No Shame

by Nora Phoenix

  “You know why,” Brad managed, his eyes trained on the floor. “I’ll never be good enough.”

  He heard Charlie gasp. “Good enough for what?” Miles asked in a slightly unsteady voice.

  Brad raised his eyes. ‘I tried so hard this week to be good. I was there for you and Charlie, and I did laundry for Josh, and helped Indy with grocery shopping, and I made sure our room was tidy and the bed was made, and I fucking listened to every command you gave me…and it was still not enough!”

  Shock filled Miles’ eyes. “You…what? Brad, I have no idea—”

  “No, you don’t. You promised me you would take care of me, but I know you’re already tired of me, so why don’t you just come out and say it?”

  Miles reeled back as if Brad had hit him. “How could you… Brad, sweetheart, I’m not tired of you. How could you even think that?”

  “You’re blaming me now for thinking that?” Brad scoffed. “Then where were you? Where were you when I did everything you asked, everything that was needed, everything that I could think of…” His voice broke. “To make you love me and keep me, and you didn’t even see it… You didn’t see me.”

  He no longer tried to hold back the tears that were determined to fall. “None of you did. Connor was grieving and Josh was taking care of him, while Indy was making sure Josh was alright, and Noah tried to be there for all three of them. And Charlie was busy preparing for his first performance back at Flirt, and you Miles, you could barely be bothered to make sure I stuck to the rules you gave me. You only spanked me twice, and you promised me a reward and never gave it to me.”

  He wiped away his tears impatiently. “So I get it, okay? I get that I’m too much, more than you signed up for.”

  “Oh God, Brad…” Miles sounded so broken that Brad felt sorry for the man for a second. “I fucked up, didn’t I?”

  Brad jammed his hands into the pockets of his jeans and shrugged, unsure of what to say. Was there even anything left to say?

  “I had a lot going on this week, trying to put some things into motion for us, and I had planned on telling you both tonight, but I fucked up. You’re right, Brad. I didn’t give you the attention you deserved and needed this week. I got distracted, and I’m so sorry… I didn’t see that you were making yourself invisible again and I should have.”

  “We all missed it,” Indy spoke up. “I thought Noah had picked up the groceries.”

  “And I figured Indy had done laundry,” Josh said.

  “And I honestly thought Josh had been a sweetheart and had made the bed and cleaned our bathroom,” Charlie said in a timid voice. “I’m so sorry, baby. I feel awful.”

  “We all do,” Indy said.

  “But sweetheart, it wasn’t because you’re too much, or because I’m tired of you. You were a good boy this week, but I failed you. I’m so sorry.”

  The regret on Miles’ face was real, even Brad could see that. His heart was a little lighter. “I hate feeling like I’m invisible,” he whispered.

  “I know, sweetheart. I feel awful. It’s my fault, though, not yours. I love you, Brad. You’re not too much or too needy. Will you please forgive me?”

  Brad was in his arms before he’d even finished the words, and he exhaled shakily as Miles’ strong arms enveloped him. “I love you, sweetheart,” Miles whispered into his curls. “I love you so much, and I’m so damn sorry.”

  Then Charlie stepped into their embrace and hugged Brad as well. “I love you,” he said in a tearful voice. “And I’m sorry for being selfish this week.”

  They stood until Brad felt the darkness pull away inside of him. “Daddy,” he said softly, gathering courage to voice his request. “Do you think you could maybe spank me every morning when we get up? Just a quick spank so I know that you see me?”

  Miles pushed back slightly so he could see Brad’s face. “I’d love that, sweetheart. Thank you for asking me. I’m so proud of you.”

  Brad gave him a careful smile. “What did you want to tell us?”

  Miles gave him a quick kiss, then did the same to Charlie. “Guys, I need five minutes with my boys, and we’ll be right back, okay?” he told the others.

  “Five minutes my ass,” Noah mumbled, amusement lacing his voice.

  “Well, Miles is an easy target,” Indy remarked dryly.

  The jokes were still passing around as Miles led them into the bedroom and closed the door behind them.

  “Are we truly okay?” he asked, looking at both of them.

  Charlie’s bottom lip trembled. “I feel so bad for Brad.”

  “It’s okay,” Brad muttered.

  “No, it’s not okay. We did you wrong, and that is not okay, sweetheart. And Charlie and I should feel bad for a bit, because we love you and we accidentally hurt you. But we promise to do better, right, honey?”

  Charlie nodded, and Brad couldn’t help but hug him. “I love you,” he told Charlie, kissing him everywhere. “I forgive you.”

  He didn’t stop until Charlie found his mouth and gave him one of those toe-curling kisses that made Brad’s insides go gooey.

  ‘I love watching you two,” Miles sighed. “Brad, you were right. We promised you a reward and we never followed up on that. I blame myself for not realizing you would interpret that as us rejecting you, or you not being good enough to get the reward. Tomorrow, Charlie has his show at Flirt, but Sunday we will spend in bed, the three of us, and we’ll do whatever you want, Brad. I promise.”

  Brad’s face lit up. “Really?”

  “I can’t wait,” Charlie said, grabbing Brad’s hand first, then Miles. “I wanna share this with you.”

  “Oh, same here,” Miles sighed. “The thought alone makes me so damn hard. Not that I needed any help in that department anyway.”

  Brad beamed, unable to find words.

  “But Brad, you also deserve a little reward right now, for speaking up and telling us how you felt. So pick one thing you wanna do in the next, say, three minutes. How can we make you feel good right now?”

  He didn’t even need to think. “I want you to spank me while I suck you off. Please, Daddy, I need to feel you.”

  Miles’ smile was broad as he unbuckled and slid his jeans and underwear down in one motion. Brad yanked down his pants so fast the button went flying, but he didn’t care. He was on Miles’ lap as soon as he’d positioned himself on the bed.

  When that first slap came, he exhaled. Fuck, he needed this. It centered him, grounded him, somehow. He nuzzled Miles’ cock, his balls, breathed in deeply the scent that had become so familiar. He felt the stress leaving him as he gave a few tentative licks, then sucked that gorgeous cock right in.

  Miles let out one of his low groans, telling Brad he wouldn’t need to do much to make his daddy come. They only had a few minutes anyway, so that was perfect. As Miles slapped, Brad sucked in perfect tandem rhythm, until Miles tensed and came with a soft moan. Brad swallowed his load, humming happily, his mind so much more peaceful now that he’d been reminded he was not alone.

  Miles lifted him up to cuddle. “Was that good for you, sweetheart?”

  Brad nodded. Charlie joined them, holding Brad as well, and the last bit of frustration left him. “Thank you,” he said quietly. “I needed that.”

  “Good. Now, let’s go ‘cause the others are waiting, and we have some exciting news we want to share with you.”

  Miles didn’t give Brad’s nerves the opportunity to reappear, because as soon as they entered the kitchen, he pulled Brad on the chair right next to him and held his hand, Charlie on Brad’s other side.

  Indy sent him a soft smile. “Listen, we wanted to talk to you guys about something. Noah and Connor already discussed it with Miles, and at first he wanted to ask you in private, but we thought it might be better of it came from all of us.”

  Miles squeezed Brad’s hand, a reminder for him to take a breath. Where was this going?

  “The four of us, we wanted to ask you three to move in with us. Permanently. O
r at least, for the foreseeable future.”

  Wait, what? Brad’s head shot up.

  “We want to add a wing to the house where you could build a spacious bedroom and bathroom for the three of you. You’d have your own private entrance and exit, but the kitchen and living room would be common areas. We’d also add a little to the current in-law suite, the one where you guys are staying now. That would be our room, for the four of us. We want to add a few feet to the bedroom so we can have a bed custom made for us, and we want to create a second en-suite room, which would be a play room.”

  “By playroom we mean a sex room, basically,” Josh explained. “Connor and I will be using this a lot, obviously, but it would also be available to you. We’re looking to put some benches there, a whipping cross, a flogging wall, and some other really cool stuff, but also a lot of toys.”

  How a guy that looked so cute and sweet could talk about hardcore shit like that without breaking a sweat was a mystery to Brad. The whipping and flogging sounded scary and not at all like something he wanted to explore, but some of the other stuff they could maybe try out together? He bit his lip. What did Indy mean exactly with moving in?

  “You’re gonna share a room with the four of you?” Charlie asked.

  Indy and Josh shared another one of those looks. “Yeah,” Indy said. “Noah and I are together, but I’m also with Josh, and he’s with Connor. We’ve talked about it, and we all agree we want to share one room. Josh and I, we really like sleeping in the same bed, and both of our guys got tired of waking up alone.”

  “But Noah and Connor are not, like, together?” Brad couldn’t blame Charlie for asking. He wasn’t sure exactly of where the boundaries were either, if there even were any.

  “No. But they’re completely okay with this,” Josh said. “Plus, Connor is an exhibitionist who likes to watch and show off, and Noah simply doesn’t care either way, so it meshes really well.”

  Brad’s head dazzled. It made sense what Josh and Indy were saying, but why would they need the three of them? He scraped his throat. “No offense, but what would you need us for?”

  Josh smiled. “First of all, we really like you. All three of you. You fit in really well with us, and that’s not easy. We know we’re freaks in many aspects, but you guys don’t seem to mind.”

  “Hell, they’re as bad as us,” Indy snorted.

  “True,” Miles spoke up for the first time. He was watching Brad and Charlie, gauging their reaction it seemed. “There are also some practical reasons, to be fair. Financially, the four of them are in a bit of a limbo since Noah went back to school, and Connor quit his job,” Miles explained. “Indy is still figuring out where to go next, and Josh prefers to mostly stay home, aside from his part time job as a shooting instructor. Adding the three of us to the mix would help financially. Brad, you have a stable income, and Charlie, if your application is accepted, as I’m sure it will be, you’ll have income as well. Splitting all costs between the seven of us will lessen the burdens for all of us. I have enough money put away to last me a while and to contribute the remodeling and renovation costs.”

  “I can contribute as well,” Brad jumped in. “I saved up since I started working, so I’ve got a nest egg.”

  Miles’ eyes softened and his lips curved in one of those smiles that made Brad’s insides dance. “Thank you, Brad. I really appreciate you saying that.”

  Brad’s insides burned with want. To live with these people, to be a part of their circle, it was more than he could have ever dreamed of.

  “What about my behavior?” he dared ask. “Will you kick me out if I misbehave?”

  Josh’s “No” mixed with Indy’s “Never”.

  Indy pushed his chair back. He got up and kneeled in front of Brad. “I need you to listen to me. You were dealt a shitty hand in life, much like I was. We didn’t ask for the shit that happened to us, but it did. I know you feel damaged and unworthy, because so did I. I still do at times. But Brad, you are worthy to be loved. You’re a good man, a kind man. You’re broken and damaged, but it will heal, I promise you. We will love you and have patience with you, even if you act out or misbehave. We will never, ever reject you, let alone kick you out. If you guys move in, you’re part of our family, and families stick together no matter what.”

  He bit his lip. “What if I regress again, like a while back, or get all emotional and needy like today?”

  Indy smiled reassuringly. “Then Daddy Miles will be there for you. And if you’re being a little brat when he’s not there, Daddy Noah and Daddy Connor will set you straight. We’ve got your back, okay?”

  “Personally, I think that whole daddy-shit is hot as fuck,” Josh remarked. “And I love watching Miles spank your ass, even though I was jealous as fuck.”

  Brad couldn’t help it. He laughed. “You’re all bat-shit crazy!”

  “Right back atcha, dude,” Indy said, taking his seat again.

  “How do you feel about this, Charlie?” Miles asked.

  Charlie looked around the kitchen, then pointed toward the living room. “If we find a different spot for that mini office you have there, we could put in a second big couch. One with washable covers.”

  Brad snorted.

  “We also need a second cooking range,” Josh said. “And another washer and dryer. With the amount of bed linens we use every day, I can’t keep up if it’s just one.”

  “I can bring mine,” Brad said. “My duplex is a rental, but the washer and dryer are mine and they’re brand new. High efficiency or some shit.”

  “That would work,” Josh said.

  “One thing I insist on is that Brad doesn’t do any household work. Nothing. No cooking, no cleaning, no laundry. If we were to make a cleaning roster or something, I’ll take his shifts.” Miles’ voice was firm.

  Brad flew out of his chair, attacked Miles with a hug. Words wouldn’t come, but Miles hugged him so tight Brad knew he understood. “I promised I’d take care of you, and I will, sweetheart. I will not allow you to become invisible ever again.”

  He sat on Miles’ lap, put his head against his shoulder. “Thank you, Daddy.”

  “I don’t mind cleaning and laundry,” Josh said. “Indy loves to help with cooking.”

  “I can cook as well,” Charlie offered. “And I love shopping, even if it’s for groceries, as long as I don’t have to carry all that shit inside. This body was not built to haul cargo.”

  They went back and forth with ideas, plans, practical details until Brad’s head was dizzy. He couldn’t believe this proposal. They wanted them to move in. They wanted him. Noah and Connor, too. Even with all his hang ups, fucked-up as he was, they still wanted him. Indy had said Noah and Connor were even willing to be his daddies, too, if he needed them.

  Fuck, the idea of Connor spanking him with those big, meaty hands excited and terrified him in equal measures. That would hurt for certain, but maybe also in a good way? Hmm, maybe he should experiment more with that Dom/sub shit.

  “Are you still with us, Brad?” Charlie asked, yanking him out of his thoughts. He was still on Miles’ lap, resting against his broad chest.

  “Are we really doing this?” he asked softly.

  “Do you want to move in here, sweetheart? You don’t need to decide now. It’s a big step.”

  “I know. What do you think, Charlie?”

  Charlie got up, lowered himself on Miles’ other knee, so that Miles had his arms around them both. Brad sighed with happiness at having both his men so close. “I would love it,” Charlie said. “You know I’m a people person, so I love the idea of sharing a house with so many people. But Brad, honey, if this is too much for you, I’d be just as happy somewhere else with the three of us.”

  Brad smiled, leaned over to give Charlie a quick kiss.

  “What about you, Miles?” Charlie asked.

  “I’d love it. It’s been surreal these last few weeks, being around people who accept me without judgment. I don’t think I realized how lonely and tou
ch-starved I was until I came here. But as Charlie said, Brad, if you’re not comfortable with this, we’ll find a place for the three of us.”

  Brad swallowed, looking down at the floor. He had to ask. Had to know for certain. “If I said no, you wouldn’t move in here with just Charlie?”

  Miles lifted his chin up with one finger, forced him to make eye contact. “No, sweetheart. I’m so proud of you for asking, though, instead of assuming and working yourself up over it. We’re a family, the three of us. Families make decisions together, so if this is not what you want, we’ll find something else. But we’re together, the three of us.”

  Tension he hadn’t even realized had been in his body seeped out. “I love you,” Brad said quietly, the words finally coming out to Miles as well. “I love you both so much.”

  “Oh, Brad,” Miles sighed, “You have no idea how happy those words make me. I’ve been waiting forever to hear them. I love you, sweetheart.”

  They shared a sloppy three-way kiss, as the others in the kitchen watched with sweet smiles.

  “I really, really want to move in,” Brad said, his heart suddenly ten times lighter. “But Josh, do you think we could maybe create a small room for you and me? We’re the only introverts here, and sometimes I just need to be alone, where it’s quiet. My head gets too messy when I don’t have that.”

  Miles let out a soft gasp. “Is that why you’ve been acting out sometimes? Because you needed time alone?”

  Brad shrugged. “Maybe. I dunno. I’ve lived alone for years, so alone time was all I knew. Since I started coming here, I haven’t had much opportunity to be by myself. I didn’t realize it until we were talking about this.”

  Indy and Josh looked at each other. “What if we built a little garden shed? I mean, insulated and with heating and cooling and all, but a quiet place away from the house?” Indy slowly said. “It would just be for Brad and Josh, and everyone else who’d want to use it would have to ask their permission.”

  Brad’s mouth dropped open. “You’d do that for me? For us, I mean?”