Take 2 on Love

by Torrie Robles

  Steve steps up to Ruby. “I have to say I can agree with her to a point. I’ve definitely seen a change between the two of you over the past five or so years. You guys aren’t connected like you used to be.”

  “That’s because life has made it hard to be connected.”

  “I’d agree with you if the kids were still small, but you see that connection, that love you two shared was even stronger when the kids were young. Do you know how many nights Steve had to comfort me because I was so envious of what you and Whitney had? The love, the family, everything that Steve and I wanted but could never have. So you can’t use the fact that life has gotten in the way, Heath. It doesn’t work.”

  She’s right. I hate that she’s right. I hate that a person, outside of my marriage, can see the things that are wrong so much clearer than I can. I can’t blame the kids, our careers, life. I know those are all excuses. The only person that I can lay blame on is me. I’m her husband.

  “I don’t know what I’m going to do, I didn’t see any of this coming,” I confess. “I’m trying to run a business, be responsible for an entire company full of employees who are counting on me to make the money that will feed their families.” I shake my head. “I didn’t think I neglected my marriage to the point where she’d want to separate.”

  “So you admit that you’ve neglected things?” Ruby asks.

  I nod. “One of the reasons why I was glad she found writing. I thought her focus on that would allow me to do the things that I needed to do.” I run my hand down my face in frustration.

  “She thinks you don’t see her anymore. That she’s an afterthought.”

  I hang my head, my shoulders slumped in defeat. “For so long she was my only thought.”

  “Yeah, well now, you have two choices. You fight for what you’ve spent your life building, or you allow her to walk away so she can be someone’s world.”

  “You know damn well what I’m going to do, Ruby.”

  “So does that mean you’re going to fight?”

  “Hell yes I’m going to fight.”

  It’s been ten days since I’ve seen Whitney.

  Ten days since she told me that we needed a change and I walked out of our bedroom in a fit of anger and hurt. Ten days since I drank myself into a pool of self-pity. That wasn’t my finest moment. Neither was the moment when I woke up in a pile of my own vomit on the porch of Steve and Ruby’s house. I guess they took my keys, forbidding me to drive. I thought I’d show them who’s boss by refusing to stay inside their house. Never again will I spend the night on a wooden porch, drunk or not.

  After I left Ruby and Steve’s, I spent the next few nights on the couch in my office. I’m not sure what was worse: their porch or my couch. I don’t know how many times I wanted to drive my truck back home to ask Whitney what she was thinking. To tell her that I loved her and our family, but I couldn’t do it. She hurt me. I might have been the one who walked out, but she was the one that held my heart in her grip, squeezing the life out of when she told me she wanted a change.

  The kids. The look on their faces when I came home the first night after I knew Whitney was gone was torture. Their mother was no longer living in their home. They gave me half smiles, hugged me and told me they loved me, but I knew they were hiding their pain. The uncertainty of not knowing how their lives are going to be from now on. I couldn’t deal, shocking, so I threw myself into working on my truck. If I wasn’t at a job site then I was under the chassis, making sure it was running right for my scheduled guys trip. I needed to get away more than ever, but even the distance, the fresh air, and the time spent with my buddies didn’t ease the unsettling feeling I had the entire time I was there. I’m ready to take the next step and figure out where my wife’s head is at. This morning as I call Whitney, my heart dances in my chest. It’s the same feeling I had the moment I first touched my lips to hers. Whitney has been in my life for as long as I can remember, and as soon I was old enough to determine girls didn’t have cooties, I wanted her by my side. In school, I took a lot of crap from my friends because there were many times when I’d rather spend my Friday and Saturday nights with her on my family’s property rather than running the streets, picking up tail. I’m not saying I was a saint. I’d like to say that Whitney has been the only woman that I’ve taken to bed, but I’d be lying. I was young and horny. It took me some time to scrape up the courage to lay my heart on the line to her. When I finally did, she didn’t let me down. Not the entire time of our marriage.

  And now I’m sitting here, waiting for her, wanting to lay my eyes on her, to hear her voice. I realize now that I’m the one who has been letting down this marriage, and I need to make an effort. Jesus, this isn’t how I pictured my life at my age. I never thought I’d be sitting at a diner, with clammy hands, waiting to speak with my wife about the fate of our marriage.

  My head twists towards the windows as kids yell while they pass. They’re decked out in wind breakers, and beanies. The leaves that were once on the trees that line the street dance along the cement as they run by. This town is perfect, really. Not far from the beauty of the mountains or the crisp air of the coast. It was never a question for either of us to move back to our hometown once we graduated college. Little did we know that both sets of parents had plans to move to warmer weather once they retired, leaving Whit and me to navigate early parenthood on our own.

  Checking my watch, I notice that Whitney’s fifteen minutes late. Being late is a norm for Whitney, but still, her tardiness isn’t sitting well with me. When I hear the familiar clicking of heels, I glance over to see her rushing towards the table. Her hips sway as she makes her way to me, and the quickness of her stride makes her tits bounce. I don’t hide the fact that I’m admiring every inch of her.

  I stand before she gets a chance to take a seat at the table. I grab her by the waist, making her jolt in surprise. Pulling her to me, I inhale her scent. I love her scent. “You look great,” I murmur in her ear. My compliment catches her off guard making her breath hitch in her chest.

  “Thank you,” she tells me as she pulls her body from mine, taking the seat across from me. She has a thin-lipped smile on her face which tells me that she’s nervous.

  “Why are you nervous?” I ask.

  “I’m not,” she shoots back, but I don’t believe her. The waitress approaches us and takes Whitney’s drink order. It’s just after four, so I know she’ll more than likely order a hot tea. “Hot tea please, with a side of lemon.” She gives the waitress a genuine smile while I chuckle. “What?”

  “Nothing, babe.” I sit back and look at my wife. She looks great. She was right the other night. My mind has been in so many places over the past few years that I’m not sure when I last paid real attention to her. I drum my fingers as my eyes skim over her face. I feel a smile stretch at my lips as I watch her squirm.

  “What are you smiling at? What am I doing here?” She crosses her arms over her chest. I wish she’d rest her hand on the table so I can reach out and touch her.

  I pull my chair closer to the table, leaning into her. “I love you, Whitney.”

  There’s a flash of vulnerability in her eyes when those three words leave my mouth. She opens her mouth, but I raise my hand, stopping her.

  “I have to confess, Whit. You,” I take a breath, “you knocked me for a loop. I never thought we’d be here. The idea of you and me not living together has never in all these years entered my mind.” I shake my head. “But I get it. I do. My focus has been on my career, on making my business thrive, and I need you to know that I only did it the way I did because I thought you were confident enough in us. I know now that’s not the case, and I also know that’s mostly my fault.”

  “Heath.” She sits up and places her hand on my arm. Just the smallest of contact puts my frantic heart at ease. “I know you did everything the way you thought you should–”

  “That doesn’t matter,” I stop her, “because I was wrong. You were right. We need to make a chang
e. We were both so comfortable with our life that if neither one of us took the big step, we wouldn’t change, and I don’t ever want to make you think that you are anything less than my everything.” I give her a small smile. “I don’t want to lose you, Whit. I’m scared shitless that I won’t be able to fix this.”

  Her eyes begin to shine with unshed tears. She quickly closes them, wiping the dampness from her cheeks. “I’m scared too.”

  “We’re going to get through this, babe. Please don’t think otherwise. Please don’t think this is the beginning of the end. I’m going to fix this–I’m going to fix us.”

  She gives me a glassy-eyed stare, biting her bottom lip as her chin slightly trembles. She sniffs, drawing her shoulders up before she drops them. “I’m sorry that I hurt you. I should’ve handled that night differently–”

  “Don’t do that.” I shake my head. “Don’t feel guilty. You did and said what you thought you needed to. I’ve spent the past ten days thinking about things, about our life and I see where you’re coming from. I’ll figure out a way to balance everything in my life, Whit. I promise you that. You’re the most important thing in my life besides the kids, and I’m going to do everything I can to make sure you never forget that.”

  I can’t help but lift her hand from my arm. Her eyes flash with surprise but soften as I bring it to my lips. “You’ll see, Whit,” I say against her hand before placing a kiss on her skin. I put her hand back on the table, then push back from the table, standing.

  “If you know one thing about me, babe, it’s that I’m determined. Just wait and see.”

  The loudspeaker blares down the halls and in the classrooms. The principal’s voice echoes out his commands to the faculty and students. This morning, in about thirty minutes, the fighter squadron returns from a nine-month deployment. There is a ceremony—a ‘fly in’ every time a squadron returns home, but this time it’s even more special since this deployment was extended due to the tension in the middle east. The elementary students have decorated the hanger while the wives of the pilots fix and prepare the food. The local news station along with the enlisted who are stationed here all come out to watch the pilots fly in. For the past three years, I’ve led this activity. I enjoy watching the children create their masterpieces. I like to see how they envision their pride for their nation and all of those who fight to protect it.

  “Come on, class. Let’s rise, push in our chairs and line up at the door,” I tell my fourth-grade class. They’re almost too old for these kinds of instructions, but I’d rather be thorough then have to yell and interrupt the good mood of the room.

  Once the ceremony is over, the school will be let out early in celebration, and I get to finally go to the property management office and grab my keys to the condo I’m renting. Although Heath and I have spent the past three weeks communicating, I know that I need to continue on with my plans and take possession of the condo. When Heath called to talk, I was beyond nervous. I knew that I’d handled that night in our room wrong, and he had every right to read me the riot act.

  But he didn’t.

  In fact, he did the complete opposite. I saw a lot of the Heath that I fell in love with when I was still a girl at the diner that day. So much so that I’m confident that we will find our way back to each other. Until we reach that day, everything goes ahead as planned.

  “Hey, roomie.” Tony comes up beside me as I walk the kids outside and down the path that leads to the hanger. I’ve been staying with him and my brother these past few weeks. They’ve been great, but it’s time I move into my own place.

  The kids have been spending the majority of their time with their dad because my brother’s place isn’t that big and they only have one guest room since the other room is technically my brother’s office. The kids have seemed all right with the current living situation. I still get them every day after school once they’re done with sports, of course, and we hang out at the coffee shop together while they finish their homework. Most nights we eat dinner together, and then I take them home to Heath’s house. They keep telling me they’re okay, but I’m not certain if that’s how they actually feel or if they’re saying that to help ease my pain. There hasn’t been a night yet when I haven’t cried as I’ve driven away from them.

  “Hey there,” I tell him as I concentrate on making sure the kids don’t fall out of line. With all these kids, order is key to ensure everything goes smoothly.

  “What’s your plan for tonight?” he asks.

  “Well, as soon as I’m done here, I’m getting my keys, and I’m going to start moving everything in.”

  Heath took off with his friends a few days after I left the house. I shouldn’t have been surprised since it was a planned trip, but I’m not going to lie and say it didn’t hurt. It was like a punch to the gut when the kids told me that Heath wanted me to come by during that time to gather the rest of my things so he wouldn’t be there to witness it. I had my brother, Tony and the kids pack everything I would need. I only took things that we had duplicates of because I wasn’t about to leave him with nothing. This separation hasn’t been about needing to stick it to him. It’s been about what I think needs to happen to either rekindle our marriage or to let it go. Simple as that.

  The hanger is abuzz with activity. The red, white, and blue banners are hanging with pride. The posters from the kids are scattered about the metal building. The news outlets are set up off to the side in order to get the best view of the jets as possible. The kids get antsy when they know their parents are coming home, especially with the length of this deployment.

  “They’re almost here,” someone shouts, so I take my place in the back behind the kids. One of my kids stands there, picking his nails, not caring about what’s happening around him. He’s new to the school this year, and his mother happens to be another teacher on campus. She teaches the sixth grade, and I haven’t gotten to meet her yet, but I do know that, like me, she has three kids.

  “Hey, Ben.”

  He looks up at me. “Hey, Mrs. James.”

  I can hear the roar of the engines as the jets near, so I bend over a bit. “What’s up, buddy. Isn’t your dad flying in today?” Ben’s father is in the military as well. He’s an officer, from what I’ve heard.

  “Yeah.” His voice is raspy, and I think it’s adorable. His sandy blond hair blows as the jets make their first pass over the audience.

  “Aren’t you excited?”

  He shrugs. “I guess.” This isn’t a typical reaction for a child his age. I’ve been around them long enough and seen enough of these reunions to know that something else must be going on in Ben’s head.

  Bending down, I meet his gaze. “You want to tell me what’s really going on?” I place my hand on his back, and make small circular motions.

  He turns his head towards the jets then back to me. Taking a step closer he leans into me and softly speaks in my ear. “My dad’s not gonna live with us when he finally gets to come home.” His confession breaks my heart. He’s only nine, still so young that I’m not sure he understands what’s truly going on with his parents. It also makes me think back to my marriage and my kids.

  “Is that why you’re here hanging back?”

  “I guess, you know. When he finally gets back, he’s not going to be home.”

  Poor guy. I wish I could shield him from all of his hurt and tell him that it’s going to be okay. I wonder what happened in his parents’ marriage. I wonder if they were having the same things happen in their marriage as I’m having. I don’t know Ben’s parents’ story, and I’m not going to pretend to be an expert on their situation. Everyone’s different. Heath and I never really fought. We didn’t sling insults at each other. But even without the insults or bad thoughts our marriage still fizzled out.

  “Ben, sweetie–”

  “Benjamin, there you are. I’ve been looking all over for you.” When I stand, I see a leggy blond with a bob of golden hair approach us. Priscilla Prescott, Ben’s mom.


  “Mrs. Prescott, I’m Whitney James.” I offer my hand to shake. “I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure of formally meeting. I’m Ben’s teacher.” I laugh, shaking my head. “But I’m sure you know that. Duh, we’re both teachers, working at the same school.” I’m rambling, and I only do that when I’m nervous. I’m not sure why I’m nervous with this woman. Maybe it’s because she looks like she’s come off the runway of Milan while I look more like I’ve come from the aisle of Target. How the hell did she have three kids and keep her hips and stomach looking like she’s barely gone through puberty? When I notice that she’s not going to take my hand, I drop it. Okay, then.

  “I know who you are, obviously, since you are educating my child. I’d love to stay and chitchat, but his father has landed, and he hasn’t seen him in some time, so that takes precedent.” She nods then turns on her heels to leave. “Benjamin, grab Talia’s hand.” That’s when I see a very young, little girl with pale white curls standing behind her mother. She gives me a toothy grin and a little wave before Ben grabs her hand and pulls her with him.

  The jets taxi strategically onto the tarmac. The families line up behind the rope as they watch the cockpits open. Ladders are released, tumbling down the side of the planes. When the men stand up, all at the same time, the cheers and screams from the families roar into the air. The emotion makes chills break out onto my skin. It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve seen this, it never gets old.

  When I scan the sea of family members, it makes me laugh to see some of the parents grabbing their kids by the collars of their shirts, making sure they don’t run past the line when they see their fathers and mothers. Some even fight back, tugging, trying to get free. Some of the pilots walk at normal speed towards the crowds, but then there are others that run towards their families. My heart tugs at the sight.

  “It never gets old, does it?” Nancy, the other fourth-grade teacher, says from my side.