He sighed. “I don’t think He hands out warnings like that,” he said, forcing levity in his tone as he pulled back.
She shook her head and wiped her eyes. “You can make fun of me all you want, but my instincts are telling me it’s time for you to find something else.”
He reached for her hand. “I would never make fun of you. Maybe tease. Kind of. But I always listen when you speak. Sometimes I have a delayed reaction, but I always value your input.”
“Thank you for that. This will be the last time I bring it up. I don’t want to guilt you out of doing what you love, even though that’s exactly what I’m doing. I just…I needed to tell you. Also, I need to tell you that there is more out there than just firefighting. You are more than a firefighter. You are a good, smart, strong, and very sweet man. Don’t think that this has to be your entire life.”
He ducked his head. “Thanks, Mom. But I know. I know there’s more out there. And trust me when I tell you that I am looking into some other things that might interest me. I don’t want to get your hopes up, and I don’t want to make promises.”
She raised an eyebrow, and all traces of any tears were gone from her now sparkling eyes. She turned and headed into her room. “Fine. Now that we got the more miserable things out of the way, let’s move on. I don’t want you to miss out on life. I see the looks between you and Melody, Finn. I don’t want you to lose out on a future that could be more wonderful than you even imagine.”
His stomach dropped as he trailed behind her. Had everyone noticed “the looks?” “Mom, there are no looks, trust me. Also, I’m not Ben. He was in love with Molly forever. It was easy for them to get back together. Those two had basically planned marriage since they met over a decade ago. I barely know Melody, and neither of us are the happily-ever-after, boring people like Molly and Ben, so please don’t go getting your hopes up and reading into things that aren’t there.”
She sat down on the edge of the bed with a theatrical sigh. “There is more to life than work and fun. You don’t want your best years to pass you by. You overcame so much this year. There was a time we didn’t even know if you’d be walking again, let alone returning to work. Why don’t you slow down and really see what you want from life?”
He crossed his arms over his chest and rolled back on his heels. “I know what I want. I want to work. I want to be like the person I was before the accident.”
She gave him a half smile that made him feel even guiltier. “Okay, well then who am I to stop you, right? I’m only your mother.”
He let out a choked laugh. “You’ll never be only my mother. I wouldn’t be here right now without you. And you may think all this stubbornness comes from Dad, but I’m pretty sure you’re responsible for seventy-five percent of it.”
She pursed her lips.
He extended his hand, ready to end this conversation and go back to the safety in numbers. “I love you.”
…
“All right, now that we’re alone, we need an update on the Finn situation,” Addie said as they gathered in Melody’s room. The guys were in the family room watching Home Alone with Finn and Ben’s mother Marjorie, and Isabella. Melody frowned at Addie and shut the door quickly.
“There is no situation. Finn is Finn.” She flopped on the bed and reached for her mug of hot chocolate, wishing she’d added some of that brandy to it.
Molly sighed loudly and shook her head. She was seated in the corner chair with her legs propped on the small ottoman. “Are we really going to play this game? Everyone knows something is going on. So we can spend the next ten minutes going back and forth or you can jump to the good stuff right now. What if I go into labor and I still don’t know what’s happening?”
Melody’s stomach dropped. “Don’t even joke about going into labor. You have a month to go.”
Addie took a sip of hot chocolate. “It’s not that big of a deal. It’s probably the best-case scenario. Three doctors and two firefighters. You can’t get any safer than that.”
Of course, Addie or Molly wouldn’t get that delivering a baby—her future niece—would be an absolute nightmare for Melody. Like, paralyzing. The pressure of that normally would be crazy, but after what she’d been through, there was no way.
She glanced away from their smiling faces and tried to push those thoughts from her mind. Drew would have to do it. That’s all there was to it.
As much as she and Finn joked about having to fake happiness, she didn’t feel like she was faking anything anymore. And though she had resented the intrusion on what had become a very special time for her, she was actually having fun.
Their family gatherings had always been so tense growing up and even as adults. Molly rarely attended. She and Addie, when they did attend, were always dying to leave. They’d each have to suffer through a multitude of insults, and though they pretended they were immune to them, they cut deep and let old insecurities ooze through the opening. Only now that the three of them had reunited and worked on their problems did their mother’s jabs not matter. Except that voice, the one telling her she wasn’t good enough, that she’d never be as smart as Molly or as nice as Addie, hovered around the corner. Addie was the nicest person she ever met and Molly the smartest. She didn’t know what that made her. The shrewd one? That wasn’t exactly comforting or something to be proud of.
When they were all sitting together at the table earlier, it had felt like she was part of a family that she really loved, and she felt like she truly fit in—the real her.
Sometimes it hurt to look at Molly, like the shame made it hard to really meet her eyes for too long. She didn’t deserve her forgiveness.
Molly leaned forward and patted Melody on the hand. “Hey, Mel, we were just joking. I’m not going into labor.”
Melody forced a smile. “I should probably be the one reassuring you, not the other way around.”
Molly’s smile dipped. “What’s up with you? I feel like something’s off. We were also joking around about the Finn thing, too. Obviously, you guys would never work.”
Melody sat up a little straighter. “Oh…right. I’m just tired. And of course, Finn and I wouldn’t work…because…?”
Addie coughed, covering her face with a pillow. “Sorry, just trying not to spread germs,” she said, lying horribly.
“That’s my pillow,” Melody said.
Addie threw it to the other side of the room, her face beet red. “Sorry.”
“So, you guys were saying? About me and Finn?” She fidgeted with the handle of her mug.
“Nothing. It’s just that you’re such different personality types.” Molly shrugged. “He’s so easygoing and stuff.”
She wanted to say that they didn’t know Finn the way she did. He had this deep, soulful side to him that made her feel safe and understood. Maybe the most understood she’d ever felt in her entire life. But if she said that, she’d be betraying his confidence and demonstrating that she really had gotten closer to him. “Well, I guess that’s true. He’s actually made me question a lot of things. I don’t know if I want to come back to the hospital. I’ve been having a lot of questions and thoughts, and…maybe the hospital isn’t right for me anymore,” she said, letting it all out. It felt good to confide in them.
Even though they were both staring at her with their mouths hanging open.
“Oh Mel, it’s too soon to say that. After everything you’ve been through,” Addie whispered, scrambling off the bed to give her a hug. Melody hugged her back, appreciating the gesture that was so very Addie.
“She’s right, Mel,” Molly said. “You don’t have to rush back. Give it time. Go to counseling.”
Melody shrugged. “I’ve given it more than a week. This is the longest I’ve ever taken off. Instead of making me want to go back, I feel the opposite. I’m actually getting used to relaxing. I’ve always been itching to go back after a few days
off, but I’m not. I’ve even learned how to do yoga and meditate. Well. I’ve done yoga and meditation. Not…actually, like, excelled. But I’m trying.”
“Still. Maybe it’s too soon. I’m glad you’re enjoying your time off and you totally deserve it. But what would you do? Hanging out here will get old. You also have to be really honest with yourself. If you want a career change because you hate your job, that’s one thing. But running from a really bad day and totally rare situation is another,” Molly said gently.
Melody looked away and stood, those nerves she’d forgotten slowly sneaking up on her again, making her muscles tight. “I know. Maybe a few weeks ago, I was running, but now there’s more to it. I don’t even know if I was ever supposed to be a doctor. Maybe I’m just a doctor because Mom shoved that down my throat my entire life. What if I have something I’m really good at that I don’t know about?” She stared at the marshmallows bobbing in the hot chocolate.
“You’re a really great doctor,” Addie said. “I don’t think you’re giving yourself any credit for what you’ve achieved. You wouldn’t have gotten to where you are if it was only because Mom pushed you.”
“I wish I could stay in this cabin in the middle of nowhere forever,” she said without even thinking about filtering her thoughts. She was pretty sure that looks were being exchanged. The old Melody would never have said any of this.
“You can stay here as long as you want, and you can come back here whenever you want. But you can’t run from life, Mel. Every doctor has a horror story, something they wish they could go back and change or look at from a different angle. I went into the hospital yesterday to get a few things from my office now that I’m officially on maternity leave and…I heard. You should have told me. What happened to that woman was not your fault,” Molly said gently.
Melody’s eyes filled with tears, but she kept her gaze on the serene view of the forest out the window. “I don’t know if I’ll ever get over the guilt. I felt her sadness to my core. I can’t shake it.”
“That’s what makes you a good doctor. You’re compassionate and dedicated, and you truly want what’s best for your patients. You haven’t been faking it all these years. Maybe you are too hard on yourself.”
Maybe she wasn’t hard enough on herself. Maybe she needed to get it all out there and see what they thought of her if they knew the truth. Would that be selfish? It was almost Christmas, and Molly was pregnant. Her sister had worked so hard at finding her happiness and putting the past behind her. Did she really need to be dragged down into the memories of their childhood?
“What else is going on with you, Mel?” Addie asked, breaking the silence.
Melody took a deep breath and turned to face them, her gaze going back and forth, along with her rationale. No, she needed to tell Molly. They both needed to know and then maybe they really could move on and their relationship could be even better because it was all out in the open. “I um, I’ve been holding onto a lot of…shame and regret, and I feel like…no, I know I haven’t been the best sister to either of you. But you in particular, Molly.”
Molly frowned. “What are you talking about? You are both the best sisters, ever.”
Melody shook her head and stared at the ground. Her stomach churned and her heart raced. “I have always been so jealous of you. Not now—now, I’m only happy for you. But growing up, I was obsessed with doing better than you at everything. There were times…” She covered her face as a sob hit her. What was happening to her? It was this stupid happy cabin. It was like she was making up for the years of repressing all her emotions.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Molly said softly.
She took a shaky breath, willing herself to focus and get this over with. Get it together, Mel. “I know now it was all to get Mom’s approval. She would always compare me to you and tell me I would never be as smart as you…and she told me that I was like her. That I put my own needs above others and that was my one good quality. And it started happening. I did do that. And I broke your snow globe on purpose,” she said, this time not hiding her tears from Molly.
Molly reached forward and grabbed her hand, squeezing hard. “I know. I know you did, and I know why you did it. You should have had that snow globe. I hated that she made you feel bad and made you feel like you were never good enough. I spent a long time in therapy, and I realized then just how badly she hurt all of us. I’m so grateful to have you and Addie as my sisters, and I regret the years I spent hiding from you. We can’t go and change the past and the decisions we made, but we have control over what we do right now. The kind of sisters we want to be, the kind of family we want to be. We can’t let Mom take any more away from us. You have to let go; you have to forgive yourself.”
Molly hugged her the best she could with her pregnant belly. Addie joined in from behind, and for the first time in…forever, Melody felt the weight of her past slowly lift.
“You two are the best,” she managed to whisper.
Chapter Twelve
Finn heard Melody’s bedroom door click shut, followed by the sound of footsteps, and glanced at the clock on his nightstand. Five in the morning. Perfect. No one would be awake this early on Christmas morning except Mel. He had a feeling she was going down to the gym. He dressed quickly and used the bathroom, stopping to look at his shaven face. Ugh. Family.
After his mother’s heartbreaking conversation last night, he’d been craving his space again. No, not really. He’d been craving Melody. Talking to her, listening to her, kissing her. All this family was too intrusive. He hadn’t had a decent conversation alone with her since they’d arrived. He never realized how much he could miss a person who was in the same room. Having a house filled with family was turning out to be even more demanding than he’d anticipated.
He quickly and quietly left his room, relieved to see the lights were off everywhere. He made his way downstairs and opened the gym door.
Melody was standing on the treadmill and gave him a gorgeous smile that made his heart pound and blood rush through him. He shut the door, turned off the lights, and walked toward her, his gaze not leaving hers. “I missed you,” he said thickly as he pulled her into him.
She slid her arms up his chest. “Me, too.”
He kissed her like he hadn’t seen her in a year because that’s what it felt like. “I wish they’d all go home,” he said in between kisses.
She laughed softly against his mouth. “I know. How much longer? Are they leaving tonight or tomorrow?”
His hands slid into the nape of her neck and he kissed her deeply—until the lights turned on, jarring them both.
They turned in the direction of the door. Ben was standing there, his mouth hanging open. “Hell. I knew it. Normally, I’d have a field day with this, but we don’t have time,” he said, running his hands through his hair. His eyes were rimmed with red and his hair was messy.
“It’s five o’clock in the morning,” Finn snapped. “What could you possibly want?”
“It’s Molly. She’s in labor.”
Oh, crap. Melody dug her fingers into his arm. Finn thought she might throw up. Or pass out. Her face had gone from a beautiful flush to green in five seconds. He grabbed one of her hands, hoping she’d focus on him and not give into the panic. “Are you sure?” he asked his brother. Her hand felt clammy in his, and she was clutching him like a lifeline.
Ben gave a nod, his gaze going from Finn to Melody. “Positive. I know it’s early, but this will be okay. The baby was always measuring big. I’ve already called in for an ambulance, but the roads are bad, and we’re looking at a few hours if we’re lucky. We’re going to have to prepare for a home-bath scenario. Mel, can you come upstairs?”
Melody opened her mouth, but only a small gust of air came out. Shit. He knew she was terrified.
“Yeah. Just, uh, give her a minute, Ben,” he said when she made no motion to go anywhere.
&nbs
p; He was relieved when she finally nodded.
He turned to her when Ben left the room. “I can’t do this, Finn,” she said, her voice a thin whisper.
Sympathy for her flooded him, but he knew he couldn’t show her. He couldn’t let her wallow in her fear. He gently but firmly grasped her shoulders. “You have no choice, babe. You are the only OB/GYN here, and you’re brilliant and capable.”
She shut her eyes briefly. “Drew. He’s a great ER doctor. He’s delivered so many babies. He’s much more qualified. He’s smarter, more reliable.” Her voice came in choppy breaths. “Get Drew.”
He squeezed her shoulders and crouched slightly to meet her gaze. “You are all of those things if not more. This is your area of expertise. Molly is your sister. That is our niece inside her, Melody. You can’t let her down,” he said, trying to keep the panic from his voice while being understanding. But he knew he couldn’t let her flounder. He knew she would regret this for the rest of her life if she didn’t deliver Molly’s baby.
Her eyes welled with tears. “Finn, I can’t do it. What if something goes wrong? That baby isn’t due for another month.”
“You heard Ben; the baby is big. It’s not even an entire month early.”
“Great, she’s going to have a giant baby. At home. Why do you guys have to be so giant?” She rubbed her temples. “This is all Ben’s fault.”
He couldn’t help but chuckle. “You like us giant. Anyway, an ambulance is on the way. She might not even have the baby here. She could be in labor for hours and hours, right?”
This time an actual sob broke loose, and he drew her into his arms because he couldn’t stand seeing her like this. “It’s not her first baby. This is so bad, Finn. There are so many things you don’t know, and this isn’t the time to tell you. But that baby…she is so desperately wanted, and I can’t be trusted to be the one to bring her into this world. I can’t.”
Snowed in with the Firefighter (Shadow Creek, Montana) Page 13
