Frank Einstein and the EvoBlaster Belt
Page 7
—CHARLES DARWIN, LAST SENTENCE OF ON THE ORIGIN OF SPECIES
WATSON’S AMAZING INVENTIONS BASED ON THE LIVING WORLD
1. In 1948, a Swiss man named George de Mestral was out walking in the mountains with his dog. George was amazed at how strongly the burrs stuck to his dog’s fur and to his own coat. He looked at the burrs under his microscope and saw that the burrs had hundreds of little hooks that snagged loops in fabric or fur.
He decided to imitate this design, with tiny hooks on one side and loops on the other, to make a fastener that was better than a zipper.
He combined the “vel” from “velvet” and “cro” from “crochet” to name his invention: VELCRO.
2. Fish, sharks, dolphins, and whales all use tails and flippers to push themselves through water.
In the early 1700s, a boy who lived near the water in Boston wanted to move faster through the water. So he made flipper-shaped sandals to attach to his feet.
This inventor is on the U.S. hundred dollar bill.
GRAMPA AL’S MILITARY CORNER
MILITARY TIME
To prevent mixing up times (such as 6:00 in the morning and 6:00 in the evening), the military uses a twenty-four-hour clock instead of a twelve-hour clock.
Beginning with midnight as 0000 hour, each hour is the next 100:
Midnight 12:00 = 0000 hours
Noon 12:00 = 1200 hours
1:00 AM = 0100 hours
1:00 PM = 1300 hours
2:00 AM = 0200 hours
2:00 PM = 1400 hours
3:00 AM = 0300 hours
3:00 PM = 1500 hours
4:00 AM = 0400 hours
4:00 PM = 1600 hours
5:00 AM = 0500 hours
5:00 PM = 1700 hours
6:00 AM = 0600 hours
6:00 PM = 1800 hours
7:00 AM = 0700 hours
7:00 PM = 1900 hours
8:00 AM = 0800 hours
8:00 PM = 2000 hours
9:00 AM = 0900 hours
9:00 PM = 2100 hours
10:00 AM = 1000 hours
10:00 PM = 2200 hours
11:00 AM = 1100 hours
11:00 PM = 2300 hours
MILITARY ALPHABET
To prevent mixing up letters that sound alike when spoken over a radio, important military communications use words to represent each letter of the alphabet.
A = Alpha
B = Bravo
C = Charlie
D = Delta
E = Echo
F = Foxtrot
G = Golf
H = Hotel
I = India
J = Juliet
K = Kilo
L = Lima
M = Mike
N = November
O = Oscar
P = Papa
Q = Quebec
R = Romeo
S = Sierra
T = Tango
U = Uniform
V = Victor
W = Whiskey
X = X-ray
Y = Yankee
Z = Zulu
So if you wanted to spell DARWIN, you would say: “Delta, Alpha, Romeo, Whiskey, India, November.”
—GRAMPA ALPHA LIMA
KLINK AND KLANK PRESENT: HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN EVOBLASTER BELT
MATERIALS
1 World Championship wrestling belt
1 Magnetic compass
1 Circular diagram of all 1.9 million forms of connected life
2 TV Remotes (with >>, SELECT, << buttons)
1 High-speed DNA Double Helix Un-Zipper
1 High-speed DNA Double Helix Re-Zipper
1 Three-Pronged Hot Dog Roasting Fork
Wire, lights, switches, buttons, springs, buns, and mustard
ASSEMBLY
Remove gold center medallion of Championship belt.
Place circular life diagram in middle belt section.
Measure space in belt to insert DNA Un-Zipper directly in—
“Why are elephants wrinkled?”
“Klank, I am explaining how to build an EvoBlaster Belt. Do not interrupt.”
Measure space in belt to insert—
“Did you ever try to iron one?”
“No. I am not going to think about this. You will not make my circuits blow. Again.”
Measure space in belt to—
“What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?”
“I do not know. I do not want to know.”
“Time to get a new fence.”
“Bzzzzt . . . bzzzz . . . NO! I. Will. Not. Think. About. Elephants.”
Measure space in belt to—
“What did the peanut say to the elephant?”
“Bzzzzt . . . bzzzz . . . AIEEEEEEEEE! What? WHAT? WHAT DID THE PEANUT SAY TO THE ELEPHANT?!”
“Nothing. Peanuts cannot talk. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.”
“Noooooooooooo POP! bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”
SCIENCE SCOUT LEADER MS. PRISCILLA’S LIVING THING HALL OF FAME
BIGGEST
• The heaviest insect is probably a Goliath beetle (Golianthus regius): 100 grams.
• The largest reptile is the saltwater crocodile (Crocodylus porosus): 1,360 kilograms.
• The heaviest bird is the ostrich (Struthio camelus): 156 kilograms, with a 1.4 kilogram egg.
• The biggest animal to ever exist on Earth is the Blue Whale (Balaenoptera musculus): 100 feet (thirty meters), weighing up to 200 tons.
• But the biggest living thing on Earth is either: a group of quaking aspen trees (Populus tremuloides) in Utah: 47,000 trees, genetically identical, connected below ground, weighing 6,000 tons (or about forty Blue Whales);
or, a spread of honey mushrooms (Armillaria ostoyae) in Oregon: genetically identical, connected below ground, covering 2,385 acres (the equivalent of 1,700 football fields or four square miles). Could also be between 2,400 and 8,650 years old.
FASTEST
• A sailfish (Istiophorus albicans) can swim 68 miles (109 kilometers) per hour.
• Cheetahs (Acinonyx jubatus) can run 75 miles (120 kilometers) per hour.
• The Peregrine Falcon (Falco peregrinus) can reach a maximum airspeed of 242 miles (389 kilometers) per hour.
• But the organism that travels the fastest by far are the spores of the “Hat Thrower,” or dung cannon fungus (Pilobolus crystallinus).
The spores look like little black hats.
And this fungus grows on animal dung (i.e.: poop).
This fungus shoots its spores at 20,000 G-Forces.
A trained jet fighter pilot can withstand maybe nine Gs.
Most people pass out at four Gs.
STRONGEST
• The eagle (Haliaeetus leucocephalus) is the strongest bird. Able to lift four times its own weight.
• The anaconda snake (Eunectes murinus) can squeeze something that weighs its same 250 kilogram weight to death.
• The African elephant (Loxodonta africana) is the strongest land animal. Able to carry 9,000 kilograms (or the equivalent of 130 men).
• The leafcutter ant (Atta cephalote) can lift and carry an object fifty times its body weight. That would be like you lifting and carrying a car with your teeth.
• But the strongest animal on Earth, able to pull 1,140 times its own weight (which would be like you pulling six busses full of people), is the Dung beetle (Orthophagus taurus).
WEIRDEST
• The Vampire Flying Frog (acophorus vampyrus)
Lives in the mountain jungles of Vietnam. Can glide up to fifty feet using the webbing between their toes. Called vampires because, as tadpoles, they have curved black fangs sticking out of the undersides of their mouths.
• Mind-Control Fungus (Opiocordyceps unilateralis)
Infects ants, takes over their brains, then kills the zombie ant once it moves to a good location . . . for spreading spores, and growing more fungus.
• Bristle Worms (Polychaeta)
Terrifying-looking sea worms, they live miles undersea, near hydrothermal vents on the ocean floor.
Though luckily, most are a little more than three inches in length.
MR. CHIMP’S FAMILY TREE
JON SCIESZKA is thrilled with the recent discovery that living humans all have a bit of Neanderthal in them. Though he is also happy he evolved to become the author of a lot of books, the founder of Guys Read, and the first National Ambassador for Young People’s Literature. He makes his hominid nest in Brooklyn, New York.
BRIAN BIGGS has illustrated books by Garth Nix, Cynthia Rylant, and Katherine Applegate, and is the writer and illustrator of the Everything Goes series, as well as the brand-new series for Abrams Appleseed, Tinyville Town. He lives in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
TO OUR CLOSEST LIVING PRIMATE RELATIVES—CHIMPANZEES AND BONOBOS
PUBLISHER’S NOTE: THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION. NAMES, CHARACTERS, PLACES, AND INCIDENTS ARE EITHER THE PRODUCT OF THE AUTHOR’S IMAGINATION OR ARE USED FICTITIOUSLY, AND ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ACTUAL PERSONS, LIVING OR DEAD, BUSINESS ESTABLISHMENTS, EVENTS, OR LOCALES IS ENTIRELY COINCIDENTAL.
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA HAS BEEN APPLIED FOR AND MAY BE OBTAINED FROM THE LIBRARY OF CONGRESS.
ISBN: 978-1-4197-1887-8
eISBN: 978-1-61312-894-7
TEXT COPYRIGHT © 2016 JRS WORLDWIDE LLC
ILLUSTRATIONS COPYRIGHT © 2016 BRIAN BIGGS
BOOK DESIGN BY CHAD W. BECKERMAN
PUBLISHED IN 2016 BY AMULET BOOKS, AN IMPRINT OF ABRAMS. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. NO PORTION OF THIS BOOK MAY BE REPRODUCED, STORED IN A RETRIEVAL SYSTEM, OR TRANSMITTED IN ANY FORM OR BY ANY MEANS, MECHANICAL, ELECTRONIC, PHOTOCOPYING, RECORDING, OR OTHERWISE, WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THE PUBLISHER.
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