Live Like You Mean It

by Ava Stone

  “So that’s Aiden, huh?” I asked.

  “That’s Aiden.” She nodded. “Did he wake you?”

  Just a couple pokes in the face. But she didn’t need to know that. “Naw, I was already awake.”

  “Uh-huh.” She pressed up on her toes and kissed my cheek. “You’re the worst liar, do you know that?” she whispered.

  I slid my arm around her waist and held her against me. “Does that mean I have to go to church or something today?” I wasn’t an avid churchgoer. My family never had been. And with the thoughts I had about Leah dancing around my head, with as hard as my dick was at that moment, I kind of thought any church I might step foot into had a high chance of getting struck by lightning.

  She rolled her eyes. “I haven’t been to church since Dad died, but that doesn’t mean Mom doesn’t try to guilt me into it each and every week.”

  Shit. My hold on her slacked a bit. “Your Dad died?” I whispered. She’d never mentioned that until now. I mean, she talked about her dad a lot. I had no idea he was dead. I just thought he must have left her mom or worked out of state or something. I never imagined him gone.

  She met my eyes and I swear I could see pain in the depths of her soul. “Five years ago. He went to Chicago for a medical conference and…” Her gaze dropped to my throat. “He only had fifty bucks in his wallet, but that was enough, I guess…” she shrugged. “The kid that shot him, didn’t even have that…” her voice trailed off.

  Fuck. He didn’t just die. He was killed. “I’m so sorry,” I said.

  “Yeah, me too.” She pushed against my chest until I let her go completely. “Anyway, Aiden and I usually head over to the park on Sunday mornings. It’s quiet there. You’re welcome to join us, if you want. We do brunch after Mom gets home from church.”

  “Yeah, ok.” I smiled, wishing she was back in my arms. “We can fly paper airplanes at the park.” What the fuck? Had that seriously come out of my mouth? A few weeks ago I’d have laughed my ass off if someone told me I’d be flying paper airplanes in a park with a three year old.

  “Coffee’s ready,” Mrs. Willett called from the kitchen.

  Who would have ever thought Brody Campbell was an expert paper airline folder? But he was. He sat at the kitchen table, with Aiden sitting next to him, folding wings and talking about the center of gravity and drafts, not that Aiden understood what he was talking about in the least. I barely understood it myself.

  Standing by the island, my mom finished her coffee, but she seemed more on edge than she had before she started drinking it. She watched Aiden and Brody, and I could almost read the thoughts going on in her mind. She was worried. Worried about how introducing Brody into Aiden’s life would affect him. Worried what would happen if things went badly between Brody and me. Worried that she’d made a huge mistake by forcing the issue.

  But I didn’t want to be worried. Not right now. I’d been so worried about so many things for so long. It was nice just to watch Aiden’s eyes light up with each fold of paper, as the airplane took shape. It was so nice when Brody winked at me when he didn’t think anyone else was watching. And it was nice to feel all warm and happy and I didn’t want it to end.

  “And if we fold the wing just a little bit on the end like this,” Brody said, folding a little sliver of the airplane wing upward, “it’ll keep the plane steady when you throw it.”

  “I throw it now,” Aiden said impatiently. And he’d been pretty patient up until this point. All the folding and talking. He’d been doing really good to sit so quietly beside Brody.

  “You wanna put your name on it first?” he asked.

  “He’s just three,” I laughed. He didn’t have his whole name down yet. “Aiden sweetie, can you thank Mr. Brody for making you an airplane?”

  “Thank you,” my son said, reaching for his new toy.

  “Sure.” Brody squeezed my knee under the table and heat pulsed through me, the memory of making love to him was so fresh in my mind. It was a miracle I didn’t burst to flames right then and there.

  “And tell Nana goodbye,” I said, trying desperately to reign my thoughts back to the present. “She’s going to church.”

  Aiden bounced out of his chair and raced towards my mom. “Airplane,” he said, lifting his little paper contraption up for inspection.

  “Wow.” Mom tousled his hair as she smiled down at him. “What a pretty airplane.”

  “Airplanes aren’t pretty, Nana.” He sounded so indignant, I couldn’t help but laugh.

  “My mistake.” Mom bent down and pressed a kiss to Aiden’s cheek. “Promise to tell me all about it at brunch, ok?”

  He took off out of her arms and raced for the next room, holding his airplane in the air like it was flying.

  As soon as Mom was gone, I leaned closer to Brody and pressed my lips to his. For the first time in forever, everything was perfect.

  “Where did you learn to make paper airplanes?” I asked.

  He pushed out of his chair. “Long time ago, my brother Bryce got a kit from our grandpa. He never played with it and one morning I just stole it from his room and folded airplanes all day. Every last one of them in the kit.”

  “You stole an airplane kit from your brother?” I couldn’t help but laugh as he tugged me out of my chair. “That’s awful.”

  Brody shrugged. “He didn’t care. He wasn’t into it.”

  “Uh-huh. And do you have a habit of stealing things that don’t belong to you?”

  His blue eyes twinkled wickedly. “Well, I was fully prepared to steal you away from that boyfriend I thought you had.” He slid his arms around my waist and his gaze dropped to my lips. “I always go after what I want, Leah.” And then he kissed me for all I was worth.

  “My mommy!” Aiden complained from not too far away and I pushed out of Brody’s grasp.

  Shit. I hadn’t meant for him to see that. His little brow was furrowed, standing just inside the kitchen. He had to be confused. He’d never seen me kiss anyone before. “Aiden sweetie,” I started, but before I could say anything else, my brother’s voice bellowed from the foyer, “Leah!”

  Shit. After the texts he’d sent yesterday, I wasn’t ready to see Mike just yet.

  A smile spread across Aiden’s face. “Uncle Mike!” He bounced on his toes before racing from the kitchen. “Airplane, Uncle Mike.”

  I looked quickly at Brody and winced. “You know he’s Jason’s best friend, right?”

  “Yeah.” His brow creased as though he was trying to figure out what my expression meant.

  “So, he’s probably gonna hate you on sight.”

  “There’s something to look forward to,” he muttered just as Mike stepped into the kitchen, cradling Aiden in his arms.

  “Cool airpla…” Mike’s voice trailed off as his eyes landed on Brody. His jaw took on a stubborn jut. “Oh, I didn’t know anyone else was here.”

  So the Jeep out in front of the house wasn’t a giveaway, huh? “We were just headed to the park.” I glared at my brother, warning him not to be a jerk. “Mike, this is Brody. Brody, my brother Mike.”

  “Brody make airplane,” Aiden chimed in.

  “Hey,” Brody said, nodding in Mike’s direction.

  “Hey,” Mike halfheartedly replied. “Mom’s already gone?”

  Meaning he wanted to fill her in on Jason’s concerns. “Yep,” I said. “But do you have a minute? Something I’d like to talk to you about before she gets home.” Then I glanced over at Brody and smiled. “It won’t take long.”

  “Take all the time you need.” He pointed at Aiden. “If you can find another piece of paper, I can make you a different kind of plane.”

  “Not Mommy’s papers,” I added quickly. “Art paper from your room, Aiden.”

  He squirmed in Mike’s arms until my brother put him back on the ground. Mike looked at me like I’d lost my mind, which grated on my nerves.

  I started toward the back door that led to the screened in porch. “You wanna follow me outsi
de?”

  Mike grumbled something under his breath, but I couldn’t hear what it was. I didn’t stop, though. I went right out onto the porch and waited for my brother to follow me.

  He heaved a long-suffering sigh as he closed the door behind us. “What the hell are you doing with that guy? You have him around Aiden for Christ’s sake?”

  “It’s really none of your business,” I returned. And it wasn’t. I knew what I was doing and I didn’t need Mike’s opinion on the matter.

  “Leah, the guy’s like a walking STD.”

  “So’s half the Wheston baseball team.”

  He snorted and shook his head. “Who says I want to see you date any of those guys?”

  “That’s the thing, Mike. You don’t get a say. It’s my life, you know. And I’d appreciate it if you gave me same courtesy in regards to Brody that I give you in regards to Meghan.”

  His face scrunched up. “What’s that supposed to mean? You don’t like Meghan?”

  That really wasn’t where I wanted this conversation to go. “What does it matter if I do or if I don’t. She’s not my girlfriend. As long as she treats you well, Mike…”

  “Well, it matters to me.” His frown darkened. “I’m asking. Do you like her or not?”

  I shrugged. He asked…“Not even a little, but you’re my brother. And I love you, so I just put up with her. And I’m always pleasant, so I’m sure she doesn’t know. And I just want the same from you with Brody. Yeah, he and Jason don’t like each other. That doesn’t mean either of ‘em are bad guys – just, you know, not friends. And if you tell Mom how much Jason hates him, all it’s gonna do is make my life more difficult. And I really don’t need that.”

  His expression softened a little. “I just don’t want to see you do something stupid.”

  “Me neither.” I smiled. “But at the end of the day, I gotta be able to make my own choices, Mike. And I gotta follow my heart right now.”

  “Your heart?” he echoed, sounding more than pained. “What? Are you in love with the guy?”

  I hadn’t even asked myself that question. I’d probably been too afraid to do so. But in listening to my heart, I knew the answer without hesitation. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I am.”

  Mike winced.

  “Give him a chance,” I pleaded. “Don’t go by Jason’s opinion. Make up your own mind about him.”

  “And if I come to the same conclusion as Jason?”

  “Then you can get really good at biting your tongue like I have to all the time.”

  He heaved a sigh. “You hate her that much, huh?”

  “Hate’s a strong word.” I shrugged. “I don’t think she’s very nice. She says some pretty cutting things to me whenever she gets the chance. But as long as she’s good to you, Mike. That’s all that matters at the end of the day.”

  He scrubbed a hand down his face like he was giving up. “Ok, I won’t say anything to Mom, but—” his gray eyes pinned me where I stood, “—you better make sure he knows that if he does anything to hurt you, I’ll kick his fucking ass.”

  Which was my brother’s way of saying he loved me.

  As soon as we reached a little park with a playground, Aiden bolted toward the slide, lifting his airplane above his head as if it was flying. He really was a cute kid, and I didn’t usually like kids. But he had this sweet nature about him, just like Leah did.

  “Be careful,” she called after her son, not that he slowed down at all.

  Leah slid her hand into mine and directed me toward a park bench not far from the slide Aiden was climbing up.

  We sat down and I draped my arm around her shoulders. “He’s great,” I said.

  “Thanks.” Her smile lit up her face. “I think he’s pretty wonderful.”

  “Your brother seems to adore him.”

  “Oh, yeah. He adores Mike too, and Jason.”

  “And Jason?” I groaned. “Did you have to go and ruin my day?”

  She laughed and leaned back against my arm. “He’s the nicest guy in the world.”

  I gagged.

  Leah shook her head. “I don’t get why the two of you don’t like each other.”

  That was easy. “He’s got a holier than thou attitude. He never shows up for practice. He—”

  “He was there yesterday.”

  “Rarely,” I amended. “And because he doesn’t practice, he fucks up half the time, which he likes to blame on everyone else. He’s always in a shitty mood. He—”

  “Well, his mom is dying,” she said softly and completely derailed my train of thought. “He’s always taking her to doctor appointments and getting anything she needs.”

  “What?” I breathed out. I mean, I could not have heard her correctly.

  Leah blinked at me. “His mom has stage four cancer.”

  Fuck. My stomach twisted into a knot.

  “You didn’t know?” She sat up straighter to meet my gaze head on.

  “None of us did.” I shook my head, still a little shell-shocked. Shit. Why hadn’t he said something to us? When I thought of all the shitty things I’d said to him…

  “Maybe he didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for him.” She sighed. “I always got the feeling that singing was Jason’s one outlet, you know? Like he could escape life, just temporarily, from all the shit in the world when he was singing.”

  God, that explained so much. I still felt like a dick, though. “Fuck,” I whispered.

  “Yeah, she’s a great lady. Not the end she deserves.”

  “I doubt any of us get the end we deserve,” I muttered.

  We sat there in silence for a while, watching Aiden climb the ladder, throw his plane, slide to the bottom and start the whole process over again. Such a strange juxtaposition, watching a little boy at the start of his life without a care in the world and thinking about Jason’s mom at the end of hers. I don’t know what I’d do if it was my mother. I don’t even want to imagine it. So I shook my head, trying to shake the thoughts away in the process.

  “Swing, Mommy!” Aiden ran towards us. “Swing.”

  She pushed off the bench and glanced back at me. “Duty calls.” Then she took his little hand and led him to a swing set not too far away.

  All I could do was watch the two of them. Leah pushing Aiden and him giggling as his swing went higher and higher. She was so beautiful and natural and just innately sweet. I swear to God, I could have just watched the two of them all day. But then my phone rang. A 310 area code. Shit. Johnny Staub.

  I touched the answer button. “This is Brody.”

  “Golden boy!” Johnny Staub’s voice sounded in my ear. I could hear the smile in his voice.

  “Hi, Mr. Staub.”

  “I got good news, Brody.”

  “Yeah?” My heart was pounding in my ears. Usually he emailed. But to call me on a Sunday morning. We were even three hours later on the East Coast.

  “Hayley’s gonna be in D.C. tomorrow for a show. She wants to meet you if you can drive out there?”

  Drive to D.C.? I’d drive just about anywhere Johnny Staub told me to. “Absolutely!” I’d only miss a couple of classes. Nothing I couldn’t make up.

  “Great. She’ll be at the Verizon Center. I’ll put a couple of tickets in Will Call for you. But it’ll probably be better to talk to her after the concert.”

  “Sure,” I said, and my heart was beating a mile a minute. I just had to play my cards right tomorrow night. Then I’d be set for Hayley Byrne’s next tour. “Thanks, Mr. Staub. I really appreciate it.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Don’t thank me until you have this all sewn up.”

  Leah started back for the bench, smiling at me and for the first time in my life, everything was perfect. The girl of my dreams and everything I’d ever worked for. I was the luckiest son of a bitch on the planet.

  “Thanks. I’ll let you know.” Then I ended the call as Leah dropped back onto the bench beside me.

  “Everything ok?” she asked, her gray eyes rounded in interest. />
  I smiled in response. “Yeah. Sounds like I have tickets for the Hayley Byrne concert in D.C. tomorrow night. Are you working?”

  “Hayley Byrne?” She laughed. And really, bubblegum pop didn’t seem like my thing, I could see why she thought the idea was funny. “Uh, I do have to work. I don’t get another night off until Thursday and then Friday.”

  “You wanna call in sick?” I tempted.

  She shook her head. “I need my job and I need the money.”

  Well, I certainly couldn’t take one of the guys with me, not since I needed to talk to Hayley after the concert. “Worth a shot,” I replied.

  Aiden zoomed by, racing the paper plane past us. The thing was almost falling apart now. The paper FAA would never allow it for real travel. I couldn’t help but smile at the kid, so carefree, so happy.

  “So, who’s his father?” I asked and then almost cringed. Shit. I really hoped she wouldn’t get angry that I wanted to know. But, if Aiden’s father showed up at some point, I’d really rather be prepared for it than blindsided.

  Leah’s eyes dropped to her lap, like she couldn’t look at me. Then she shrugged.

  What the hell was a shrug supposed to mean? “What? You don’t know?” Damn, I heard the judgment in my own voice. But how could she not know? Too high? Too drunk? Raped? God, I hoped it wasn’t that one.

  She shrugged again. “There are a couple guys it could be.”

  Fuck. That just sounded bad. At least Mom knew Dad was the one who knocked her up. “You don’t see any of ‘em anymore?”

  She scoffed and finally lifted her gaze back to mine. “The first guy offered me money for an abortion when I told him. The second OD’d before I could tell him. And the third called me a bunch of real nice names before disappearing completely.” Leah heaved a sigh. “So Aiden’s mine. No one else’s.”

  That was bullshit. If it had been me, I’d have done exactly what my dad had done – I’d have stepped up and married the girl. I wouldn’t have been happy about it, and Dad had spent the last 30 years blaming Mom for ruining his life. But it was the only right thing to do. Aiden’s father, whoever the fuck he was, ought to have to own up to his responsibilities.