Through All the Years

by Rod Carstens

  "Not much to tell it's that cute fireman person that works the set."

  "Really?" Kate said.

  "Yes, he is very sweet and shy around me. I had to sort of help him along."

  "What brought this on? I thought you were 'so bored' here in the sticks?"

  "Remember when one the Grips got hurt. You know he really cut his arm badly. Everyone was running around screaming to call 911 and generally panicking. Well he calmly walked up and knelt down with his bag. He ignored everyone around him and said. 'Howya doin? Mind if I take a look.' Everybody wanted to call 911 and he said "No." Everybody stopped as if he had given an order. It was the weirdest thing he was this calm in the eye of Hollywood movie set storm. He stopped the bleeding, bandaged the cut, and put his arm in a sling. He had called for an ambulance on his radio and when it showed up he walked him over to the truck and helped him in. Then he just went back to where he always stood as if nothing had happened. Frankly it was the sexiest thing I had ever seen. A man who did all things the guys I know pretend to do or try to and make their exploits seem very dramatic. Well he was actually shy around me, so I asked about the grip and if he thought he would be all right. Well that broke the silence. He began talking to me between takes on the set; he was interested in what I was doing and really listened. I didn't think he was ever going to make a move on me. I finally had to help him along a bit again and it has been great. I now know what they mean by fireman cute."

  "The strong silent man of action." Kate said. She was watching Rachel closely and it was obvious this guy had really caught her eye.

  "Stop it. All the guys I know from LA would have passed out at the sight of that much blood but he was calm and reassuring."

  Kate was glad to hear Rachel was going to see someone like that, it was exactly what she and Gretchen had hoped would happen, somebody real who did real things for a living. Then for some reason she thought of Tom and how she had never really found anyone like him through all the years.

  "What's his name?"

  "Brian."

  "Nice name."

  "He may be too nice. I practically had to pull it out of him. I think all this movie making stuff is a little intimidating to him." Rachel said exchanging a conspiratorial look with Kate.

  "Honey you might be surprised about him once he gets his feet on the ground. The strong silent types can fool you."

  "You sound like you speak from experience. I've never seen you date somebody like Brain."

  Kate paused before he answered; she wanted to find the right words.

  "Sweetie is was long before your time when your mother and I were wild young things. Now leave me. I need to study my lines."

  Rachel shot her a bird and walked to the other end of the trailer.

  "That is terrible. A young lady should never do something that."

  "You were the one who taught me how to do it when I was seven." Rachel yelled from the other end of the trailer.

  "Oh I forgot."

  Kate turned her attention to the scene again. Walking through it in her mind. She had been at for some time when the radio on Rachel's hip squawked.

  "Kate we are ready for you."

  Kate stood up and opened the door and walked back on the set.

  CHAPTER 42

  COLLEGE PARK, FLORIDA

  1993

  "Papa, Papa." Carri the seven old girl cried happily as she ran toward her grandfather. Tom Ballard braced himself for his granddaughter as she threw herself into his arms. She was getting big enough that she was becoming a handful even for Tom. Over twenty years of fighting fires had taken it toll on his knees and back.

  Carri jumped into his arms and hugged him tightly, her arms around his neck.

  "How's my Doodlebug girl?"

  Carri pushed herself away from her grandfather and solemnly looked him in the eye. "I am too old to be called Doodlebug. My name is Carri."

  "And when did this happen?" Tom said.

  "Since her birthday last week. She is seven years old now you know," said Carri's mother Karen as she walked into the room. "Hey, Dad thanks for coming on such short notice."

  Karen was Tom's daughter-in-law. She was already in her nursing scrubs, a stethoscope looped around her neck, along with her hospital ID.

  "I'm just glad I had the day off. What else have I got to do?"

  Karen gave him a look that said she knew better, and thanks for dropping everything to take care of his granddaughter. She knew he did not mind, and she was very grateful that she could depend on him even at the last minute.

  "Danny got an overtime shift and then hospital called this morning. They're shorthanded for the weekend and need help. So I can pick up an extra three to eleven shift. We can sure use the money."

  "No need to explain. I know how it is."

  Karen smiled a silent thanks. She was a pretty brunette with wholesome good looks, and a hint of toughness around the edges that experienced emergency room nurses developed. She and Danny made a great couple, and they both seemed to know just how lucky they were. His own divorce from Danny's mother had been a cautionary tale for him, with the problems that still lingered between them even after all the years. Danny was smart enough to recognize a good one when he met Karen.

  "Look, I packed Carri an overnight bag with all the things she'll need. So you guys should be all set."

  Karen leaned over and kissed Carri on the cheek and smoothed her blonde hair. Then she stood on tiptoes and kissed Tom on the cheek.

  "You be good for your grandfather. Do you understand?" Karen said to Carri.

  "Yes, Mommy."

  "I have got to get, someone's waiting for me so they can go home. You know how to reach me at the hospital."

  Karen grabbed her keys and purse and was headed out the door when she stopped.

  "Danny's not at his usual station, he's at seventy-five, if you need to get in touch with him. Isn't that your old station?"

  "One of them."

  Karen waved a quick goodbye and was gone with the slam of the front door.

  "Now Doodle...I am sorry. Now Carri you want to grab your bag so we can go?"

  Carri jumped out of Tom's arms and ran to retrieve her bag. She came back with her pink backpack, a stuffed pink teddy bear's head peeking out of the top.

  "All set." she said.

  Tom took her tiny little girl hand in his. It always surprised him to hold her hand. It was very much like Danny's hand when he was the same age, but somehow different. He could almost feel his own son through her hand. It felt like he could take the last twenty-five years of his life by the hand. It seemed strange that such a revelation would strike him today, almost as if something significant was about to occur that could change that course. They walked out to his pickup truck and Tom helped Carri into the passengers seat.

  "What are we going to do today?" Tom said as he slammed the door.

  "I don't know Papa. You're the grandfather."

  They both laughed this had become a familiar joke between them on the days he took care of her.

  "Well, I have a surprise for you."

  "What Papa?"

  "Since I'm the grandfather maybe I shouldn't tell you."

  "Papa," Carri said, giving him a serious look.

  "Well, they are making a movie near my house. And do you know who is in it?"

  "No." Carri said her eyes wide.

  "Brandy."

  Carri squealed in delight. Brandy was the newest child star sensation. She had a show on cable, and Carri could sing all of the songs from the show.

  "Since your old grandfather is a firefighter, I know the firefighter they have on the set, and he's going to get us in. I called him on the way over."

  Carri could hardly speak. She just bounced up and down in her seat.

  "Put your seat-belt on honey."

  CHAPTER 43

  Tom parked the truck at Guernsey and Clouser a couple of blocks away from the set and took Carri's hand. They walked down the oak canopied sidewalk toward the a
ctivity around the movie set. The producers had chosen New Hampshire Street for their set, New Hampshire had of a row of small bungalows across from a neighborhood park. The street and park had changed little since 1940's. Ron Howard had used the same area in his movie Parenthood a few years prior and Tom thought that was the reason another movie was in his neighborhood. As they rounded the corner on New Hampshire all types of movie making paraphernalia filled the sidewalks and part of the park. Large boxes lay open, unused lights stood at the ready, reflectors of all shapes and sizes were lined up on front lawns. Heavy cables snaked their way through all the equipment to generators in the back of large trucks. Police officers and security guards kept the curious as far away as possible.

  "Stay close, honey."

  The street was blocked off with all manner of cars, trucks, equipment and trailers. It looked more like a traveling caravan of well-heeled gypsies than a movie set. Yet for all of the equipment and people it did not seem busy from an outsider's perspective. People were standing around in groups talking and laughing. Some of the crew spoke into radios but it did not seem to create any actions. Tom pulled out his cell phone and called Brian Cole the Lieutenant working the set that day.

  "Hey, Brian it's Tom Ballard. I have one very excited young lady with me.'

  "Hey, Chief. Meet me at the corner of Clouser and New Hampshire by that equipment truck."

  Tom led Carri along the sidewalk toward the street corner. She was almost vibrating with excitement. They reached the corner and could see at the very center of everything the cameras, lights and a small knot of people who finally appeared to be in the actual process of making a movie. Carri's eyes got even wider although that hadn't seemed possible.

  Brian walked up to them. He was a younger firefighter who had been on Tom's truck as a rookie, tall and athletic he was part of the next generation of the department. He was in his uniform of black pants and a white shirt with and his badge on his chest. New lieutenant's bugles on his collar adorned his collar.

  "Hey, there Lieutenant. I haven't had a chance to congratulate you," Tom said shaking his hand.

  "Thanks, Chief. All I have to do is remember what you taught me." Brian said then knelt down to Carri level. "You ready to see them make a movie?"

  "Yes! Is Brandy here?" Carri said craning to look around the set.

  "Yes she is, but I think she's in her trailer right now. She should be out in a second. Come on, I'll get you closer."

  The College Park police officer and a security guard waved them past when they saw they were with Brian. He led them to where he was posted during the shooting, just off camera near a tree. They had a perfect view of the set, cameras, lights and the technicians setting up for the next shot.

  "Ok, we are going to stand here. You have to stay with me and be quite. Ok Carri?" Tom said.

  She was so excited she could only nod her head.

  "Not bad overtime, Lieutenant." Tom kidded Brian.

  "Yeah, fifty bucks an hour to stand and watch."

  "Fifty! Man that is a nice gig. Wish Battalion Chiefs could work it."

  "That's why you get the big money and all those bugles."

  They both laughed. Carri was eagerly scanning the set for a glimpse of Brandy.

  Tom noticed a tall blonde woman who appeared to be the director. She stood talking to a group of actors. The director stepped aside to say something about the lights to one of the technicians and that is when Tom saw her. It had been over twenty years since he had last seen her in person, but there was no mistake, it was Kate.

  She still had the same effect on Tom, as she did those long years ago. His heart raced, and his stomach knotted with excitement just at the sight of her. She stood listening to what the director was saying her face serious. The years showed, but she had aged the way only good genes allowed. She was still slim and had a gracefulness that comes with age. Her face was almost unlined yet older. She was in her costume. Her hair was cut like women wore it in the 1960's; she wore a white sleeveless top and those cropped pants that were so popular back then. Large period sunglasses hid her eyes. It was strange seeing her dressed as if she were a grown woman of that time, instead of the beautiful young girl he had known and loved.

  "That is Kate Newhouse over there. She's on the picture. I met her assistant." Brian said.

  "Papa, who is Kate Newhouse?"

  "She's an actress Carri. She must be in this picture with Brandy," Tom said trying to keep all of emotions he was feeling out of his voice.

  He had thought about this moment on and off for twenty years. What would he say? What would he do? How would he react? Now faced with her presence all of the thoughts and plans simply vanished. Even through all the years he had always wondered what if? What if he had tried after the bad years? What would she be like now after twenty years in the spotlight with all that attention and fame the came with it? Not to mention the marriages and very public divorces? In fact she was in the tabloids with some young actor now. How much had she changed? He could hardly imagine she was the same person she had been all those years ago, he had certainly had changed. Maybe she was the same girl all grown up?

  Just then a man walked by with a piece of lighting, followed by a woman carrying a box that read make-up.

  "Excuse me they need this for the scene." The man said and the two moved around Brain, Tom and Carri.

  Suddenly all of his thoughts about what he felt and what might have been ground to a halt. Tom became acutely aware of his surroundings. Their were dozens of men and women and hundreds of thousands dollars of equipment all there to capture what Kate and few other actors did in the next scene. Everything that Jack had said about what Kate's future would be like, was suddenly a physical reality surrounding him. What Jack had predicted was staring him in the face. Everything had changed. They both had lives and careers built over twenty years. Lives that had time, effort and sacrifice in them, yet it was just like in 1968. They still existed in two different realities that never touched one another. They lives were further apart that ever; Kate had been able to build the career and life in the rarified atmosphere of Hollywood just as Jack had predicted. While he remained firmly rooted in reality of firefighting and anonymity that brought . If being a firefighter/paramedic taught you one thing it taught to face reality and the reality was they were both still lived very different and separate lives.

  He and Jack still talked frequently. Jack had turned into the closest thing he would ever have to a father over the years. He had helped him through the bad years and been as happy as a grandfather at the birth of Danny, but they both had established an unspoken rule that the subject of Kate was off limits. So seeing her now so unexpectedly a block from his house was more than disconcerting. Jack must have known she was going to be here shooting but he never said a word. Now Tom wished he had broken their rule and told him. He could have avoided this chance encounter altogether.

  He tried to regain his footing. It was as if he had pulled up on a big fire on the department unexpectedly and had to adjust to a very big problem staring him in the face. Normally he had SOP's to fall back on but there were no standard operating procedures for running into a very old girlfriend. With any luck he and Carri would get lost in the confusion and he would take Carri home and all of this would just be a strange encounter that could be forgotten.

  Then it happened. Kate turned glanced in their direction then turned back to the director. Then after a moment she again looked in their direction. This time she stared for several seconds before she turned away. Finally she turned and lifted her sunglasses for a better look. A slow tentative smile slowly crossed her face.

  Oh shit, Tom thought to himself, this is all I need right now.

  CHAPTER 46

  It couldn't be him Kate told herself as she stared at the tall man holding the young girls hand. No, it was wishful thinking because she had just been thinking about their time at the beach. It could not really be him. Then he moved and she knew. She knew as sure as she knew
her own name. It was him. It was Tom.

  God, he had aged so well. He was taller, heavier but with muscles and not fat, grey in his hair and a Tom Selleck like mustache. It looked good on him she thought. He was her young Marine all grown up. Joanna was saying something to her but she no longer heard her. Instead she was filled the long ago feelings that only an nineteen-year-old girl in love with a young boy could feel. They washed away twenty years of relationships and marriages. She never expected such a strong reaction. It was as if those feelings had never gone but only waiting for the right moment to re-emerge. She had thought about finding him and contacting him but she had never done anything about it. Now here he stood like some apparition out of her past.

  What should she do? She could always just ignore him and pretend she had not recognized him. Bury herself in her work. He did not seem either to notice her or want her to notice him. He must be feeling the same things, the same confusion. Fear had driven her back then and now fear was rearing its ugly head again. What in the world should she do? Part of her wanted to walk over to him and find out just how he had turned out. Another part was afraid of what she might find, someone who would spoil those wonderful memories. God knows she had changed more than she could imagine.

  No men and women change in twenty years of life. So many of the people she had known at the beginning were now almost unrecognizable. Changed by wins and losses in the rough and tumble of the movie game. How much had he changed? She remembered the episode on the beach that day when he had a flashback and the almost nightly nightmares as he struggled with the emotional affects of Vietnam. Another six months in Vietnam plus the additional years of his enlistment, what could that have done to the wonderful boy who was fighting so hard to resist the changes brought on by the war. She knew Jack still struggled with his experiences; he had finally begun talking about them to her. They were horrible it was no wonder that he and Tom had nightmares. The fear and loss Jack still felt was palpable when he talked about. Tom was not close to having the years and wisdom from his experiences that Jack had. He could still be struggling.