Releasing Kate: The Acceptance Series

by D. Kelly

  “Daniel…well, he’s a little different than I thought.” How do I explain this without sounding bitchy?

  He looks perplexed. “Different how?”

  “Daniel is very dominant in everything he does—the way he moves, the way he says things—it’s like every single move is calculated. It’s not a bad thing. In fact, it can be really hot, but I didn’t see it at first. I noticed it in sexual situations but the rest of the time he was sweet and doting.”

  A smile spreads across his face like he knows an inside joke. “Daniel likes control and I think that’s why he agreed to the night with Mike and the girls. It’s a level of foreplay that he enjoys, and for most women it turns them on. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a nice guy anyway, but when he met you, he was thrown for a loop.”

  He glances at me to see if I’m still following along and I’m really intrigued so he keeps going.

  “That night you met, he was so nervous around you. I’d never seen him like that. When he decided he wanted to send you gifts and decorate, I was floored because he seemed completely out of his element but yet still in it. Everything he did was planned and done his way. Decorations, flowers, coffee, pizza…see a pattern? Most girls would have gotten some flowers or dinner but he was completely taken with you. The sweetheart, baby, gumdrop, and whatever other pet names he might have had are normally something he doesn’t do.”

  But he does it so well.

  “Now that you’re taking the time to get to know each other, he’s trying to let you get to know him. Daniel the man, not Daniel the smitten, pussy-whipped manchild he was for those first two weeks. I kind of think he was somewhat relieved when he was able to go back to being himself. None of this has changed his feelings for you. If anything, they’re stronger now than before. It’s just now he gets to man up and actually compete on an even playing field with Mike.

  I’ve got nothing to say to that. I’m totally speechless.

  “Look, Kate,” he says, reaching for my hand, “in all fairness, if you do choose one of them, either one of them, I think you’ll be happy. They both do love you with all they have to give. Aside from all the dominant, possessive, angry, sexually strange alter egos they have, they’re good guys. And both of them are head over heels in love with you.”

  When we pull into the Houstons’ driveway, I finally ask Connor what I’d been meaning to since we left the diner, “Why are we here, anyway?”

  “My mom wants some mom and daughter time with you. She knows what you’re going through and she and Bev want to talk to you.”

  “Bev’s here, too?” Great, all I need is Daniel’s mom pushing me toward him.

  “Ye of little faith. Bev isn’t going to push you toward Daniel; she’s going to encourage your heart, and she’s good at it, so watch out. I bet you didn’t know this because I just found out, but Mike and Bev have been secret buddies all these years. Bev has known all about you since the day he moved in and has been praying to the heavens for you to come back into Mike’s life. Of course she didn’t know that Katherine was Kate; she just knew that her boy was hurting, and now both her boys are hurting and she wants to help fix it.”

  “Let’s just go home,” I say quickly.

  “Not a chance. It’s time for you to go get some advice on love from some women who know what it’s really about. Between the two of them, they’ve got over sixty years of happily wedded bliss under their belts. I love you, Katie Grace, now get out of my car and go face the music.”

  Leaning over, I give him a kiss on the cheek and grab my purse. “I love you, too, Connor but you’re going to pay for this one.”

  ***

  Twelve hours later, I’m lying in my bed, exhausted after a trip to the gym. I had to go let off some steam and think about my day. It wasn’t a bad day at all; we actually had a lot of fun. They weren’t bringing me up there to talk—they wanted to get my mind off of things. Now, when Bev drove me home, she wanted to talk.

  “You know Kate, from the day I met Mike I’ve treated him as if he were my own son. He was so lost, and when he decided to confide in me, I was honored. All these years I knew there was a girl out there who would make him whole again and I kept wishing she would come along.”

  She chuckles to herself for a minute the way older women sometimes do before picking up where she left off.

  “I don’t think any of us could have imagined that when she came back into his life it was going to be in quite this way.”

  “No, I don’t guess you could have, I know I sure didn’t,” I tell her honestly.

  “Sweetie, there are no right or wrong feelings here. You just have to search deep down inside and ask yourself if one of these two men is the right man for you. And if the answer is yes, you need to decide which one.”

  I nod thoughtfully at her.

  “Kate, I think deep down you already know which one of them you love and which one you’re in love with. You just have to admit it to yourself. And if you’re waiting for that baby to come so you don’t have to make a choice, that’s just the easy way out, because, sweetheart, it’s only got a fifty percent shot of being the man you’re truly in love with. Baby or no baby, the heart wants what it wants and everything else is just details to be worked out. Don’t limit yourself or settle based on who does or does not have a baby. I know you want the father to be a family with Vanessa, but based on history, I don’t see that happening. If you’re going to wait until after the baby comes to announce your decision, do yourself a favor and write down his name now and date it. Put it somewhere so that once the baby comes, you can show him that you made your choice long before.”

  Wow she’s really long-winded but her advice is excellent. When we reach my house, she reaches over and pulls me into a loving hug.

  “I know you love them both and no matter who you choose, someone will be hurt. You have a good heart, Kate, and they know it. Eventually, you’ll all be able to move past this, and while some of the memories may be painful at first, it will get better.”

  She looks at me thoughtfully and speaks one last time.

  “When I was a teenager, I was dating someone when I met Rick. Little did I know that my beau had also recently met someone else who tugged on his heart strings a little more than I did. I was devastated at the time and so was he; we were childhood sweethearts. Over time, as he fell in love with his new girl and I fell in love with Rick, we realized it truly was for the best. If he had never had the courage to call things off we would have married and I would have never been loved so fiercely by Rick and wouldn’t have had the utmost pleasure of being Daniel’s mom. Trust me, Kate, the best things in life come from the worst kinds of pain. You have a beautiful past with Mike that has to be considered carefully before even contemplating a life with Daniel. I’d love to have you with either of my sons, but for the right reasons. If you ever want to talk you pick up that phone and call me.”

  “I will, I promise. Thank you for everything,” I tell her, trying to keep the floodgates from opening once again.

  “Anytime, sweet girl. Anytime.”

  So now, here I am hours later with the same sentence resonating in my head, over and over.

  Trust me, Kate, the best things in life come from the worst kinds of pain.

  It’s so true, and as I sit on my bed with a journal in my hands dated for today, I write a brief note about my talk with Bev and then write down a name and lock the journal in my desk drawer. I don’t know if I’ll ever tell them or if I’ll break both of their hearts, but I know whatever I do, it won’t be until after the baby comes. I’ll just enjoy whatever time I have with them both now before it ends.

  I’m glad Jess is spending the night with Connor tonight because I spend the rest of the night curled up in a ball, crying hysterically. I cry for the man I didn’t choose and for the one I did, but mostly I cry from the excruciating pain of knowing I have to let one of them go and there’s not a single part of me that thinks I’m strong enough to actually do it.

  *** />
  I’m having the best time with Vanessa today. I rented her one of those portable scooters since she’s supposed to be on bed rest, and even though she didn’t like the idea, she knew it was the only way we could shop properly.

  We’ve picked out everything so far except for the crib and matching furniture. Since she doesn’t have a lot of friends, she didn’t want a baby shower, which was fine by me because it gave us even more shopping to do. Retail therapy is highly underrated. I feel so much better today after shopping than I did last night.

  “What do you think of this one?” she asks and I love that she actually wants my opinion. I’m not sure why she does, but I give it to her.

  “It’s my favorite,” I tell her, and it really is. It’s a gorgeous, white-washed pine crib that’s been lacquered to a gleaming shine. There’s a matching rocker, dresser, and changing table—it’s perfect.

  “It’s a lot of money, maybe we should look somewhere else.” It doesn’t matter how many times I tell her not to worry about the money, she still worries.

  “You guys are family now, and family helps family. I want to do this for you and your baby boy.”

  She flashes me a beaming smile and reaches for my hand. “Thank you, Kate. I really don’t know how I would have gotten through this without you.”

  I’m feeling a little emotional, of course, because I’m a sentimental sap. “You would have been fine but I’m happy to help. Come on, let’s go pay for all of this and get home so we can decorate everything.”

  We had everything delivered and Daniel and Mike are both coming over to put it all together. So is Chad—it will be interesting to see how they all react to each other.

  “Kate, can you bring that box up, too, when you come upstairs? I’m sorry I can’t carry much; I feel so unhelpful,” Vanessa says this while she is using one hand to hold her back and the other to hold on to the stair rail.

  “Unhelpful? Vanessa, if you tried to carry anything up these stairs you would topple over! Not to mention you’re starting to get winded. I think it’s time you start considering sleeping on the pull-out couch until the baby comes. You really shouldn’t be climbing these stairs much longer.” She laughs but I’m legitimately concerned for her health and for the baby.

  “My doctor said to limit my trips up and down—try to keep them to fewer than two a day. So far, I haven’t been able to keep it under three. He also told me at my last appointment that now that I’m in my seventh month my pressure is likely to get worse and the baby can pretty much come anytime.” She pauses at the halfway point to catch her breath.

  “Okay, well we don’t need to have that happen any sooner than it should, so tonight we’re moving you down here.”

  “Really, Kate, I’m fine.”

  “You might be fine now but we’re going to keep it that way. I’m sure the men will all agree with me, too.” Grabbing the chair out of the hall, I pull it into the nursery for her to sit.

  “So what’s in the box?”

  “Letters to put up on the wall above the crib that spell out his name.” She suddenly seems shy, I wonder why? “Really? You didn’t mention you picked out a name yet. Have you talked about it with the guys?”

  “No, I haven’t, but I’ve had his first name picked out for months, before they were even involved. His middle name I just decided on recently. I’m naming him Lucas, Lucas Hunter.”

  Lucas Hunter.

  Lila Hope?

  Vanessa notices my reaction and confirms it, “I wanted him to share something with his sister. I figured their initials would work.” I’m crying. She’s doing something so sweet to honor Lila Hope. “Don’t cry, Kate. You’re going to make me cry, too.”

  “I can’t help it, I’m sorry, but that is just…it’s just so sweet. But, Vanessa, you don’t know that the baby is Mike’s.” She smiles at me like she knows a secret I don’t and pats my hand.

  “Kate, I know you all are going through something big, but from the moment I saw you and Daniel together, I knew you two were meant to be. I’m pretty confident you’re going to work through this and in the end you’ll still be with him. I know Daniel and I know he would have treated Lila as his. So no matter what, however this turns out, Lucas is named after his sister.”

  She’s so kind-hearted, I’m so proud to call her a friend. “You know I still want you and the baby’s dad to be a family, right?” And then she laughs at me and I watch her belly shake; it’s super cute.

  “Oh, Kate, sweetie that was never going to happen. I know you wanted it to but there’s too much between us to make it work. Besides, I am head over heels in love with Chad—always have been and always will be. Mike and Daniel, they’re great guys but they’re not Chad. This baby is going to have an unconventional upbringing, but that’s okay because he’s going to be surrounded in love and that’s all any mom could want for their child.”

  I couldn’t have said it better myself.

  “We’re here and we brought food!” Mike’s yelling up the stairs and I quickly try to wipe away my tears.

  “Kate, why are you crying?” Daniel asks, concerned and looking between Vanessa and me.

  “They’re happy tears… what’s going on?” Mike knows me well…too well.

  “Just two girls having a moment. I told Kate the baby’s name and she got a little emotional.”

  “Wait, you named him?” they ask in unison.

  Uh-oh.

  I haven’t seen Vanessa’s strong side yet, but from the stony look on her face it’s about to come out. “He’s my son and I have the right to name him whatever I want to. Neither one of you even want to talk baby because you’re both hoping you’re not the father. As much as I appreciate your help and your company and getting to know you again, this is not up for discussion.”

  “It’s a good name, you guys, and maybe if you ask nicely she’ll tell you what it is.” Hopefully, my gentle tone will snap them back to reality. It would be nice if they had all agreed, but Vanessa has a point. If they won’t talk to her about him, she can’t just put her life on hold.

  “We’re sorry, Vanessa. We shouldn’t have jumped your shit. What are you naming him?” At least Mike can think coherently, Daniel is still pouting like a little kid.

  “His name is Lucas Hunter…last name to be determined, obviously.”

  And there it is. Mike gets it before Daniel does; I see the light bulb go off in his head. “Is that a coincidence?” he asks and she gently shakes her head no.

  “I like it, a lot, actually,” Daniel says.

  “Me, too,” Mike agrees and finally all is right with the world again.

  “Anyone home?” Chad calls out from downstairs.

  “We’re all up here!” I call back to him and exchange knowing smiles with Vanessa. Now we get to see how they all act around each other.

  “Hey, everyone, I’m Chad.” He reaches for Daniel’s hand and then Mike’s as they do introductions.

  “Hey, baby, how are you feeling today?” Those seven words tell me my first instincts about him were right—he absolutely adores her. We all watch as he drops to his knees and rubs her belly, kisses it, and says hello to Lucas. Mike actually leaves the room, so I go after him.

  “Are you okay?” His back is to me, but when I place my hand on his shoulder he grabs on tight.

  “I’ll be fine,” but his voice doesn’t sound fine, he sounds really choked up.

  “I’m sorry Mike, for what it’s worth, you’re not the only one who wishes you could have been there.”

  Mike turns around and pulls me into a fierce hug. “I love you, Katie Grace.” His words almost bring me to my knees. Not because they’re romantic, but because they’re not. He’s just loving me as a lifelong friend right now and that’s exactly what I need from him in this moment…to be his friend.

  “I love you, too Mike. You missed out with Lila; don’t look back and regret missing out with Lucas. Even if he’s not your son, he’ll still be your nephew and there’s nothing wrong with ru
bbing and kissing a belly that holds a loved one. You’ll feel worse if you don’t.”

  “You’re right, as usual,” he says, laughing. “But if I’m being completely honest, I just don’t think he’s mine. Call it naïve or stupid because the odds are that he is, but something deep inside me says no.”

  After pulling away, he goes back into the room and I can hear them discussing what to put together first. With the three of them it actually goes pretty quickly, especially since two of them are builders by trade. They brought grilled chicken and vegetables, which is good for Vanessa since she’s supposed to avoid salt as much as possible. I quickly run home to get a tablecloth and a picnic basket so we can all eat in the nursery.

  When I get back to Vanessa’s, Daniel is in the kitchen getting some water. It’s really uncomfortable at times being around them both while I’m still so confused about my feelings for them. For example, right now just seeing him standing there in his tight black shirt and loose blue jeans makes my heart race. I’m completely undressing him with my eyes and really wish I was home, wearing his shirt, and looking at that picture of his dick that he’d sent me.

  Holy Hell.

  The smile that flashes across his face tells me he knows exactly what I’m thinking. “Not really the time or place for those kinds of thoughts now, Kate.”

  Bastard.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Mr. McCormick,” I tell him in a sultry voice. “It sounds to me like your inappropriate thoughts are seeking company.”

  “Damn straight they are,” he growls.

  “Well, like you said, this isn’t the time or place but I can see if I can squeeze you in one day this week,” I say, batting my eyelashes at him.

  “Just one day this week?” he says, winking at me.

  “Well, maybe I could spare two days since I’m obviously ‘wink worthy’ in your opinion.”

  His arms find their way around my waist, his lips press against my neck, and he whispers, “You’re more than just ‘wink worthy’ but the question is, am I worthy enough for you?”

  Always.

  “Well, I guess we’ll need that third date to figure that out, won’t we? Now come on, we’ve got a hungry pregnant woman upstairs to feed.” Good god, the two of these men are going to bring me to my knees.