Take 2 on Love

by Torrie Robles

  With a smile I respond, “It doesn’t, does it?”

  She wipes a few tears from her cheeks as we continue to witness the homecoming of our brave men and women. The sun reflecting off Priscilla’s shiny hair catches my eye. Her body, encased in a pencil skirt and tight sleeveless sweater, is rigid. She’s standing back, while her two kids hug their now crouched father. Even from this distance, you can tell she doesn’t want to be involved in the reuniting of the children with their father.

  My heart goes out to Ben. I’m sure he has expressed to her in some way how he’s feeling about his father, and it upsets me that she doesn’t seem to be bothered by it. How dare she be so closed off from the situation. She should be happy that her children’s father is home and safe. Then it dawns on me that their oldest child isn’t present. I know that he’s in the same grade as Jenna, but I can’t believe she didn’t pull him out so that he could be here to see his father’s return. I vocally groan in irritation.

  “What’s going on with you?” Nancy nudges my arm.

  “Nothing. Just watching.”

  “Well, I can tell that you’re perturbed at what you’re witnessing.”

  “Am I that obvious?” I say without breaking my gaze from Ben and his father.

  “I’ve worked with you long enough to know that most of the time you wear your heart on your sleeve. That’s not always a positive attribute, you know. That’s probably the main reason why you’re getting a set of keys to a condo that you won’t be sharing with your husband.”

  I’m shocked that she knows. Other than Tony, I haven’t said anything to anyone that I work with. “How did you know about that?”

  “This base is like gossip central, dearie. Everything gets around at one time or another,” she says with a cocked brow.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Oh nothing, nothing at all,” she says with a laugh. “Oh, by the way,” she says over her shoulder as she returns to her kids, “have you read any good books lately?”

  She gives me a wink as she continues to retreat.

  “I like it,” Jenna says as we walk through the empty condo. Trevor will be by after his study session, so it’s only her and me for now.

  This complex is about three years old, so everything is modern and updated. The kitchen has stainless steel appliances and granite counter tops. The master bathroom has a sunken tub along with a nice size walk-in closet, and the bedroom is a good size for being in a condo. The best thing is the small nook overlooking the complex’s park area. It’s perfect for me to use while I’m writing. It’s nice, close to work, and the kids can see their friends outside of school without having to drive thirty minutes.

  “It’s cute, right?” I say with a smile.

  I’m trying to be positive, but everything hit me while I was driving here. This is my new home, and for the first time at the age of forty, I’ll be living in it mostly on my own. I’ve never lived on my own before, and the thought is terrifying. Heath and I moved in together shortly after we graduated high school. It wasn’t soon after we were official that we had to think about our future and that included our college plans. We agreed that neither of us wanted to move away from each other, so we both attended the same college four hours south of our hometown. Our parents covered each of our tuitions, but living expenses were something that Heath and I had to handle on our own. Heath and I both worked part-time on top of financial aid. Sharing an apartment was the logical choice, the only choice really. It wasn’t always just the two of us. We had roommates at times, and friends who would camp out on our couches. It worked out well.

  Both of us thrived in college. He majored in business, and I got my teaching degree. We didn’t get sidetracked with the partying. Heath and I were there for one reason, and that was to get our education. We were solid. I helped him with his classes while he read every single creative writing paper that I wrote. We challenged each other, pushing each other so we could stay focused, and because of that, we were able to graduate earlier than we had planned, which worked in our favor. I became pregnant with Charlie before we were officially graduated. It’s wasn’t long after we threw our tassels in the air that we were husband and wife. We didn’t have a big ceremony, it wasn’t a priority. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change any of it.

  “Where’s Charlie going to sleep when he comes home?”

  Jenna’s voice pulls me to the present. This is a legit question since this place is only three bedrooms, but Charlie is stationed in Germany. He may not come home at all this year, so I didn’t worry about making sure he has a room.

  “He can stay at the house,” I say as I leave the last bedroom and head towards the living room.

  “But why can’t he stay here? What if Trevor and I are here when he’s home? Does that mean we won’t be able to sleep in the same house as Charlie?”

  “If Charlie’s home, then you guys can stay with your dad, Jenna. It’s simple, and nothing really for you to worry about. Maybe you and I can bunk together, and Charlie can sleep in your room.”

  She thinks about it for a second and must decide that my explanation is good enough since she shrugs and continues on inspecting the new house. My shoulders slump, and I can’t help but sigh. I’m scared out of my mind, and I’m second guessing myself at every turn, but I have to remember to talk myself off the ledge, and I’ll be fine.

  I turn around and walk up to her, taking her hands in mine. “You know that I love you, Jenna, and I love both your brothers, too. I don’t want you to think that I’m not including Charlie in any of this because I am. He’s as much a part of this family as you are, and I want you to know that.” She gives me a slight nod in agreement, but the sadness in her eyes is still there. “Hello, bitches! Ruby’s here,” Ruby shouts as soon as the front door slams. Jenna’s head snaps up, and a smile adorns her face. All three of my kids love their non-aunt, which kind of hurts more than it helps since I know all three of them go to her for advice over their father or me, especially now that they’ve gotten older and they can text her whenever they have a life problem. I get the texts reminding me they need new socks.

  When I get to the living room, Jenna already has her arms wrapped around my best friend’s waist with her face resting on her shoulder, probably squeezing the life out of her. Ruby gives me a quizzical look, but I wave her off because I’m not about to go into details about what transpired when Jenna is still in the room. That’s something for Ruby and me to discuss alone, with a very large bottle of wine.

  “How’s it hanging, little person?” Ruby asks as she pulls Jenna from her body.

  “One, I don’t have anything that hangs, and two, I’m almost as tall as you.” Jenna gives her a kiss on the cheek and heads outside.

  “What up with her?” Ruby asks as she gives me a hug.

  “I’m not really sure,” I say as I squeeze back before letting her go and stepping back. “It’s like everything has clicked with her, you know? She got upset that Charlie doesn’t have a room here even though I tried to explain that his room will still be at the house and he’d more than likely stay there anyway. I think she got it, but then I went a step further and told her that she and I would share a bed and have Charlie bunk in her room when he’s home.”

  “You may not even be here by the time Charlie comes home. You don’t know when that’s going to be.”

  “You and I know that, but she doesn’t get it.”

  “She’s thirteen, Whitney. She gets a lot more than you think she does. You need to stop pacifying that kid.”

  “I’m trying to do what’s best for all of us. This is hard, Ruby. You don’t understand. She’s like a ticking time bomb these days.”

  “Well, she’s a teenage girl who has more estrogen flowing around in her body than you and I combined. She nearly breaks down into sobs when she has a hair out of place, so it’s going to be natural that she’s going to be emotional. The boys are going to be strong for you. They aren’t going to show m
uch emotion because they think they need to protect you. Jenna, on the other hand, is all woman, so she’ll more than likely rake you across the coals so you can feel her pain.”

  She knows my kids too well.

  Ruby walks through the kitchen area, nodding in approval. When she gets to the slider that showcases the small, but pleasant backyard, she stops. “Well, that isn’t enough room for Harper.” She’s right. That backyard isn’t near large enough for my very sweet, very charming Labradoodle.

  I walk up to stand next to her. “She’s staying at the house. There’s no way she’d be happy stuck in that backyard.” I point my finger towards the outside.

  “How am I supposed to love on her if she isn’t here with you?”

  “I don’t know, Rubes. Go over to the house and see her. I’m sure Heath won’t mind.”

  She turns towards me, a skeptical look on her face. “You wouldn’t mind if I went over there?”

  “Why would I mind? I’m not making either you or Steve choose sides. That’s not what this is about. I’m not trying to create a Team Whitney or Team Heath–”

  “Because you know that I’ll always be Team Whitney, right?” There’s a worried look on her face, and the hairs on the back of my neck start to stand.

  “Why are you trying to reassure me?” I swallow the lump in my throat. “What’s going on? What haven’t you told me?” All the worst-case scenarios run through my mind. Heath laughing with another woman. The four of them out to dinner while I’ve been sleeping on the futon in my brother’s spare room. Him introducing our children to another woman.

  “Steve has been going to the gym with Heath.” The words tumble from her mouth.

  “Okay,” I drawl. “And why is that a problem?”

  She shrugs. “It’s not, I suppose. I wasn’t sure how you’d feel knowing that Steve is Team Heath.”

  “Wait, what? Why is he Team Heath? He shouldn’t be Team Anyone. He should be Switzerland.”

  “You know what they say, bros before hos and all that.” She waves me off like it’s no big deal, but the scenes of them out with Heath and whatever woman is on his arm flashes in my mind again.

  I swallow down the fear. “Why are they even going to the gym? They never did that before.”

  “Steve said something about channeling unused anger and frustration.”

  Well, now I want to start going to the gym. I have plenty, and I mean years worth of anger and frustration. “Maybe I should try it.”

  “Oh please, Whit. It looks like you’ve lost five pounds–”

  “It’s seven, but who’s counting. And besides, stress weight loss isn’t healthy weight loss.”

  “Maybe you should try working out in other ways rather than using the same gym your estranged husband uses.” She gives me a wink.

  “I can’t believe you think I should sleep with another man, Ru–”

  “I’m not saying to sleep with another man. Lord, what kind of woman do you think I am? I’m simply saying it’s a known fact that a woman can burn up to one hundred calories for every orgasm she achieves. How’s your relationship with your vibrator these days?”

  I chuckle because she’s not wrong. It’s true. I’ve looked it up. “My rabbit and I are very well acquainted, thank you very much. Believe me, he helps out greatly in maintaining the proper calorie burn.”

  “Well, if you want to keep up the work on losing the weight without creeping on your hubby, maybe you should think about trading in your rabbit for something stronger like a jackhammer,” she says over her shoulders as she continues to look around the apartment.

  My mood turns bleak as I think about Heath working out, possibly hanging out with his guys from the company. Him and Steve sharing a few beers while they watch the game at one of the local bars.

  “Ruby,” I call out to her, “do you think Heath isn’t getting the point of the reason why I wanted to separate?”

  She turns around with a sympathetic look on her face. “Oh doll face, that man loves you. He understands.”

  I swallow the lump in my throat. “Then, with all the times we’ve talked, why hasn’t he mentioned going to the gym.”

  “It’s just working out, Whitney.” She puts her hands on her hips. “No! Don’t you dare. Do not jump to conclusions.”

  “Why wouldn’t I? I’m the one who wanted this. How can I not have thoughts?”

  “Because Heath James has only ever loved one woman that that’s you. Your marriage might have lost its steam, but there is still enough fire in both of you to make sure you get back to a roaring blaze. This is just a bump in the road. Not a roadblock. This is something that you both will overcome. Working out is healthy, honey. That’s it. He’s not the type of man to play games. He knows his family is at stake and he would not jeopardize that by trying to beef up so he can try and play the field.”

  My imagination starts to go into overtime.

  Heath lifting weights, his skin sheen with sweat…

  The chords of his muscles straining as he does rep after rep…

  The gym sluts wearing next to nothing, bending over next to him…

  “Whitney,” Ruby warns.

  “Okay.”

  “Yeah, I’m not convinced.”

  Good, she shouldn’t be, Lord knows I’m not.

  When Ruby decides to take Jenna to grab some sodas from the convenience store around the corner, I decline to go with them. I want to use the time to do a thorough wipe down of the place before we start to move things in tomorrow. My phone rings from my purse that’s lying on the floor in the living room. I rush over, pushing the junk around my purse until I see the light of my phone. I feel my heart race when I see Heath’s name is flashing on the screen.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey back,” he says. “How are things going?”

  “Good.” Ruby and Jenna walk through the front door. I mouth Heath’s name and point the phone which gets me a smile in return.

  “I know you said you were supposed to be getting the keys to the condo today. I wanted to see if that happened?”

  “It did.” I swallow then clear my throat. “I’m here now.”

  He hesitates. “How is it?”

  We haven’t talked a lot about my moving into my own place. I don’t feel comfortable doing it. I don’t think it’s not a topic that will help our marriage get back on track. He knows why I feel that I need to do this and I believe he understands. “It’s a place.”

  “But not your place?”

  His question throws me off.

  I sigh. “Heath.”

  “Whitney,” he says back. I stay silent. “I’m sorry. This isn’t the way I wanted this to go. It’s still surreal to me, that’s all. Even now with you being out of the house, for what? A little over a month? This is making this separation real.”

  I look up and see both Ruby and Jenna watching me so I think better than to have this conversation in front of my daughter and head towards the room that will soon be my bedroom.

  “It’s been real from the beginning,” I say as I shut the door.

  “I understand, Whit. I’m trying to tell you my feelings.” He plays the feeling card. The one thing I want him to share more.

  “I appreciate that. You talking to me about it.”

  “I’m trying.”

  “I know.”

  “Listen, I wanted to know if you needed any help.”

  “Oh…” I eye Ruby. “You want to help move us in?”

  He sighs. “Actually, I already have to be out of town to look at a job. But even if I weren’t I’m not sure I’d be able to help. I don’t know if I can help you move into a place that isn’t our home.”

  I hear a click of the door behind me. When I turn I see Ruby, leaning against the wall, staring at me.

  “Yeah, I understand that.” I understand, but it doesn’t settle well with me.

  “If you need help, I’ll see if some of my guys can come by tomorrow and help move the heavy things.”

  “N
o, thanks,” I say in a snarky tone. “I’ve got it handled. The furniture store has movers, and my brother, Tony, and the kids will be here to help. Oh, and of course Steve too.”

  Ruby’s head snaps at this announcement.

  “All right then. Let me know if you change your mind.”

  “I’m certain I won’t. Thanks, though.” I end the call before he can say anything else.

  I’m mad at myself for being mad at him for not helping. Why would he help his wife move into another house? Lord knows I wouldn’t be offering to help him.

  “Steve has plans tomorrow, Ms. Bossy.”

  “Yeah, what?”

  She shrugs. “He’s headed out of town with Heath.”

  I roll my eyes. “Christ on a cracker, tell him his plans have changed. He can be Team Whitney for a few hours, at least.”

  The furniture store has come and gone, leaving each room filled with a modest amount of stuff. Trevor and Jenna each got to pick out their bedroom furniture last week when we went shopping. We did a large haul at the local linen store and the rest over at Target. I make a mental note to suspend the kids’ college fund payments the next couple months so I can get my credit cards paid down.

  “Come on, you two, this is the last of the boxes,” I tell them as I pull the hatch of my SUV open. We’ve cleared out the storage unit, and the stockpile from my brother’s house. The kids each brought items from Heath’s over so they can keep them with me. It didn’t get past me that a lot of it was dirty laundry. I’m sure they think I’ll break down and wash their clothes, but they each have another thing coming.

  “I thought Uncle Tony and Will were supposed to help us?” Jenna whines.

  “They did,” I say as I hand Trevor a box.

  “They didn’t help us till the end,” Jenna complains.

  “They did enough– Here.” I hand her a box that I know she won’t drop. “Take them inside. They go in my room,” I yell at their retreating forms.

  I stretch my body into the back of the car, my fingertips barely grasping at the brown cardboard. “Come on, you sucker,” I say through clenched teeth. My hamstrings burn as I continue to reach, but once I get a firm grip relief floods my body. “I seriously need to workout.” I grab the box, moving my hands under it. I hike my leg up trying to get a firm hold on the teetering case. My leg drops as I’m about to lose my balance, causing the box to slip down my thighs.