by Anne Fraser
‘Is it?’ she said quietly. Jamie seemed oblivious to the ice in her tone.
‘You and Calum can come back to Africa with me. You can give up work or work part time. You’ll love it there. It’ll give you all the time you want to spend with Calum.’
‘And why would I do that? What about my life here? My work, my friends, my mother?’
‘It’ll only be for a couple of years at first. Your mother and friends can come and visit. And as for your work—you’ll find the work in Africa just as, if not more, rewarding.’
‘I think you should leave now, Jamie,’ Sarah said softly.
He looked at her in surprise. Clearly this wasn’t the reaction he had been expecting. Suddenly she couldn’t hold back the anger any longer.
‘You waltz in here, telling me that you have decided that my son and I should give up our lives and go back with you to Africa. You disappear from my life without any real explanation, leaving me to deal with pregnancy, birth and looking after a small child on my own. OK, OK.’ She held up her hands to stop his response. ‘I know you didn’t know I was pregnant, but that’s hardly the point, is it? You could have made enquiries about me. We have colleagues in common. Weren’t you the slightest bit interested in how I was coping? In my life—my career? Then you saunter back into my life and nearly make love to me before rejecting me—again.’ She stopped his words again. ‘OK, so I did give you some encouragement. But you caught me at a weak moment. Then, after showing little interest in your son, you find out that he is hale and hearty after all. So it now suits you to have him in your life. But worst of all, instead of coming here, grovelling for forgiveness, you come in, demanding that I give up my life and follow you to Africa like some kind of…’ She paused to draw breath. ‘Some kind of groupie!’ she spat finally. She stood, indicating the door. ‘Now, before I say anything I might regret, I think you should leave, don’t you?’
* * *
Well, Jamie thought as he walked back to his flat, that hadn’t gone exactly as planned. He had to admit he had been so delighted that he didn’t have the gene that he hadn’t really stopped to think about Sarah’s reaction. Of course it was bound to be a shock to her. He had been a blundering, insensitive fool. He should have broken the news more gently. Taken his time. Waited for the right moment. Considered his words. But, dammit, Sarah and his son were going to be a part of his future—his future in Africa. Once more he mulled over what she had said, that she had made a life and a career for herself in Glasgow. Was he being fair to ask her to leave everything she had worked so hard to achieve? But there wasn’t really an option. He was committed to at least another year of his contract and he couldn’t leave Sibongele just yet—not until he knew that the boy’s future was secure. There was so much Sarah could do in Africa. She would love it there—he was sure of it—if only she would give it and him a chance.
Jamie sighed. He would just have to use what little time he had left to convince her. He had forgotten what a prickly and stubborn soul she was. But he would be patient. He was pretty sure she still had feelings for him, although, he admitted ruefully, tonight she had kept them pretty well hidden if she still did. He gave a wry smile as he thought back to the image of Sarah standing in front of him, cheeks blazing. She had always been a passionate woman. Not least in bed. And he was determined that shortly she’d be back where she belonged. Back in his bed and his life. But this time for good.
CHAPTER SEVEN
THE day of Lizzie’s wedding dawned cool but clear. Autumn was turning into winter, the trees scattering carpets of gold, bronze and red everywhere. The sun shone on one of those perfect crisp days that drew visitors to Scotland from all over the world.
Sarah had spent the last couple of days mulling over what Jamie had told her. Once she had cooled down, she allowed herself to feel a little sympathy for Jamie’s predicament. It must have been terrible to live your life not knowing what the future held in store. And to watch the deterioration of the health, physical and mental, of someone you loved, knowing that despite your medical training you were powerless to do anything, must have been awful for a man like Jamie.
If he had told her, what would she have done? He was right in one respect. She would never have left him. She would have tried to persuade him to have the test, and if it had been positive she would have given up her dream of having children. She had loved him that much. But had he loved her? Surely if he had, he would have fought for a life together. He could never have simply have walked away from her without at least having the courage to find out whether they could have a future.
But to be fair, she could understand why Jamie had kept the truth from her. He wasn’t the kind of man who would have allowed anyone to sacrifice their life. Still, it hadn’t been only his decision to make. He should have trusted her. If he had loved her enough, surely he would have? At least found out whether he had the gene before deciding to give her up.
And now—did he really want to be part of her life, or was it just Calum he was interested in? And should that not be enough? Did she have the right to deny her son the chance to know his father? But Jamie hadn’t said anything about staying. From what she could gather, he still intended to go back to Africa. With or without her and Calum.
Jamie hadn’t sought her out over the last couple of days. The department had been busy and there were always other staff about. But surely he could have tried harder to see her and Calum in the evenings? Or was he waiting, respecting her need for time before he put any more pressure on her?
She didn’t know the answer to any of her questions. She felt exhausted from the sleepless nights where she had lain tossing and turning, trying to decide what to do.
Reluctantly Sarah had allowed her mother to persuade her to go to Lizzie’s wedding reception.
‘You need some fun, darling,’ she had coaxed. ‘Some time to enjoy yourself. You’re not doing yourself or Calum any good by working so hard.’
Most days, it had been all Sarah could do to get herself home in time to play with Calum before feeding him, bathing him and putting him to bed. Once he was in bed, Sarah usually had energy only for a light snack, before stumbling off to bed herself. No wonder she was losing weight.
Lizzie had added her entreaties to those of Sarah’s mum. ‘I’ve spoken to Jean and invited her, too. She’s suggested that she come for a couple of hours and then take Calum home with her so that you can relax and enjoy the rest of the evening. All you’ll be missing of Calum is the time he’s usually asleep.’ She had peered into Sarah’s face, noting the dark circles under her eyes. ‘You’ve been working too hard, girl. You deserve a break.’ She had searched Sarah’s eyes. ‘Or is there something else? Something bothering you? Do you need to talk? You know, Sarah, I’ve been so caught up in wedding arrangements I haven’t being paying attention to anyone else.’
Sarah had grown increasingly fond of Lizzie in the time she had known her. Since she had decided to confide in her, the young nurse and Sarah had become firm friends, finding that they shared the same sense of humour as well as a work ethic. She hadn’t told her about Jamie and the reason he had given her for leaving. There hadn’t really been the opportunity.
‘I know I can talk to you. And I will when the time is right. But not now, Lizzie. If you don’t mind?’
Lizzie hadn’t pressed her further. Sarah had known it was important to Lizzie that she be there on her special day and so finally had agreed with her mother’s suggestion.
She had been unsure of what to wear, finally settling on a knee-length red silk evening dress, the soft fabric draping her curves, crossing sexily at the back. It was trimmed with contrasting velvet ribbon that tied under the bust and emphasised the gentle swell of her breasts. She added a small cashmere bolero with long sleeves that would protect her against the cool evening air. After further thought she had decided to wear her designer sandals with the impossibly high heels. She could always kick them off for dancing if need be, but she had sacrificed enough by w
earing flat shoes at work. The shoes deserved an outing and she deserved a glamorous look after the months of casual attire and conservative workwear. Sarah had every intention of getting at least a couple of dances in. How long had it been since she had danced?
She left her hair loose with a parting to the side. A rare visit to the hairdresser ensured that it lay perfectly straight and glossy. She had gone for the glam look with her make-up, too. Instead of the usual quick slick of lipstick, she coated her already long lashes with mascara and added just a touch of eye-shadow that brought out the green of her eyes.
‘If I could wolf whistle, I would,’ her mother said appreciatively when Sarah emerged from her bedroom. ‘You look stunning. Can I ask,’ she added with a twinkle, ‘if all this is for the benefit of anyone in particular?’
Sarah had told her mother about Jamie. Jean had surprised her by supporting Jamie’s decision. ‘It explains a lot about his behaviour. Perhaps it wasn’t the right decision but, knowing the kind of man he is, I can see why it was the one he made.’
‘Getting dressed up is for my benefit, Mum. To be honest, I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be a woman again. I love being a mother, but for once it feels good to be me again.’ But, Sarah had to admit, there was a part of her that wanted Jamie to see her looking her best. He, too, was going to the wedding. Although in theory it was his weekend on, management had agreed to employ one of the retired consultants to cover two weekends in four. It had long been agreed that there was too much work in the department for two consultants and, apart from old Dr MacDonald’s replacement, the hospital was actively seeking to recruit a third.
Calum had had his afternoon nap and was buttoned up in his padded suit and hat in his car seat. They would be taking two cars so that Jean could take Calum home with her. His cheeks were still rosy from his nap and when he saw his mother, he squirmed and smiled, blowing bubbles. She knew how lucky she was to have such a contented baby. She had heard so many horror stories about babies who never slept or never stopped crying.
‘Come on, then, darling,’ she said to her son, picking him up in his car seat. ‘Let’s get this show on the road. Do you want to follow me, Mum?’
‘Don’t worry. I know my way there,’ Jean replied. ‘You get going and I’ll be along in a bit.’
Sarah enjoyed the half-hour car journey out to the hotel, which was situated on the shores of Loch Lomond. Within a few minutes they had left the city behind and were in the countryside. The sun was just sinking in the sky, bathing everything in a dusky pink light. The wind had dropped and on her left Sarah could see the water of Loch Lomond reflecting the trees that protected its banks. In the distance, the hills of the Highlands already had a dusting of snow on their tops and Sarah looked forward to a time when she could take her son hill walking. As she sang to keep Calum amused, she remembered the many weekends she and Jamie had spent climbing and hill walking. She thought of exhilarating excursions followed by early nights in cosy hotels with log fires in the winter and stunning views in the summer. She had enjoyed hunting down the best places to stay. Neither of them had cared for the anonymity of the large hotel chains. After dinner and a couple of drinks, she and Jamie would beat a hasty retreat to their room where they had expended any leftover energy making love until finally, exhausted, they’d fallen asleep…
When they drew up at the impressive grounds of the hotel, night was beginning to fall and the hotel was lit up like a fairy castle. Calum looked at the lights, his eyes stretched in awe. As she carried him over, Elspeth rushed over to greet her and fuss over the baby.
Sarah relinquished Calum to the older woman. ‘Aren’t you just the most darling baby?’ she crooned.
‘Most of the time he is,’ Sarah agreed, ‘but he does have his moments. Were you at the ceremony, Elspeth? Did all go well?’
‘Without a hitch. Lizzie looks absolutely breathtaking, as you’ll see for yourself. She loves her wedding dress so much she’s going to keep it on for the whole evening. And Stewart looked very handsome, too. As he requested, all the men are in kilts—including our own Dr Campbell. Most of the folk who have been invited for the reception are here already. They’re in the bar, if you want to catch up with them.’
‘I think I’ll just take Calum for a look around the grounds before the light fades completely. I’ve never been here before. Could you let my mother know where we are when she arrives? We won’t be long.’
Sarah was forced to keep to the paths, her high heels preventing her from cutting across the lawn. Calum was getting heavy in her arms and she looked forward to the time when he’d be able to toddle. She breathed in the air, filled with the scent of roses. It felt so good to be outside away from the smog and the confines of the city, even for a short time. Until tonight, she hadn’t realised how much she missed spending time in the country. She looked up as she heard footsteps crunching the gravel behind her. Jamie, dressed in his kilt—Sarah recognised the Campbell tartan—was making his way towards them. He wore a dress shirt and tweed jacket with a skean dubh tucked in his dress socks. On anyone else the frilly shirt might have looked effeminate but on Jamie’s muscular frame and with his dark eyes and hair, Sarah could only think of William Wallace, the famous Scottish hero. For one moment she let herself imagine being swept up in Jamie’s arms and being carried away to some Highland bothy, where he would ravish her. Or she him, she admitted to herself as she felt a hot wave of desire wash over her.
‘Here, let me take Calum,’ her Highland hero said instead.
‘I-I’ve never s-seen you in a kilt before,’ Sarah stammered, not wanting him to see how affected she was by her fantasies.
‘I’ve resisted up until tonight. But Lizzie insisted and I couldn’t let her down on her big day, could I?’ He tossed Calum into the air, making him squeal with delight. ‘And how are you, young man?’
‘I thought you didn’t approve of babies at weddings,’ Sarah reminded him.
Jamie had the grace to look a little shamefaced. ‘I’m sorry. You were right. I had no right to tell you how to bring up your son. Not after you had the burden of bringing him up on your own. So, Sarah, have you had to think about things? Are you going to let me shoulder at least some of the responsibility?’
‘He’s never been a burden,’ Sarah retorted, more sharply than she’d intended. ‘Hard work perhaps, but never a burden. And if that’s how you see him then—’
‘Hey. Cool it. I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that it must be hard going. Working all the hours that God sends and then caring for this little chap on top of everything.’
It was Sarah’s turn to look a little shamefaced. ‘I’m sorry. But, no, I haven’t decided yet. That all rather depends on you.’ The evening was turning cool and whether it was the night air or some premonition that made Sarah shiver, she couldn’t be sure.
‘Let’s go inside—you look frozen. Here, take this,’ Jamie said. Juggling Calum in one arm, he removed his jacket and wrapped it around Sarah’s shoulders.
‘Sarah, I need to go back to Africa. They depend on me. If you could only see it for yourself, you’d understand. Why don’t you and Calum come for a couple of weeks?’
‘It won’t make any difference, Jamie. Don’t you understand? I can’t—won’t—give up everything I’ve worked for, my career, my family, to go with you. It’s too early for us to know whether we have a future. I thought I knew you and I was wrong. I’m just not prepared to take a chance.’
Jamie looked at her intently. ‘But I can’t stay here—can’t you see that? I’m under contract and they are so short-staffed it would be almost negligent to resign anyway. And there’s someone—a young boy—I promised I would look after.’ He tilted her chin and gazed down at her. ‘Give us a chance, SJ,’ he said quietly, his voice thick with emotion. ‘I know I was a fool, a coward even, to leave you without telling you my reasons, but I thought it was for the best. Can’t you see I was just trying to protect you?’
Sarah shook her head sadl
y. ‘That’s just the problem, Jamie. You treated me as if I were a child. Not a grown woman who had the right to make her own decisions. And now you are asking me to trust you enough to risk everything I’ve worked so hard for?’
Jamie looked into the distance. ‘I guess, then, that I have no option but to try and work something out. I’ll do whatever it takes to be with you and Calum.’
At his words Sarah felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. For a moment she allowed herself to feel a surge of happiness.
She looked into the face knew almost as well as her own. She longed to reach out and trace the lines around his mouth, creases that she knew were caused by laughter. But she didn’t trust herself to touch him. ‘How can I be sure you don’t want me just because of Calum?’
‘Good grief, woman. I know you’d never stop me seeing Calum whenever I like. Obviously I’d rather be with him all the time, but in the meantime I’ll take what I can. But make no mistake, SJ. I want you, too. And not simply because you’re the mother of my child. We had something once, and could have it again if only you’ll give us another try.’
Sarah desperately wanted to believe him. Could she trust him again? Take a risk that he meant what he said? That he wasn’t staying just because of Calum? If only she could be sure.
‘Can we take one day at a time? See what happens?’
‘I’ll do whatever it takes. I don’t intend to lose you again. Come on, let’s go and join the party.’
Inside, the dancing had started. The band, which consisted of a couple of fiddlers, an accordion player, a drummer and a singer, was playing the wedding waltz and Lizzie and her new husband were dancing to it, cheek to cheek.
Elspeth hadn’t exaggerated. Lizzie looked radiant in her ivory silk dress with sweetheart neckline and antique pearl buttons. Her rich auburn hair, swept up into a flattering chignon, was the perfect foil for the coronet of miniature roses.
The room in which the reception was being held had high ceilings with ornate cornicing and ceiling roses. Long velvet curtains graced the enormous windows that stretched from floor to ceiling. Tables to accommodate the buffet and chairs were set out, while comfy sofas were stationed in strategic positions to allow revellers the opportunity to rest their feet. Beyond the opened French doors, a patio overlooked the loch. Sarah could make out the distant lights of small boats as they berthed for the night.
