Wicked Flower

by Carlene Love Flores

  “Who doesn’t like Will?” she said.

  He nodded, still looking tired beyond his years, which she’d figured to be thirty-eight, give or take a few months, she supposed he could be thirty-nine already. Apparently Dani was too tired to sleep as her brain seemed stuck on autopilot with Stefan its only passenger. She wished he didn’t seem so distant.

  “Wanna know a secret about your buddy?” she asked, hoping to entice him away from his worry over Gina.

  “If you’ve got one of those on Will, I’ve really pushed the two of you together way more than I should have.” He rubbed his arms. “Oh shit, here, have the blanket,” he said and started to strip it from his body to hand her.

  “No please you keep it. I’m hot from running around inside.” No she wasn’t but she’d catch fire if he took that blanket off himself right now.

  She watched Stefan’s brow crinkle like his head was hurting. Studying his features was doing nothing good for her pulse.

  “I think Will and my sister had a real moment the other day at her apartment,” she shared. “You saw them, right?’

  Stefan’s one eyebrow hiked up. “You didn’t see anything. Will doesn’t have moments with women. Not anymore.”

  Aside from the need to point out he’d just called her a liar, Dani didn’t want to agitate him anymore. She knew something Stefan didn’t but would keep it to herself. She thought Will may have picked up one of those fancy Keurig coffee makers, in red, at another of their Taggert’s trips. Her guess was the next time she visited Daisy, it’d be on the counter. Stefan would apparently never believe that though. Why was it so hard for him to believe Will might like Daisy back? It saddened her that the reason could be he didn’t believe in love. Lust and pleasure? Relocating his mom’s entire household? Yes. But those weren’t necessarily permanent things.

  “All I’m saying is Will’s a great catch. And now I’m going inside.”

  Stefan let out a loud breath and fanned the blanket away from his body like he was hot and uncomfortable.

  Her traitorous eyes followed his movement.

  The hairs that blanketed his chest so expertly disappeared, giving way to a smooth and outlined set of abs, although not so ripped she could count them. The dark hairs picked back up just below his belly button. There was no trail but a soft dark patch, shadowing the space above his lounge pants. Black and soft looking, the pants and his body’s fur captivated her. She remembered his offer to hold her the night of her contraction scare and wished he’d invite her again. Dani’s throat burned and she had to make herself look down at her socks to keep from staring and imagining and aching.

  “I wish I could tell you why I know that about Will, sweetheart.”

  So easily he slipped into his super hero suit.

  “Bro code?” she got out.

  A sleepy grin broke through his pain at that. “Yeah, something like that.”

  “You love him.” Dani could see it every time the two overgrown boys were together.

  “I do, like a brother. I’d be nothing without Will Cordero.”

  Dani sensed there was so much more behind what he’d shared. She longed to ask him. “What makes the two of you so close, if you don’t mind me asking?” She scooted back into the comfort of the second rocker chair since he’d been the one to keep their conversation going.

  In the cutest way she’d ever seen, his eyelids slid closed and his head began bobbing. God, to be that confident. If their roles were reversed, she didn’t know if she could be as trusting, letting him watch her in a moment like this. His brow furrowed but not in a frown. He’d found some inner groove and looked like he might have forgotten she’d asked him a question.

  But then he opened his eyes and found her again. “Know much about the inner workings of a band?”

  Did she? “Not a clue, sadly.”

  He warmed. “Well, if you’ve ever found yourself listening to a song and you just settle into that deep, comfortable head bobbing groove, that’s because the bass player and the drummer are feeling each other. We call it the pocket. Without Will, it’d be impossible for me to be able to play bass and sing. And that’s just musically. Let me tell you, that guy right there, he’s the most forgiving mother fucker I know.”

  Stefan sat up straighter, pulling his legs to his chest and wrapping his arms around his knees. She couldn’t help but smile.

  “What’s that pretty smile for? Hmm?” he asked.

  Dani’s face immediately flushed.

  “It’s a bit late for blushing,” he said with a hint of his usual teasing. She doubted he wanted to tease her but he probably couldn’t turn it off completely. That one phrase he’d shocked her with in the stall would never leave her and she knew that’s what he hinted at. She’d be eighty years old and using a walker and still hear the perfect, deep vibrating timber of his voice whispering what he wanted to do to her.

  “I was just about to say you’re a good teacher and then you throw mother effer in there for good measure. Always keeping people on their toes, you are, Mr. Calderon.”

  She couldn’t tell how he’d taken that and then he tugged on his lounge pants, straightening them and pulling them to where he must be more comfortable. They just hung there on his hips. Her eyes popped too wide and she accidentally let a “Shit” spill out.

  “Aren’t you the interesting one tonight?” he said. She’d have called it his usual teasing but his every word and action tonight barely covered the tired pain so evident in his voice, his hands. He rubbed at his hip bone and then raised it to do the same to his forehead. “What?”

  “I just half expected everything you own to be white. PJ’s included.”

  That got her a more genuine smile although still heavy with his exhaustion and worry. “White pajama bottoms would not be appropriate for me at Mom’s. At least not with you around.”

  “Why not?” she asked.

  “Really?” He closed his eyes for a slow second and flexed his toes.

  “Consider me clueless. I’ve rarely seen you in anything but white around here. Why would pajama pants be such a jump to make?”

  She was so thankful that even though she felt severely below intelligence levels right now, that they were talking about something as mundane as the color of his clothes.

  “You know how hard it is to hide an erection in white cotton?”

  Oh shit. She hadn’t thought about that. At all. And now she really was a blushing fool.

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah, big Oh,” he said and let his legs fall into a more relaxed position on the chair. Still didn’t look like he’d found a comfortable position. “Hey, not trying to be a dick, but you should probably go back inside, Dani.” His eyes darkened.

  “Okay.” But Dani couldn’t help but find just the right angle of peripheral vision to check him out now. Yes, there. The front of his soft pants betrayed nothing inappropriate below. Just a natural male bump that signified he had his man parts. Her heart somersaulted. Her belly spasmed but that had nothing to do with Stefan’s glorious body laid out beside her. She casually tried to act like she hadn’t just scoped out his crotch. “I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

  “Wait,” he said. “I’m fighting it, Dani.” His voice came out low and then finally, because it felt like it had been ages, he touched her. Just a single falling ringlet of her hair but in that one gesture, she had that proof again, even if it felt like he was trying to keep it from her.

  His jaw worked. Her insides turned to hot goo.

  “I don’t know what to say. Thank you? I’m sorry?” she asked.

  “You don’t have to say anything. But since you’re not leaving, it would be nice if you told me what you’re doing out here with me.”

  What else could she say? “I know today was tough for you to see. I wanted to make sure you were okay. And to tell you that I promise your mom doesn’t have many of these days but when they hit, they hit hard.”

  “But she’ll bounce back. You said you’ve been through t
his with her before.”

  “Yes, Hon—”

  He stopped her with two fingers covering her lips.

  “Never been called that by a younger woman. It’s nice when you do it.”

  “It was a slip. But I’m glad you’re okay with it,” she said. “Stefan, your mom will be okay. I’m not just saying that. Even though I did say that before.”

  “If you tell me this shit will pass and she’ll be better soon, I guess I have to believe you.”

  There was so much more she should have focused on but Dani couldn’t help but wonder how many women Stefan had loved and how young and how old? She decided to put some insane number in her head so if and when she ever found out the actual amount, it would sound absurdly low. Silently, she calculated in her factors while he smoothed her lock of curl between his fingers and focused on nothing else but the back and forth action for a few moments.

  He was thirty-eight-ish. He’d been in his band for something like twenty years. He was drop dead gorgeous, single and rich. He not only played bass guitar but also was the lead singer. His body could melt the polar ice caps. At least what she’d seen of it. And, he would hook up with a woman just about anywhere. Shit. His number had to be astronomical. Before she assigned his, she thought about hers. Eight. Nine if she counted Stefan. They hadn’t actually slept together but what they had done was more sensual and erotic than all the others combined.

  Her eye caught how completely absorbed he looked in the petting of her one lock of hair. If she didn’t know better, she’d think music was about to flow from her head, with the look on his face like the one in the magazine picture of him with his beloved guitar. Quickly, so as not to fall completely fairy tale in love with this man who at every turn found new ways to taunt and confuse her, she mentally blurted out, five hundred. But realized that he could have done that in a handful of years. One thousand. That’s what she’d keep telling herself.

  Funny though, she wasn’t disgusted by the outrageous number.

  “What in the world are you thinking about right now?” he asked her, and finally let her long curl go back to the others.

  “Math?” she said, wondering if he’d take that and chalk the oddness up to the fact she was also dead tired.

  “Is that a question?” he asked.

  She just shook her head. Tell him, Dani’s conscience egged her on. “Did you know you have a way of making me feel like I’m the only girl in the world? I bet you make everyone feel that way.” It was the reason his thousands of previous lovers didn’t send her running right now with her tail between her legs. And why there was no way she and Thom could ever be together. Or she and any other guy. No one made her feel the way Stefan did.

  He scratched behind his ear and just shrugged.

  “Hey, thanks for the talk. It helped. I feel less like shit now,” he said rather than acknowledging her compliment.

  “But still not great?” she asked.

  “I’m fine, Dani. Go.” Slowly, he downed his chin toward his bare chest.

  He needed to get some rest and she should do the same. Gina was an early riser. Four-thirty would be there soon. She guessed he really was sleeping out here tonight.

  “Why don’t you stay asleep in the morning? I’ll get up with your mom,” Dani offered him.

  “Hey…” Stefan sat up. He looked away for a moment then came back to her. “You shouldn’t have come out here … but I’m glad you did.”

  Dani stood, her hand a little shaky, like she couldn’t possibly have heard him right.

  “I know.” Her cheeks bunched because she was overcome with emotions. She wouldn’t miss the crazy mood swings pregnancy brought along and took a few steps away from him.

  Before she got too far, his voice called her to a stop. “So anymore word from Thom? He doing okay?” Stefan’s eyes were still tired but he looked genuinely interested in a distant kind of way again.

  Maybe he wasn’t really ready for her to go either, but talking to him about Thom threatened to cloud over the warmth she got from just being near Stefan. “He hasn’t called or emailed again. I don’t expect him to. It’s not like that.”

  “Not like what?”

  “We’re on friendly terms but we’re not close like that. Remember? He’s got someone who loves him.” Her lip quivered. No matter how much she tried to stop it, nothing helped. She couldn’t talk to Thom like she could with Stefan. “How horrible does that sound? I didn’t realize until I just said it. But it’s true.”

  “Hey.” His chocolate eyes under that crinkled dark brow held no secrets right now. Just the same plain, raw need she felt inside too. “Come here.”

  Dani stayed put, wiping sudden, unexpected tears away.

  “Come back over here. Sit down with me,” he said.

  In a trance, caught between what they should do and the need she felt every single time she was in his presence, Dani hovered over his chair.

  He took the quilt he’d already pulled back earlier into his hand and held it up like he was waiting for her to join him so he could then cover them both with it.

  To him, it would appear she was just standing there, ignoring him. But really she was trying to figure out who he was. She’d seen so many different sides to him in the matter of ten days. Hours ago, even minutes earlier, he’d been distant. Now he wanted her to lay with him on the chair.

  “Shit. I can see it all over your face. You wish I was someone else,” he said.

  He dropped the blanket. It fell to cover his lower half. He started to roll over, away from her but stopped. Like this was her very last chance. Their very last chance.

  To answer him, she didn’t wish for that. She just wanted this to be real so badly. She wanted to be his proof, the person who calmed and soothed him tonight. Who told him it would be okay without needing the words. Dani’s gut twisted when she realized then that she wanted a real relationship with him.

  Well, that was impossible.

  “Fuck, Dani. There’s nothing I can do about who I am. I won’t beg for this. I just wanted to hold you.”

  Incredibly hesitant, she joined him lying as straight as she could at his side. She pointed her toes straight downward so they didn’t poke him.

  “This ain’t gonna work.” He pulled himself up and stood then brought her to her feet as well, holding the rocker’s pillow and the quilt. He led her by the hand over to a soft patch of grass where he sat. “Join me?” She adjusted to the odd feeling of laying down on the ground outside as he pulled the soft quilt up and over them. Technically, they weren’t under Gina’s roof and the implications of that and this made her woozy. A legion of goose bumps took their places on every inch of her skin. Stefan’s smell had permeated the pillow, the quilt, her hair. It was so warm and deep, like everything else about him and it made her blood hum. He placed one chaste kiss on her cheek. “Told you, I just want to hold you.”

  She fidgeted some more.

  Her baby bump showed under the blanket and she smoothed over the top of it.

  She turned her face to the right to see him and paid for it instantly. If his look didn’t say how bad he wanted her…

  “How far along are you again, exactly?” he asked, a genuine mark of curiosity lit his face. Dani studied the handsomeness of his slightly crooked nose but his absolutely perfect full lips for a second and then returned to staring at the ceiling of stars above them.

  “Eighteen weeks.”

  “So that’s what? Four months?”

  “A little over.”

  Dani couldn’t help but touch her stomach. Although she knew she had to stay aware that this tender of a moment would only make things harder for her and the quizzical man lying a foot away in the morning. Even if it was just holding, as he’d said.

  A roll of indescribable motion tumbled low in her belly. She always gasped when the baby did that. It hadn’t gotten old since two weeks ago when she’d felt it for the first time.

  “You seem happy about your baby. I admire that, Dani.”r />
  “I have a lot to be happy about,” she said. Some might think she was crazy to come to that conclusion, but she couldn’t think any other way. The little guy was on his way. Dani was so anxious about her ultrasound appointment in the morning when she would confirm whether he was indeed a little guy or gal.

  “Stefan, are we still operating under that promise we made?”

  He brought his hands up and clasped them above his head. His armpits smelled like spicy, rustic heaven and the black hairs fascinated her. What was it about his body hair that set off every one of her man-loving hormones? That there wasn’t too much, just the perfect amount to outline his muscles and look soft to the touch?

  His biceps flexed and called to Dani to kiss them.

  “It feels like we’ve made a few of those damn things. Are you speaking about the one where we don’t sleep together under the same roof? Because I don’t think I can stay awake much longer. So you can count that one shot to hell,” he said. “But then again, we’re outside.”

  “Broken on a technicality then,” she said back as he yawned and she saw that his teeth weren’t perfect but they were a nice pearly white in the moonlight. Of course they would be white.

  “You know, back to what I was saying earlier about you being happy with your baby, not everyone would see things as positively as you do,” he said then yawned.

  “You refer to things most would be ashamed of. Like getting knocked up by someone who doesn’t even love me.”

  “Some people would be ashamed of that. But—”

  Dani cut him off, unbelieving.

  “If I wanted to be judged, I’d go to confession, Stefan.”

  “What about the last week, the truck stop, my mom … makes you think you can say that to me and have me take you seriously? You should consider letting me finish what I’m saying sometimes,” he finally let out.

  Cracks surfaced in their mutual promise.

  Every time she thought he’d close his eyes to blink or shut down, he didn’t. With solid, eyes wide open, he seemed to want to challenge her. “Go to sleep.” He maintained his stare.

  Dani let out a breath and patted her part of the quilt over her stomach again.