Lovestrong

by Nikki Groom

  She tucks her head into my shoulder and I bury my face into her hair. I feel a sob push up through her throat and a tear slides from her cheek across my collarbone.

  “Hey, don’t cry. Please don’t cry, Lottie.”

  “I’m fine,” she insists unconvincingly before wiping her eyes with my t-shirt.

  “Lottie!” I laugh. “Still as ladylike as ever. Some things never change.”

  She frowns at me, but she still has a playful look in her eyes. She drops the frown and tilts her head to the side. “And some things never will change, Spike.”

  It’s then, when I look into her tear filled blue eyes, when I see the honesty and pure love, that I realize everything will be okay. It might not be the way we planned our lives, but no matter what life throws at us, we were meant to be together. We have each other, and for us, that’s what matters the most.

  I sweep the hair from her face with my index finger and trace it gently down her cheek before running my hand around the back of her neck. I silently convey how I feel right in this moment, and I know she sees it in my eyes. I pull her gently toward me, angling her face so I have clear access to her lips. I’ve craved her kiss since the last time our lips touched and I’m equally eager and nervous. I want this kiss to be the start of forever. We’ve barely spoken two words since she arrived and I’m presuming she feels the same way as I do. No. I know she wants this.

  When our tender skin touches, we ignite, a catalyst to each other, and I know for sure that she wants this too.

  Her body melts into mine. Our lips move slow and easy and my head spins with happiness.

  Whoops and hollers come from the doorway where Denham, Arianna, Mom and Tara are still standing, watching us with smiles as wide as the ocean. An ocean Lottie has crossed and come back again, to me.

  “I was wrong, Lotts,” I murmur against her mouth. She pulls back and frowns, but before she can speak, I stop her by pressing my finger softly to her lips. “You thought we were Lovestrong.” She nods slowly, and my heart constricts at the worried expression in her eyes. I hate that I’ve given her good reason to doubt my love for her. “We are, baby. We are Lovestrong. We always were, and if I have my way, we always will be. I love you, Charlotte Miller, and now I have you in my arms, I’m never going to let you go.”

  She smiles big and says, “Good. I’d hate to have to leave again. London is fucking cold.”

  Everyone laughs, reminding me yet again that we are not alone. But I don’t care. Everyone that is and has ever been important to me is in this room. For the first time since the accident, I truly believe that it might all just work out okay. “I love you, Lottie. You’re my sunshine after the rain. The only girl I ever want by my side.”

  “I’ll always stand by your side, Spike. I’m yours.”

  Chapter 18

  After saying goodbye to Tara, Ari reluctantly let me stay over here with Spike for the evening, but only because I promised to have breakfast with her and fill her in on everything that happened while I was away. Spike asked me to stay with him tonight, and even though I think there’s still some air to clear between us, I wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to just be with him. I had craved this for so long, even though I hadn’t considered the logistics of it all, when it came down to it, it really wasn’t difficult. Just different.

  I lie in the dark, wrapped in warm arms and snuggled in to Spike’s chest. He’s obviously been working out and strengthening his upper body while I was away, and although it’s strange to lie here with the plethora of equipment surrounding us to make his life easier, there isn’t anywhere else I’d rather be. From the very second we were told he may not walk again, I was prepared, without question, to do whatever it took to support him, so none of this is unexpected to me.

  I run my fingers lightly up and down his chest, marveling at how easy it is for us to be like this. I’ve been back barely a day, and already we have fallen back in to the way we were before the accident. I never thought we could be like this so fast. On the flight home I was prepared to work hard; I was prepared to fight. I’m not naïve enough to think it’ll always be easy, but now that Spike has accepted the way things are, I’m not fighting against him. I’m standing by his side and we will fight together.

  “Can’t sleep either, huh?” Spike asks, pulling me tighter to his side.

  “I don’t want to sleep just yet.” I’m feeding my senses with everything Spike.

  He kisses me on the top of my head before nuzzling and breathing into my hair with a groan. “I guess we need to talk … about things.”

  “Things?” I question reluctantly. I don’t want this bubble to burst.

  “Yeah. I don’t know how this is going to work, Lotts. There’s so many obstacles and I” He sighs and I can feel the battle he’s having with himself.

  “Spike.” I prop myself up on my elbow and although I can’t see his eyes in the dark, I can make out his silhouette in the moonlight. “I love you. There is no obstacle big enough for me to not want to be with you. I left for two weeks, it felt like an eternity, but there wasn’t one day, or one hour that went by that you weren’t in my thoughts. I know you think you’re holding me back somehow by us being together, and I don’t know what it’s going to take to get you see that you’re holding me back by pushing me away.”

  He reaches over and flicks on the light beside the bed, before taking my hand in his and running his thumb over my knuckles. “I’m sorry, Lottie. I’m sorry for pushing you away and I’m sorry for all the awful things I said to you. If I could take it all back, I would. I just … I thought I was doing the right thing by setting you free. It hurt more than being told I would never walk again.”

  “I know.”

  “I need you to know that I never stopped loving you, Lottie.” His eyes bore into mine, reminding me of the love I never truly stopped believing in. “I wanted to keep you by my side. But I didn’t want to be selfish. I never thought you’d leave and go as far as London, and when you did, you took my heart with you.” The lines around his eyes become more prominent as the pain of our separation tightens his expression.

  “So what changed? Why the phone call?” I ask.

  “Well, there’s this kid, at the rehab center, and … I’ll tell you all about him, but I’d like you to come with me tomorrow, would you think about it, please?” he asks with such hopeful innocence and I want to cry with the overwhelming protectiveness I feel for his heart.

  “Spike, I don’t even need to think about it, of course I want to come with you. Just try and stop me. If we are going to do this, we do this together, right? Everything. Together. I know what it entails. I know it won’t always be easy, but it has to be easier to pull together than struggle apart?”

  “I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” he laughs, “You’re still as bossy as ever.”

  “I know.” He smiles up at me and I lean in to him. Kissing him softly on the lips. A sealed, silent promise that I won’t leave his side. “I love you, Spike,” I whisper against his lips.

  “I love you, too, Lottie. More than anything or anyone.”

  “Good. Talk over.” I give him one last hard kiss and hop up off the bed. “I need to pee.”

  “Whoa, hey, hold on there just a minute,” he calls, seeming panicked.

  “What? What’s wrong?”

  “What in hell’s name is that on your back?” he asks wide eyed, pushing himself up on to his elbows.

  ‘Oh. Um…” I had completely forgotten about my new tattoo. There hadn’t been a chance to tell him about it, and he was already in bed when I got in earlier, so he didn’t see it. Now that the light is on, he can see some of my new art beside my tank straps. “I got a tattoo.”

  “You? You got a tattoo? Like a real one that won’t wash off?” he sputters like he can’t quite believe his eyes.

  “Yes, Spike,” I laugh at his reaction. “I think I’m a bit big for a wash off transfer, don’t you?”

  “Let me see,” he demands, and I ca
n’t tell if he’s amused or angry.

  I sit on the bed with my back to him and pull my top up over my head so he can see.

  “It’s only just been done. Well, it’s been a work in progress for the last week or so, and the final color was added yesterday so it doesn’t look at its best at the moment.” I know I’m babbling, but I’m suddenly nervous about this. “It’s a firebird.” I smile, remembering Torran’s nickname for me. “A phoenix.”

  “It’s beautiful,” He says quietly.

  “You really like it?” I turn to face him, searching his eyes for the truth.

  “I love it, Lottie. It’s so intricate and beautiful.” He strokes the back of his index finger lightly down my cheek. “Just like you.”

  “I’m glad you think so.” I pull my tank back on and climb onto the bed next to him. “I was rebelling.”

  “You? Rebelling? I’m surprised,” he replies dryly with a cocked eyebrow.

  “Hey!” I shove his shoulder playfully. I love this. I love being back with him. I love having him back.

  “I always knew you were a tough woman, but now, that tattoo is badass, Lotts.” He’s serious now, and I’m relieved he likes it.

  “Right?” I grin.

  “I’m just sorry I wasn’t with you when you had it done.” He drops his head regretfully.

  “Look, Spike, we have to move forward. I’m sorry you weren’t there for it in person. But you were always with me, wherever I went. I probably would never have gotten it if it wasn’t for the fact that we were apart.” I feel like I should tell him about Torran, and our friendship, but I don’t want him to feel weird about it. I don’t know how I would have felt if he had spent weeks in the company of another woman while I wasn’t around. The green eyed monster rears its ugly head in my thoughts. I know I’m jealous, I always have been, not because I’m insecure about myself, but because I know Spike is such a kind soul and some women are just too calculated for him to see someone trying to wiggle their way in. Well, there will be none of that now that I’m back. Move on. Move forward.

  “Maybe I should get one. I could get your name across my chest,” he muses, gazing at me softly.

  “Then you would look like an idiot,” I remark bluntly and he chuckles. “Anyway, now I really have to pee.” I jump up off the bed once again, and head for the bathroom a little faster with more urgency this time.

  “Lottie?” Spike calls out.

  “WHAT?” I demand impatiently, crossing my legs to stop the need to pee.

  He gazes at me for a second, blinking slowly and a gentle smile touches the corners of his lips. “I love you.”

  “I know,” I smile. “I love you, too.”

  Chapter 19

  “I’m glad you agreed to come with me,” I say, before holding out my hand for Lottie to take. Lottie’s height, or lack of it, and the fact that my wheelchair is elevated, means that there isn’t much difference in our head height. I wheel in through the double doors to the rehab center, one hand on the controls and the other hand holding securely onto Lottie’s. It’s not that I think she’s going to run away, more like I don’t want to let her go. I’ve missed being able to touch her whenever I want and I’m damn well going to make up for it.

  “Of course. What do you do here anyway?”

  “Exercises, stretches, treatments on my muscles. Just stuff to try and improve my mobility and keep making progress.”

  “Oh.” She swallows loudly and doesn’t say anything more.

  “Hey,” I stop my wheels and tug gently on her hand to make her meet my eyes. “Look at me. If you’re not ready for this, I understand. But it’s pretty easy when you get used to the fact that this is how it has to be.”

  “It’s not that, it’s just … I don’t know, I just hate that you have to do all of this, you know? Ignore me, I was just having a moment.” She waves her hand dismissively.

  “That’s allowed. I’ve had enough moments to know that it’s hard to get your head around. I hated having to do this too. It’s not so scary once you get in there.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Stop being sorry, Lottie. Sorry wastes time. Now give me a kiss,” I order, tilting my chin up to her, giving her a wink and a naughty smile.

  She frowns, narrowing her eyes at me. “Did my bossy rub off on you?”

  “Maybe.” I shrug.

  “I think I like it,” she remarks, placing her hand on my cheek and bending a little to press her lips against mine. “Just don’t do it too often. You’ll make me look soft.”

  “I doubt that could ever happen, Lotts, and I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

  “Okay. Do you feel comfortable? Are the straps okay?” Dan asks, locking the leg braces in place. We’ve been building up to this for a few weeks now and although it’s a little earlier than Dan would like, I want to give this a shot with Lottie here for the first time today.

  “Yeah, they feel good, man.” I open and close my fists, loosening up my fingers and making sure my grip feels strong.

  “Good. I want you to keep breathing, and listen to everything I say, yes?” He looks me directly in the eye, making sure I understand and that I am focused.

  “Yep.”

  “I don’t want you thinking you can do more just because your girl’s here. Don’t risk anything,” he warns sternly.

  “Gotcha, Captain.”

  “Ready? Feeling strong?” he asks with a grin, knowing that I wouldn’t back out now if the place was being flattened by an atomic bomb.

  “Ready,” I reply, anticipation and excitement growing fast in my stomach.

  I can do this. For her, I can do anything.

  Dan does a round of last minute checks on the straps before standing in front of the gait harness system. “When you’re ready, my friend,” he instructs, holding on to the front of the harness system. There are a couple of other therapists on either side of the system, just for safety’s sake. I have worked hard to get the strength up in my upper body, with the aim of using this piece of equipment. I know it’s going to take a lot, but I also know I can do it. I grip the rails, take in a deep breath and pull up. The leg braces help me stand easier than I thought they would and although it takes most of my strength, I’m amazed that my legs actually take some of my weight.

  “Breathe, my man,” Dan says, taking my attention away from my feet. I raise my head and meet his eyes. I’m actually standing at eye level. Standing! It might be assisted, but I actually feel like I’m part of the world again. Dan smiles. “You good?”

  “Yeah,” I say breathlessly. “Yeah, really good.” He nods, and as he does, I look past him to see Lottie standing at the back of the room with her hands covering her mouth and tears making tracks down her cheeks. I jerk my chin up, signaling for her to come to me. She comes forward, and Dan steps to the side to let her stand right in front of me. It’s a feeling that has no words. Tears fill my eyes to mirror hers as I stand on shaky legs.

  “Babe,” she whispers tearfully, placing her hands over mine.

  “I may never stand unaided, Lottie. I may never walk next to you like I wish for. But I will always be by your side. I will fight with all I have to be everything you need me to be. I don’t ever want to be without you again. And I wish I could say this the traditional way, but nothing about us has ever been traditional… Will you marry me, Lottie Miller?”

  “Marry you?” Her voice trembles and she looks at me with wide eyes.

  “Yes. I want to marry you. I’ve always wanted to marry you; I was just waiting for the right time and the right place. But all of this has made me realize that I don’t want to wait. I want to seize every minute with you, and I want us to live like every day is our last. What do you say?”

  “Yes,” she beams. “I say yes!”

  All of the therapists and patients in the room cheer, and Lottie and I look at each other, laughing and crying at the same time. The emotional distraction takes its toll and my legs start to shake with the exertion. One of the therap
ists brings the wheelchair in behind me and Dan loosens the hoist straps to help lower me down. I seat myself back in my chair, breathless but deliriously happy. Lottie wastes no time when the harness system is rolled away, and launches herself in to my lap, flinging her arms around my neck.

  “I love you, Spike.”

  “And I love you, crazy girl. So much.” She presses her nose against mine and looks into my eyes. I click my wheelchair into action and push it hard to the left. If I had the use of my legs, I would be picking her up and spinning her around right now, but I’m getting used to the fact that for the majority of our lives, my wheels will be my legs. So I spin the chair in circles, around and around, and she laughs, the beautiful sound floating freely from her chest and filling the room.

  Chapter 20

  “Ari. You and D-man have one hour to get your asses to Stratosphere tower,” I announce as Arianna answers my call.

  “What? What’s going on? Why are you … Stratosphere tower? Holy shit. Are you? Did Spike” Her words all roll in to the next and if she doesn’t take a breath soon, she’s going to pass out.

  “Yes! And yes!”

  Our matching squeals of excitement travel through the earpiece of my cell and I actually have to move it away from my ear or risk being deafened.

  “You’re getting married? In a freakin’ hour, Lottie?” Arianna cries in disbelief.

  “Yep.” I bounce up and down on the balls of my feet and glance over to Spike who’s on the phone with his mom, trying to explain why she has to throw together the fastest ‘Mother of the groom’ outfit in history.

  “How did he …Hold on, what are you going to wear? How will you wear your hair? Did you even decide what flowers you’re having? Don’t you need a marriage license for that?” She rapidly fires questions at me and I laugh.