Sarah's Heart

by Ginger Simpson

  Sarah picked up her belongings, then glanced at an obviously stunned Jonathan. “I’d like to leave now. Please.”

  He stood, and taking her shawl, placed it around her shoulders. “Of course. The crowd seems to be dwindling anyhow.” He turned a steely gaze to Mrs. Goodwin. “Besides, there doesn’t seem to be anyone left that I care to associate with.”

  Edwina spun on her heel and huffed away as the onlookers dispersed.

  Recalling the shocked look on the old heifer’s face, Sarah’s anger turned to satisfaction. Her temper cooled and so did the room. She pulled her wrap tighter and cast a remorseful look at Jonathan. “I’m sorry for that unlade-like display, but that old biddy unnerves me with her rudeness.”

  “I take it this isn’t your first encounter with her?”

  “Unfortunately not. I had the displeasure of her company at the mercantile one day. Please don’t make me relate the story.”

  “I think I can imagine it,” he said with a chuckle. “Let’s get going.”

  Sarah led to the way to the door, and once outside, shivered at the dramatic change in the air. She grasped the ends of her shawl together. “Brrr. Earlier it felt like fall, but now it feels like winter’s here.”

  Jonathan raised his collar against a stiff breeze and jammed his hands into his pant pockets. “Maybe walking wasn’t such a good idea. You wait here while I go get the carriage.”

  “That isn’t necessary. I’m sure we’ll warm up once we start walking. Besides, it isn’t that far.”

  “I insist, Sarah. The last thing I want is for you to come down with the croup. You stand here in the doorway and I’ll be right back.”

  Seeing that arguing was fruitless, she nodded.

  Hunched against the growing wind, Jonathan hurried towards the livery stable. Leaving room for others to exit the dance, Sarah stepped back into the arch over the doorway and gazed at the canopy of twinkling stars that had blossomed in the night sky. Her thoughts wandered to being on the trail with Wolf and the many nights they’d spent sleeping with a similar blanket overhead. Her heart ached with want to see his face, hear his voice.

  As most everyone departed, the night turned quiet and the street vacant. Except for the muted sounds inside of a few people cleaning up, Sarah heard only frogs in the distance until clip-clopping hooves on the rutted main street drowned out the melodious croaking. She stepped farther back into the shadows and watched a single rider pass by. If only the animal bore the dappling spots of Wolf’s pinto and the rider was the man she craved. She bit her knuckles, frustrated at her inability to stop wishing for things that would never be.

  On the heels of the horseman, Jonathan brought the buggy to a halt in front of the building. He jumped down and scurried around to help Sarah aboard. “That didn’t take too long, did it?”

  She shook her head. “Not long at all.” In reality, her thoughts had traveled a hundred miles since he left to get the rig.

  With a flick of the reins, Jonathan set the carriage wheels in motion. Sarah had barely settled back when he halted in front of Maggie’s place. “Here we are.” The moonlight shone on his handsome face. “I’m sorry I didn’t think to bring the buggy in the first place. I didn’t expect it would turn so cold.”

  “It’s all right. I enjoyed the walk there and could’ve survived the one back, but you’re always a gentleman, Jonathan, and I appreciate that. I had a lovely time tonight. Thank you.”

  He laughed. “It sounds like you’re saying goodnight. We live in the same place, remember? I’ll help you out then return the rig to the livery. Perhaps we can enjoy a cup of coffee or tea when I return.”

  Before she had a chance to respond, Jonathan was at her side. His hands spanned her waist, and he lifted her down. A feeling of uneasiness niggled at her when he failed to release her once her feet were on the ground. Cocking her head, she gave him an inquisitive look.

  “God, I want to kiss you, Sarah.” His warm breath washed over her face, still smelling of apple cider. He closed his eyes and leaned in.

  Caught up in the moment, Sarah closed her eyes, too, but the face she imagined in the darkness wasn’t his, but Wolf’s. She braced her palms against Jonathan’s chest and pushed him away. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this. It wouldn’t be fair.”

  Jonathan’s eyes widened. “Fair? To you or to me?”

  She stepped from his embrace and gathered her courage. “To you. Jonathan, you are a charming man… handsome, and fun to spend time with, but I can’t let you think that something will develop between us when I know it won’t.”

  His brow furrowed. “I thought we already had something special.”

  “You’re wrong. As long as I care for another, I won’t lead you on.” She lowered her gaze to the ground.

  Jonathan cupped her chin and raised her face, then peered into her eyes. “Wolf?”

  She nodded, chewing her quivering bottom lip. The mere mention of his name warmed her blood and made her heart ache.

  “I think I knew all along, but hoped I was wrong.” Jonathan’s lips thinned.

  “I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you, but what I feel for Wolf is very real.”

  A gust of wind whipped at Jonathan’s jacket, and he pulled his coat together and buttoned it. His eyes narrowed. “Sarah, how can you believe that you and he have anything in common? You’re so much better than he is. You deserve—”

  “Don’t!” She thrust up a hand. “Don’t you dare speak badly about him. You don’t know Wolf at all.”

  “I know that he isn’t here proclaiming his love for you. If he felt the same, wouldn’t he be here instead of me?”

  Sarah released a pent up breath. “It’s complicated.”

  “So…”

  “I don’t want to talk about it, please. Just respect my wishes and don’t pursue me any further. There’s no future for us.”

  Jonathan’s shoulders sagged and he sighed. “All right, Sarah. If that’s what you want, I’ll consider we are nothing more than friends. We can be that, can’t we?”

  “Of course, we can.” She opened the door but paused. “Thank you again for a lovely evening, Jonathan, and good night.”

  Sarah stepped inside, closed the door and leaned against it. She heard a crack of leather and the squeak of wheels turning as Jonathan drove away. Her heart hammered inside her chest with the realization that she’d confessed her true feelings to him. Actually voiced them. Maybe he was right, but it didn’t matter. There might not be a future for her and Wolf, but at the moment, there wasn’t room for anyone else in her heart.

  * * *

  Sarah rubbed her hands together, wishing the heat from the old stove in the corner would hurry and spread throughout the classroom. Her toes still tingled from her brisk morning walk to the schoolhouse. The air had turned her nose icy and numbed her cheeks. Peeking through a clear space in the frosty window, she watched the sun climb above the tree line and turn the dewdrops on the playground to a sea of sparkles.

  Just the sight of frost covering the grass sent a chill rumbling through her. She embraced herself and rubbed her hands up and down her arms. The cold snap had taken her by surprise. It wasn’t yet fall and summer’s heat was still a strong memory. While she wondered if the weather would keep the children at home, she heard a chorus of giggles from the doorway.

  “Hurry, girls. Close the door. You’ll let out what little heat we have.” She stifled a chuckle at the bundled trio as they obliged, disappearing into the cloakroom.

  The latch had barely clicked when another handful of students hustled in, their noses and cheeks red as strawberries.

  Sarah walked to her desk, sat, and began organizing her books and study list in preparation for the morning lessons. She heard more students arriving, but was too busy to glance up from her tasks. When she finally did, her gaze rested on Horace and Henry Givens. The pencil in her hand trembled but she squared her shoulders and refused to show fear.

  “Curtis,” she called to one of the older boys. “
Would you please add some more wood to the stove?”

  “Yes, Miss Collins.” Curtis slid out of his seat.

  From the corner of her eye, Sarah saw Horace rise and move in the direction of the old iron potbelly. As soon as Curtis had picked up a large log from the stack next to the stove, Horace stripped it from his hands. “I’ll do it, fatty.”

  Sarah leapt to her feet as Curtis yowled in pain and stared through teary eyes at his palms. “You… you made me get splinters.”

  “Horace Givens!” She rounded her desk and walked toward him, her jaw tight and her face suddenly too warm. “What do you think you’re doing?”

  “Helpin’ pig boy out. It looks like he eats as much as the animals his pa raises.” Horace sneered at Curtis.

  A chorus of titters rang out around the room. Sarah silenced them with her glare. She took the log from Horace. “If I had wanted you to do this, I would have asked. Instead of being helpful, you’ve hurt Curtis. I want you to apologize right now.”

  “What if I don’t want to?” Horace pulled himself to his full height and cocked his head defiantly.

  Sarah tensed inside, determined to remain firm. “Either you apologize or….”

  Knocking the wood to the floor, he pushed her up against the wall and held her there with a hand on each shoulder. His eyes turned steely. “Or what?”

  He stood so close Sarah felt his stale breath on her face. She hadn’t realized his height and weight until this moment, and now he controlled her. A lump formed in her throat as she looked past him into the frightened faces of the other children. She had to stand up to him or lose the respect of her class. “Or I will report you to the school board and you’ll never be allowed back here again.”

  He laughed, deep and throaty, his fingers biting through the cottony material of her dress. “You don’t scare me. I could squash you like a bug.”

  Sarah’s stomach lurched. When he raised a fist, she turned her face and squeezed her lids closed, anticipating his strike. At the sound of a hearty thud, she opened her eyes.

  Her breath caught in her throat as her mouth fell open.

  Wolf stood over Horace’s sprawled form, glaring down at him. “Can you squash me like a bug?”

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Sarah took a deep breath and sagged in relief. “Wolf, I’m so glad to see you.”He wore buckskins, with his long hair pulled back and secured at the nape of his neck. Her gaze rested on the pulsing spot in the hollow his throat; her heart immediately matched his rhythm. She fought the urge to run into his arms.

  “Looks like I got here at the right time. This one been giving you trouble?” He nodded toward Horace.

  Sarah composed herself and glanced down. The bully cowered on the ground like a mistreated puppy, and for a moment, she almost felt sorry for him. “This is the second time, but….” She raised her gaze to Wolf.

  “It’ll be the last.” He yanked Horace up by his arm. “What’s your name?”

  “Hor...Horace.” The man-sized boy quivered. His eyes looked wide as saucers.

  “Well, Horace. I think you owe Miss Sarah an apology. You might be almost grown, but a real man never threatens a lady. I plan to keep watch on you, and if you as much as think of putting your hands on her again, you’ll answer to me. Understand?”

  Horace stared at the floor. “Sorry, Miss Collins,” he muttered in a tone not at all convincing.

  “Apology accepted, Horace. Please take your seat… and the rest of you children, too.”While Horace lumbered over and slumped down next to his brother, the other children skittered to their desks. She doubted Horace’s sincerity but hoped the scare had cured his bad behavior. At least for the moment, she felt safe.

  Sarah turned her attention to Wolf, and her heart warmed at the sight of him. For the first time she noticed he had someone with him. “Who’s this young man?”

  She hoped her cheeks didn’t display the heat she felt at having him and the other children witness her in such a helpless situation.

  “Seems I found myself a companion while scouting. Little Bear’s family died during one tribe’s raid on another, and since he and I seem to be on our own, I invited him to come live with me.”

  Sarah’s jaw dropped, but she managed to smile at the Indian boy who looked to be no older than eleven or twelve. “It’s very nice to meet you, Little Bear.”

  The youngster flashed a quick grin before his lips stretched into a thin line once again.

  Wolf put his arm around the lad. “Little Bear speaks pretty good English and I wondered if you might have room for him in your class.”

  “Of course. I’d be pleased to have him join the rest of the children.” She pointed to an empty chair. “There’s an unoccupied space right there.”

  Little Bear looked first to Wolf and then to Sarah. Although he stood straight with shoulders squared, fear shone in his ebony eyes. Sarah took his arm and escorted him to his desk. “Children, please welcome your new classmate.”

  “Hello, Little Bear.” A chorus of voices blended into a greeting.

  “We don’t want no redskins in our class.” Horace’s voice spoiled the warmth. “I ain’t sharin’ space with no heathens.” He grabbed his brother’s arm, yanked him from his chair and dragged him from the room. The sad look on Henry’s face tore at Sarah’s heart but she didn’t try to stop them.

  She glanced at Little Bear and shook her head. “I assure you that your other classmates don’t share Horace’s sentiment.” She turned and whispered to Wolf. “I hope those two don’t come back. It’s clear to me Horace only wants to cause trouble.”

  “I doubt he’ll threaten you again.” Wolf’s hand merely grazed her shoulder, but it flamed a path of fire that traveled down her arm.

  Didn’t he know the affect of his touch?

  She cleared the catch in her throat. “Thank you for coming to my rescue, again.”As much as she wanted to tarry and feast on his attractive face, enjoy the timbre of his voice, she had children to teach. She walked back to her desk, turned and smiled at Wolf. “Class is over at three o’clock if you plan to pick up Little Bear.”

  “I’ll be here.” Wolf patted his charge on the top of his head and walked to the door, where he paused.

  “Emily, please pass out the primers to those using them, and the rest of you please take out your slates and practice writing your letters.” Sarah tried not to notice his lingering as she spread out papers from the previous week to review. Her shoulders slumped when she heard the door open and shut.

  Sarah wondered if she’d ever get used to him leaving. Each time he did she sensed a hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach. She watched him disappear beyond the door then followed his path until she no longer saw him through the window. With a deep breath, she turned and gazed into all the faces that peered up at her.

  * * *

  Wolf stood and counted out more than enough for his loan payment. “I believe this leaves me with a balance of fifty dollars left to pay.” He couldn’t keep a smile from blossoming, thinking about finally owning a piece of land.

  The clerk’s lips pulled into a thin line as he recounted the stack of bills. “I’ll make a notation of your transaction. Feel free to leave.” His heavy eyebrows meshed into one as he shot Wolf an icy glare.

  Clutching his remaining cash, Wolf sought refuge from the unfriendly atmosphere on the walkway outside. He’d long ago gotten over wanting to smash his fist into the faces of those who looked down on him. People liked him or they didn’t; he had no control over that and could care less. Only one person meant anything to him: Sarah Collins, and he seemed to have even less control over those feelings.

  He stuffed his money into his pocket and gazed toward the school. He’d thought long and hard about seeing her again, and if it hadn’t been for enrolling Little Bear in school, Wolf would have stayed away. Seeing her brought back too many memories and stirred up the pain of his decision to let her go. He wanted her; God how he wanted her, but things between them would n
ever work. He flashed back on how he’d just been treated by the bank clerk and knew that wasn’t what Sarah deserved. They’d just have to learn to co-exist in the same town, but it was clear they had no future together no matter how much he loved her.

  * * *

  The children shuffled in from recess, filling the classroom with the smell that only children engaged in play created. Little Bear and some other boys had become fast friends in just a matter of hours. He slid into his seat, looking far more relaxed than he had earlier. Sarah had stood at the window and watched he and Johnny Carter play together with no trace of racial barriers between them.

  Sarah rose and leaned on her desk, preparing to call class to order. A tall man in overalls stomped into the room. “I’m Ezrah Carter and I come for my boy.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Carter.” She glanced at his son, sharing the puzzled look on his freckled face. “Johnny, get your things together.” She glanced back to his father, wondering why he scowled so. “I do hope everything is all right.”

  Ezrah Carter roughly grabbed Johnny’s arm. “It will be soon as I git my son away from here.”

  Sarah had just opened her mouth to question his meaning when three more men and a woman rushed through the door, all demanding their children. She held up her hand to halt the noise. “Wait a minute. Can someone please explain what’s going on here?”

  “Ol’ man Givens said you got an Injun here.” One man shouted. “We don’t aim to have our young’uns exposed to the likes of no redskin.”

  “Surely, you aren’t threatened by one young boy?” Sarah quivered with anger. “Little Bear has a right to an education just as your children do. Our government has treaties with the Indian people.”

  “Then let the government send them to their own school.” Emily’s mother gathered her daughter’s belongings and urged her toward the door. “Emily won’t be back until the problem is remedied, and I expect that will be soon. The school board has already been informed.”