Striving for Normal (Striving Series)

by Mooney, B. L.

  “Craig, we should go.” I didn’t want to leave when Terri needed my help, but I didn’t want Craig to stick around and cause further problems.

  “No, we shouldn’t. We were invited, and I’d like to stay.” Craig spit blood on the ground.

  “You weren’t invited.” Mark still hadn’t unclenched his fists or made a move to go back inside.

  “Anywhere my girl goes, I go. Maybe you should reconsider my offer to bury our problems.”

  Terri put her hands on Mark’s chest and gently pushed. “Let’s go inside. Please, Mark.”

  Craig noticed Mark relax and release his fists when he looked down at Terri. “Sure, walk away again. Sally always said you backed down first in your fights. I blame you for spoiling her.”

  Mark’s whole body tensed and shook at the mention of Sally’s name. Terri wrapped her arms around his waist and started whispering things to him. I was sure she was trying to calm him down. I walked over to Craig and tried to pull him back to our car so we could leave. He grabbed my hand as I was pulling and released me so I fell backwards to the ground. Something flashed in Mark’s eyes, and Terri got out of the way. Craig had a moment of fear in his eyes but headed towards Mark anyway.

  Craig landed a few good shots to Mark’s ribs, but Mark was taller and could dodge the throws Craig attempted to land on his face. Mark, however, was able to land quite a few to Craig’s face, and soon Craig was having trouble standing. Mark backed off, breathing hard and shaking his hands.

  “You killed her. You don’t know how badly I want to kill you.” Mark took a few more deep breaths while Terri tried to get him inside again. “If I could get away with it, you’d be dead.”

  “Kill me already then!” Craig fell to his knees. “She left me, too!”

  “She left because of you! You don’t get to mourn her!” A very distraught Mark finally allowed Terri to pull him into the house. He sounded very emotional as he kept whispering to Terri on their way back. “He doesn’t get to mourn her.”

  I sat there stunned at the scene that had just unfolded before me. Craig started coughing and spitting more. I slowly stood up and made my way over to him. “What did he mean when he said you killed her?”

  Craig started shaking his head. “I didn’t kill anyone.” He stood up and tried to reach for me, but I backed up. “She killed herself. You know that. He’s just trying find someone else to blame.” He stood there and looked at me for a few minutes. “Come on. Take me home and fix me up, unless you’re going to leave me, too.”

  I thought for a brief moment and looked back at the house. Craig wrapped his arm around me, leaning on me a little. I quickly had to adjust his weight and wrap my arm around his waist. “No, Craig, I’m not leaving you.”

  ~*~

  “Drew?” Gloria was wrapping a coat around me and rubbing my arms. “Can you talk to me?”

  She slowly came into focus, and I remembered what I came out here for. “Where’s Dennis?” I tried to look around her, but there were too many people. “I need to get to Dennis. I need to stop the fight.”

  “It’s been stopped. Are you okay?” Gloria stopped rubbing my arms, but she wouldn’t get out of the way. “I need to know that you’re okay before I let you see Dennis.”

  “I’m okay.” I looked around at all the people. “Where’s Terri?”

  “I’m right here.” Terri came out of the center with a bag of ice and a towel. “I’m just getting this for your Prince Charming.” She tilted her head to her van. “He’s lying down in there.”

  I took off for the van and saw Dennis reclining a little in the backseat. I slowly got in and kneeled on the floor between the seats in the back. I put one hand on his shoulder and another on the top of his head, stroking his forehead with my thumb, and resisted the urge to hit him myself. The right side of his face was a mess. He had one black eye that was already starting to shut from being so swollen, and his bottom lip was bloodied and fat. At least it looked as if his nose hadn’t been broken.

  I took the ice from Terri and placed it on his bad eye. “What were you thinking?”

  Dennis opened his good eye when he heard my voice. “Hey, are you okay? You had another flashback, didn’t you?”

  “Tell me why you fought with Carl.”

  “We’ll talk about it at home.” Dennis looked at his mother and Terri before looking back at me. “Please can we talk about it later?”

  “It looks as if you’re going to live.” Terri backed out of the van, but popped her head back in. “I’ll still kill you if you get blood on my seats, though.”

  “I’m going back inside to help with the kids. We’ll discuss this later, son.” Gloria patted Dennis’s leg before leaving us alone.

  I turned back to Dennis. “Okay, we’re alone. Why did you fight with him?”

  Dennis struggled to reach in his pocket. I batted his hand away and pulled out the pair of underwear that I had left somewhere on Carl’s office floor. I looked at Dennis and he closed his eyes. “He said I may have you for now, but he would always use those as his inspiration to get you back. I’m sorry. I just lost it. I couldn’t let him keep them.”

  “That’s probably what he wanted.” I stuffed the underwear back in his pocket since I didn’t have any way to take it back inside undetected. I didn’t want it in my coat pocket and have someone accidentally find it.

  Dennis lifted his head up and looked at me. “I know. I know. I should have handled it better.” He sighed and laid his head back. “Especially with my mom here. I thought she was doing banker’s hours or something like that.”

  Trevor came running into the van and started bouncing. “That was cool, Uncle D!”

  I looked at Dennis and raised my eyebrow. I hadn’t heard the nickname yet. Dennis smiled, but it hurt so it didn’t last long. “No, Trevor, it was not cool. You don’t solve your problems by fighting. I should have been a little more in control and talked to him instead of fighting.”

  “But that’s boring. Guys don’t talk.” Trevor looked as if he was about to take back the nickname.

  “You’re right.” Dennis sat up and put the seat the way Trevor needed it. Terri glared at him, but Dennis kept talking. “Most guys don’t talk, but men do. If you want to be a man someday, you’ll learn how to talk.”

  Trevor put his hand on Dennis’s shoulder as he nodded with a serious look on his face. “We’ll figure it out together, Uncle D.”

  “Somehow, Trev, I think you’re going to beat Uncle D there.” Terri had just finished fastening Sally in her car seat. “Okay, all the adults out of the back. Trevor, put your booster seat back in place and buckle up. We’ve got to get home and cook dinner.” Terri shut Sally’s door and turned to me to speak a little softer. “So we can go to bed just to get up tomorrow and do it all over again.”

  I looked over at Dennis as he was slowly walking to his car. “I didn’t want to ask in front of Dennis, but how’s Carl?”

  Terri crossed her arms. “Why? Are you going to go to his house and kiss his boo-boos, too?”

  “Terri, I just want to know how he is.”

  Terri looked behind me. “He’s still sitting in his car. Dennis really did a number on him. If Dennis hadn’t been so worried about you, he wouldn’t have been hit the two times he was. What started it, anyway? Neither one of them would say.”

  “Dennis said that Carl made some crack about not giving up, and then Carl showed Dennis the underwear I’d left behind at his office.” When Terri’s eyes widened, I rolled mine. “I didn’t feel like looking for them. I just wanted to get out.”

  Terri nodded and opened up her door. She peeked in to make sure Trevor was buckled up in the booster seat and then turned back to me. “At least do me a favor and wait until Dennis leaves before you check on Carl. He doesn’t need to see you going to him.”

  “What I have to say to Carl can wait until he’s fully alert to hear it.” I looked over at Dennis. “Rain check on the talk tonight?”

  “I kind of f
igured that already. We need to get together soon.” Terri got in her van.

  I held the door open while she started it. “How about Uncle D and I come over this weekend? The guys can watch sports or whatever and we’ll have girl talk.” Terri agreed as I shut her door. I looked at Carl’s car, but didn’t look too long before I walked over to Dennis. “How’s it going in there?”

  “I’m just resting a little before I take off. I’m sorry.” Dennis reached through the open window to hold my hand. I looked at his knuckles and shook my head. “I know. It was stupid.”

  I decided to let him off the hook a little bit. I leaned in the car and kissed his good cheek. “I think it was kind of sexy.” The left side of his face had been relatively unharmed, so only his left eyebrow went up, but I know he was shocked by my statement. “You lost your cool over me and not because of me. You’re still in trouble, though.” I kissed his cheek again and stood up. “Go home, and I’ll be over as soon as I can close the center.”

  Dennis looked over at Carl’s car, which was still in the parking lot. “I can wait for you.”

  “I’m not speaking to him right now, and if you want me to still talk to you, you’ll go home.”

  Dennis reluctantly started his car, but waited until I had gone into the center before leaving. I wasn’t sure if that was him showing he didn’t trust me or that he didn’t trust Carl. I tried to shake it off. Since we had declared at the very least our trust in each other the previous night, I was sure it was Carl that he didn’t trust.

  Gloria stayed until the last parent had picked up his child. She had even sent workers home when we no longer needed them without my knowledge. I was a little frustrated that she did that, but I didn’t want another confrontation tonight. I started turning the lights off in the back and met up with her in the main area. “Thank you for the extra help tonight. You can always go home before the others, though.”

  “Yes, but I wanted to talk to you.”

  I was afraid of that. “How can I help you, Gloria?”

  “I just wanted to make sure that you’re okay. I didn’t like it when I couldn’t get through to you out there.” Gloria pointed to the parking lot.

  “It happens sometimes, but I’m okay.” I started pushing chairs in and straightening up. “They haven’t come up as much lately, but when . . .” I trailed off and wrapped my arms around myself.

  “I was frightened, too. I don’t think I’ve ever seen DJ react like that before.” She started staring out at the parking lot as if she were watching it again.

  I looked at the floor unable to hide my shame. He’d started a fight because of me. I’d been his girlfriend for just one day and already it was affecting him. I was turning him into someone he didn’t deserve to be. I cleared my throat and broke Gloria out of her thoughts. “I’m going to lock up and head over to Dennis’s to make sure he’s okay. Was there something else?”

  “No, I just wanted to make sure you were all right. I’m here if you ever want to talk.” Gloria put her coat on.

  “Thank you, but I’m fine.” I put my coat on and looked out at the parking lot.

  “He left about a half an hour ago. He waited until his sister and a friend came to drive him and Amy home.”

  I nodded and breathed a sigh of relief before turning the lights out and heading to Dennis’s.

  Chapter 14

  “What’s really bothering you, Drew?” Joseph knew I was holding back.

  I closed my eyes and put my head back on the chair. “I feel as if I’m changing Dennis. He’s fought twice because of me now.”

  Joseph sat there for a few moments. “I’m not following you. I know about the fight with Carl, but what was the other one?”

  I looked up at him. “With me at his house, he wanted to have a rational conversation, and I made him say things he normally wouldn’t have.” Joseph made me feel a little uncomfortable while he sat and looked at me. “What?”

  “I’m just trying to decide whether I should let you figure this one out on your own or help it along.”

  I stopped fidgeting for a moment and looked at him. “What’s to figure out? Dennis is a great guy and being mean and hateful isn’t him. He never would have said those awful things to me if I hadn’t pushed him to say them.”

  “If being mean and hateful isn’t part of Dennis, why do you think he said them?” Joseph tapped his pen on his chin as if he were thinking.

  “He wanted to shock me, I guess. Make me see how ridiculous I was being to think he would ever do that.” I looked out the window.

  “So . . . you don’t think he really meant any of that?”

  I continued looking out the window. “Of course not.”

  “Then how has that fight changed him? It seems to me he just figured out a different way to show you what he needed you to see. If anything, it just shows how much he does care about you.”

  “Oh.” I looked down at my hands.

  “That frightens you, doesn’t it?”

  I could only nod. The thought of someone actually loving me unconditionally in spite of all of my faults sounded too good to be true. I was afraid that if I started to believe it he would disappear or that I would wake up from a dream to realize I was completely alone. “I’ve wanted to feel that I belong with someone instead of to them for so long, but I can’t do this to Dennis. He deserves someone who can love him without reservation. He deserves someone who is whole and complete.”

  “What are your reservations, Drew?”

  I looked at Joseph and tried to find the courage to say what I was ashamed to admit. He nodded his head to encourage me. “When Dennis and I argued, I told him all he does is give. The reality is all I do is take. And then Dennis said I need to love me for it to work, but if I can’t even love me . . .” I started crying.

  “Finish your thought, Drew.”

  “If I can’t love me, how can I expect him to?” I took two tissues and covered my face.

  “Maybe we could invite Dennis to a couple . . .”

  “No! He can never come here. I don’t want him to know anything about that life.”

  “You need to let go of your past.”

  “I’m trying!”

  Joseph rarely raised his voice and he barely did then, but I sensed the frustration there. “No, you’re hiding it. You’re keeping your former self hidden from Dennis, and by doing that, you are hanging on to it—very tightly.” Joseph cleared his throat. “It is your decision to make if anyone sits in on these sessions, but I strongly recommend you at least give it some thought.”

  Joseph’s voice was soft yet firm when he continued. “We need to get back to the past, Drew. You’ve had a lot of changes, and I’ve granted you several sessions based on those changes, but now it’s time to continue the work we started.”

  I nodded my understanding and slowly lowered the tissues after wiping my face one more time. “What do you want to know?”

  Joseph picked his notebook up and turned a few pages. “You said you had a flashback when you saw the fight. Was the incident with Mark the only time you saw Craig get physical with anyone?”

  “Craig wasn’t very strong, so he didn’t start a lot of fights.” I started tearing the tissues in my hands, and Joseph leaned over with his garbage can. I hated it when he took away my distractions. I rolled my eyes and threw the tissues in the can he provided. I wasn’t sure, but I thought I saw a hint of a smile on Joseph’s face when I rolled my eyes. I realized that he enjoyed taking away my distractions.

  Joseph had his straight face on again when he sat back up. “So you never saw him hit anyone else?”

  I shook my head. “He kicked a couple of people out of our apartment when he thought they were hitting on me, but he never threw any punches.”

  “Were they hitting on you?”

  “Brian wasn’t. We were just talking about music and what bands we had seen live.” I waved my hand to dismiss it. “It was completely innocent, but Craig didn’t like it. I think the others heard a
bout what I did with Craig and Tony and they thought they could get in on the action, too.”

  Joseph put his notebook down and sat forward. “Normally when our sessions end I like to have you think of something until we meet up again. This time I would like you to think of nothing.” Joseph smiled at my shocked reaction. “I need you to relax, Drew. This session proved to me that you need to slow down and not think so much. Don’t have any more serious talks with anyone this week that aren’t required for your job. Your homework for this week is to just enjoy the people around you without thinking about any what-ifs. Can you do that for me?”

  I shrugged. I honestly didn’t know. “I can try, but that’s actually going to be easier said than done.”

  Joseph just smiled and stood up to put my file away.

  ~*~

  “But we always talk about your sessions.” Terri was hurt that I wasn’t sharing any information with her. I should have been. She was right that we did always discuss it, and she is my best friend. I just didn’t want the lecture I knew I would’ve received from her if I had told her what I admitted to Joseph. Not everyone can be as confident as Terri, and it would’ve helped me a lot if she could’ve understood that.

  “I know, but he said that he just wants me to relax this week and not think so much about everything.” I nudged her a little. “It’s seven days. I’m sure he’ll let me spill my guts to you again next week.”

  “Fine, I’ll let it go.” I was about to ask if she was feeling okay when she continued, and I understood why she was so willing to let it go. “Have you talked to Carl yet?”

  “Terri.”

  She flung her arms around, obviously irritated with Joseph. “We aren’t allowed to talk about anything?”

  “Sure we can. We can talk about Mark or the kids or those boots.” I pointed down to her new shiny red boots. “When did you go shopping without me?”

  “Oh, those are nothing.” Terri got off the sofa to take her glass to the kitchen, and I quickly followed her. I needed to hear this story. “How did your meeting go about replacing the supplies when they run out?”