Dirty Angel (The List #2)

by N. K. Love

  Giving him the desired effect, I then crumbled. I managed to articulate myself to explain that I didn’t want him to feel like there was any expectation for him to either show me any attention or refrain from showing any other girls attention when I’m around. He apologised again and basically told me to chill out with the analytics, which wasn’t difficult because his voice was so warm and husky and welcoming.

  The more I talk to him the more comfortable I feel being open and honest with him, just not about why we won’t be screwing any time in the near future!

  We ended up talking until way past midnight. He is so easy to talk to but it wasn’t until afterwards that I realised he asked most of the questions and managed to manipulate the conversations so that he didn’t reveal much about his own background. More mystery. The only things he spoke of happened in the last three years, since moving to Solihull, from London. Whereas, on the other hand, I was happily telling him my life story on a whim.

  I told him about Mike, making sure he knew that it’s all been amicable and that we’re still friends—something I’m proud of actually. Jax was such a good listener, seeming genuinely intrigued about my life. He asked me what kind of bloke Mike is and I simply said that he’s a gent, but a workaholic. Not a good combo. I said that I always knew I wanted to be with somebody that holds the door open for me. I love romance. But yeah, the workaholic, inattentive side ended up outweighing the dwindling romantic gestures. I also spoke about my family and Next Chapter.

  He did tell me that he struggles to sleep and I idly wondered if that’s why he’d called, but I doubt he’d ever admit it.

  Jax said that he finds the sound of my voice soothing and joked that he wanted me to record myself so he can play it whenever he can’t sleep. I try to shoo away the overexcited butterflies that always get me flustered. Is that romantic? It sounded romantic. Considering it’s coming from Jax, he probably means he’d like me to read his sexts aloud and use it as wank material. Keep it real Beth!

  Before we said goodnight he asked if we could do it again sometime but said he’d rather keep ‘this’ between us and I agreed. I’m not quite sure what ‘this’ is and I didn’t ask why. Hopefully it’s because he likes to keep his private life private and not because he’s embarrassed to find comfort and friendship in me. Or maybe it’s a combination of the two.

  Either way I felt the familiar somersaults in my stomach, which now send me giddy with excitement rather than queasy with nervousness.

  9:08pm

  Tonight Wills wanted us to go for a drink with a few of her friends from the gym before her flight. So we’ve tagged along to their night out at a couple of bars we’ve not been to before. The plan is that she’ll stick to soft drinks and grab a taxi to the airport later on.

  Jax will be there so I’ve behaved like a schoolgirl with a crush all day and I’ve dressed myself up with him totally in mind.

  My carefully selected ensemble was inspired completely by the mannequin wearing it in the shop window last Saturday. If it’d been hanging on the rail, I would’ve walked past it but it just looked amazing and feels even better on. It’s a sleeveless short shorts playsuit in royal blue—not black! It’s a high roundneck so no cleavage. This outfit is all about the legs, which I’ve tried to elongate further with five inch asymmetric point mules. The shoes are black, but I justified that purchase because they’re versatile for other outfits. I bought the matching long clutch and I’m wearing a simple silver diamanté bracelet and ear-rings set. Wills split my hair in two and French plaited both sides putting the hairband in at my neck and leaving the rest of my hair to flow loose over my shoulders. As preferred, I’ve kept the make-up simple but I’ve given my eyes a smoky charcoal look with plenty of flicks of mascara.

  When I finally stood in front of the mirror, I looked at myself through Jax’s eyes and wondered if he’ll appreciate the reflection as much as I hope he will.

  The bar we meet them at is in the more sophisticated strip of nightlife. It’s all pianists and chandeliers darling! Jax—who looks fucking hot and mouth-wateringly edible—has bought a couple of bottles of champagne to thank everybody and celebrate earning third place across the country. Wills, like a good girl, sticks to orange juice.

  We all sit in a couple of high backed cream leather alcoves, chatting and sipping away. As I look around the room I notice that it’s mainly filled with suits. There’s a couple of groups of cougars, looking to prey on young businessmen that are still wet behind the ears. A lot of the suits already have stunning trophies hanging off their arms. In fact, that would be a more fitting name for this place; Suits and Trophies. I’m not feeling the vibe but our little alcoves do a great job of blocking out the rest of the room so I bring my attention back the guys.

  I overhear Craig, Shona and another personal trainer, Andy, talking discreetly about how hard Jax has worked to push this competition. Basically saying that it’s down to his determination that they won a spot in the top five. He must be a great boss because it’s not difficult to see that they all genuinely admire him.

  When we were talking on the phone, he did modestly talk passionately about the gym and how successful it’s become, not once trying to take credit for it. According to Wills, Jax is responsible for dragging the place out of the gutter after the last manager went AWOL.

  It also goes to show he applies the same grit I saw in his physique from day one, into other aspects of his life.

  So why does he seem to always keep people at arm’s length? It’s not just a work thing because he does it when we’re out. Wills said he’s rarely ever seen with the same girl twice. From what I’ve seen, he can be aloof. He puts up a brick wall and his personality is dark and mysterious but personally I find all that simply alluring. He may as well have ‘Trouble’ tattooed across his forehead because Miss Sensible is telling me that I should avoid him like the plague—he makes her nervous. Funnily enough, her voice isn’t as loud as it used to be.

  When I’m around him he makes me feel alive. He reveals glimpses of parts of me that I’ve always ignored until now. When I’m able to do the impossible, like that goddam lap dance, I feel strong. Do I draw that strength from him? I may feel strong but by the same token I feel protected when he’s around, which is bizarre considering the actual time I’ve physically spent in his presence. His aura is so dominating and lush, how could I not succumb?

  After speaking last night, my eager eyes can’t wait to repeatedly betray my cool exterior by wandering over to Jax from across the large table. Sometimes to satisfy my thirst by drinking him all in. Sometimes just to coax out some nipple tweaking eye contact, which soon turns into a game of its own.

  The first time, I smiled sheepishly and looked away first. Then over the next hour, each time we caught the other looking, we tried not to be the first to look away, a great excuse for me to keep staring and study his show stopping features. This proves difficult when we’re trying to be discreet so I quickly cotton on to using other distracting tactics. I start by biting the tip of my finger and the second his eyes drop to my lips, I smile and look away—a win for me. But then he counters the next time by slowly licking his perfectly sculptured lips; an easy win for him.

  Once the flutes have all been drained for the last time, we move on to the next bar, which is a short walk away amongst the more vibrant and livelier nightlife. I purposely position myself and Wills in front of Jax so that I can sashay my ass to the bar whilst giving him a view to hopefully remember.

  11:03pm

  It’s Friday night, so the streets are busy. You can hear music thumping in various tempos from each bar and club as we pass. A text comes in and I already know it’s from Jax.

  Ur making me fucking hard.

  I nearly drop my phone when I read it and have to stop walking. I’m not sure if that’s a point for me or him. I don’t actually care anymore.

  The lads catch up in a few strides and ease past Wills and I to overtake us. Jax brushes his hand across my back and whispe
rs, “You’re a very bad girl tonight Beth. I like it.” Those dangerous lips hover ridiculously close and he squeezes my hip before letting go. His touch on my body leaves tingles in its wake.

  Our next choice of bar, is a place called Keepers. Jax ushers us to the front of the queue. It’s much busier and playing loud dance music. The DJ is on an elevated platform at the back wall ahead of us as we walk in from the entranceway. The bar runs along the right side spanning around the corner adjoining a more chilled out space with a couple of pool tables and some seating. The actual dance floor appears to be on the left but it’s busy in here so everybody is dancing everywhere.

  I can see a sign for the ladies in the corner to the right of the DJ, so I grab Wills’ hand and lead her through the crowd towards it. The door takes us to a flight of stairs, which we climb cautiously in our heels. Once we’ve freshened up we head back down the staircase, desperate to grab a drink and finally get to dance. As I follow my feet, making sure I don’t trip, a pair of men’s shiny black dress shoes come up to meet mine a couple of steps down.

  “Beth?” I look up but I’m still higher as my eyes meet my estranged husbands’. Clearly he’s surprised to see me here.

  “Mike! Hello, fancy seeing you here! Are you out with Dan and the guys?” The only time Mike ever made the effort to go to bars on the weekend was with his best friend, Dan, and their work colleagues.

  “I’m good yeah... But… no. Erm… Oh, this is strange Beth… Sorry but… I’m actually here with a girl tonight.” His face is full of worry, obviously expecting me to react irrationally.

  I am surprised to hear him say it, but that’s as far as the emotion takes me. I am genuinely not disappointed or upset. It’s been nearly a month and although I haven’t been on a ‘date’, I’ve obviously moved on, so who can blame him?

  “Look Mike, there’s no need for us to be awkward about it. It’s good that we’ve both moved on, I’m pleased for you. Come here...” I give him a hug, which I think surprises him even more than my words. His body language feels odd but I’m just glad to avert any unnecessary tension between us because I still care about him.

  Wills takes this as confirmation that I’m okay and brushes past me. She pats Mike on the back to say ‘hi’ and ‘bye’ as she walks by and disappears back into the bar.

  Mike and I have a brief exchange of pleasantries but he’s still behaving differently around me. Then he randomly asks me if I’d mind avoiding him and his ‘date’ tonight, telling me that it’s a first date and it’d be weird introducing his wife to her.

  No shit Sherlock, as if I’m going to link up with her on social media and compare notes. I told him as much and he seemed satisfied as the anxious expression left his face. We said goodbye and he kissed my cheek. His touch still felt different; cold and distant. I can feel the change in us… It’s a miserable feeling that we’ve so easily grown apart and so quickly too. If anything was going to disappoint me, it’s that. I don’t want to dwell on that tonight though so I put it in a manila folder labelled ‘Shit to process’ and hand it to Miss Sensible who’ll file it away accordingly.

  Once I reach Wills and the gang, a much needed drink is shoved into my hand by Craig. Out of sheer feminine curiosity I find myself looking out for Mike to return so I can see this girl. I spot him walking over to a group of suits and skirts. There she is. She’s really pretty, about 25, blonde hair, which surprises me because he has always said he isn’t attracted to blondes. I discreetly watch their body language and they look really comfortable with each other, which tells me it’s not a first date.

  I kick myself for bothering to analyse something that shouldn’t matter. Our marriage is history, he is a friend not my husband—except on paper, for the time being—so I’m happy for him. So what if he might have been shagging her every night for the last few weeks, it doesn’t matter. It’s shitty that he felt the need to lie about it but at least he was trying not to hurt my feelings. It’s also momentarily depressing to think that after all this time it may not have been his sex drive that was on the blink, but rather his sexual attraction to me.

  They’re really touchy feely and it reminds me of our earlier years together. I can’t remember the last time he did anything more than hold my hand in public. Na-ah, public signs of affection died out a few years ago.

  Mike looks up, directly at me. Dammit! Was I staring? Thankfully his ‘date’ has her back to me so I just wave over casually and reposition myself so that they’re behind me and I’m not tempted to analyse this bullshit anymore. I want to relax back into the night; drinking, dancing, laughing and flirting with Jax, wherever he is.

  In sync with my pep talk, I feel my phone vibrate and my stomach somersaults when I see it’s a text from Jax. Thoughts of anything else instantly dissolve and get washed away by the alcohol.

  R u trying 2 make these green eyes monstrous? I thought ur eyes belonged 2 me 2nite B x

  Wow, what’s gotten into him? Not only is he joking about my awkward text from before but he’s ended it with a kiss. It may be a lowercase ‘x’ but my insides are treating my stomach like a most pit. He has never done that before, even whilst sexting! I look around but still can’t see him. This’ll knock the wind from his sails, I just wish I could see his reaction…

  Un4tun8ly my husband distracted me. So u want me all 2 urself then G? x

  I drain my drink and see Wills is still nursing an orange juice so I sneak off to get another whilst the others are happily dancing. I do a much needed shot of vodka at the bar, taking another with iced coke and a straw back to our spot. Obviously taking his time to process the fact that my husband is in the building, Jax eventually replies.

  Mad Mike seems 2b enjoyin himself. U ok with that? x

  Jax is still nowhere to be seen. I decide some light-hearted fun is in order to get the night back on track. I need my playful Jax.

  I’d feel much better if u were holding me instead of ur phone & pushing my buttons… again x

  I’d feel much better if u were sucking on me instead of that straw x

  Dammit! Mine was lame compared to his comeback and I agree, I’d much rather that too. A few short weeks ago and I would’ve considered a man saying that kind of thing to me as crude. But with Jax, it hits the spot and instantly turns me on. It also tells me that wherever his is, he’s watching me. Now I know he’s watching, I play around, licking and biting the end of the straw.

  Mmm… I doubt u taste this good G x

  A-ha, my attention’s drawn to one of the pillars in the centre of the room when Jax’s face is lit up by his phone. He’s reading my text as a girl goes up to him. Her hands can’t get enough of him; around his waist, then on his chest, up to his neck. She drapes her breasts all over him as she leans up to whisper in his ear. It reminds me of when he kissed that girl in the club but this time I just want to possessively drag her off him.

  Jax doesn’t push her off but thankfully he doesn’t reciprocate either. He’s completely unfazed, too busy typing what I assume is my reply. He is talking to her now but barely paying her attention. How did I get like this? Jax has a girl hanging off him and his every word, yet I still want him. This girl looks desperate, so what does that make me?

  I think we both know that there’s only 1 way 2 find that out B x

  Touché.

  Wills tells me she’s ordered a taxi so she’s going in five minutes. I give her a big hug and we have one last dance together. She says bye to everybody and I walk her to the door.

  Chapter Four

  Saturday 11th April 2015

  12:47am

  Standing by the bouncers, I watch Wills get into the taxi and wave her off, blowing each other kisses. Jesus I’m going to miss her. I walk back into the entranceway, grab my glass off the side and finish it. I take out the shoulder strap attached to the inside of my clutch so I don’t feel burdened holding it anymore. I feel like I’m on a mission now.

  Once I’m back in the room, I head to the bar by the pool tables to sat
isfy my sudden urge to get wasted. As I wait to be served Miss Sensible starts reciting all the reasons why this is a bad idea with emphasis on the fact that I’m going home alone tonight. Once again, I ignore the warnings.

  I order two racks of six shots in a mixture of flavours to take back and share with the guys. When I finish ordering, Mike’s blonde girl brazenly squeezes in beside me. Great! I can tell from her generic facial expression that she hasn’t a clue who I am and I certainly don’t intend on enlightening her. I lean on the bar, fiddling with my purse, desperate for the bartender to hurry the fuck up filling the glasses so that I can pay and go. I feel anxious and uncomfortable.

  Just then I’m abruptly encaged by a delicious force that can only be one person. His tattooed forearms and strong, powerful hands appear either side of me, a cue stick in his right hand. The back of my body is flush against his front and I reject the impulse to step back and cement our contact further. Any tension that blondy has unknowingly caused falls away with ease; the polar opposite to my reaction the first time he did something similar in Tricks.