Saving Her Shadow

by Lutishia Lovely

  “Daughter, you have presented us with a most unique situation that involves not one or two but several points of error against the church. As such, it is not a decision that can be made within minutes, except to obscure you immediately . . .”

  Raina held her breath.

  “. . . which I, as Grand Seer, do not recommend.”

  She exhaled.

  “I ask if the council can abide in chambers until this matter is settled, or tabled, for another day.”

  He looked around. “Is there anyone who can’t stay for”—he looked at his watch—“say, an hour or two?”

  No one objected.

  “Fine. Then this meeting is adjourned for further private discussion. Vessel Raina, you will be informed by your father of our decision. Until then, I suggest you remove yourself from others and focus solely on the Book of Light. It is the sole means for your redemption, and reillumination. Though currently in darkness, try and find a ray of light.”

  As she’d not been given permission to speak, Raina simply nodded. She wanted to speak with her father, seek his forgiveness, ask about Mom. But he left with the others with no further acknowledgment, left her to be guided out of the church by security, and driven away from Lucent Rising to await the outcome. When asked where she wanted to be dropped off, she suggested a corner near BBs.

  It was a short ride, and a silent one. On the way to town, Raina thought about the meeting, and how unfair it felt that she had not gotten the chance to speak. It was as though her side didn’t matter, her point of view didn’t count. If they would have asked if she was sorry, she would have said, “Yes, absolutely!” Had she had it to do over again, she would have never gotten into the Mustang that day. Never met Sniper or Shanghai, never seen a video, much less appeared in one. The best thing that could happen to her would be that the footage ended up on the cutting-room floor and never saw the light of day. Right now, she had only one desire—to remain in the church that not long ago she couldn’t wait to leave. She’d do whatever it took, say whatever the council wanted to hear. As oppressive as her home sometimes felt, she had no idea how much she would miss it.

  After being dropped off on the corner, she walked to BBs at the end of the block. She’d texted Monica en route and knew she was working, and Jackie, who’d agreed to give her a ride home. She didn’t say much to her friends about the meeting. Until the Council issued a verdict, there wasn’t much to talk about.

  The call came while Raina was still at the restaurant. She recognized Ken’s number and walked outside. Temperatures had dropped with the setting sun, but Raina didn’t notice. All of her attention was focused on the voice coming through her phone.

  “Hello, Father.”

  “Raina.”

  She closed her eyes, gripped the phone, and waited for the inevitable.

  “You have not been obscured.”

  Her relief was so immense tears sprang to her eyes. “Thank you, Father!”

  “You being my daughter is the only reason the vote fell shy of permanent removal from the faith. As it stands, you have a tough road ahead, with stringent rules to follow. One slip, Raina, big or small, and you’re out of the faith and the family.”

  Raina swallowed the panic that had bloomed in her throat. She knew what it meant to be obscured, or ghosted. Being ghosted was the member’s dismissal from the ministry with no chance of ever rejoining the church. This permanent separation was not only from the church, but from the member’s family. Their names were erased from the membership records. Numbers were changed. In some cases, addresses, too. If seen, the family member wasn’t acknowledged, as though they didn’t exist. Raina considered herself fairly independent with a mind of her own. But never speaking to her mother again? Never seeing Abby? Raina could imagine many things . . . but not that.

  * * *

  Ken provided a quick rundown of the council’s requirements for her to remain in the Light.

  Several months of extensive deprogramming followed by a summer spent at the center in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Instead of working a cool job in Kansas City, she’d be given a mentor and taught how to be the perfect Vessel-wife. She was to end all friendships with unsanctioned classmates and have no unchaperoned contact with any outsider, anyone not sanctioned by the Illumination. No contact. No access. No exceptions. People would be watching, he warned her. Any reports to the contrary and she’d be pulled from Chippewa and homeschooled for the remainder of the year.

  “Do you understand?” he finished.

  “Yes, Father. I understand.”

  “Do you agree to abide by everything the Council has demanded?”

  “Yes, Father. I agree.”

  What else could she say? According to the rules of the church, her punishment more than fit the crime, especially the ones the council hadn’t uncovered. Like participating in a hip-hop video, being around marijuana, not disclosing about the accident that could have gotten her killed.

  “The home where you’re residing. What is the name of the outsider?”

  “Christine Clark.”

  “Who?”

  Raina cleared her throat and repeated the name. Despite the frigid weather, her heart warmed. “Does this mean I get to come home?”

  “Yes,” Ken replied, with a warmth that Raina noticed for the first time all night. “Is that where you are now?”

  “No, I’m in a restaurant, the Breadbasket.”

  “Your mother will come and pick you up, then drive you to the residence to pick up your things. After that, you are not to have any contact with this”—he looked down at the sheet—“Ms. Clark. Ever. Again. Is that understood?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you have any questions?”

  It was the first time she’d been asked to speak. Questions? She had a ton. But she didn’t want to ask the wrong thing, make the wrong statement.

  “No, sir. I understand.”

  “See that you do. You are a beautiful girl, an intelligent vessel, someone who could be beneficial to the organization and a grand support to an equally loyal beam. There are several in our church,” he continued, a bit less stridently. “Some live on our block. If you are diligent with your studies and committed to being reilluminated, we can put this incident behind us and welcome you back into the light.”

  Raina ended the call and raced into the restaurant, freezing. She called Jackie, hoping she’d not yet left home.

  “I’m still waiting on Mama,” was her greeting.

  “Good,” Raina replied. “Dad called me.”

  “Good news or bad?”

  “Good mostly. I get to go home.”

  “I guess I’m happy for you.”

  “Gee, thanks.”

  “Hey, I didn’t grow up with a sister. It was nice having you around.”

  “Thanks. I had fun, too.”

  “I know how much you miss your family. What’s the bad news?”

  Raina recounted the conversation with Ken. “I’ll have to pull out of the English project,” she finished. “And be on my best behavior. No doubt there will be a mole at the school ready to report any bad behavior back to Dad.”

  “Bad as in speaking to me?”

  “Pretty much. Sucks, right?”

  “I guess if made to choose between family and friends, I’d have to go with the fam.”

  “I don’t want to choose. But it’s just for a while. Once I graduate and head off to college, we’ll be besties again.”

  “Who says I’ll still want to be friends? Just kidding,” Jackie continued in Raina’s shocked silence. “Do what you gotta do.”

  They talked until Raina saw Jennifer’s car pull in front of the restaurant. “Mom’s here,” she said, heading outside. “Love you, Jackie!”

  “Love you back.”

  Raina rushed to the car. “Hi, Mom.”

  For a few seconds, Jennifer said nothing. The next thing Raina knew she was in her mother’s arms.

  “I missed you, Raina,” Jennifer said, with tears in her
eyes. She pulled back. Her hands cupped Raina’s face as she looked her daughter over. “How are you?”

  Now they both were crying. “Better, now.”

  Jennifer pulled herself together and pulled away from the curb.

  “Tell me about this woman, Christine Clark.”

  “My friend at school, or rather, someone I go to school with, Jackie McFadden? She’s her grandmother.”

  “How did you meet her?”

  “Through Jackie’s mom. She’s a lawyer.”

  Jennifer glanced over at Raina. “How did you meet her?”

  Again, Raina felt trapped by her lies. “While going against the rules and hanging out with the unsanctioned.”

  Jennifer didn’t pry further and Raina was grateful, but far from out of the woods.

  “I won’t rehash the past and the almost unforgiveable shame you’ve brought on this family, especially your father. You knew how critical these next months were. Right before the solstice celebration we made that very clear. Obviously, it didn’t matter.”

  “It did, Mom.”

  “No, it didn’t, otherwise we wouldn’t be having this conversation!” A minute passed, then another. Raina heard her mother take a deep breath.

  “I know we don’t talk much about our past life, before I met Ken and our lives were changed for the better. But I’m aware of how those years spent on the outside affected you. Continuing to attend public school hasn’t helped. Mom meant well, but if given a chance to do it over again I would have pulled you out immediately, severely limited your contact with those who could influence you as those so-called friends did last week. It’s why I’ve had such leniency with you, Raina, because I remember how it was being a kid. I do understand. But you are not in that world. You are a blessed and valuable vessel and you must rein in any impulses that take you outside of the church and its teaching.”

  “May I ask a question, Mother?”

  “Yes, but when it comes to answering it there are no guarantees.”

  Jennifer offered an impish smile and that, combined with the glint in her eye and that straight, no-nonsense answer, reminded Raina of the mom she used to know. It felt good to see her.

  “Do you ever miss your old life?”

  “No,” Jennifer answered, almost too quickly.

  “Not even old friends?”

  “No, Raina, I do not miss them. When Ken came into my life he filled it up, then introduced me to a whole new world filled with wonderful new people who’ve become more than friends. They’ve become family.”

  “What about Miss Bev?”

  “Beverly who . . . Wilson?” Raina nodded, noting how her mother’s fingers tightened on the wheel. “What about her?”

  “When walking to . . . where I stayed . . . I ran into her. She gave me a ride.”

  “You’ve really forgotten your teachings, Raina. Why did you get in the car of an outsider? Oh, but wait. That wasn’t your first time.”

  “I didn’t think of her as an outsider! It was Miss Bev from my hometown. It was cold and snowing,” Raina added.

  Jennifer remained stone silent.

  “She said the two of you used to be really good friends, and that you used to sing together.”

  “We never sang together.”

  “Well, not together but that—”

  “If there was any aspect of my past that I wanted you to know, I would have told you.”

  “She knew my father.”

  Jennifer huffed. “She knew the man who donated the sperm that helped give you life. He’s your daddy, Raina, but Al Jardin was never really a father. Kenneth Reed is the only one of those you’ve ever known.”

  The rest of the ride was made in silence. It wasn’t until pulling into the driveway that Raina remembered her belongings that were still with Miss Christine.

  “We forgot to pick up my stuff,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

  Jennifer pulled into the garage and exited the car without a word. Raina sat for only a few seconds before following her mother out of the car and into the house. Her father was in the kitchen. When he heard the door open, he turned and smiled.

  He walked over and placed a hand on the shoulder of the daughter he’d adopted and raised as his own since the age of ten. “Hello, Raina. Welcome home.”

  The sound of running footsteps sounded down the hall. “Sister!”

  “Shadow!”

  The name burst out of her mouth like a firecracker, even as her brain wished to chase down the syllables and vowels and stuff them back down her throat. She dared not look in her dad’s direction. Gratefully, he let the slip pass.

  Raina dropped to her knees. Abby ran into her arms. The awkward moment was over and in that moment Raina’s world righted itself. “I missed you so much!”

  “I missed you too, sister!”

  “How do you feel? You look great!”

  “I feel great. They brought an energy machine to the Center. I got to use it!”

  The Illumination religion founder, Dr. Daniel Best, fancied himself not only a messiah of sorts, but a scientist, author, and inventor. In the late 60s, he developed a machine touted to have the ability to cure any and all diseases. It was patented as the ILLUX in 1974 and had been used in one form or another for the past forty-plus years.

  Raina looked more closely at her sister, turned questioning eyes toward her mom.

  Ken answered the unasked. “Smaller versions of the ILLUX are being installed at all major Centers across the country. Abby was chosen as one of the members used to test it out, make sure it worked properly.”

  “That’s wonderful, Abby.”

  “It certainly is,” Ken said. “The specialist instructing our members on its use said that your sister is in perfect health.”

  Jennifer returned to the kitchen. “Why don’t you two set the table?” she said. “We’re having enchiladas, Raina.”

  From the very first time her mother had made them when she was around eight years old, the gooey Mexican mixture of beef, beans, and rice smothered in cheese and sauce had been Raina’s favorite meal. That Jennifer chose this as her welcome-home dinner made Raina misty-eyed, a silent message of the close bond they once shared in the past and what Raina hoped would again exist in the future.

  At the dinner table, life for the Reeds resumed as though Raina had never been gone. No mention was made of the Council meeting, the decision, the unsanctioned, the reasons for Raina’s absence or her return. They talked about upcoming events at the center and a field trip Abby’s class took to the Kansas City Zoo. Jennifer shared news about the latest light. Their neighbor, Mrs. Sanchez, had her baby, a girl named Ariel. It was regular and uneventful, just another night at the Reed house. Raina wouldn’t have had it any other way.

  After dinner, the girls helped Jennifer with the dishes, then went upstairs. Raina followed Abby into the younger girl’s room, where they hugged again and for several seconds smiled into each other’s faces.

  “I really missed you, sister,” Abby whispered. “I’m so glad you’re back.”

  Raina moved a large stuffed animal from the foot of Abby’s bed and climbed on it. “How was it here while I was gone?”

  “Quiet,” Abby said.

  “Tell me about the energy machine.”

  From then until Jennifer announced Abby’s bedtime, the two sisters chatted. Raina went to bed, too, snuggled under the covers. She’d appreciated Miss Christine’s floral garden, but there was no place like home. Especially with Abby feeling better, laughing and smiling. That was the best part. Her shadow was back.

  Chapter 14

  The subdivision of Lucent Rising was basically self-contained. There was a quaint block of retail shops that in supporting the Illumination members did a fairly brisk business and were frequented by many of the town members as well. Anchoring one corner was a grocer that specialized in organic food, including chicken and beef. Next to it was a dessert shop with some of the best pastries and pies in the Sunflower State. Th
ere was a library in a coffee shop, an ice cream vendor, a beauty/barber shop, and a consignment boutique. Other businesses sold fabric and crafts, lawn and gardening supplies, and a two-story office building held offices where governmental business took place. Many Nation members had almost zero contact with the unsanctioned. But every now and then, stepping outside their enlightened bubble couldn’t be helped. That was the case when a week after returning home, Raina unexpectedly came face-to-face with Valarie and Jackie, shopping at Dollar Discount. She was there with Roslyn, one of her new teammates for the English project, and their chaperone, Mary. The project required a certain poster board that wasn’t carried in the community, so they’d headed to the store after school to pick up that and other supplies. Roslyn had gone down the electronics aisle while Raina hurried over to office supplies to get poster board and tape. She was so preoccupied with getting the items quickly that she turned the corner and hit Valarie head-on.

  “Oh, sorry! I . . . oh. Hi, Miss Valarie.”

  Speaking to Jackie’s mom was a natural reaction. She was quickly sobered by the reminder that talking with outsiders was not permitted and with her in the zero-tolerance phase of deprogramming and probation, it was something she didn’t want to chance. Without another word, she hurried away.

  “Raina.”

  She heard Valarie’s partially confused, partially ticked-off sounding voice behind her. Totally ignoring it, instead she made a beeline for the materials she’d been looking for located near the end of the row. That’s when Jackie entered the aisle, from her side.