Lone Star Joy

by Kathleen Ball

  Joy blinked and looked down at their entwined hands. It wasn't possible that she was going back to the ranch. She was afraid to move, she was afraid to think. It had to be wrong.

  "Why are you saying such things? I know I'm going back to prison," Joy said, her voice getting a bit hysterical.

  "Whoa, Joy. Just breathe for a minute. It's true. I know you've been through a rough time, but sweetheart you've got to believe me."

  Joy blinked and looked up at Stamos. She saw the truth in his eyes and sagged against the pillow whispering, "Thank God. Thank God."

  The door opened and Bea walked in with little Dillon in her arms. She smiled as she approached the bed. "Glad I am to see ya, Joy. This little one hasn't stopped frettin' since you've been gone."

  "Ma Ma, Ma Ma, Ma Ma," Dillon chanted, reaching out for Joy. She opened her arms and held him close. She needed to touch every part of him to reassure herself that he was all right.

  "I love you, Dillon," she whispered, holding him against her shoulder.

  "Can't wait to get you home and fed proper-like. You look skinny," Bea said.

  Joy witnessed the look of concern that Stamos and Bea exchanged.

  "Your fine cooking will fix her right up," Stamos said.

  Joy smiled at them. "It's like a dream. I still can't believe I'm going home."

  "Believe it, darlin', believe it."

  Joy walked to the edge of the yard, looking out at the waking day. The sun was rising with its orange and yellow glory. The coolness in the air was invigorating. It was a wonderful novelty to be standing alone.

  Three days had passed since she'd come home. Not one moment was spent alone. Although she cherished all of their good intentions, it smothered her. Joy lifted her face to the wind, feeling it pass over her and through her unbound hair. With her eyes closed, she urged herself to feel, to really feel.

  Emotions flowed over her in the same way the wind she did. The wall she'd built wouldn't come down. She tried, Lord knows she tried. She wanted to feel passion in each kiss and tenderness in each caress. She wanted to feel excitement about the baby. Only with Dillon did her reserve leave her.

  She knew that Stamos sensed her withdrawal. He'd often just sit and look at her as if she was a puzzle he was trying to solve. Joy knew he felt it in her kiss and it frustrated her. She waited for his hurt to provoke her, but it didn't. Her heart had turned to ice and she didn't know how to thaw it.

  She heard Stamos' footsteps walking toward her. Joy didn't turn, she didn't know what to say. He put his hands around her waist and pulled her back against her as he kissed the side of her neck.

  It shamed her that she couldn't melt against him. If anything, she stiffened. Stamos stopped kissing her, but he didn't let go.

  "Stamos?"

  "Yes?"

  "Promise me something," she whispered.

  "Anything."

  "Stamos, don't let go. Just don't let go." Joy pulled out of his embrace and walked away. She hoped to God he'd ride it out with her, but she was afraid that her heart would never thaw.

  Stamos sighed heavily and watched her go. He'd been trying to be the most understanding husband in the world, but it was getting him nowhere.

  When she looked at him, the lights of love, happiness, and mischief were missing. He missed her. When Joy was with Dillon, she changed into the woman he knew and loved. She smiled and played and loved his son, but with him, nothing.

  Stamos now comprehended that Joy knew and was asking him to hold on. It was difficult. He still got a morning and evening kiss, but it lacked any iota of passion. It'd only been three days, he knew that he needed to remain patient, but damn it all, it was hard.

  Pulling his hat over his forehead, he stalked to the barn. Hard work would make him feel better. He hoped it would get rid of his restlessness.

  "Hey, Boss," Benji greeted. "Look what I got."

  Stamos walked toward Benji and looked at the two one-hundred-dollar bills he held. "Where'd you get the cash?"

  Benji smiled. "I'm a secret agent."

  Stamos frowned. "What do you mean?"

  "I'm Benji Bond 008. I am helping to eliminate the enemy," he proudly told Stamos.

  "And who is the enemy?" Stamos asked, his stomach churning.

  "The shes."

  Stamos had a bad feeling. "Who are the shes?"

  Benji laughed and turned red. "You know the ones with a nice rack."

  "Who are you working for?"

  "I never see them. I just hear them. We meet at the willow tree each night."

  Stamos sighed. "Benji, you wouldn't hurt Joy, would you?"

  Benji shook his head. "Joy is my friend. We talk about her all the time and they give me money."

  Stamos didn't know what to say. He was disgusted that anyone would use Benji to get to Joy. "Okay, buddy. Why don't you put the quarter horses out to pasture for me?"

  Benji puffed out his chest. "You got it, Boss."

  Stamos needed reinforcements and he knew just the people to call. Walking toward the house he realized that the sun had just risen and it was going to be a hell of a long day.

  Stamos paced in his office. He was trying to wrap his mind around everything Benji said. He was extremely grateful to have friends willing to drop everything to come and help. Joy would have to know. Maybe it would get a rise out of her. At this point, anything was better than the wooden smile she constantly gave him.

  He did have hope though. She'd asked him not to let go and he wouldn't. He'd been bitter and disconnected after his first marriage failed. He'd been so ambitious then. He wanted to make a name for himself. He went into deep undercover work, spending six months in prison, than a year working for mobsters. Looking back, he wondered how his ex had stayed married to him as long as she had.

  A black SUV pulled up into the driveway and Stamos shot out of the house to greet his cavalry.

  "Good to see you." Stamos greeted, shaking Hoss Hill's hand then David Wonder's. "You guys are looking good. I can't thank you enough for coming."

  Hoss smiled widely, his blond, blue-eyed look helped him to charm the ladies. "All you had to do was call."

  David looked serious. He was the brooder of the three with dark hair cut military style and dark eyes. "Let's get on with the task at hand. I want to get these guys."

  "I knew I could count on both of you," Stamos said, leading them inside.

  Bea looked at the large men and her jaw dropped.

  "Find Joy for me, Bea. I need her in the office."

  "I sure will."

  "Thanks." Stamos showed David and Hoss into his office.

  "You wanted to see..." Joy trailed off as she looked at Hoss and David.

  "Joy, I want you to meet some friends of mine." Stamos grabbed her hand and pulled her into the room. "This is Hoss and this is David. They are going to help us out."

  Joy nodded her head absently to both men. Stamos wanted to laugh at Hoss' expression. Finally, a female that didn't drool over him.

  "Joy, have a seat."

  Joy looked a bit startled. "This sounds serious."

  Stamos waited until everyone was seated. He sat on the arm of the chair next to Joy. "Someone has been paying Benji for information about you. He had two hundred-dollar bills. He said he is now Benji Bond and females are the enemy."

  "Oh no." Joy's hand flew to her mouth. "Oh poor Benji. Who?" Her eyes widened with surprise that was quickly replaced with anger. "Excuse me gentlemen. I have some varmints that need killing."

  Stamos grabbed Joy by the arm and sat her back down. "That's what we intend to do -- we'll hunt them down. Hoss and David worked with me at the FBI. They are top notch at what they do."

  Joy studied both men, and then nodded. "So what's the plan?"

  Her anger gave Stamos comfort. She was still in there, somewhere. He'd have to wait for her love to emerge. It was more hope than he had earlier.

  "The plan is for you to stay out of it," Stamos said without thinking. The look on her face grew mutin
ous and he knew he was in for trouble.

  "Now you wait one cotton picking minute Mr. Ex-lawman," Joy said as she jabbed her finger into his chest. "This is my fight."

  Stamos grabbed her finger. "That hurts."

  "Looks like I got here right on time," Callie announced, walking up to Stamos and grabbing his hand away from Joy's finger.

  "What brings you here?" He stood and kissed her on the cheek.

  "Move over Joy, I need to sit next to you and help you against these bulldozing men."

  Joy smiled as she moved over and made room for Callie on the couch. "Really, why are you here?" Joy asked.

  "A little birdie told me that you were outnumbered around here," she replied. Looking at Stamos she asked, "Don't you have any normal sized friends?"

  Stamos laughed. "I guess she's not impressed with us."

  Hoss just stared at her, unbelieving. "I don't know what you mean?"

  "Too much testosterone in this room. What's going on and how can I help?" Callie asked.

  Joy grabbed her hand as if it was a lifeline. She looked calmer.

  David stared at Callie, he looked disapproving. "Is this going to be a hen party?" he grumbled.

  Stamos had to bite his lips to keep from smiling. "Our main goal is to keep Joy safe."

  "All of us safe," Joy amended.

  Stamos smiled at her mutinous face. "Yes, all of us. They don't know we are on to them and I have a plan to keep Benji in the house most of the night."

  "Okay, what's the plan?" Callie eagerly asked.

  "Joy is going to need help babysitting Dillon. I'm sending Bea home with you tonight, Cal."

  Joy shook her head. "That's your great plan?"

  Hoss laughed, his blue eyes twinkling. "They are not impressed by you either my friend."

  "It is a small part of the plan," Stamos said. "Since Wood and Jamie have Benji convinced that he is 008, why don't we give Benji a few gadgets? Mostly toy ones, but we can slip a microphone in something."

  "Good, that's good," David said.

  "What about me?" Callie asked.

  Stamos laughed. "You my friend are going home to your husband. Does he even know you are here?"

  "Who do you think sent me?"

  Stamos raised one eyebrow, staring at her.

  "Well he did after I insisted and threatened to make him sleep on the couch."

  "I appreciate the support, Callie. I never had a friend before and it means a lot that you came. I guess the plan for tonight is set. I'll call you tomorrow and let you know how you can help," Joy told her, her words heartfelt.

  "I'll go and take Bea with me, but I'll be back tomorrow. Don't you worry, Joy, I have been in this very position before. Men think that they need to keep the female safe. I'll be back."

  Joy shared an amused glance with Stamos. "Let's go get Bea ready, and then I have to go get Benji."

  "Gentlemen, I will see you tomorrow. I look forward to working with you," Callie said as she exited the room.

  "She's kidding right?" Hoss asked.

  Stamos shook his head. "I'm afraid not."

  With a lighter heart, Joy smiled, putting Dillon in Benji's arms. He was sitting in the middle of the couch with pillows on each side. He looked terrified. "It's just a baby," Joy said, sitting next to the pillow.

  "I still don't know why you can't."

  "Sit back and relax. See, Benji, he's smiling at you." Joy watched Benji begin to beam with pride. "I can't hold him, he keeps pulling my bandage off," Joy said, touching her bandaged cheek. She hadn't asked the doctor if she would have a scar, she didn't want to know. If she had to take in any more facts, she thought her brain would explode.

  "I think he likes me," Benji exclaimed.

  Joy smiled a real smile. It was a wonder, this big bear of a man holding Dillon so gently. "Of course he likes you, what's not to like?"

  Benji's face turned serious. "I'm not like other folks. I used to be. I was smart as a whip. Now, I'm just not smart."

  "That's not true. Benji, you are a kind loving man that is a great friend. You are great with the horses and I know that Stamos values you."

  Benji smiled again. He didn't say anything, he just kept looking at Dillon in wonder. Dillon would babble and Benji acted as if he knew what Dillon was saying. Maybe he did, Joy mused.

  Looking at the clock, she wondered how Hoss and David were doing. They were to watch the meeting site. They wanted to be sure that the information was accurate before they proceeded. It wouldn't do any good to haul Wood and Jaime into jail. They'd just deny everything.

  "Let's go upstairs and get this little one ready for bed. I always read him a story or two." The wistful look in Benji's eyes almost made her tear up. "I'd appreciate it if you stayed until Stamos comes back." The smile she got in return humbled her.

  Stamos smiled as he peeked into Dillon's room. Benji must have carried Bea's rocking chair into the room. Dillon was in his crib awake, just watching the two adults in their chairs sleeping. Stamos backed away quietly. He needed to shower before he tended to Dillon. Hopefully Dillon would just fall asleep.

  The hot water running down his head, shoulders, and back made him sigh. It had been a long day. All days had seemed extra-long. It would be worth it once he proved Joy's innocence.

  Joy, just the thought of her made his chest tighten -- among other parts of his body. She looked angelic in the rocking chair, her hair loosely hanging down her shoulders. He wished that she would cling to him instead of pushing him away. Somehow, he knew she couldn't help it, but at times, it hurt.

  He'd come to expect a look of love from her. He missed her smile and how her eyes glowed especially for him. There had to be a way to reach her.

  The water had begun to grow cold as Stamos grabbed a towel in the steam-filled bathroom. It took him a few seconds to realize that he wasn't alone. Joy stood just inside the door staring at him. It seemed to be a look of desire, but Stamos was afraid to read too much into it.

  Her big hazel eyes started at his toes and slowly raked up the length of him. He instantly hardened and the flare in her eyes made him realize that she noticed.

  "Stamos?" she whispered, her voice shaky.

  "What is it, love? I'm right here for you," Stamos told her in a steady voice. He was half afraid that she'd vanish through the steam.

  Joy walked over and took the towel from his hands. She started at the middle of his chest, drying him off. Her tongue licked her lips as her hand holding the towel began to wander downward.

  Stamos groaned. It took all of his control to stand there, allowing her to take the lead. He closed his eyes as she dried and caressed his hip, he thought he was going out of his mind.

  Dillon's cry shattered the moment. Joy dropped the towel. She gave Stamos a long look, up and down his body, and left.

  Stamos shuddered in need. His breathing had become labored. Running his hand over his face, he turned the cold water on. He needed to cool off.

  Joy shook Benji's shoulder and told him to go back to the bunkhouse. She thanked him and he smiled at her praise. Picking up Dillon, she gently cooed to him. Her heart beat out of her chest. She kept seeing Stamos dripping wet, an image that wouldn't shake loose. Smiling, Joy wasn't sure she wanted to shake it loose.

  She changed Dillon's diaper and sat down in the rocking chair with Dillon in one arm and his bottle in her other hand.

  "Ma Ma, Ma Ma," he chanted, trying to reach for her hair.

  "You are a little rascal, just like your daddy." Joy fed Dillon. Feelings she didn't even know she had exploded in her heart. Her whole body tingled with happiness. Tears ran down her face, she'd never known such happiness. This time she actually had blessings to count.

  Her shoulders shook as she cried, silently sobbing as she continued to feed Dillon. She, of all people knew that you might not get a tomorrow, and knowing that she had wasted precious moments made her cry all the harder.

  She heard Stamos enter the room, but she couldn't look at him. She'd been cold
and shut off from him and she felt so guilty for her feelings.

  "Joy? Are you hurt?" Stamos asked.

  The concern in his voice was too much for her. She handed Dillon to him and took off down the stairs and out the front door. She ran until she was at the edge of the yard. She couldn't breathe. She had treated Stamos, the one person who loved her, so horribly.

  Her eyes burned and she began to hiccup. Closing her eyes, she raised her face to the night sky and tried to slow her breathing. What if it was too late? What if Stamos couldn't forgive her cold heartlessness? Did he still love her?

  How she wished she knew more about relationships. Obviously she wasn't good at them. She was out of her element. Freedom came with a lot of new feelings, good feelings and scary feelings. Joy wasn't sure if she could cope.

  Opening her eyes, she hugged herself, trying to keep herself in one piece. The Texas sky looked big and comforting. The moon appeared so big, Joy wanted to reach out and touch it. A star shot across the black sky.

  "You're supposed to make a wish," Stamos told her, walking behind her and pulling her back against him.

  Joy leaned back. She was not alone. It was something she had known, but had never taken to heart. Now she had Stamos. She wasn't in this big universe alone anymore.

  Turning in his arms, she wrapped her arms around his waist and just laid her head over his heart. She could feel his big hands rubbing up and down her back, soothing her. Never had she had such comfort. "Forgive me?" she asked, pulling away to look at his face.

  "Oh, baby, you know when I look in your eyes I see the future. I see our happiness. Joy, I love you. Of course I forgive you. All of this has taken a toll on you. I know that. I've been waiting for my Joy to come back, and here you are."

  Joy didn't have time to reply before Stamos swooped down and kissed her. It was a searing kiss of possession and Joy loved it. This time she put her tongue in his mouth first and she tingled as he groaned.

  His response empowered her. Stepping closer she pushed her hips against his and bumped against his hard desire. A flicker of excitement burst within her body. There seemed a strange urgency, an immense hunger in his kiss. He stopped kissing her lips and started kissing her neck, making her shiver in delight. Her legs gave way when he blew into her ear.