The Lies That Define Us

by Micalea Smeltzer

She lifted her eyes to mine. “Is that so?”

  “Yeah,” I admitted, not playing around. “I like spending time with you too.”

  I knew I was giving her mixed signals again, with the way I’d been avoiding her before the trip, but I was done with that. I guessed it was about time I told her that too.

  I came to a stop on the trail, which forced her to stop too.

  “Liam?”

  I took a deep breath and braced myself. I had no idea what I was going to say, and knowing me, it was probably not going to go well. I wasn’t the most eloquent when it came to speaking my mind.

  My hand tightened around hers, and I found the words pouring from my mouth. “My feelings for you…they’re…fuck, I don’t even know. They’re out of control, to be honest. When I’m with you I feel the happiest I’ve felt in a long time, like I’m meant to be around you. Fuck,” I pinched the bridge of my nose with my freehand, “that sounded corny. I…I feel like I’m myself when I’m with you, and the thought of losing you fucking scares me. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I think I love you.” I shook my head roughly. “No, I know I love you.”

  Ari blinked. Once. Twice. Three times.

  Apparently I’d stunned her into complete and utter silence.

  “You…you love me?” She stuttered.

  I swallowed thickly and nodded. My fear of rejection was growing, but I stamped it down.

  Her pink lips lifted into a small, slow smile. “Truth: I love you too.”

  I expelled the deepest breath I’d ever held. “You do?”

  “Don’t act so surprised, Wade. You’re not that bad.”

  I let go of her hand and grabbed her by the waist instead, hauling her up against my body. “Not that bad, huh?” I raised a brow. Before she could respond I lowered my head, covering my lips with hers.

  I could count on one hand how many times I’d kissed Ari, and each fucking time it got better.

  And now that we’d both declared our feelings, all I wanted to do was lay her down, kiss every inch of her body, and show her exactly how much I loved her.

  But since I couldn’t do that, I showed her with my kiss how much I wanted her.

  Her and only her.

  My friends must have turned around and seen us, because there were whoops, screams, and cat-calls.

  “Ow-ow. Get it, Liam,” Ollie yelled.

  I couldn’t see him, but I lifted my freehand in the air and waved my middle finger around.

  “Wade’s finally going to get laid!” Brady joined in, and I jabbed my finger in the air again. Fuckers.

  I broke the kiss and cupped her face in my hands. “Where have you been all my life?”

  She glanced down, and a blush blossomed across her cheeks, but didn’t respond. I took her hand once more, and we joined everyone at the top of the hill. Everyone except Talia, that is, since she had to wait below by the water.

  I stood by the edge with Ari and my friends, all of us lined up in a row.

  “Don’t think,” I told her, “just jump.”

  One by one, Jeremiah, Brady, and Ollie jumped into the water below.

  Ari reached for my hand, and I entwined mine with hers.

  “Together?” Her eyes spoke of so much more than the jump.

  “Together,” I echoed, and we took the plunge.

  Ari

  Hawaii was the most beautiful place I’d ever seen. Considering I hadn’t seen much of the world, I knew I probably wasn’t the best judge, but I doubted many places could surpass the island.

  I found myself up early, standing on the balcony with a cup of coffee. The sun hadn’t even risen yet. I didn’t want to sleep, though. I couldn’t sleep when there was so much to see and remember. Every little detail was one I wanted to memorize and file away to keep forever.

  Liam’s competition was the next day, and we’d be heading back home the day after. I didn’t want to go. Not so soon, anyway. The previous few days had been some of the best of my life laughing and having fun with him and his friends. I guessed they were my friends now too. They had been for a while, if I was honest with myself.

  Honesty didn’t come easy to me anymore. Maybe it never had.

  The door behind me opened, and I glanced over my shoulder to see Liam step out. A pair of loose, gray, pajama pants hung low on his slender hips and his chest was bare. I might’ve stared. No, I definitely stared. His dark hair stuck up messily from sleep, and it helped to soften the blunt edges of his cheekbones. His blue eyes were foggy with sleep, but there was a smile in them when he saw me.

  “Hey.” His voice was deeper than normal from sleep.

  “Hi.”

  Thump. Thump. Thump.

  My heart pounded in an out-of-control rhythm. It usually did that around Liam, but it had grown more pronounced since we both openly admitted our true feelings.

  Liam came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my body. He kissed my cheek before resting his chin on my shoulder and gazing out at the water with me.

  After a few quiet moments, he reached for the coffee mug I held. “Can I have some?”

  “Of course.” I let him take the mug from my hand.

  He took a few sips and handed it back, returning to his original position. “Want to go do something?”

  “Right now?” I questioned. “It’s kind of early.”

  “What I have in mind needs to be done early to get the full effect.” I could hear the smile in his voice.

  I turned around to face him and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Okay,” I agreed, not even bothering to ask what he had in mind. I trusted Liam—something I never thought I’d feel again for anyone.

  “Go put a swimsuit on, and meet me in the foyer in five minutes.”

  Curiosity filled me, but I was willing to let him surprise me.

  I left him on the balcony and went to change into my bikini and a cover-up. When I met Liam in the foyer he’d changed into a pair of board shorts and a sleeveless shirt and had a blanket draped over his arm.

  Excitement bubbled inside me as I followed him out of the hotel. He stopped and grabbed a paddleboard, tucking it under his arm like he would his surfboard. He handed me the blanket and then took my hand in his.

  When we reached the beach he set the board down and I wrapped the blanket around my shoulders. It might’ve been August, and Hawaii, but the early morning air was cool and had goosebumps popping out across my arms.

  Liam lifted his shirt off and dropped it on the ground before setting the paddleboard in the water. He made sure it was floating properly and then held it steady while reaching out with his other hand for me. I dropped the blanket on the sand beside his shirt and put my hand in his; he clasped it tightly and helped me onto the board. It bobbed in the water with my added weight, and I giggled as it teetered.

  “Whoa.” Liam chuckled, grabbing onto it and holding it steady.

  I settled myself with my legs crossed, and when it no longer bobbed Liam climbed on across from me, letting his legs dangle in the water. He bent and moved his hands through the water, propelling us forward.

  “Why not a surfboard?” I asked him.

  He shrugged. “Not big enough.”

  “What do you have planned for this paddleboard?” I joked, waggling my brows.

  He snorted. “Get your head out of the gutter, Ari.”

  I smiled at him as we moved out into a bit deeper of water. He pulled his hands from the water and we bobbed with the motion of the waves. Above us, the sky was still fairly dark—just a hint of purples began to show indicating the rising sun.

  “I brought you out here because I want you to understand why I love the water so much. The beach. Surfing. Why it’s such a part of me,” he explained.

  The wind blew my hair around, and I turned my face to the side so I could see him through the wild strands. “The peace,” I whispered. “That’s why you like it, isn’t it?”

  He grinned one of the largest smiles I’d ever seen on his face. “Yeah,” he nodded, �
��that’s it exactly.”

  “That’s why I like to draw, you know,” I told him. “Because when I’m so focused on the image I’m creating, everything else ceases to exist. There is no pain, or suffering, or worrying. Just quiet.”

  “We’re a lot alike,” Liam mused, leaning closer to me.

  “We are,” I agreed.

  Liam took each of my hands in his and ducked his head, pressing his lips firmly to mine.

  His lips heated my body, thawing the icy cold that surrounded my limbs.

  I kissed him back, and disentangled one of my hands to grab his chin. His stubble scratched at my skin, but I didn’t mind.

  When he broke the kiss, I opened my eyes to find the sky was now rimmed in a vibrant orange, the purple tones beginning to fade away.

  I looked around, completely in awe.

  I’d spent so much of my life locked away.

  Hidden.

  A dirty secret.

  There was a time where I thought I’d never see the light of day again. Feel the breeze on my face. Inhale the air. They were all things I took for granted before.

  Before I was kidnapped, all I thought about was getting through school, and one day finding my Prince Charming. Life was simple then. In one moment it became anything but. My only desires became about survival when I watched my old life completely disappear.

  And then one day something switched in me.

  Survival wasn’t so important anymore.

  It was freedom.

  Whether that freedom was found in my death, I’d have been okay with that. I knew I couldn’t live the way I had any longer.

  “I love you,” I whispered to him beneath the rising sun.

  A new day. A new beginning.

  His lips quirked up. “I love you too.”

  I wasn’t supposed to stay. I, most definitely, wasn’t supposed to fall in love.

  But I did, and I couldn’t regret it.

  The happiness, even if it was only fleeting, was completely worth it.

  In the back of my mind the fear of Blaise still lingered. It always would. But it wasn’t as strong. If he hadn’t found me by then, he probably wouldn’t, and maybe he wasn’t even looking at all.

  “Come here," Liam’s voice broke me from my thoughts and he scooted back on the board.

  I turned around and stretched my legs out, laying my back against his chest.

  Content. Whole. Happy.

  Those were the things I felt and the things I cherished most.

  We sat on the board until the sun had fully risen and then Liam paddled us back to shore.

  I hopped off the board into the water and Liam did the same, towing the board the rest of the way. He left the board on the sand and took my hand, guiding me down the beach.

  “Are you feeling nervous?” I asked him. I looked down at my feet, watching my toes sink into the wet sand as we walked.

  “Yeah.” He sighed. “I hope I don’t fuck up tomorrow.”

  “You’ll do great.” I meant it, too. I didn’t know much about surfing, but I could see that Liam was fantastic. He’d have to be or his career wouldn’t have taken off the way it did. But he was too hard on himself and couldn’t see how amazing he was. All he saw were his flaws. I guessed most people were like that. It was so much easier to see what was wrong than what was right. “What time are your parents arriving?”

  “Eleven,” he replied, spinning me around.

  I giggled as his hands wrapped around my waist, holding me close.

  I gazed up into his impossibly light eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck.

  Without saying anything at all, a thousand words were exchanged between us in one look.

  I lifted on my toes, pressing my lips to his.

  The kiss started out soft, but like a slow-burning fire it quickly built to an inferno. His hands skimmed up the bare expanse of my back and his tongue tangled with mine.

  Every nerve ending in my body seemed to hum and vibrate with a barely-contained energy.

  I let out a soft moan and he growled in response.

  Before I knew what was happening he’d picked me up and lowered me onto the ground. The sand was cool beneath my back and stuck to the damp skin of my legs.

  He parted my legs, fitting his body in-between them.

  “Ari,” he breathed my name, gazing down at me with what I would’ve once described as lust, but now it was love. Just love.

  I rubbed my fingers over his cheek, and he relaxed into my touch.

  We were two people who’d worked so hard for that moment. To reach the point where we were not only comfortable with each other but with ourselves.

  After all, you can’t love someone else if you don’t even love yourself.

  He ducked his head and pressed his lips to my neck. I grabbed the back of his neck and urged him toward my lips. He was more than happy to oblige.

  I felt like my body and soul was on fire—I was burning for him.

  I’d never felt that way before—so completely and utterly consumed, in control and out of control all at the same time.

  I wanted more. So much more.

  “Liam,” I pleaded against his mouth, “I need—”

  “What do you need? Tell me,” he panted, struggling for breath as much as I was.

  “You. Just you.”

  He kissed me again. “You have me.”

  “No,” I took his face in my hands so he had to look into my eyes. “I…I…” I didn’t know how to say it. I had no experience in the sex department. How could I? But he didn’t know that. Heat flooded my cheeks, and I forgot how to breathe for a moment.

  “Ari?” he prompted.

  “I-want-you-to-make-love-to-me.” I slurred the words together like that would somehow make them easier to say. I squished my eyes closed, embarrassment flooding me. I couldn’t believe I had said those words out loud. I’d sounded completely ridiculous and cheesy. But how was I supposed to go about that sort of thing? Was I not supposed to say anything? Did I just start taking off my clothes? Or his clothes? Or—

  “Ari, look at me,” he pleaded, but I wouldn’t open my eyes.

  I felt his hands come to rest on either side of my head in the sand, and his weight was eased slightly from my body. I missed the warm cocoon he provided, but I still wouldn’t look at him. I didn’t want to see him laugh at me, or worse, look at me with pity.

  I felt him lift one hand, and he brushed his fingers against the curve of my cheek.

  “Ari,” he whispered my name, trying to coax me out of the shell I’d crawled into.

  My whole body burned with the flames of embarrassment. I couldn’t believe I’d said that. His fingers disappeared, replaced by his lips and his teeth making their way down my neck and over my breasts. I gasped and my eyes flew open.

  “Ah, there you are.” He grinned, moving back up into my line of sight. “Don’t be nervous.” He cupped my cheek. “It’s okay.”

  I swallowed thickly. I didn’t know what to do, or say. I’d become frozen.

  Liam rolled off of me and helped me up.

  “W-What are we doing?” I stuttered, suddenly finding my voice, although it came out timid sounding.

  “Going back to the room.” He winked.

  My stomach flip-flopped and my heart sped up. I was an excited and nervous mess. Maybe that was how it was supposed to feel before the first time you had sex. I wouldn’t know, and it wasn’t like I’d had anyone to ask.

  All of it was new to me, but I wasn’t scared. I wanted it. I was ready.

  Liam led me all the way back to our room, not once letting go of my hand, and stopped along the way to kiss me or whisper in my ear.

  By the time we reached our room, I felt lightheaded and needy.

  Liam opened the door into the suite and pushed me against it when it closed. His mouth claimed mine, and he lifted my legs to wrap around his waist. My hands fisted into the hair on the back of his head, and my chest pressed into his in a desperate need to get impossibly
closer to him.

  His fingers tightened on my legs as he carried me to the bedroom and reached down to yank the sheets back on the made-up bed. He laid me down gently and my hair fanned around me. I swallowed thickly as I stared up at him.

  I didn’t know you could feel so scared but so safe all at the same time.

  He spread my legs, his fingers lingering on the bare skin of my thighs.

  “Are you sure?” he asked.

  I nodded. “I am.”

  He covered my body once more.

  My heart thundered in my ears, louder than the roar of the ocean, blocking out all of my racing thoughts.

  My mouth parted in a gasp when I felt my bikini top give way. Liam pulled the small piece of fabric away from my body and tossed it over his shoulder. Almost immediately his mouth was on my breast and my back arched off the bed, my nails digging into his back.

  I’d never experienced such an intense pleasure and it was only beginning.

  “Liam,” I panted his name, my voice soft and broken sounding.

  He looked up at me with those icy-blue eyes—that had once been filled with such hatred—with love shining brightly. A tiny smirk cast over his lips and then disappeared as he kissed his way down my stomach. His fingers hooked into my bikini bottoms and then they too disappeared. I was laid completely bare for him, and while I still felt nervous, I’d also never felt more beautiful.

  With my pulse racing, I reached out, skimming my fingers over the hard lines of his chest and abs.

  We were both quiet—it was like each of us was trying to remember every tiny detail of the moment. I’d hoped it was as special to him as it was me.

  “Breathe, Ari,” he coaxed, and I hadn’t even realized I’d stopped.

  I inhaled a lungful of air and let it out slowly. His lips twitched into a smile as he backed off the bed. Time seemed to slow to a crawl as I watched him tug down his board shorts.

  And then I stared, and stared some more, before my eyes jumped to the ceiling and my whole body flushed with heat.

  His low chuckle filled the room and after a moment, his weight lingered above me once more. His thumb and forefinger grasped my chin, and he tugged my head down so I was forced to look at him.

  “Don’t get shy on me.” His fingers ghosted over my lips, tracing the shape of them.