The Cave Emu

by Merv Lambert

  His musings were interrupted by Neville, who said, “It’s a relief to wake up in my own house. I must have drifted off. Why didn’t you wake me, Audrey?”

  “Why didn’t I wake you? I was having my very own nightmare. It’s really put me off going to that fancy-dress party. Let’s have a nice cup of tea instead.” She hurried off into the kitchen.

  “O.K.” answered Neville, “but we must get this little boy and his dog back home. His parents will be worried.”

  “Oh, I don’t think so,” insisted Colin. “Please tell me, Neville. I need to know. Is Audrey your wife?”

  “Oh, no, not at all. We are just friends.”

  Sammy and M were both regarding Colin with curious expressions on their faces.

  “And is your name really Neville? I’ve a feeling it isn’t. I’m sorry to ask so many questions, but I really need to know.”

  Neville smiled. “Well, no. My parents and Audrey call me Neville, but I usually go by my stage name, which is Nigel. You see, there was already an actor called Neville Burton, and I’m not allowed to use that name in my career. Excuse me a moment while I get out of this beard. It tends to make my face itch after a while.” So saying, he peeled the false black whiskers from his face and removed his round glasses.

  “I think I remember you now,” said Colin in his still childlike voice. “Forgive me. One last question. “Do you ever wear contact lenses?”

  “Yes. I bought some last week. I’m still getting used to them. They’re much better than these old spectacles.”

  “Yes, yes,” agreed Colin gleefully. “I know exactly who you are. You’re my Dad! Er... but I haven’t been born yet...”

  “What? What?” stammered Neville. “How can that be? This is 1983. I agree you look familiar. I seem to know you, but that’s...that’s...impossible!”

  “No, no,” replied Colin. “It must be hard for you to believe, but I often travel through time.”

  The bookmark once again pulsed a warning.

  “Dad, Dad, I really must go,” cried Colin.

  Impulsively the young version of Colin, not yet born in 1983, hugged his father, and said, “This is not a dream. I’ll be back. I’ll be back soon. I promise. Maybe after I’m born, maybe when I really am or was five years old.”

  He could hear Audrey rattling pots in the kitchen, so he added, “Say goodbye from me to Audrey. ‘Bye, Dad. ‘Bye...” And then another bright red flash from the bookmark transported him back home to the 21st century.

  When his wife Olivia entered the kitchen, Sammy was drinking from his water-bowl, and Colin was just placing the souvenir from his latest or earliest adventure on the table, a prehistoric bowl with a leaping animal carved into it, possibly a sabre-toothed tiger.

  “Oh, been somewhere interesting?” enquired Olivia, who knew that Colin’s magical adventures took him away for only a few minutes in today’s real time. She had travelled with him in quite a few of them.

  “Yes, can you guess where? Or even when?”

  He pointed to where M was parading up and down in the garden in the evening twilight. He was wearing a caveman’s bearskin loosely slung from his neck and hanging ridiculously low in front of him, and he was brandishing a prehistoric club clutched firmly in his beak.

  Olivia raised her eyebrows, and said, “Really? The Stone Age or the Iron Age?”

  Colin replied, “I’m not quite sure. Possibly the Stone Age, but there’s someone in my family I think the phoenix wants us all to meet. Yes, you, me, and the kids, but that’s another story.”

  The King’s New Knight

  For many years Colin and his family had experienced countless adventures through his special book and the magic phoenix bookmark. He had never tired of them, nor had his wife Olivia and their children, Charlotte, whom everyone now called Charlie, Daniel, who was now 17 but being born in 1536 was now also 492 years old, Becky was two years younger than him, and the baby of the family was Ethan now aged 4. Nor had their family of invisible emus tired of them either. Colin’s Auntie Flo had insisted that 4 of them was enough. Now Emily and Emmerson were also adults, and sometimes they were emailed by Auntie Flo back to Oztralia as they called it. At the moment Charlotte was visiting her cousin Jilly in Paris.

  It was no surprise, however, that one evening, when they, together with M, had been watching an old series of ‘Merlin’ on their super-duper high tech television set, which covered the whole of one wall in their living-room, that Little Ethan asked, “Mummy, Daddy, can the phoenix take us to meet King Arthur and Merlin?” His interest had been sparked by a conversation he had overheard at the library, where Colin worked. The chief librarian, Mr. Jellysox, said he liked stories about King Arthur and would have liked to meet him.

  Colin rubbed his chin, as he considered the best way to answer his little son’s question.

  “Well, they won’t look the same you know. The people in the story you were watching are only actors and they are now 20 years older than when the T.V. series were filmed. Let me think about it.”

  The phoenix on the magic bookmark didn’t need to think about it. Immediately it gave off one of its bright red flashes, and the family plus their small dog Sammy and one emu, who was invisible to most people, were in another place and another time.

  “No, I don’t want a ginger beer, whatever that is!” roared the king.

  A middle-aged man with long brown hair and a long straggly beard and dressed in long purple robes tugged at his sleeve.

  “But, Arthur, that is not what I said. Really you should allow me to fix your hearing. It is getting worse. I said Guinevere - You remember her? Your queen - has sent word that some important visitors have arrived.”

  “Oh, show them in then,” Arthur replied grumpily. “And I say again that I want as little as possible to do with your magic powers.”

  “Yes, sire,” sighed Merlin, for it was indeed he, perhaps the greatest wizard of all time. He beckoned Colin’s family forward to present them to the king. Instinctively the men bowed and the ladies curtsied. Colin noticed that he and the king were of about the same age.

  Suddenly Arthur became more animated. “Speak up! Who are you?”

  Merlin murmured to Colin, “I’m afraid the king is a little deaf, and he is too proud and too stubborn to admit it, and he will not allow me to cure him.”

  Colin smiled, stepped forward, bowed once again, and felt the magic bookmark throb once in the top pocket of the red doublet or jacket that he was wearing. He spoke clearly.

  “Sire, I am known as Sir Colin of Loxley, and this is my wife Olivia.”

  Once again Olivia curtsied. She was wearing a long green dress, and her dark hair was held in place by some elegant gold clips.

  “Delighted to meet you, my lord king,” she said, as she did not know whether the words ‘your majesty’ were in use at this time of what were often called the Dark Ages.

  Sweeping his hand towards the other members of his family, Colin said, “Sire, these are my sons Daniel and Ethan, and my daughter Rebecca.”

  The king stood up from his dark wooden chair, which was simple in design but with neatly carved arms.

  “Welcome to Camelot,” he said. Then turning to Merlin he added, “Thou worriest too much, Merlin. I heard all of that perfectly well. Or methinks I did.”

  “If you say so, my dear.”

  No one had noticed the queen slip into the large room of the castle. She was very beautiful, as beautiful as Olivia. She smiled at her unexpected guests, and went round to greet them individually.

  “Come with me,” she said. “We must offer you some refreshment. Have you travelled far?”

  “Er yes,” replied Olivia hesitantly.

  Colin turned to her, and said, “I’ll join you in a minute or two. I have something to discuss with the king and Merlin.” He knew the mag
ic phoenix bookmark would tell him what to say. It pulsed reassuringly in his pocket.

  As the others left the room, he glanced up at the gallery above, which ran all around the large space. He saw someone in a suit of shining chain-mail armour patrolling steadily all round it. Was that a beak he could just see protruding from the visor? He shook his head in amazement. How on earth had M managed that? His thoughts were interrupted by the king beckoning him to sit with him and Merlin at a small plain table.

  Arthur spoke in his distinctive deep voice. “Now, Sir Colin, what in truth brings you here?”

  The bookmark pulsed once, and Colin knew exactly what to say.

  “Sire, is it true that the Siege Perilous at the Round Table has not been claimed?”

  “Aye, ‘tis true. Legend holds that only two knights may sit there. Their names are Percival and Galahad. It is death for anyone else to choose that seat.”

  “Ah,” murmured Colin.

  “Ah,” echoed Merlin.

  Both of them had seen a most unusual knight arrive in the courtyard outside. He was dismounting from a non-descript-looking horse, which was then led away by a groom. M had halted his march around the gallery. He stared in surprise, as the new arrival burst into the room. Both he and Colin recognised him at once. He wore his chain-mail armour over a bright red, blue and yellow medieval outfit, and carried a short sword with which he saluted the king. It was Jellysox!

  “I’m sorry I’m late, your maj...”

  Colin interrupted him, and told Arthur, “This is my great friend Jellysox. He claims to be a Galahad.”

  Arthur’s face lit up in surprise and delight. “Welcome, Sir Go-Ahead,” he said.

  Merlin frowned. Yes, the king’s hearing had gone again.

  Jellysox sank to one knee in front of Arthur. “I’m eager to serve you, sire. When can I meet your other knights?”

  “In about two hours after we have dined. A special meeting has been arranged, as we have several urgent matters to discuss.”

  So it was some two hours later that Colin and Jellysox were introduced to the other knights sitting around the legendary Round Table. In the meantime Colin had also introduced M to Merlin, who had been aware of him all along. Now they were all standing with Daniel behind the king. Everyone was taken by surprise by what happened next.

  “Is that my seat?” cried Jellysox enthusiastically.

  The other knights looked on in alarm, as he launched himself forward to land his bottom on the Siege Perilous that had remained empty for years.

  There was some instant crackling, as red sparks flew up, and a flash of lightning lit the chamber. Colin felt the bookmark pulse once. Yes, Jellysox was unharmed. He was sitting happily on the Siege Perilous with an expectant look on his face. Almost everyone else had breathed a sigh of relief. As one all the knights smiled and thumped the table with their hands to show their delight. This odd-looking knight could well be an amazing addition to their number.

  Arthur stood up.

  “Merlin,” he said, “prithee inform the Knights of the Round Table assembled here of our concerns of the moment.”

  “Aye, sire, willingly,” replied the wizard stepping forward. “First there is the problem of the Beast of Bolan’s Crags, which scares the villagers out of their wits and takes a lot of their cattle at night. The second problem is that Lady Gwendoline, the cousin of our lord king has been captured by Baron Bogey Bonehead, who is often referred to as our local yokel bogeyman.”

  “Did you say ‘the hokey-cokey’?” interrupted Arthur.

  Merlin shook his head and patiently replied, “No, sire. Baron Bonehead is keeping her prisoner in his high hunting-tower on his land beyond the Wyvern River.”

  “What’s it got to do with his wife?”

  “Nothing, sire,” sighed Merlin. “And finally our spies tell us the Saxons have raised a large army of about 2,000 men, and will perhaps reach Camelot in about four days.”

  Already Jellysox was on his feet.

  “Sire, sire!” he cried, “allow me to prove myself. I am ready.”

  “Go-Ahead,” began the king. He was merely addressing Jellysox by what he thought was his name, but immediately Jellysox the knight had dashed out of the room and down a flight of stairs. He could be heard calling for his servants to prepare his horse for departure.

  Colin turned to Arthur and said, “I’m sorry, sire. He is often like that. So eager to please.”

  The bookmark throbbed once in Colin’s pocket, so he added, “I assure you, sire, he will come to no harm. Daniel and I will ride with him.”

  A few minutes later Colin and Daniel were riding their large black horses through the dark night. The magic phoenix bookmark, now peeping out of Colin’s pocket, emitted a thin green beam of light, which shone ahead of them, leading them in the direction Jellysox had taken. All the time Daniel spoke to the horses in their own animal language, as that was his special skill. M loped effortlessly along, clanking slightly in the suit of armour he was still proudly wearing.

  Soon they were able to slow their horses to a stop in front of a cave in a vast rock surrounded by the tall trees of the forest. The beam of green light picked out a figure standing by the dark, sinister entrance. It was not Jellysox. It was Merlin. He turned to acknowledge them.

  “You did well to get here so soon,” he said. “And you were wise to come on horseback, as the king still distrusts magic. I have only just arrived. Your friend is inside the cave. I don’t know what he is doing, but hark!”

  They all heard an eerie, penetrating howl. It sounded like an animal in distress. Then there was a series of short, sharp barks, and then out of the mouth of the cave

  appeared Sammy followed by Jellysox, leading on a short length of rope the most enormous wolf that anyone had ever seen. It trotted along slowly, and then sank down on the ground, looking fearfully at Sammy, who gave a sharp woof to remind it to behave itself.

  “I hope you don’t mind, Sir Colin,” said Jellysox, “but I borrowed Sammy to help me with the first task the king set me.”

  “The creature will cause no more trouble,” remarked Merlin. “I have already cast a spell to control it forever. The good farmers around here can once more sleep soundly in their beds.”

  M, looking like a medieval soldier, was standing guard with Sammy next to the giant wolf.

  It was Daniel, who spoke next.

  “Merlin, the wolf asks if the king would allow it to help guard his castle.”

  The wizard tipped back his head, and laughed heartily.

  “Why not?” he said. “I’m sure I can persuade Arthur, and even make him think it’s his own idea.”

  Jellysox, however, had already leapt onto his horse. He was impatient to get away. He had another task to perform for the king. He yelled over his shoulder, “See you later.”

  This time the others merely waited for a few minutes. Then Merlin asked Colin if the magic phoenix bookmark would do the honours by transporting their whole group, including the horses, to wherever Jellysox had gone. Obligingly the bookmark gave off a large red flash, and next they saw that they were standing in a clearing at the edge of the forest.

  “That, of course, is Baron Bonehead’s castle,” stated Merlin. “Its main tower is even taller than Camelot.”

  They gazed up at the high tower. The full moon was just peeping round the top of it, and they could see movement above. The multi-coloured figure of Jellysox was scaling the wall at incredible speed. He reached the only window just under the turreted roof, and then they heard a whirring sound, which lasted about ten seconds. In the blink of an eye Jellysox was through the window. They heard a muffled scream of surprise. The whirring sound came again and, at short intervals, three times more to be followed by a stifled shout of ‘Aaaargh!’ and what seemed like a warcry of ‘Jellysox!’ They strained t
heir ears to hear more. Suddenly the massive ground-level wooden door with iron studs all over it crashed open, and Jellysox emerged with a tall, attractive middle-aged woman, who was wearing a long white dress and clutching his left hand. In his right hand he spun a small sword of very unusual design.

  The woman flung her arms around Jellysox, who looked rather surprised.

  “Thank you! Thank you, Sir Who-ever-you-are!” she cried.

  Merlin stepped forward. “Lady Gwendoline,” he declared, “Sir Go-Ahead has saved you, but where is Baron Bonehead?”

  “Oh, I forgot,” replied Jellysox. He dashed back up the tower’s spiral staircase, and soon reappeared dragging a rather rotund man by his beard and hair. The man was obviously terrified.

  “No, no!” he begged. “Spare me! I tremble before your magic sword!”

  Colin was intrigued. “What have you got there, old chap?”

  Jellysox shrugged. ”Oh, it’s something I rigged up at home. I call it my circular sword.”

  He flipped it casually with his right hand, and it whirred menacingly near the baron’s ear. He squealed in fright.

  “Fear not,” laughed Merlin. “Methinks your life will be spared, but you will now be put to work in the royal kitchens or the royal stables.”

  Jellysox had already helped Lady Gwendoline up onto his horse.

  “Come on!” he urged the others. “No time to waste standing here in the cold gossiping. The king’s second task is done, but we have a Saxon army to face in less than three days from now!”