Coletti Warlords: Reality Bites

by Gail Koger

  He crossed his arms and glared down at me. “Nice try.”

  The menace in his voice sent a shiver down my spine. He was determined to be a snot wad. “Why are you upset? Everything’s under control.”

  “You lied to me.”

  I shrugged. “I might have omitted a few tiny details, but I felt there was no need to disturb your rest.”

  “My rest?”

  Shit! He had his scary face on. “You did all the heavy lifting yesterday. It was my turn to handle things.”

  “Did your father allow you to go on missions without backup?”

  God, no. I sidestepped the question. “I had Zarek.”

  “Only because Voss summoned him. Now I must answer to the Overlord for your actions.”

  “Oh. Shit. Sorry.”

  “Sorry? Until you’re fully Coletti, you cannot teleport safely. Had you tried, you could have materialized in the bog. You will learn to obey me.”

  Hanging on to my temper by a thread, I snapped, “What happened to us being partners?”

  Jaylan leaned down until we were nose to nose. “We’re on a hostile planet and being hunted by assassins. We do not separate for any reason.”

  Dammit, I hated when he made sense. “You have a point, but—”

  Madal jumped on Jaylan’s back and gnawed fiercely on his battle suit. “Run, Bree.”

  I grabbed the cub by the scruff of his neck and pulled him off. “Isn’t he precious?”

  Jaylan hollered, “Precious? He’s a nuisance.”

  “He’s a baby.”

  Tiko growled a warning. “My baby.”

  I put Madal down and pointed at my warlord. “This is Jaylan, my mate. Jaylan, this is Tiko and her son, Madal.”

  Jaylan knelt and offered Madal his hand. “It is an honor to meet you, small one.”

  Madal wrinkled his nose in disgust. “You stink.”

  I bit my lip to keep from laughing.

  Jaylan smiled. “Yes, I do.”

  “Why?”

  “It keeps the predators away.” Jaylan projected the image of the armored insects into Madal’s mind.

  “Zip-zips. Bad.”

  A beam of dazzling red energy shot from the sky and struck Zarek’s base.

  Shit. Radan’s hired assassins had found us. “Don’t you hate it when company arrives unexpectedly?”

  “It does shows a certain lack of respect,” Jaylan concurred, checking the readouts on his communications bracelet.

  The ground rumbled beneath us, and with an ear-shattering boom, the earth erupted, spewing flames and smoke thousands of feet into the lavender sky.

  Tiko and Madal vanished into the rocks.

  “Smart cats. The iridium in the boulders will shield us from the assassins’ sensors.” Jaylan rose with a lethal grace and wrapped his arms around me. There was a fleeting second of blackness, and poof. We had teleported a good twenty miles. We were standing in a forest of mustard-colored stone spires. A millennium of sandstorms had eroded the rocks into a fantasy of arches and weirdly balanced boulders.

  “There’s a cavern up ahead. We’ll take shelter there until my ship arrives,” Jaylan announced and climbed up a rocky obstacle course.

  I trailed after him, gawking at toadstool-shaped rocks and sculptured buttes that marched like sentries down a canyon. The sizzling caress of the sun was turning our hike into a nightmare. What little breeze there was felt like it came straight from hell.

  Wiping the sweat off my face, I asked, “How long will it take them to realize we’re not dead?”

  “Once they scan the ruins, they’ll know we escaped.”

  The smell of rotten eggs slapped me in the face. “Ugh, what is that?”

  “This is a geothermal area.” Jaylan extended his hand and helped me up a chaotic mass of tumbled stones.

  I paused at the top and gasped as a geyser shot water high into the air. “Whoa! Just like Old Faithful.”

  “Not quite. If you get caught in the spray, you’ll be dead before you hit the ground.”

  “Gee golly, you take me to the best places.”

  Jaylan gave me the evil eye. “Does that mouth ever stop?”

  “Listen, you Neanderthal, you picked me. I have a tendency to become a motormouth when I’m scared shitless. Deal with it, or find another mate.”

  “You? Scared?”

  “Yeah. Scared. Do you think this is easy for me? It’s not. I’m struggling to cope with you, Zarek, and this whacked-out alien world.”

  “I will protect you with my life.” Jaylan pulled me into his arms and kissed me gently. “Never doubt that.”

  He was definitely a keeper. I framed his face with my hands and planted a hot one on his mouth. “Good. ’Cause it’s the man’s job to kill creepy-crawlies.”

  A puzzled frown creased Jaylan’s brow. “Creepy-crawlies?”

  “That.” I pointed at an amber-colored critter skittering across the sand. It was the size of a Saint Bernard and looked like a scorpion had mated with a spider.

  “A Barat. There’s a similar species on Joroco called Ovas.” He pulled his laser pistol and incinerated it.

  “What? No sword?”

  “Barats are incredibly fast, and it’s too damned hot to fight.”

  I grinned at him. “Wuss. It’s only a hundred and thirty in the shade.”

  Jaylan nipped my nose. “And you smell like a week-old corpse.”

  “God, you’re such a romantic.”

  A throaty roar echoed off the rocks.

  “That’s not a sand rat.”

  “A male Pantos on the hunt.” Jaylan’s predatory gaze surveyed the rocks.

  My Siren senses shrieked a warning. “Yay. We have a couple of cats sneaking up behind us. Bet they think we’re on the dinner menu.”

  “Or they could be tracking Tiko and her son.”

  “She said her pack had been killed.”

  “Any unmated male would pursue her.”

  “Would Madal be accepted into the new pack?” Please say yes.

  “No. He would be eaten.”

  “Damn, I was afraid of that. Ain’t gonna happen on my watch.”

  “If a challenger kills the current alpha, he eats all the cubs to ensure only those with his DNA survive. It’s a common practice in the Pantos culture.”

  “That’s pretty damned barbaric. Those monsters aren’t getting anywhere near the kid.”

  Jaylan raised his eyes heavenward as if imploring the gods for help.

  I tried another tactic. “How do you feel about cats as pets?”

  Jaylan’s mouth firmed. “No.”

  Ha. Like that was going to work. “Kaylee has her Tabors. Zoey has the Gorum. Why can’t I have cats?”

  “Gorum aren’t pets; they’re allies,” Jaylan pointed out logically.

  “Tiko and Madal could be too.”

  A badly scarred Pantos crouched on a toadstool behind Jaylan.

  Before he could spring, I commanded mentally, “Sit.”

  Yowling in outrage, the cat sat.

  “Good kitty.”

  Jaylan rubbed his face. “‘Good kitty?’ He’s an alpha.”

  Like I cared? “So? He’s not eating Madal.”

  Another Pantos with only one tusk crept over the rocks.

  “Stop!”

  He froze and snarled in fury.

  “How many can you control at one time?” Jaylan leveled his laser pistol at the cats.

  I shrugged. “Don’t know. My critter control has always been a bit iffy.”

  Jaylan’s left eye twitched spasmodically. “Iffy?”

  “Relax. I’ve got a plan.”

  “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

  “Do you have any pictures of the assassins Radan hired?”

  One tap on his communications bracelet, and the image of eight fierce, heavily armed Coletti warriors formed in midair.

  “Deadly lookin’ bunch.”

  “They’re responsible for the massacre at the Tarian outpost.”
<
br />   “Well, it’s about time those lowlife scum got a little justice.” Sitting on a nearby rock, I opened the heel of my boot and took out what was left of the explosive. “I love blowing stuff up, don’t you?”

  Jaylan smiled evilly. “Very much.”

  A mechanical whine broke the silence. A moment later, a silver, bullet-shaped shuttle zoomed by.

  “Time for a little fun in the sun.” I mentally projected the pictures of the assassins into the Pantos’s minds. “Sic ’em.”

  Obediently, the cats trotted off.

  He shook his head in disbelief. “They’re actually obeying you.”

  I was a bit surprised myself. “Where shall we plant the explosives?”

  Jaylan touched his bracelet. An overview of the canyons popped into existence. He pointed at the crater surrounding the geyser. “An explosive here and here will blow the underground channels and turn the area into one massive geyser.”

  “And if they manage to teleport out?”

  “We bring the canyon walls down on them.”

  “Good plan, but to make it work, we have to split up. I’ll take the geyser.”

  A muscle in Jaylan’s jaw twitched. “No. It’s too dangerous.”

  “I’m a big girl, and I can take care of myself.”

  “Not on this world.”

  “We’re both at risk. If there’s a problem, I’ll holler, and you can teleport to the rescue. ’Kay?”

  His bracelet chimed a warning.

  “Tick tock. We’re running out of time.”

  Jaylan sighed heavily. “Your logic is irrefutable.”

  I gave him an impish grin. “I am the Overlord’s granddaughter.”

  “Very much so.” Jaylan bit into his arm and held it out. “Drink, or we don’t separate.”

  I knew there would be a catch, but I was getting stronger. I took his arm and lapped at the blood. Huh? It tasted almost as good as chocolate. How weird was that?

  Chapter Nine

  A curtain of mist rose from small pools of boiling yellow mud. Grotesque gray thorn trees with rootlike branches dotted the banks. Withered husks of long-dead creatures littered the ground beneath the trees.

  I ducked a lashing branch and shuddered. The carnivorous trees were wicked fast, and if a barb penetrated your flesh, it quickly drained you dry.

  A baby Barat squeaked excitedly and scurried toward me. “Momma?”

  My jaw dropped in astonished horror. Oh my God. Barats were intelligent, psychic beings? Or was I suddenly Doctor Doolittle?

  “Momma,” he cried again.

  “No! Not momma.” I backed away. The little guy was the size of a small tarantula. Could they be distant relatives of Kaylee’s Tabors?

  The baby stopped, and his stinger drooped. “Not momma?”

  Guilt twisted my stomach. Had Jaylan killed his mom? “No, honey, I’m not, but I’ll help you look for her.”

  “Me hungry.”

  Big surprise. “What’s your name?”

  “Rio.” He crept closer.

  “Watch out for the trees, honey, they’ll eat you.”

  Chittering in alarm, Rio scooted up my leg, and before I could react, his hairy little legs clutched my neck.

  I froze. I was going to die.

  Rio snuggled under my chin. “Safe.”

  Well, hell, just call me Momma. “Uh, sweetie, do you know what Barats eat?”

  “Pretty much anything,” Jaylan replied absentmindedly, his attention fixed on attaching the explosive to the side of a cliff the assassins had to pass.

  The ledge Jaylan clung to crumbled, and suddenly he was falling. I heaved a sigh of relief when he simply teleported back to the top of the butte. Thank God I had planted all my bombs. The booby trap was a work of art. Pops would be so proud.

  I reluctantly surveyed the area for any kind of insects. Scorpions in the Arizona desert paralyzed their prey with a neurotoxin, and once their victim’s insides were liquefied, they chowed down. Barats’ eating habits were probably pretty much the same. I hoped.

  Rio climbed on top of my head and made himself at home.

  My scalp twitched. How in the hell did Kaylee handle venomous critters in her hair without totally freaking?

  Screeching like a rabid bat, Rio hopped up and down. “There’s Cokie.”

  I was almost afraid to ask. “Cokie?”

  “My sister.”

  Oh swell.

  “Momma!” Cokie shot up my back and planted herself next to Rio.

  Fuck.

  A winged black centipede swooped down at us.

  Before I could react, Rio and Cokie launched themselves at the creature, knocking it to the ground and stinging it repeatedly.

  “Good job, babies.”

  The kids’ pincers penetrated the convulsing centipede, and they slurped up their meal.

  My stomach rumbled. God, I was kind of hungry too. Shucking off my backpack, I reached in and grabbed a power bar.

  Cokie scurried over to me. “What you eatin’?”

  “Chocolate.” I peeled back the foil and bit into it. Yum, food of the gods.

  “Me want some.” Cokie quivered in excitement.

  “This is people food, honey, not a juicy bug.”

  “Me like people food.”

  “We’ll see.” I broke off a tiny chunk and held it out.

  She carefully took it with her pinchers, crammed it in her mouth, and immediately spat it out. “Taste bad.”

  My kid didn’t like chocolate? Where did I go wrong? Something that could pass for a cricket hopped across the sand.

  I pointed at it. “Bet it tastes good.”

  Zoom. Off she went with Rio rushing after her.

  A bulky Coletti warrior appeared in front of me and leveled his pistol at my chest. “Drop your weapon.”

  Could this day get any worse? I let out all my pent-up anxiety in a bloodcurdling, ear-shattering, totally hysterical scream, and collapsed in a pitiful heap. “Please. Don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me. Please.”

  “You’ve got a pair of lungs on you,” the warrior muttered, rubbing his left ear.

  I grabbed his leg and sobbed. “Please. Please. Don’t leave me.”

  He eyed me suspiciously and took my gun. “Where is the warlord?”

  Putting on my best dimwit act, I blubbered, “Jaylan? He…he…got attacked by a…tiger. His leg is…is over there, and his other parts are…by…by that rock.” I pointed at a convenient boulder.

  The ass laughed. “This I have to see.” He pried my fingers off his leg. “Stay put.”

  “You’ll come back, right?”

  “For the bounty on you? Oh yes.” Poof. He was gone.

  Jaylan all but thundered in my head, “Why did you let him disarm you?”

  “’Cause now he thinks I’m harmless.” I took another bite of my slightly gooey bar.

  Jaylan snorted. “Harmless you’re not.”

  I grinned. “What convinced you? The cattle prod or the manure?”

  “The cattle prod was a first for me.”

  “Think of all the fun I can have with it now.”

  “Balok’s balls! I searched your backpack.”

  I smiled at his alarm. “Obviously, not well enough, but don’t worry. I won’t use it on you.”

  The Coletti warrior reappeared and roared furiously, “You lied!” He stalked toward me.

  “Ya think?” I crammed the rest of the bar into my mouth and chewed frantically.

  “Do not engage him in battle. I’ll deal with him,” Jaylan snapped.

  “But—”

  Jaylan cut me off rudely. “With or without the cattle prod, you aren’t strong enough to defeat him.”

  My eyes widened when a large brown snake with a crocodile’s head slithered over a pile of sand.

  “Really? I can take him out without laying a finger on him, Skippy.” Using my telekinesis, I picked the snake up and dropped it on the idiot assassin.

  Hissing like an enraged python, the reptile coi
led around his head, and its powerful jaws clamped down on assassin’s forehead.

  The battle-hardened warrior freaked out. Screaming like a little girl, he spun in circles, trying to shoot the snake with his laser pistol.

  I backed away.

  “An unusual but effective tactic,” Jaylan commended.

  “Fighting isn’t always about being the strongest. It’s about being the sneakiest.”

  “You do excel at being sneaky.” My big scary warlord appeared on a stony outcrop behind the mercenary. He raised his laser pistol.

  “Relax. I’ve got this handled.”

  “Do you?”

  An energy beam sizzled past my head. I quickly took cover behind a giant toadstool. “Whoa! Did you see that? He just shot off his own ear.”

  “With any luck, he’ll vaporize himself,” Jaylan added in disgust and lowered his rifle.

  “And you were worried about this guy? He’s a total wuss.”

  The idiot’s partner in crime teleported in. A laser beam caught him dead center in the chest. His mouth opened in a silent scream. For a brief second, he glowed a bright red, and then he was gone.

  “Bet he regretted not engaging his energy shield.”

  “His battle suit was in poor condition, and I doubt it could have absorbed a direct hit,” Jaylan stated.

  I winced when the pissed-off snake started chowing down on dumbass’s nose.

  The mercenary howled in pain.

  I was almost tempted to shoot the poor bastard to put him out of his misery, but I didn’t want to waste my ammo.

  Chomp! There went his other ear.

  Wham! Wham! Wham! The crazed warrior bashed his face repeatedly into a boulder until the snake fell off.

  That was one way to get rid of it.

  Blood pouring down his face, the moron blasted away at the reptile and screamed curses in some unknown language.

  To my amazement, every laser bolt mysteriously vanished before it hit the snake. “That’s freaky weird.”

  “Most unusual. The creature’s actions are similar to a Shani,” Jaylan agreed.

  The slightly battered croc critter disappeared into a crevice.

  The mercenary drew his sword and staggered toward me. “I’m going to cut you into tiny little pieces.”

  Jaylan crouched down and assumed a firing position. “He’s a dead man.”

  “Easy, big guy. I’ve got a plan.”

  “Then I shall watch with great interest.”