Wife, Mother...Lover?

by Sally Tyler Hayes

  Leanne shook her head, hating him a bit but still wanting him to love her so much that she ached inside.

  “I won’t help her try to take the boys away from you and Mitch, and she won’t take this any further on her own,” he said, then headed toward the door. Opening it, he turned back to her. “I do hope you and Mitch will at least let us see the boys from time to time.”

  Leanne stood there trembling, filled with a combination of hurt and anger. He hadn’t asked for her forgiveness, and she hadn’t offered it. Not yet.

  “Please believe me when I say that I hope the four of you will be happy together.”

  Leanne had no idea how to reply.

  “I thought about the boys and what they needed, what was right. But mostly, I thought of what I might do for you,” he said haltingly. “And I hoped this would make you happy. I hoped that someday you and I...”

  Amazed, Leanne watched as he dipped his head and said nothing for the longest time. She tried to find the words.

  He’d done this for her? To make her happy?

  After all these years, he was worried about her happiness?

  She was still so very angry at him, had been for so long. And a part of her wanted to tell him, wanted him to know how very much he’d hurt her. But not today. Not now that he’d taken this first step.

  First steps were so very hard. Second chances were so rare. She couldn’t blow it by letting nothing but her anger show.

  Her father was halfway down the porch steps, when she called out to him. “Dad?”

  He turned back, looking every bit as reserved and as unyielding as she imagined she looked herself when she was scared and trying not to show it.

  She thought about what she could do for him, thought about healing and about family ties. “I’ll ask Mitch to let you see the boys,” she said.

  Her father very nearly smiled then, before he turned again to go.

  Leanne watched him leave. It was so incredible, so hard to believe.

  Then she heard the boys calling, her name from the kitchen. In there, she found them grinning and covered with a grape-colored, sticky mess. Their mouths, their chins, their noses, their hands, their clothes. They gave her sticky, grape smiles, handed her their empty Popsicle sticks and pointed toward the freezer.

  “More?” they chimed hopefully.

  She gave them more, putting new Popsicles into tiny, sticky hands, accepting a wet, sticky kiss of gratitude from Teddy, a genuine smile from Timmy.

  They sat on the floor and started to eat once more, happy with the simplest of things.

  Leanne couldn’t look at them, because if she did, she’d start to cry. Turning her back to the boys, she lifted a trembling hand to the phone and called Mitch.

  Mitch was sitting at his desk in the middle of a loud, crowded room full of cops. His head ached, and a knot of tension festered in his stomach, feeding on the five cups of coffee he’d drunk because he’d barely managed to sleep last night. He’d been too worried about what was going to happen with him and Leanne, with Rena and the boys.

  His phone rang, and he wondered what little treasures of information awaited him. Business or personal, he doubted the news was good. Mitch picked up the receiver and said, “McCarthy.”

  “Mitch?”

  At the tone of her voice, that knot of tension made it to his throat in two seconds flat, and it was so big he could hardly speak. “Leanne? What’s wrong?”

  “My father was here.”

  “What happened? Are the boys all right?”

  “They’re fine.”

  “And you?” Mitch would knock the man to the ground if he hurt Leanne. He didn’t care if Richard Hathaway was twenty-five years older than him. “What did he do to you, Leanne?”

  “He told me he refused to be a part of Rena’s custody suit any longer. Mitch, he says the whole thing is over, that Rena can’t go on with the lawsuit without his cooperation.”

  Mitch couldn’t say anything. Over. The word reverberated inside his head, not making any sense at first.

  It was over. The boys weren’t going anywhere. He should be deliriously happy, but all he could think about was Leanne leaving. After all, there was nothing to keep her now.

  “Leanne,” he said, because he could tell how upset she was. “Are you all right?”

  “Yes, I just...”

  “What? Anything you want. Tell me, and I’ll get it for you.”

  “You,” she said shakily. “I just wish you were here, that you could hold me for a minute.”

  “I’ll be there,” he promised. “Fifteen minutes. I’ll be there.”

  “Thank you,” she said.

  He broke the connection, then dialed his lawyer’s number.

  Leanne felt so foolish when she hung up the phone. She was dragging him away from his work just so he could come home and take her into his arms.

  But he was coming, she reminded herself. Surely that meant something.

  She sat on the kitchen floor, next to the boys, who were watching their Popsicles drip and drip and drip. They were one big purple mess, but she didn’t care.

  “I love you guys,” she said to them.

  “Wub?” Teddy said, while Timmy ignored her in favor of licking his fingers.

  “Yes,” Leanne said, smiling. “Love. You.” She pointed to Teddy, poking him in the belly and making him laugh. “And you.” She turned to Timmy and did the same thing.

  They gave her grape kisses and grape hugs, got the stuff all over her, and she laughed until she nearly cried. The boys looked perplexed by her reaction, then lost interest and returned to watch their dripping treats.

  After a while, she stood and cleaned herself up. She was thinking of throwing the boys in the tub, when she heard the front door open. Trying to pull herself together and feeling foolish that she had asked Mitch to dash over here, Leanne took a minute before she turned around.

  But before she had a chance to move herself, Mitch had his hands on her shoulders and was turning her around. He held her at arm’s length, looked her over from head to toe, then hauled her up against him.

  It was like coming home, she decided.

  “What did he say to you?” Mitch asked fiercely.

  “I told you. He’s going to make Rena back down. He promised.”

  “No. Not about the boys. You. I’m worried about you, Leanne. What did your father say to upset you so much?”

  “Mitch, I can’t breathe. You’re holding me so tight I can’t breathe.”

  He backed off instantly. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay. It felt good.” She forced a smile. “Until I got dizzy.”

  “Being here is tearing you up inside, isn’t it?”

  He looked as if it pained him, as well, to know that about her.

  “It hurts. But it’s never going to be easy. And I can’t kid myself about that anymore.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said, taking her into his arms gently this time, his hand smoothing the fabric of her blouse against her back, his lips somewhere near her ear. “I’m so sorry.”

  Leanne sighed and made herself pull away. Working to make her tone light, she said, “Hey, this is...silly. Rena’s done. She’s not going to take the boys away from you. We should be happy.”

  She made the mistake of looking down to avoid his gaze, and caught sight of the beautiful circle of diamonds he’d put on her finger, when he made her his wife.

  She remembered then. He didn’t need a wife anymore.

  She’d never expected it to end quite this soon. She thought she’d have more time to love him and to make him love her, if that was possible.

  Leanne took two steps away from him so she wouldn’t be so tempted to touch him. “I’m sorry,” she said again. “I don’t know what came over me...falling apart like that and begging you to come home. It’s the middle of the day, and I know you’re busy. I’m sorry.”

  “Leanne, if you need me, I’ll be here for you.”

  Then he would simply never lea
ve her, she thought, because she would always need him, always love him as much as she did right now.

  “Leanne?”

  Composing herself as best she could, she said quietly, “Thank you,” as if he’d given her some sort of trinket and not a beautiful promise always to be with her in times of need.

  It was gratitude, she told herself. He would do that much out of gratitude. He loved the boys that much.

  “I guess you need to get back to work,” she said. “I’m going to throw these messy boys into the tub, and then I need to pack.”

  “Pack?”

  She didn’t look at him, couldn’t bear to think about leaving him, even for just two nights and days. “New York, remember? Tomorrow?” She picked up Timmy, let Mitch put Teddy in her other arm and turned to go up the stairs.

  “Wait a minute,” he said, forcing her to face him. He gave Teddy a kiss and rubbed Timmy’s hair. He didn’t try to touch Leanne again. “I’ll be home early,” he said, then forced himself to walk out the door.

  Chapter 16

  “How did you find out about Joe being killed?” Mitch asked Ginny later that afternoon. He’d just shown up at her house. She’d taken one look at his face and brought him inside to her kitchen. “Do you remember the words? Do you remember the first thing that actually sank in after the shock?”

  “Marc came to tell me,” she said, “looking a lot like you did today when I found you outside.”

  “I’m sorry about showing up and scaring you.”

  “No, it’s okay. Nothing’s going to happen to Marc. He’s always telling me I have a better chance of winning the lottery than losing two husbands in the line of duty, and I know he’s right. But you want to hear about Joe.” She put her hand on Mitch’s for a minute. “I don’t think Marc said anything. He didn’t have to. He came to my door looking as though he’d just watched his best friend die, which he had. And he had Joe’s blood on his shirt. And I knew instantly. All I really remember after that was Marc just hanging on to me and telling me over and over again how sorry he was.

  “What do you remember?” she asked gently.

  “I was in the room when her heart stopped. So they had to kick me out. Or pull me out. It took three huge orderlies. They led me to the waiting room down the hall, and it’s a wonder I didn’t wreck the place.” He laughed a little—it was that or cry. “And finally the doctor came, and I wouldn’t look at him. I heard his footsteps. I heard him stop in front of me. But I just wouldn’t look at him. Because I knew I’d be able to tell from his face that she was gone.”

  Mitch stood and started walking across the room. “But when he told me, I ended up on my knees. I just fell to my knees. I was ready to swear and to beg and to do...anything, except...I couldn’t even stand.”

  “And somebody had you on your knees again today?” Ginny asked quietly.

  Mitch just nodded. That was exactly how it had felt—as though he’d been knocked to his knees by the thought of losing Leanne. He was too scared even to talk about it, he realized.

  Turning to Ginny, he said, “You’re a very intelligent woman. And a kind one. Thanks for listening to me rant and rave.”

  “Anytime,” she said.

  “I’m sorry for scaring you and for making you tell me about the worst day of your life.”

  “Mitch, what happened with you and Leanne?”

  He supposed he owed her an explanation, at least, after she’d rescued him off the street and listened to him babble.

  “Rena’s dropping the custody suit,” he said. “And Leanne’s leaving.”

  “Leaving you? No way.”

  “She’s going to New York tomorrow.”

  “To close her apartment and to get her agent off her back.”

  “Okay, maybe she’s not going to leave me for good tomorrow. But she will leave. There’s no reason for her to stay anymore. The custody thing is over.”

  “So give her a reason to stay,” Ginny said. “I’ll give you a hint. ‘I love you’ is a good starting point.”

  Mitch told himself not to panic.

  Leanne was going away for two lousy days, after all. She would be back. Even if she wanted to leave him, now that the custody thing was settled, she wouldn’t do it right away.

  So he had some time, and there was no need to panic. He probably had weeks to make her love him so much she would endure being in Chicago with people who were supposed to love her but instead were constantly hurting her feelings and pushing her out of their lives. He could make her want to give up the small fortune in salary that she earned traveling all over the world, photographing places he’d never see in a lifetime. He could make her want to spend her days with two little boys who gave her sticky, grape-flavored kisses and were months away from being potty-trained. He could teach her to ignore the guilt he worried that she still felt because he used to be married to her sister, the doubts he was certain she had that he would ever love her the way he had loved Kelly.

  That one still surprised him and amazed him and had him thanking God for giving him this second chance, because he saw now that he did love Leanne.

  Mitch thought the hardest task he faced was somehow making sure she never felt like second best or second choice in his life, because it certainly didn’t feel that way inside his heart.

  Sure, he could convince her of all those things.

  All he had to do was get over his sheer panic at having to let her walk away from him today.

  It was turning into one of the hardest things he’d ever done.

  They arrived at the airport in what had to be record time, and he never even took the car over the speed limit to get them there. He found a prime parking spot, right down front, and the damned flight was on schedule.

  Leanne stood at the gate, saying goodbye to the boys. Mitch could tell the minute they comprehended the fact that she was leaving them. Panic set in. They clung to her and cried, begging her not to go.

  Dammit, he thought, if he’d been almost eighteen months old and could have gotten away with it, he would have done the same thing.

  “Two days,” she said, holding up two fingers for them to count. “See? Just two.”

  Teddy held up four fingers, and Leanne got down on her knees in front of him and gently adjusted his little hand until he held up two fingers, too.

  “Doo?”

  He said it so sadly Mitch had to look away for a second.

  “Yes.” She tried to smile through her tears. “I’ll see you in two days, and I’ll miss you.”

  “Miz ooh?” Timmy nudged his way in beside her now.

  “Of course.” Leanne turned to Timmy. “I’ll miss you, too, my little man.”

  Mitch knew her flight was already boarding. Any minute, they were going to give a last-call for passengers. And the boys weren’t any more ready to let her go than Mitch was.

  “I love you,” Leanne said to them, still on her knees in front of the twins.

  “Wub ooh,” Teddy echoed. He was simply inconsolable now.

  “Come here, Teddy.” Mitch took his son in his arms and told himself he had to be strong, because he was the dad.

  Leanne picked up Timmy and squeezed him one more time, then asked Mitch, “You want this big guy, too?”

  Reluctantly, Timmy let go of her and went to Mitch.

  “Doo?” Teddy asked hopefully, holding up four fingers again.

  “How can this be so hard?” Leanne wanted to know, wiping away her tears. “I thought they’d barely notice if I left.”

  Mitch, a little boy on each arm, leaned toward her so he could kiss her hard and fast, on her mouth, then pressed his cheek to hers for a minute and whispered to her, “Have a safe trip.”

  When he went to pull away, he realized the boys had gotten hold of her again. They held on for dear life now. The gate attendant was on her way over, and Mitch hadn’t said nearly all he wanted to say.

  “Ma’am?” the attendant began, “the plane’s leaving. You have to board now.”

 
For a second, Leanne looked as scared as Mitch felt, though she covered her fear quickly, using skills she’d no doubt perfected ages ago.

  Surely that’s what she was doing, Mitch decided. She could love him more than anything in this world and hide it better than any woman he’d ever met.

  He was going to have to get used to that, to make a home for her in his house and in his heart where she felt safe and secure and wasn’t afraid to tell him or to show him how she felt.

  Mitch knew he could do that. It was one of the things he could give back to her, because she’d given so much to him.

  He kissed her one more time. “We’ll be right here when you get back,” he said, feeling reassured by the notion. Hell, he and the boys might just camp out here and wait for her.

  He tightened his grasp on his sons as he tore them away from her. Then he had to endure standing there with two heartbroken little boys in his arms as she turned and walked away from them.

  There would be other times like this, Mitch knew, bracing himself in case he had to do this again and again. If she stayed but she decided she still wanted to work, he and the boys would stand here just like this, watching her get on a thousand other airplanes, jetting off away from them.

  But he could endure that. He could handle anything if he got this one wish.

  He closed his eyes and prayed as he hadn’t in a long time. Please, God. Bring her back to us.

  Leanne fell apart on the plane. She got to her window seat, slid into it and turned her head away, so the other passengers wouldn’t see. But that was a mistake, because in the window of the terminal, she could see the outline of two tiny boys huddled against a man, the three of them watching solemnly as her plane pulled away from the gate.

  Tiny hands came up to wave sadly, and that made her cry even harder.

  It was all so ridiculous she simply couldn’t understand it. She was leaving for two measly days. crossing nothing more than one time zone, yet they acted as if she were abandoning them forever. The situation totally baffled her, and it was tearing her up inside.