One to Keep

by Tia Louise

  Hearing her voice in the greeting still tightened my stomach. I missed her so much. “Just thinking about you,” I said in my message. “Hope you’re having a nice holiday. I love you.”

  Leaning back in the chair again, I couldn’t give up hope. I had to believe Elaine and I would be together for Christmas.

  * * *

  Another week of getting through the hours, and by Thursday, the report for our Dallas client was done. Derek hadn’t questioned my sudden, work-obsessed behavior, and I hadn’t said anything to him about my relocation being on hold. Our Dallas analysis was completed in record time, and the only complaint I could imagine them having would come in the future. When they asked why our subsequent services took longer.

  Time of day wasn’t even on my radar when I noticed a tapping on my door. Looking up, it was already growing dark outside.

  “Let’s shut it down, hit the gym.” Derek was in my doorway, and I looked up briefly before returning to my laptop. He was right, and I was tired.

  “Sure,” I said. “Be right there.”

  A few clicks later, I was heading out, saying goodnight to Nikki and crossing the courtyard to Building E. A quick change in the locker room, and I was joining my partner on the bench.

  “I’ll be out for the rest of the week,” Derek said through an exhale. Our gym visits had become more sporadic in the last weeks. He was gone more and actually seemed less driven, his spotting needs less frequent.

  “What’s going on?” I asked, thinking how things had changed. I was the driven one now, pushing too hard, looking for any way to kill the nonstop ache grinding in my chest.

  He dropped the large dumbbell on the rack and picked up a towel. “I’m not into this tonight. You feel like getting a drink?”

  I finished my set and then nodded. “Sure.”

  * * *

  The Tavern on the Corner was a new bar within walking distance of our office complex, and as such, it smelled too fresh to me. The glossy wood shone too brightly, and as it was Thursday, we saw too many familiar faces from around the offices. It wasn’t the right atmosphere for the pain-killing drunk I’d had in mind when I agreed to ditch the workout for the bar, but I’d deal with it.

  “So where you headed?” I asked once the server had placed my usual vodka in front of me. Derek was having a beer.

  “Sloan’s hiring prostitutes again,” he said, lifting the curvy glass and taking a sip. “I want to see if one of them will talk to me, help me put him away.”

  “The fuck is wrong with that guy,” I exhaled, lifting my stocky tumbler and taking a sip. “Mel’s gorgeous, and with the way you’ve been stuck…”

  I decided not to finish that sentence, but he knew what I was getting at. “He’s a lot sicker than I ever knew,” Derek said quietly.

  We were both silent a moment, and a thought I hadn’t considered lit in my brain. “I might have someone who can help you.”

  “With what?”

  “Remember the setup? The deal you told me to forget about?”

  Frowning, he studied my face. “Yeah?”

  “Well, I didn’t forget about it. I tracked Star down.” I waited, gauging his response. So far it was neutral. “She was hired. She’s a professional.”

  “Who hired her?”

  “The who and the why part is stupid. I’ve dealt with it. But I was thinking, Star might work with you if I asked her.”

  He was quiet, but I could tell he was thinking about what I said. “What makes you think she’d do it?”

  I shrugged. “I’d just say she’s helping us get an abusive asshole behind bars. She seems like the type that would matter to.”

  He nodded slightly. “Hold that thought,” he said. “Let me see how it goes tomorrow, then maybe.”

  The bartender served me a second vodka, and I took a sip. Maybe my reckless behavior could help someone. At least it might give me one point in the redemption box.

  “Speaking of stuck,” Derek studied me. “When are you going to tell me what happened?”

  The drink was making my insides feel less achy. The edge of the pain I’d been wrestling too long was dulling. Maybe it was time to share.

  I muttered into my glass before taking a longer hit. “Elaine’s… I don’t know. She’s not talking to me.”

  “With how you two were? What the hell did you do?”

  My lips curled into a frown, and I squinted as I said it. “I got Kenny pregnant.”

  From my peripheral vision, I could see Derek’s brow shoot up. “Did you just say—”

  “Yes,” I exhaled. “It was way before, back when I was being stupid. She was on antibiotics or something and, well…”

  He didn’t say anything. Instead, he turned back to the bar and looked at his drink a moment. “By Kenny, you mean the little girl who works with Carl?”

  “That’s the one.” I felt like an ass.

  “She’s young. What are you going to do about it?”

  “I already did it. I went with her to tell her parents. She has a relative who wants to adopt the baby. I told her I’d do anything she needs.” Rubbing my forehead hard, I tried again for a pain-relieving exhale. “I just don’t know what to do about Elaine, to show her nothing matters to me as much as she does.”

  “Go to her,” he said flatly.

  “What?” I dropped my arm and looked at him.

  “Go to her. Beg her to forgive you. Grovel if you have to.”

  Shaking my head. “You’re one to talk. You haven’t been near Melissa since—”

  “It’s a completely different situation. Melissa thinks I knew about what was happening to her. She thinks I helped the guy who hurt her. I’m trying to prove I didn’t, and I’ll do whatever it takes to nail him. You’ve already done everything. Go and tell her.”

  My brow lined. “I don’t know. She was pretty upset.”

  “It’s been two weeks?”

  “Almost three.”

  He nodded. “Do what you want. I’m just saying what I’d do.”

  For a moment, I only stared ahead thinking. My drink was finished, so I slipped off the stool. The too-bright bar with its too-bright wood that smelled of too-fresh varnish was getting to me.

  “I’ll think about it,” I said. “Have a good trip.”

  In the cab headed home, I did think about Derek’s advice. The more I considered it, the more it made sense to me. Back at my apartment, I pulled out a case and threw some clothes inside. In the morning I’d get on the road to Wilmington.

  Chapter 21 – Bubblegum

  Finding her, being with her, holding her in my arms—the images burned hot in my brain the entire drive south. Three weeks of waiting, of wishing I could change things, of trying to find anything to fix it, had me wound so tightly, I almost couldn’t take it anymore. The miles felt like they spread out longer the closer I got to her, and I wanted to pull the car over and run the rest of the way, which didn’t make sense. The Charger was much faster.

  When I finally reached the school, it was dark. For a moment I sat there contemplating what I was about to do. Her last words to me tried to creep into my brain, but I forcefully shoved them out. That was three weeks ago, a lifetime it felt like, and before I’d let any second-thoughts kick in, I turned the wheel and pushed the pedal down. I was at her condo in less than five, my body humming as I sat out in front of her place. If she asked me to leave, I’d leave, but I wasn’t losing another day wondering.

  My knock on her door seemed too loud to me, but anticipation had all my senses heightened. We hadn’t spoken, she hadn’t returned my calls. This was crazy. I was crazy. My head was spinning when the door opened quickly, and Elaine appeared. She was so beautiful, I almost couldn’t breathe at the sight of her.

  “Patrick!” Her mouth dropped open, but I didn’t wait. I rushed forward and pulled her to me, burying my face in her hair.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered, fighting to keep my voice even as adrenaline flooded my veins. “I couldn’t go another day
without telling you in person.”

  Her arms fluttered up, and she rested her hands on my shoulders. I took it as an encouraging sign. “Patrick,” she said again, but I wasn’t done.

  “I know you asked for time, and I’ve done my best to stay away.” I was still holding her close, my lips at her ear. “I need to tell you this, and if you still want me to go, I’ll go.”

  I stepped back then, meeting her eyes. She blinked rapidly, and I wasn’t sure if tears were a good or bad sign.

  “You drove here from Princeton?” she asked, and I nodded. Then she nodded as well. “Come inside and tell me.”

  The tiniest flicker of hope sparked in my chest. She was letting me in.

  “Before I met you, Elaine, I was out of control. I’d been hurt and I was angry and I didn’t believe in love anymore. I’d decided anyone who’d commit themselves to another person was a… fucking loser.”

  She didn’t take her eyes from mine, and for a moment, I couldn’t believe I’d ever doubted I could feel this way about another person again. “And then I met you, and in one night, you changed everything.”

  Her chin dropped, but I stepped forward, catching it and lifting her eyes to mine. She didn’t struggle, and gazing into her beautiful green eyes, my heart ached with all I needed her to know.

  “Everything that was wrong with me, all the pieces that were broken or that I’d tried to force into the wrong spots were fixed. Your smile, your touch… everything about you made me want to be a better person. You put me back together, Elaine, and not just that, you’re beautiful and sexy… You’re the only woman I want. You’re the only person who completes me. None of this other stuff matters, nothing matters to me as much as you do.” My voice was a cracked whisper. “Nothing.”

  She shook her head, eyes glistening, but I leaned down and kissed her. She didn’t pull away, and I drew her closer, wrapping my arms around her, my chest rising with every movement of my lips against hers.

  Then I felt the pressure of her hands on my arms. She was pushing me back.

  Releasing her, my heartbeat, my breath stilled, waiting. Would she ask me to leave? The mere suggestion shot pain through my core.

  “I don’t know, Patrick.” I could tell she was trying not to cry. “It hurts so much.” Her head dropped, and a tear fell. My insides twisted. “I wanted…”

  A few seconds passed, and she didn’t finish.

  “What did you want?”

  She sniffed and for a moment she didn’t speak. When at last she did, her voice was barely above a whisper. “I wanted to be the one having your baby.”

  “What?” I swept her back into my arms, and though she tried to push away, I held her tight until she gave in, staying in my embrace, close to my heart. “I want you to have my baby. When you’re ready, I mean.”

  She shook her head, but I could tell she was weakening. I took a chance and leaned in for another kiss. She gave me a small kiss back before turning her cheek, and I had to fight everything in me that wanted to take her face in my hands and kiss her over and over, to make up for every day I’d missed.

  “Are there any more secrets you’re keeping from me?” she said, still resistant. “Any more men who are really women just waiting to surprise us?”

  “God, I hope not.” My forehead rested on hers, my hope rising again.

  “I’m serious.”

  My arms did relax at that, and I let out a deep exhale. “There is one thing you should know. I was with a call girl just before Scottsdale—”

  She stepped back. “Call girl? Have you been tested—?”

  “I used protection the whole time, but I didn’t know she was a professional. It was all a setup.”

  Elaine’s arms crossed, and her eyes narrowed. “Who set you up?”

  All the ground I’d made suddenly felt like quicksand, and I struggled to get us back to that place we’d just been.

  My hands went into my back pockets, and I looked down. “Stacy.”

  “I thought that was over. Is she still in your life, too?”

  “No!” I almost shouted. “After I confronted her about it, I don’t think I’ll ever see her again. I’d better not.”

  Elaine’s arms were still crossed, and she turned to the side, looking down. I waited, watching her.

  “Call girls, crazy fiancés, babies everywhere…” The list against me sounded pretty awful, but at the same time, I could swear I heard the faintest glimmer of a change in her tone. “I’m not sure how I feel about this,” she said facing me. “Being with someone with so much baggage.”

  “Technically, none of those things were my fault.”

  Her eyebrow arched. “You didn’t sleep with Kenny?”

  “She was on the pill!”

  I watched as she chewed her lip, her eyes dropping. “Come here,” I said softly, pulling her into my arms. It was a risk, but I was taking it.

  “I don’t know,” she said, but she didn’t resist me. She let me hold her.

  Her heart beat against my chest, and I lowered my face so that our mouths were a breath apart. I wanted to kiss her so badly. Her chin lifted slightly, and we were right there. But when she spoke, her voice was still a quiet argument.

  “I like nice men.”

  Everything we’d done together flickered across my mind, and I smiled. “No you don’t.”

  With that, I reclaimed those lips. Her arms went around my neck, sending heat flooding to my core. No distance was between us now. We were back, she was back in my arms. Three weeks of wanting her exploded in my chest.

  She didn’t push me away or tell me no as I kissed her again with more urgency. She turned, and I kissed her cheek.

  “I’m too weak when it comes to you,” she sighed as I traced the line of her jaw with my lips. “I should be stronger.”

  My kisses moved to her temple and into her hairline. She was so beautiful, and I had her again. “You’re incredibly strong,” I murmured. “You held me off for three weeks when everything in me wanted to come here and take you back.”

  I could feel her breathing pick up as I kissed her, and the tension below my waist grew tighter. My mouth returned to hers, and it opened quickly, tongues uniting, her fingers now threading in my hair. Her lips were so sweet, but I moved my kisses to her chin, dropping down to her neck, and unfastening the buttons on her shirt, kissing every spot of delicate skin that was revealed as it came apart.

  “I just ached for you,” she said. “At night, all I could remember were your hands. Oh,” she gasped as I unfastened her bra and quickly cupped her breasts, sliding my thumbs over her tight nipples.

  “What else did you remember?” I leaned down, pulling one into my mouth. She moaned, and I lifted her into my arms, carrying her back to the bedroom. My dick was straining against my pants, and I wanted to taste her, be inside her, have every part of her again. Three weeks was too long to be without her, and my body craved her.

  Her hands were on my neck, and her cheek rested on my shoulder. “Every time I saw Cooper, it hurt so much. I thought about everything we’d said, and I wanted it all back.”

  Spreading her out on the bed, I knelt in front of her, pulling her jeans down, sliding them over her hips along with her thong. “You should’ve called me,” I said as I caught the back of one knee then the other, lifting them and opening her before me.

  Her eyes were hooded as I leaned forward to dip my tongue inside. “Oh, god,” she moaned. “I couldn’t,” she gasped, threading her fingers into my hair.

  My tongue flattened against the tight little bud nestled between her folds, circling it and teasing it as her hips rocked with my motions. She moaned again, and I almost went off at that delicious sound.

  “You can always call me,” I said, kissing the crease in her thigh.

  She whimpered, and I returned to what I knew she wanted, focusing my attention on the space between her thighs, giving her a little suck and moving my fingers from behind her knees to deep inside her. She moaned and squirmed agai
nst my mouth, bucking and quivering as she started to come.

  Watching her beautiful body twisting in ecstasy had me aching to be inside her, but I held back. My tongue slid through her folds before returning to the center, where it moved up slowly then flickered back and forth quickly.

  “Oh, god!” she cried out, jerking her hips as the orgasm flooded her body. I felt it in her thighs, and I rolled the condom on fast before plunging deep inside to finish together. Her legs wrapped around me as her insides held me tight. All of the pain and longing of the last several weeks vanished in the rush of us coming together like this. Her heart rose up to meet me as our tongues entwined, and through the deep haze of our connection, I felt our souls mesh like two perfectly matched pieces. My puzzle solved.

  We rode out the last waves of pleasure until we collapsed against each other, her arms loose around my neck, her cheek on my chest. I felt happy and whole again with her beside me this way. I rolled onto my back, drawing her close against me—my favorite way to hold her. This time I had every intention of keeping her there.

  “I love you,” I whispered against her ear, kissing her as I watched her cheek rise with a smile.

  “I love you,” she whispered back.

  Relaxing my arms, I allowed her to fall back against the pillow so I could see her lovely face. “I’m sorry I made choices that hurt you.”

  “You didn’t know,” she said, trying to roll back to me, but I stopped her.

  “Look at me,” I said more firmly, and she leaned back again to meet my gaze. “No one will ever mean as much to me as you do. You have my heart. You always will.” Tears sparkled in her eyes, and I leaned forward to kiss them away.

  “Are you saying you’re mine?” she whispered, a tiny smile lifting the corner of her beautiful mouth.

  “Yes,” I said, kissing that corner. “Will you be mine?”

  She rose to meet me and then some, pushing me back against the pillows, opening my mouth with her kiss. I followed her lead, meeting her tongue, my hands moving to the sides of her head, my fingers threading through her silky locks. She pulled her chin up, breaking our kiss and I caught her neck with my mouth. She was on me in a straddle now, and it wouldn’t take much for me to be back inside her.