’s the first guy you decide to open up to and actually go out on a date with in three years, and you’ve completely ignored him the last hour?” he questions, and I just stand biting my nails and nodding in agreement.

  “And to top it off, he left and I never even had the chance to introduce you to each other,” I say, knowing very well that Josh would need to have Drew’s approval anyway if I were to actually date him. Now, I really kind of wish he were still around, since having Drew here would make this a lot easier.

  An idea suddenly comes to my mind, and I look at Cara who is pouring a few glasses of wine for an order. “Cara? You wouldn’t happen to know the guys’ home address, would you?”

  Not looking up from her pours, she answers, “Yeah, well, maybe not the house number, but I can certainly tell you exactly where it is. Why?”

  “I need to go make things right. When you’re done pouring, can you write it down for me?” I say as I go around behind the bar and grab two empty six-pack carriers and load them with various craft beers from the cooler. Just as I’m about to put the last bottle into the carrier, I eye Drew who is watching me intently.

  Scratching the back of his neck, he asks, “We going somewhere, Sam? Not that I have a busy night, but just curious what you’re up to.”

  “Grab your things. We’re going to do something I should have done an hour ago. We’ll take your car; the address is right around the corner,” I say while placing the beers onto the counter and grabbing the directions from Cara.

  Snatching my coat and purse from the back office coat rack, I slide my arms quickly through the sleeves, pocketing the bag of candy from Josh in the process. I look over at Drew, who is ready to go, with the beers in his hands. Before we exit through the front door, I turn back to Cara behind the bar. Throwing up her arms, she begins making a shooing motion before saying, “Go! I’ve got this under control.” Nodding my head in appreciation, I make my way onto the street where Drew is now waiting for me.

  “So, what’s the grand plan here?” he asks as I approach him.

  “Well, with any luck, he’s still home. If he accepts my apology and then passes your interrogation process, maybe the night can still be saved, and we can put those beers to good use,” I say as we walk to his car. Grabbing a gummy worm from the candy bag in my coat pocket, I chew off a bit at a time. Drew gives me a disgusted look. “Hey!” I spout out with my mouth full of candy. “Don’t criticize. You know I’m a sucker for sugary sweetness, and it’s the way to my heart these days. Otherwise, I would not be doing this at all.”

  I suck back on another gummy snack as Drew pulls the car down the next street, driving slowly until we reach the townhouse Cara described in her directions. Drew pulls over and stops the car as I point to a house that matches the description. The lights are on, but I can’t see any movement inside.

  Drew catches the hesitation in my eyes as I stare at the house. “It’s now or never, Sam. I love you, Sis, and you know without a doubt how I’d go through hell to protect you again if I had to. But, the only way to fight all the nagging thoughts in your head is to walk up those stairs and see if that guy is worth a shot. He may not be perfect, but none of us are. Something tells me from just the look in his eyes today when I saw him, you have nothing to worry about.”

  “Thank you for being here tonight. Let’s get this over with, and please, don’t go all Marine Corps on him. The last thing he needs is Drill Instructor Daley barking in his face for an hour.”

  My brother has grown into a man with a heart of gold and more words of encouragement than I would know what to do with. Leaning over to give him a quick kiss on the cheek, I tell him, “I love you, little brother.”

  “I’ll do my best to keep my alter ego contained. I can’t make any promises, though.”

  “Fair enough,” I say with a mouthful of watermelon-flavored jelly beans. Drew looks over and gives me the evil eye. “What? I’m nervous. Leave my candy and me alone, or there will be hell to pay.”

  I leave after being ignored for nearly a half hour while Sam and her brother take a trip down memory lane without even so much as an introduction. I know she adores her brother and doesn’t see him often, but still, if that were my sister and me, I wouldn’t have just ignored her existence.

  The minute I step through the front door and slam it behind me, Nick knows better than to ask how things went with Sam. I grab the first beer I find in the fridge before retreating to my bedroom, shutting the door and cranking up the media player on my tablet. The Black Keys’ haunting lyrics permeate the walls of my room as I change into my fleece lounge pants and hoodie before falling back onto the bed.

  Sucking back on my beer as I search through my phone, I type out a quick text to Jeremy to see how things are going with his professional hockey career and let him know how Emily was when I saw her earlier today.

  I throw my phone to the side as I take another pull of my beer before lying back to shut my eyes. Nothing seems to allow me a chance to calm down at the moment. Usually beer and music do the trick after a long night at work. If those don’t work, a long run helps, but it’s too late for that.

  Something about this girl is unnerving to me. What is it about her that causes me to want to change my ways? I don’t date or do relationships. I haven’t since I split from Sue nearly ten years ago. Fucking Tarryn has replaced the void for almost five months. As much as I hate to hit up that bitch tonight, maybe I need to in order to fix whatever is screwing with my head right now. Reaching over for my phone, I type out a short text to Tarryn to see if she’s down for a booty call. Just as I hit Send, I hear a knock on my bedroom door.

  “Fuck off, Nick!” I yell over the latest song playing on the tablet.

  I hear the door creak open as I roll over to give Nick a piece of my mind, but it’s not his eyes that stare back at me. Instead, I’m gazing into those big brown eyes of hers. We silently stare at each other, not knowing quite what to say. I’m not even sure why she’s here in my room.

  She shuts the door behind her as she moves a little further into the room. After swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I rest my elbows on my legs and stare at my hands in front of me. “Why did you ignore me back at the bar, Sam? I waited for a half hour, and you forgot I was there.”

  “Josh, please let me explain.
”

  “I thought we could at least be friends, but I took a chance and asked you out on a date. Do you even know what that took for me to do? You’re not the only one with a past, Sam. I get that you still haven’t told me about what haunts you, and that’s fine. But, there is something about you I want to get to know so bad, that for the first time in nearly ten years, I asked a girl out again. That girl walked away and blew me off.”

  Sam’s face struggles to understand my statement. Right now, I can’t explain to her that for the last ten years I’ve done nothing but bang random chicks on occasion. If she found out this bit of information at this stage, she’ll assume I’m nothing but a playboy who is only using her to get my dick off.

  Looking up at her face, I notice as mascara runs from her eyes down her cheeks. Her feet move backward until her back hits my door, and she slides down to the floor. Turning her face back up to me, she says, “Josh, I came to apologize. I honestly feel awful. Please know I never meant to blow you off back there. I— I—,” she stammers. “I’m just so sorry.” Standing back on her feet, she turns the door handle and opens it slightly.

  Why are you letting her walk out that door?

  Her head angles back faintly for me to see her profile. “If it means anything, I would have said yes. Candy is the way to my heart.”

  As she’s about to walk out my door, my phone alerts me of an incoming text. Glancing down at the screen, I see it’s a response from Tarryn.

  I’ll be home in an hour. Come by if you need me.

  Tossing my phone back onto the bed as I look up to the door, I notice Sam is no longer there. Shit. I pick my ass up off the bed and fly toward the staircase, running down the stairs to see Nick and Sam’s brother sitting in the living room talking. Sam is nowhere to be found. “Where’s Sam?” I ask, looking around the first floor of the townhouse. Neither of them answers me. I look at Sam’s brother and reach out my hand to introduce myself. “Hey, man, I’m Josh. Drew, right?” He nods as he forcefully shakes my hand. “Give me a minute to find your sister, and we’ll talk, okay,” I say, turning around and making my way back up the stairs to the landing. I see a light coming from under the bathroom door. Found her. As I make my way over to the door, my hand hesitates before knocking, not knowing quite what to say.