There

by Denise Grover Swank

  Encouraged, I open myself to him and an unexpected fire rushes through my veins, a need for him that overwhelms me. “I don’t want to lose you.”

  Evan raises his head and gives me a soft smile, brushing the hair off my cheek. “I’m not going anywhere. From here on out, we stick together.”

  I nod as the door opens.

  Evan looks up and I swing my gaze to a startled Reece, his mouth hanging open at the sight of me in Evan’s arms.

  I close my eyes and cringe. When will I ever stop hurting people?

  Reece shakes his head and scowls, stomping his feet on the floor. “Bad news. It’s starting to snow.”

  Evan’s embrace tightens. “Crap.”

  “Why is that bad news?” I ask, sitting upright.

  Reece’s eyes are still on Evan’s arms and his face hardens.

  Evan remains oblivious. “Because they can track us in the snow by following our tire prints. It will be like a giant sign saying they went this way.”

  “So what are we going to do?”

  Reece rubs the back of his neck and turns to face the stairs. “I think we should leave tonight. The snow’s just starting to fall. If we get some ground covered before there’s a blanket of snow, the new snow will cover our tracks. We can’t afford to stay here much longer and wait it out.”

  Evan remains silent, his gaze unfocused as he considers Reece’s suggestion. “It’s going to be difficult. If it’s snowing, we won’t have the moon to light our way and using headlights will be risky.”

  “Our options are bad and worse.”

  “True.”

  Evan kisses my forehead before standing. “Okay, let’s get loaded. I’ll run up and get Jo and our things.”

  Reece nods, then turns to go outside.

  “Reece! Wait!”

  I struggle to get to my feet while he stops and stares at me with contempt and anger. The fact he watches and doesn’t offer to help tells me how upset he is. Not that I blame him. I owe him some kind of explanation, but I don’t even know where to begin. I don’t want to hurt him, yet no matter what I do, I will. This truth chips at my heart, sending guilt streaming through my blood. Even so, I feel her memories stirring.

  “Reece…”

  He shakes his head, curling his lip in disgust. “Don’t.”

  “Reece.” My voice breaks with my plea.

  Anger tightens his face. “I said don’t.”

  “I need to explain.”

  He glares. “Explain? You have nothing to say that I want to hear right now.”

  I know that’s not true, otherwise he wouldn’t have stopped. I hobble toward him and he crosses his arms. Is it to keep himself from touching me or to discourage me from touching him? Perhaps a little of both. I’m grateful because the part of me I hold at bay wants to touch him.

  “I wasn’t me when I kissed you. I should never have done it. I’ve hurt you and I’m sorry.”

  His mouth gapes. “You’re sorry? Is this some kind of game to you? Play Evan and me against each other?”

  I shake my head, tears burning my eyes. “No! I swear I’m not. It wasn’t me that kissed you. It was her.”

  “What the hell does that mean?” Reece takes a backward step toward the door, flinging his hands to his sides. “You know what? I don’t care. I hope you and Evan are very happy together.” He throws the door open and storms out into the snow.

  I want to call him back, but what good would it do? I’d only hurt him more.

  Evan comes down the stairs carrying one of the chests, and I kneel in front of my blanket, keeping my back to him. I don’t want him to see my tears. If Evan finds out what I’ve done with Reece, will he hate me too?

  I fold up the blanket and stuff it into my bag while a new terror fills me. What if I lose Evan? I try to stomp down the fear and focus on what’s important. Escaping. We’re running for our lives, and I’m caught up in this emotional rollercoaster of kissing two different boys. This isn’t the time or place to sort out my feelings.

  Life in this world will never be smooth nor mundane for me. If I can’t find a way home, I’ll always be on guard, wondering if I’m moments away from being caught. The list of people who want me is growing and every one of them is powerful. Is it fair to ask Evan to live through that with me? Constantly running and hiding? But on the other hand, what’s the point of fighting for our lives if our lives don’t mean something?

  With a groan, I climb to my feet and nearly fall as I put weight on my foot. Jo stands at the base of the stairs. “How’s your ankle?”

  I take a step toward her and my ankle twists and I cry out as I try to right myself. “I hate this,” I groan.

  “It’s better than being dead.”

  “That’s not what I meant and you know it.” I shoot her a glare. “I can handle the pain. Being a burden is what I can’t stand. And I’ve been one since the moment I landed on that road.”

  “Suck it up, Chipper. Where’s the all-for-one attitude that got me stuck with you?” Her tone is stern, but she winks.

  “Easy for you to say, you’re not a one-legged gimp.”

  “Your leg will heal and then we’ll have you make up all the work you missed.”

  I frown, not convinced.

  She opens her mouth and pauses, pressing her lips together. She takes two steps, then turns back. “Did you ever wonder what would have happened to me if you’d left me in that building tied up?”

  “What?”

  “I would have become the property of those thieves. I would have been their slave. In every way.” She pauses so I get her meaning. “Men who own women aren’t kind to them out here. They have no emotional attachment and see them as disposable. Literally. When they are done with you, they dump you in the middle of nowhere.”

  I don’t hide my horror. “Is that legal?”

  She laughs, but it’s ugly. “Oh, Chipper. When will you learn there is no legal and illegal out here? Only what you can get away with.” Her eyes fill with tears. “You think you’re a burden, and that I saved your life. But you saved mine first.” She bolts out the door before I can respond, leaving me in shock.

  Between Reece and Jo, my head is a mess. I shove both worries aside and focus on our immediate need. Getting out of Kansas City.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The movement of the jeep has lulled me to sleep, not a hard task given my physical and emotional exhaustion. I doze in and out of dreams of men chasing us across a desert. Reece drives through a rut, jolting me awake.

  “Nice driving there, hotshot.” Jo grumbles.

  “You think you can do better?”

  “As a matter of fact, yeah.”

  I try to tune them out. They have been arguing off and on since we left the house. We’re out in the middle of what used to be Kansas, making better progress than we expected. We’ve seen no signs of aircraft overhead nor Deacon’s men on the ground. We’re far enough out, and hopefully camouflaged in our jeep, that we won’t look suspicious. Still, we’re on guard.

  The snow has tapered off, and the jeep has no trouble driving through the few inches that cover the landscape. We’ll be in Colorado sooner than I expected, and although Jo hasn’t mentioned it again, I keep thinking about how she’ll leave us to go find her brother. Given the choice, I won’t leave her alone. She’s proved her loyalty and worth. I won’t leave her alone in the middle of nowhere, to perhaps end up in the same situation we found her in. She could have left me—perhaps should have left me—over the last several days. She might be bristly, but she’s my friend. As soon as we stop to fill up with ethanol again, I plan to bring up the subject.

  When the boys traded the truck for a 1950s Jeep station wagon, they also received multiple containers of ethanol. There aren’t any gas stations along the way, and they worry that we won’t have enough fuel to last to the West Coast.

  I turn to look out the window at the winter wonderland, the rising sun making the snow crystals look like diamonds.

  Evan�
��s awake, and he’s watching me. A soft smile tilts up the corners of his mouth. “Good morning.”

  The intensity in his gaze brings a blush to my cheeks.

  He pulls me next to him, and the familiar feeling of comfort and belonging fill my soul. The feelings I have with him are so different than Reece. Evan brings comfort and love, acceptance and peace. Reece is a windstorm of confusion and fire. More importantly, while I’m certain what I feel for Evan is real, I’m almost certain what I feel for Reece is not.

  Reece’s face is reflected in the rearview mirror and our eyes meet. His forehead lowers into a scowl. “We’ll have to stop soon to fill up with more ethanol.”

  Evan sits up and looks around. “Again? We’ll never make it at this pace.”

  “Especially with the mountains ahead. We’ll get less kilometers to the liter.”

  “The town you’ll drop me off in will have ethanol,” Jo says. “People usually make their own or buy it in cities. It’s going to be expensive, though.”

  I turn to Evan. “We still have the tobacco.”

  Jo looks over her shoulder at me. “You should save that for an emergency.”

  “So this town,” Reece glances at Jo. “That’s where your brother is.”

  “That’s where he was headed.”

  “Why did he go there?”

  Jo shrugs. “Why does anyone go west? For a better life.”

  The saying that history repeats itself rings true in this instance, but if I remember correctly from my history classes, the promises of riches in the west didn’t hold up in the 1800s. Will we encounter the same fate? A deep foreboding seeps through my chest. Is finding the rebels a good idea after all? How do we know we won’t see a repeat of Deacon City?

  We ride in silence for ten more minutes before the jeep starts to sputter. Reece stops, and he and Evan get out to fill up and look around.

  I lean over the front seat. “Do you think your brother is there?”

  Jo stares out the windshield. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him for six years. I don’t even know if he’ll help me.”

  “You’re his sister. Why wouldn’t he?”

  She turns around to face me. “You still don’t get life out here. It’s not like what you’re used to in your Springfield. He hasn’t seen me in years. What if he has a family of his own? I’m just one more responsibility, one more mouth to feed.”

  I don’t like how she considers herself an obligation. “He should be happy to know you’re alive, Jo. He should welcome you with open arms.”

  She shrugs again. “And maybe he will.” But she doesn’t sound convinced.

  Her answers strengthen my resolve. “Come with us.”

  “What?”

  “Don’t stay in Colorado. Come with us out west.”

  “Why?”

  She probably won’t like my real reason, so I try a different tactic. “You said it yourself. Why does anyone go out west? For a better life.”

  She puckers her mouth. “No, why do you want me to come?”

  Her hand rests on the seat back, and I grab it, surprised when she doesn’t pull it away. “Because we’re friends. And friends take care of each other. You took care of me multiple times, and I want to take care of you. I won’t leave you somewhere alone. And if your brother isn’t thrilled to see you, he doesn’t deserve you.”

  Shaking her head, she looks through the back window at the boys. “They won’t like it. At all.”

  “They’ll be thrilled.”

  “Don’t BS me, Chipper. I thought we were above that now.”

  I flash her a grin. “Isn’t my BSing you how you got stuck with us in the first place?”

  She smirks but doesn’t answer.

  “Just think about it, okay?”

  “All right.”

  The boys get back in the jeep and Reece drives again, even though Evan insists Reece should rest.

  Jo turns around and rests her knees on her seat to face Evan and me. “The place we’re looking for is New Denver.”

  “New Denver?” Reece asks. “What happened to the original Denver?”

  “It was bombed. There’s nothing there.”

  He shakes his head vigorously. “No, that’s not what we were told.”

  “Reece, why does this surprise you?” I ask. “So many other things you’ve been told were lies.”

  His jaw clenches, and his Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. “Because I was supposed to get information about my mother in Denver.”

  Evan looks as surprised as I am by this statement. What else does Reece know that he hasn’t told us?

  Evan’s hand grips the seat in front of us. “What kind of information?”

  “Directions to the rebel compound.”

  Jo faces him. “Most people just call the new town Denver, so that’s probably where you need to go.”

  Jo has general directions on how to find it, and Evan estimates we’ll be there by late afternoon. If we can find it.

  As we cross the terrain, I’m surprised by how little is out here. I know it’s Kansas, which was mostly fields and meadows, but now there’s nothing. Surely some structures used to stand here. When I mention it to Jo, she shrugs.

  “Scavengers. There’s so little out in this area that a lot of them tore down buildings for resources. Wood to build things, then as firewood when the trees all died.”

  After several more hours, Jo spots the town first. It doesn’t look like much, a few buildings in the middle of nothing, nestled at the base of the mountains. It reminds me of a town I’d see in an old Western movie. The buildings are old, obviously built before the war, but they are in better shape than houses in the outer section of Kansas City.

  We drive down the snow-packed street, surprised to see people walking under makeshift canopies on the sides of the stores. A few other vehicles drive down the road, so we don’t draw attention when Reece parks on the side of the road, along with several other cars.

  Jo looks out the windshield, studying the town. “New Denver’s a trading city. They’re used to people coming through and getting supplies so we shouldn’t run into any trouble here. Still, we should lay low.” She points to a door, several storefronts down. “You can get ethanol and food there. With the snow, you all might want to get some boots. If you want to rest, you can even find a place to stay for the night.”

  “Yeah, because spending the night in the last city we were in turned out so well.” Reece grumbles.

  Evan ignores them. “I think we should do our business, then leave. Maybe we can find a deserted house somewhere.”

  Jo reaches for the car door handle. “I’m going to try to find my brother.”

  I lean forward and grab her arm. “You’re coming back, right?”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll say goodbye.” She opens the door and starts to get out. “I’ll meet you back here in fifteen minutes.” Then she heads down the sidewalk.

  Reece starts to open his car door.

  I lean forward. “Wait.”

  Reece tenses and stays inside, but refuses to look at me.

  “I don’t want to leave Jo here. I want to bring her with us.”

  Reece turns to stare out the side window. “She doesn’t want to come with us. She’s looking for her brother.”

  “No.” I shake my head. “She thinks her brother won’t want her.”

  Evan’s forehead wrinkles in confusion. “How could he not want her? She’s his sister.”

  “I know, but she thinks he’ll see her as a burden. I can’t leave her if that’s true.”

  Reece looks over his shoulder. “That’s not your responsibility, Julia.”

  “Maybe not, but I didn’t save her from that rathole by the river to leave her somewhere just as bad or worse.”

  Evan is silent for a moment. “Does she even want to come with us? She seems eager to leave.”

  “She wants to stay with us, even if she doesn’t admit it. I think she’s scared of getting hurt. She saved my life. I owe her.
”

  Evan pauses. “She’s been a valuable asset. If she wants to come with us, then she stays.”

  Releasing a groan, Reece exits the car. “Next thing you know, we’ll be picking up stray dogs.”

  “What’s his problem? Why doesn’t he want her to come?” I ask as he stomps off. I know he’s angry with me, but I don’t understand his dislike of Jo, especially after everything we’ve been through.

  “He’s threatened by her. He’s used to being the fearless one.”

  “That’s ridiculous.”

  “Maybe so, but he can’t help what he feels.”

  He can’t help what he feels. That’s even more true for me and my feelings for Reece. I start to tell Evan about the new memory slips, but the anxious look in his eyes stops me. He’s nervous about being here after what happened in Deacon City. We need to get our business done and leave. I can tell him later.

  Evan helps me out of the car, and it feels good to stretch my leg even if I’m still hobbling a bit. But the sidewalk is covered in a few inches of snow, and the water seeps through my lightweight sneakers.

  Evan looks down at my feet. “Jo’s right. We should get some boots.”

  We go inside the store, surprised to find a large assortment of items. I come across a pair of utilitarian boots that are hideous, but I pick them up anyway. I’m long past caring. Practicality trumps fashion.

  The store is arranged like a large convenience store, only there’s no giant refrigerator full of bottles of Coke and Pepsi and gallons of milk. We gather some staple items and several large containers of water.

  Evan picks up a small bag of carrots. “I think we should plan on getting enough food for four of us to last a few weeks.”

  I lean into his arm, relieved he’s so open to including Jo. “Thank you.”

  Reece comes into the store and scans the room until he finds us. When he’s closer, he lowers his voice. “Jo was right. I’ve asked around and everyone said this is the place to buy ethanol. They dispense it out back.”

  Evan glances toward the door. “And did they seem surprised you asked?”

  “No, Jo was right about that too. They’re used to travelers passing through.”