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In His Place: Sonic Idols Book #2

Page 11

by Lisa J. Hobman


  I closed my eyes and let my face tilt towards the sun. The rays warmed my skin but I could take no pleasure from it. Lowering my head once more, I looked across at her with a heart full of deep sadness at her reaction and I nodded.

  She rested her palm on her forehead. “But… it’s not true, is it? It can’t be true. It’s got to be a joke, Si. I mean, okay, so you had a crush on me when you were sixteen and we… we slept together… but… love?â€�

  Her eyes pleaded with me, and for a split-second, I considered forcing a loud guffaw and saying “Haha! Got you! That’ll teach you for being so nosy!â€�

  Instead, I rubbed my hands over my face and shook my head. “I couldn’t tell you, Allie. It wouldn’t have been right. You were Joe’s girl. But yes, I’m afraid it is true. I’ve been in love with you for a very long time. It wasn’t just a crush or some sexual attraction bullshit. It was and still is bone-fucking-deep love, Allie. And the worst part is, I know you’ll never feel the same. Because I’m not him.â€�

  Her nostrils flared and she pointed at me accusingly. “But you slept with me, knowing that your feelings were one-sided. And knowing that I was oblivious. That’s really not fair, Si. To either of us.â€�

  I nodded again and roughly ran my hands back through my hair. “Yes, and it was stupid. But you needed me. You needed to feel wanted and safe and desired. I wanted you to feel all those things too. Because… because you are, Allie. You’re wanted and desired. By me. But you’re loved too.â€� My heart pounded inside my ribs and the urge to hold her, to kiss her to show her just how I felt was almost overpowering me. But I clenched my jaw and stayed rooted to the spot.

  Her lip trembled. “I can’t believe this. It can’t be happening.â€� She threw the piece of paper to the ground and ran towards the house.

  “Allie! Please don’t go.â€� My words fell on deaf ears and she disappeared into the house.

  ğŸ�µğŸ�µğŸ�µ

  As I stood there in the garden, hoping my parents and the neighbours hadn’t witnessed what had just happened, my mobile rang and I took it from my pocket. It was Den.

  “Hey, Den. What’s up?â€�

  “Good news, Si. The Germany tour is back on! Your car’s ordered for tonight to bring you down to London. Then that’s it. Life goes back to normal.â€� There was real joy in his voice. If only I felt the same way. The thought of leaving Allie when things were so tense between us made my insides ache, but I knew deep down that I would have to leave anyway at some point. I would just have to resign myself to the fact it would be sooner rather than later.

  “Si? Did you hear me? We’re back on the road, buddy!â€�

  “Shit, sorry. Yeah. Yeah, that’s great news, Den. Great.â€�

  He huffed. “Well, you could sound a bit more bloody enthusiastic. It’s not too long since you were telling me you were bored out of your fucking skull. What changed?â€�

  “Nothing, mate. Nothing at all. It’s all good. What time is the car coming?â€�

  “It’ll be with you around five o’clock. So say your goodbyes and get yourself ready to rock!â€� He screamed and I held the phone away until he had finished.

  I grimaced as I tentatively put the phone back to my ear. “Okay, fine. I’ll go and pack.â€�

  “Bloody hell. You’d better cheer the fuck up, Delaney. We don’t want any sour pusses on the bloody tour. Sour pusses don’t get sweet pussy, don’t forget that!â€� He cackled and I rolled my eyes as he sang, “Toodles!â€�

  The line went dead and I stuck my phone back into my pocket.

  With a heavy heart and unwilling footsteps, I went back into the kitchen. My folks were, thankfully, nowhere to be seen and Allie was seated at the breakfast bar, waiting for me.

  She nodded at a plate in front of her. “Your mum made sandwiches.â€�

  I scrunched my brow. “You not having any?â€�

  She shook her head and crumpled her nose. “Kind of lost my appetite.â€�

  I sighed. “Because of those song lyrics?â€� I sat down beside her.

  She rubbed at a ring of coffee on the counter top. “What do you think?â€�

  “That’s why I was being so secretive. I didn’t want you to see them. They were just a way for me to get the words out of my system. A kind of emotional release. No one was supposed to see. Especially not you. While ever you thought this was just a physical thing, I knew it’d be easier. For both of us.â€�

  She shook her head. “I still can’t believe it, Si. All these years?â€�

  I sighed heavily. “Please, can we just forget it? Get back to how things were and pretend the last hour didn’t happen?â€�

  She shook her head. “I don’t think we can. At least not how we’ve been since we reconnected. We should never have crossed that line. I’m so sorry.â€�

  My heart sank. All my hope shattered. “It’s probably a good thing I’m leaving then.â€�

  “What do you mean?â€�

  “Den just called when I was outside. We’re going back on the road.â€�

  She nodded but didn’t make eye contact. “Oh, right. Great… great. When?â€�

  “Five o’clock.â€�

  Her head snapped towards me. “Tonight?â€�

  I turned to meet her eyes. “Tonight.â€�

  She twisted her fingers together in her lap. “I see.â€�

  “I’m sorry it’s such short notice, Allie. I hadn’t seen it coming. Well… I mean, I knew it would happen, obviously, but just not yet. Not now.â€�

  She smiled sadly and shook her head. “But… it’s maybe not a bad thing. Maybe we do need time apart to remember how things were before. You said yourself that you knew this would end.â€�

  My stomach plummeted towards my boots and my appetite vanished. “Yeah. I just didn’t want to be right.â€� I pushed myself away from the breakfast bar. “I’d better go and pack.â€�

  I left the room, fearing that if I stayed a moment longer, I would beg her not to end this and to give us a chance. And I had said to myself I would deal with the sadness in my own time.

  It turned out my own time had arrived.

  Chapter 19

  Allie

  *

  Si was leaving to go back on tour and I had no clue how to react. Discovering he was in love with me had muddied the already cloudy waters of whatever our bizarre relationship had become. My head was telling me this was most definitely a good thing. We needed to be apart and let this thing between us fizzle out. Sex wasn’t love. And I couldn’t love him. It was too weird. Too taboo. What the hell would people think? His parents? The band? My parents? I shivered as I imagined the expressions of disgust on their faces if they discovered what had happened up to now. And I seriously questioned my sanity. Who the hell was I becoming?

  What had started out as a need to sate repressed sexual desires had become an ugly farce. And now love was involved? My stomach roiled and I was sure I was going to be physically sick.

  I left Si to pack and kept my distance.

  I made my way outside to the beautiful old tree at the bottom of the garden that we had always congregated around. The vast garden was so disproportionate to the petite house, but I guess when the Delaney’s had purchased it all those years ago, the garden and their two small boys had been what they had considered. Now the tree was older, but just as wonderful with its wizened bark and low slung branch. I pulled myself up to sit in peace and quiet with my thoughts, but a deep, unrelenting sadness descended over me. I couldn’t quit
e put my finger on what was making me so emotional, but nevertheless, tears streamed from my eyes as I sat on my favourite spot in one of my most treasured places on Earth.

  It was a little like losing Joe all over again. I had conjured up this ridiculous situation and dragged poor Si along for the ride, and now he was going to get hurt. Joe would be looking down on me and hating me. Blood is thicker than water, after all. Why was my heart aching so much? Why was the thought of Si leaving hurting me? The sex was great, admittedly, but I was behaving like he had broken my heart and not the other way around.

  I resolved to try my best to remain stoic when it was time for him to get in the car and go. I had to let him believe that he could move on. Because he would have to. And so would I.

  Chapter 20

  Si

  *

  I knew saying goodbye to Allie was going to be one of the hardest things I had ever had to do. Especially considering the way things had ended with us earlier. Before the incident in the garden, I had foolishly begun to hope that there was an actual possibility of an ‘us’, but then she had discovered my true feelings for her by reading my crappy song lyrics out loud. Now she knew this was more than just sex for me and had reacted so negatively, the ‘us’ bubble had burst spectacularly, taking my heart down with it.

  By inadvertently expressing my love for her, I’d discovered that she—in all certainty—didn’t feel the same and never would. Now I was leaving and there was a distinct possibility that this situation would never be resolved, and everything would now become a painful memory. Something to look back on and cringe about.

  After all, I would find it so hard to look back and smile.

  Packing and preparing to leave was rushed, meaning there was no time to prepare for my goodbye. There had been calls to make to Den to ensure extra security detail to the property, thanks to the media frenzy that had spread like wildfire. If I didn’t know better, I would think Den had instigated it all to create a buzz about the band going back on tour. But maybe I didn’t know better. It was the kind of thing he’d do without really thinking of the consequences. “All’s fair in love and rockâ€� was one of his favourite phrases, after all.

  The excruciating thing was, when Mum, Dad, and Allie stood at the door to say goodbye, I had no time to say anything to Allie.

  My mum clung to me. “Safe travels, sweetheart. Let us know when you land in Germany.â€� She pulled away and fixed me with a stern but teary-eyed look. “And I don’t want to be hearing about you with lots of girls over there, okay? You’ve already got a reputation from what I’ve seen, and no girl will love you if you’re a dress-catcher, you know.â€�

  My dad laughed. “The phrase is ‘skirt-chaser’, love. But your Mum’s right, son. Keep it tasteful, eh?â€�

  I nodded as a furnace glowed under the skin of my face, and I scratched my beard. “Well, I’d better be off. Germany awaits. Auf Wiedersehen, folks.â€� I hoped I sounded happier than I felt. The heaviness of a reluctant goodbye was weighing me down.

  My mum’s face contorted in disbelief. “Simeon Delaney, aren’t you going to say a proper goodbye to Allie?â€�

  I rolled my eyes. “Well, duh. I wouldn’t forget that, would I?â€� I feigned incredulity and stepped towards Allie. How the hell do I do this? All I wanted to do was pull her into my arms and kiss her. Tell her that no girl could compare with her and that any stories in the press about me with other girls would be based around how I’d bored them rigid telling them stories about a certain Scottish lass I had always loved. But of course, none of that was possible, and no doubt she wouldn’t want to hear it anyway, so I awkwardly pulled her into a hug.

  She squeezed me to her and I chewed the inside of my cheek in a bid to stop me from saying something in front of my parents that I’d no doubt regret.

  Allie patted my back like a normal old friend would. “Take care, Si. Look after yourself, okay? And you never know, you might meet that Miss Right we talked about.â€�

  Well, if ever there was a fucking brush off, that was it. My heart sank further and I forced a smile as I pulled away from her. “Yeah. You never know.â€�

  A huge security guard I didn’t recognise opened the door and nodded at me. “Ready to go, Mr Delaney?â€�

  I gave a tight-lipped smile, put on my shades, and stepped outside. With long strides and my head lowered, I headed for the waiting limo to screams of my name and camera flashes firing off left and right. I didn’t look back. I couldn’t. Seeing a definite expression of goodbye on Allie’s face would have been too final.

  Once the car door was closed, I glanced briefly towards the house to find only my teary-eyed mother and proud father waving.

  Allie had gone.

  ğŸ�µğŸ�µğŸ�µ

  Life on the road was the same old, same old. Great, but no surprises. Since arriving in Germany, Nick had been in a constant daze. Something had clearly gone horribly wrong for him whilst he was on his recuperation break. It turned out he’d ended up in Scotland too, and had apparently had his heart broken. The coincidence hurt like hell, but thankfully, he hadn’t been in the mood to talk much, so I was spared the rehashing of something that would’ve hit too close to home.

  The guys had organised a party for Nick, and while we were all together, Den launched into a lecture about the upcoming dates.

  “Just so you know, we have a whole new crew for this leg of the tour. Thanks to things being postponed, the other crew have moved on. Now, I want you to be on your best behaviour, okay?â€�

  Stig gasped. “Whatever could you possibly mean, Den?â€� He glanced at the rest of us and winked before taking a swig of his beer.

  Den wagged his finger. “You know very well what I mean. Don’t any of you be playing the diva card. No sending the runners on stupid tasks. I want this crew to stick around for the duration of the European tour. And I know what you lot can be like.â€�

  Chris burst out laughing. “Yeah, Si.â€� He nudged me. “No getting the runners to de-bubble your champagne.â€�

  I couldn’t help laughing at that memory. “Come on! That was a classic! He tried as well, poor kid.â€�

  Nick joined in with the laughter and it was great to see him smile. “And what about the time you cling wrapped all the toilets backstage, apart from our dressing rooms.â€�

  I slapped his leg. “Oh, yeah! That was fucking hilarious, mate.â€�

  Den rolled his eyes and sighed. “The fact that you all find these things so funny is what worries me. I’m being serious. We can’t lose this crew.â€�

  Nick held up his hands in a kind of scout salute. “We promise we’ll be on our best behaviour, Dennis. Cross our hearts.â€�

  We all saluted in unison and tried in vain to keep straight faces. But it didn’t last, and before I knew it, we were concocting new ways to catch out the new crew.

  The night was great fun, and of course, we all got steaming drunk. Nick drank way more than he usually did and puked his guts up once before drinking a bit more. Den was trying his best to get our leader to sober up, but Nick was hell bent on getting wasted.

  “I fucking love you all. Every last one of you. You know that?â€� Nick slurred.

  Den thrust a drink at him. “Yeah, and we all love you, Nick. Now can you please drink this pint of water?â€�

  Nick waved a finger at him. “You’re a top bloke, Den. You should find yourself a nice lady and settle down.â€�

  “Make that a handsome bloke and you may tempt me. Water, Nicholas. Now.â€�

  “Oh, fuck. Yeah. You’re gay. I totally forgot.â€� Nick burst out laughing. “How daft am I?â€�

  Den glanced at me and rolled his e
yes. “Do you believe this guy? How long has he known me, Si?�

  I laughed. “I think the alcohol has addled his brain, Den.â€�

  Nick’s attention returned to me. “Ah, Si. My sud… pus… pesurdo… my pretend little brother.â€� He grabbed for me. “You’re brilliant, you know that? And I love you, mate. I do. Not in a Den kind of way. You know. Just to be clear. But I love you. You’re not a patch on Cat. But I still love you.â€� I wasn’t sure whether he meant the animal or a person called Cat, but I was too pissed to ask.

  “Aw, thanks, Nick. I like cats too. But I think I might be allergic.â€�

  He scrunched his face and tilted his head. “Eh?â€�

  I laughed. “Never mind. Drink some fucking water or you’ll be as much use as a handbrake on a canoe tomorrow.â€�

  ğŸ�µğŸ�µğŸ�µ

  The following day, we arrived to soundcheck. Nick was wearing dark glasses and not speaking to anyone. We all kept out of his way as he sat on a box out in the stadium, drinking water.

  The first night nerves jangled, and I wished so much that we were back in the UK. At least that way there was the slimmest chance that Allie would be there. It was a stupid, futile wish, and the band huddled for our group hug. I tried to put all thoughts of Allie to the back of my mind.

  I grabbed a towel from my bag and made my way onto the stage to find a woman sitting at my kit, fiddling around with the mics. Her mostly blonde hair was streaked with red and it was long at one side and shaved at the other. She was wearing a black vest top and her left arm was covered in tattoos.

  I approached her with caution in case she was a crazed fan. “Erm… can I help you?â€�

  She glanced up and smiled. “Oh, hi, Si. Ooh, that rhymes!â€� She laughed and stood up from the stool, holding out her hand. “I’m Bobbie.â€�

 

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