Striving for Normal (Striving Series)

by Mooney, B. L.

  Chapter 12

  I pulled in the driveway and took a deep breath. It had been six long weeks since I kicked Dennis out, and I was going crazy. I needed to see if we could salvage what we had together. Terri didn’t even know that I was going. I didn’t want to get her hopes up. Dennis might have kicked me out before I got in. I’d tell her how it went afterwards.

  Taking another deep breath, I raised my hand and knocked on the door. I heard him shuffling around inside and held my breath to see if he’d open the door. He could’ve just left me standing outside like an idiot. I shifted the bag that I brought with me on my hip. It was getting a little heavy as my nerves started to shake my body.

  Dennis opened the door and was completely surprised to see me. Terri wasn’t kidding when she said he was sick. His eyes were swollen and red, as was his nose. I’d never seen him look so miserable. “Drew.” I put my hand on his chest to push him back into the house, but he stepped out of reach, still blocking my entry. “Don’t.”

  “Dennis, I—”

  “I don’t want you to get sick.”

  I smiled. He didn’t say that he didn’t want me—just that he didn’t want me to get sick. “I’ll take my chances.” I walked past him and went to the kitchen. Just as I thought, it was littered with tissues and microwave food cartons. I started to clean up.

  “Drew, I don’t want you to get sick. I’ll clean it up later. Just go home.” Dennis could barely stand as he started coughing and leaned against the doorway.

  I walked over and put my hands on his shoulders. “I’m not going anywhere. Now you, on the other hand . . .” I turned him around and pushed him towards his bedroom. “Go to bed. I’ll be in soon with water and medicine.” He started to protest, but I pointed and snapped. “Go!”

  I finished up in the kitchen after getting Dennis settled in bed. I told him that when he woke up I would fix him some hot soup and anything else he needed. I was getting ready to clean the living room when there was a knock on the door. I didn’t want Dennis to wake up, so I hurried to answer it.

  Deb was standing on the other side. To say she was shocked to see me would have been an understatement. “What are you doing here?”

  I lifted up the small garbage bag I was using to clean the living room. “Cleaning.” She tried to look past me. “Dennis is sleeping.” I stepped aside. “But come see for yourself if you want.”

  “No.” She looked back to me. “That’s okay. I’d rather not get too exposed.” Deb smiled for the first time since I’d met her. “I have to say I’m surprised you’re here.”

  “I heard he was sick.” I made sure the door was unlocked as I stepped outside to talk to her.

  “Are you leaving again when he’s better?”

  “I don’t want to, but that will be up to him.” I watched as she nodded and walked back down the steps. “That’s it? No other words from the great and all-knowing Deb.”

  She turned to look at me, but didn’t come back up the steps. “You came when he needed someone, even after you broke up.” Deb shrugged. “That’s all I need to know.” She got in her car and left.

  The woman continued to amaze me. I opened the door to go back in, and Dennis was standing in the hallway. He didn’t look good. I dropped the bag and walked to him quickly. “Dennis?”

  He started sobbing. “I thought you were just a dream again. I woke up and you weren’t here.”

  I hugged him as he clung to me. “I’m here. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

  I got Dennis settled back in bed, and he ate the soup I made for him. It’s a little clichéd, but he needed fluids to get better, and I wanted him better. Once I promised him that I wasn’t leaving until he felt better, he finally drifted off to sleep again. I sat in the chair in the corner of his bedroom, watching him breathe.

  I quietly left to answer my buzzing phone in the other room. “Hi, Terri.”

  “Hey. I need to go buy some new outfits for the kids. Do you want to come with me?”

  “I’m sorry. I can’t.”

  “Oh.” My relationship with Terri had been a little strained since the dinner party at my apartment. “Okay, well maybe some other time. Listen, I’ve got to go.”

  “Terri . . .”

  “No, it’s okay. Really.”

  “I’m with Dennis.” I heard the slightest squeal on the other end of the phone and rolled my eyes, but couldn’t help smiling. “You said he was sick and . . .”

  Terri started to use her mommy voice. “You went to make him all better.” She got serious again. “Is it all better, Drew?”

  “I’m not sure yet, but he didn’t kick me out. We haven’t had much time to really talk. He is so sick. I’m just cleaning up his place and taking care of him. We’ll talk about everything when he’s better.”

  “Okay, well, I’ll let you get back to him.” Terri hesitated, and I looked to make sure the call hadn’t ended. “I love you, Drew.”

  “I love you, too, Terri.”

  ~*~

  “Where are you?” Craig started yelling from the other room. “I’m dying here. Is that what you want?”

  I rolled my eyes and walked in with his sandwich. “Of course, I don’t want you to die, but you’re being a little dramatic.”

  “You think this is easy for me?” He took a bite and spit it out. “That’s disgusting!”

  “I told you we didn’t have any mayonnaise. You’ll have to eat it dry since you don’t like mustard. Here.” I handed him a soda.

  “I wanted beer.” He grabbed the can and threw it across the room.

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “You can’t have beer with your pain meds.” Craig thought he was a superhero after a night of too much drinking and ended up breaking his ankle. It was going to be a long six weeks. I walked over and picked up the now-dented can.

  “The beer will dull the pain enough. Fuck the meds and give me a beer.” He threw the plate to the edge of the bed. “And get some fucking mayo.”

  ~*~

  I was startled awake by Dennis touching my shoulder. “It’s just me.”

  “Hey.” I sat up and rubbed my eyes. “How are you feeling?”

  “As if I got hit by a bus.” He touched my cheek when I gave him a sympathetic frown. “Hey, it’s an improvement. Believe me.” He leaned back into the sofa.

  I was sitting sideways on the sofa with my legs curled under me so he could sit down. I placed my head on the back of the sofa and just watched him. I reached out for his hand at the same time he reached for mine. I smiled. “Dennis . . .”

  “I know. We need to talk.”

  “No, I mean, yes, we do need to. I’d like to wait until you feel better, though. I was going to ask if you were okay to snuggle.” He smiled as he moved his arm to the back of the sofa, and I found the place I missed being most of all—in his arms.

  ~*~

  It took Dennis a few days to get well enough to return to work. I took care of him when I wasn’t working and pretty much stayed with him every moment I could. I hadn’t been back to my apartment for days for more than picking up the mail and getting new clothes. I knew we had to talk soon, and I wanted to be with him for as long as possible. The realization that I didn’t know if I could live without him scared me and consumed my every thought.

  “What’s on your mind, Drew?” Joseph had enough of the silence.

  “What isn’t on my mind?” I started to fidget.

  “What’s making you anxious?”

  “I’m afraid I’m making the wrong choices.”

  “Do they feel like the wrong choices?”

  I looked at him. “Do they ever? People wouldn’t be as messed up as they are if they always knew the right choice.”

  “People need to learn how to listen to themselves, and then they’ll start making the right choices. I thought you had found that inner voice. What changed?”

  “I guess it’s just too crowded in there right now to know what’s right or wrong.” I took a deep breath.
“Peggy is coming in less and less. She’s leaving virtually all decisions up to me now. Some days I wonder if it’s the right fit for me.”

  “Is it when you have to make a tough decision that you doubt yourself?” He continued when I didn’t answer. “You’ll get more confident in time with the decisions you make. What else?”

  “Carl is getting more . . . persistent. He’s picking up Amy more and dropping by at closing time when he doesn’t pick up Amy.”

  Joseph shifted a little. “How do you feel about Carl?”

  “I just want to be friends with Carl, and I tell him that every time I see him, but he still points out how my body responds to him.” I crossed my arms. “I don’t want to respond to him, but I do.”

  “What do you think you’re responding to if you just want to be friends?”

  “His strength. I’m not talking about brute strength. Dennis could hold his own in that regard, but guys like Craig and Carl . . .” I trailed of and shrugged my shoulder.

  “What do they do that Dennis doesn’t?”

  “They aren’t always checking to make sure that what they’re doing is okay. They aren’t always asking if I’m okay with something.” I stood up and went to the window. “I think Dennis is afraid he’s going to hurt me and is too hesitant on some things.”

  I turned back to Joseph, but didn’t leave the window. “Craig wanted to hurt me. I know that now. Carl pushes me to find my limits, but he knows I can take it. He knows I’m strong enough to handle him and that I’m not some fragile little girl.”

  “Do you think Dennis thinks you’re fragile?”

  I shrugged. “He treats me as if I am.”

  “So this is more about your strength than theirs.”

  “Shit.” I turned back to the window.

  ~*~

  There was a knock on my door. I was a little surprised since I didn’t buzz anyone up. Terri had a key and didn’t need to be buzzed, but she had a key to the apartment, so she didn’t need to knock. I shrugged. Maybe it was a neighbor. I looked through the peephole and almost dropped my wine. Gloria stood on the other side of my door. I quickly looked around the room to make sure it was presentable before opening the door.

  “Gloria, what a pleasant surprise.” I stood back and allowed her in.

  She looked at the wine glass. “Am I interrupting something?”

  “No, it’s just me.” I shut the door. “Would you like a glass?”

  “Thank you, but no. I probably won’t be staying long.”

  I wasn’t sure what that meant, but I offered to take her coat and showed her to the living room. I set my glass down on the coffee table and closed my laptop. “I have too much to do at the center to fit it all in at work.” I took a drink of my wine. I wasn’t sure why I felt the need to explain myself to her. “Is there something I can help you with?”

  “First, I want to be honest with you. I’ve talked to Deb. She’s made me aware of her reasons for being so rude at DJ’s home. They weren’t excusable reasons, but I understand her concerns.”

  “Oh?” I couldn’t look at her. “Are you here to ask me to stay away from Dennis?”

  “Would you if I did?”

  I met her gaze. “No, but I would let it be his decision. I wouldn’t want to come between him and his family.”

  “I’m sorry about your loss. No one should have to lose a child and to lose one in such a brutal way—”

  “Thank you, but I don’t think you came here for condolences, and I have work to do.” I pointed to the laptop.

  “I’ll be quick then.” She reached into her purse and pulled out a check. Placing it on the coffee table, she slid it to me.

  “You’re paying me off?”

  Gloria laughed. “Oh, dear God, no. I don’t think there’s any amount of money that would get you away from DJ.” She realized how that sounded. “Not that I would try to do that. Oh, I’m making a mess of this. I’m nervous. Forgive me.”

  I looked at her and sat back against the sofa. “What are you trying to say, Gloria?”

  She took a deep breath and smiled. “This is not for you to leave my son. I’m a retired teacher, and I want to contribute to the center. I would like to volunteer there, too, but Dennis, my husband not DJ, said that that would be uncomfortable for you. I miss the children so much, but . . . Well, I should be going and let you get your work done.”

  “You want to help with the center? I thought that after Deb . . .”

  “My daughter means well, but she doesn’t know what’s best for everyone as she thinks she does. I saw the way you looked at my son, and you cared for him this past week when he wouldn’t let me near him.” She stood. “I should let you get back to your work.”

  With Peggy leaving soon, I needed an experienced teacher at my disposal, and one who wanted to volunteer would also help the budget. “When you say you want to volunteer . . .”

  Gloria smiled and sat back down.

  ~*~

  “I still think it will be weird to boss around your future mother-in-law.” Terri and I were just getting back to her place after a day of retail therapy—my preferred therapy. Neither one of us really needed anything, but we bought too much anyway, a sign that this therapy session was long overdue.

  “Will you stop calling her that? The only person who thinks it is weird is you.” I paused before grabbing the last bag out of the trunk. “Well, I guess Dennis doesn’t like it, either.”

  “I thought he loved the idea.” Terri handed me one of her bags so she could get her keys out.

  “No, I meant his father. DJ loves it.” I rolled my eyes.

  “You don’t like calling him DJ?” Terri laughed at the face I made and then stopped with a serious look on her face. “What if he wants to name your son Dennis, too?”

  “No way! Two is more than enough in the . . .” I shoved Terri through her door. “Stop planning our future.”

  “But you didn’t deny it.” Sometimes I hated Terri’s singsong voice that told me she was too happy about the point she’d just made.

  We were taking off our coats and sorting the bags in the entryway when we heard yelling from the other room. “Did you see that? How could he not make that call?”

  I froze at the sound of the voice. “Drew?”

  I grabbed my coat and was trying to put in on too quickly. It was getting more tangled the faster I moved. “I just remembered something.” It wasn’t a lie. I was flooded with memories.

  Terri took my coat to help me straighten it out. “Drew, please stay and talk to me. Tell me what I did.”

  “Hey there, pretty ladies.” Terri stilled as she saw Tony come around the corner. “It’s been a long time.”

  “Not long enough.” Terri took my coat back and hung it up. “What are you doing here, Tony?”

  “I ran into him in downtown and invited him over to watch the game.” Mark moved in and kissed Terri. “It’s a pathetic game, but still a game.”

  “It’s not the game that’s pathetic.” Terri turned to Mark. “I don’t want him here, Mark.”

  “That’s no way to treat an old friend.” Tony was trying to look upset, but I could see from the gleam in his eye that he noticed how uncomfortable I was.

  “Show me an old friend, and I’ll treat him how he should be treated. Get out.” Terri opened the door.

  “Terri, what’s gotten into you? Let’s go talk about this for a second.” Mark tried to pull Terri out of the entryway.

  “I’m not leaving him alone with Drew.” Terri pulled her arm out of Mark’s grasp to stay in the entryway with me.

  Mark looked from Tony to me and finally saw how uncomfortable I was. He shoved Tony. “What did you do?”

  “So we had a little fun. She didn’t act all shy then. I don’t know why she is now.” Tony put his hands up. “Hey, I don’t want to start any trouble. I’ll leave and you can call me when you all get your heads on straight.”

  “Your head’s the only one you should be worrying about.” Mark
slammed the door after Tony left. “Now, which one of you is going to tell me what the fuck that was about?”

  I fell back against the wall, relieved that Tony was gone. I wasn’t sure why I reacted the way I did. I went along willingly with everything they wanted, but he was a reminder of a past I wanted to forget.

  “I’m not going to ask again.” Mark was furious.

  I hugged myself and spoke before Terri could. It really was my problem, and Mark should hear it from me. “He’s the one that took lessons from Craig . . . with me.”

  Mark turned and opened the door, but Tony was already gone. He slammed the door and turned to us again. “Why didn’t you tell me it was him?”

  Terri took his fist in her hand and unclenched it. “Because of this reaction right here.” She tugged on him. “Come on. Let’s check on the kids. They are way too quiet.”

  I took a few minutes in the entryway to give Terri time with Mark to calm him down. I needed the time to calm down myself. I was lost in thought wondering why my reaction was so strong that I jumped when there was a knock on the door. Looking through the glass panel next to the door, I could see Dennis laughing. He must have seen me jump.

  I opened the door and put my hands on my hips. “Do you think giving your girlfriend a heart attack is funny?”

  Dennis stopped laughing and looked at me. I was about to tell him I wasn’t serious when he grabbed me and kissed me. “Say it again.”

  “You almost gave me a heart attack.”

  “No.” His smile grew. “Say exactly what you said two minutes ago.”

  “Okay. Do you think giving your girlfriend . . . Oh.” I smiled and looked down. I hadn’t realized I’d said that.

  “You are, you know.” Dennis tilted my chin up. “I would love for you to be my girlfriend, officially.”

  “I would love that, too.” Terri came back for her bags.

  “Can we talk about this in private?” We still hadn’t had our talk since the fight. Dennis was working crazy hours catching up what he missed when he was sick. If I were honest about it, we both kept putting it off because neither one of us really wanted to have it. That made me even more nervous to make a commitment before the talk.