Zeke Meeks vs the Stinkin' Science Fair

by D. L. Green

  Mr. McNutty’s hairpiece flew off the stage and across the auditorium.

  It landed in Chandler Fitzgerald’s project, a fish tank containing Siamese fighting fish.

  The fish got angry at the hairpiece and attacked it.

  Hector whispered to me, “I didn’t know Mr. McNutty was completely bald.”

  I whispered to Hector, “I didn’t know that, either. I changed my mind. I don’t think Laurie Schneider’s wind turbine will win the contest.”

  Mr. McNutty announced that there would be a short break. Then he opened all the windows to get rid of the fart smell. He borrowed Laurie Schneider’s wind turbine to dry off his hairpiece. It had holes in it from the Siamese fighting fish attack. Also, it smelled fishy.

  Finally, it was my turn to show off my science project. I went onstage and shook a can of soda as hard as I could. I asked the audience, “What do you think will happen when I open this?”

  “It’s going to explode all over the place and make a totally awesome mess!” Rudy Morse yelled.

  “Please don’t make any more messes, Zekey,” my mother said.

  “Zekey is a babyish name,” Victoria said.

  “Be quiet, Vickywicky,” Hector said.

  While everyone was busy talking, I turned the soda can around in a slow circle and tapped my fingers against the sides of it. Then I yelled,

  Everyone stared at the soda can in my hand. Everyone, that is, except my older sister and Hector’s older brother. They were staring at each other.

  I opened the can. There was a tiny, little bitty fizzing noise. But there was no explosion. The soda stayed inside the can.

  “Is that it?” Rudy Morse asked.

  “That’s it,” I said.

  “Bummer. I wanted to see a gigantic explosion that made an enormous mess all over the place,” he said.

  “I didn’t,” Mr. McNutty said.

  “Me neither,” Mom said. “I’ve had enough of messes.”

  “I’ll explain the science behind what just happened,” I said. “Shaking a can makes the soda inside it form bubbles. These bubbles are actually dissolved carbon dioxide gas. Opening the can makes the bubbles escape, usually in a loud and messy explosion.”

  “Yeah! Loud, messy explosions!” Rudy Morse yelled.

  I held up my hand to quiet him. Then I said, “I tapped the sides of the can before I opened it. This made the bubbles move to the top. Then when I opened the can, there was very little soda to block the bubbles’ escape. So the soda didn’t explode.”

  Everyone clapped. Except Rudy Morse, who booed me, and my older sister and Hector’s older brother, who were busy staring at each other.

  My project had turned out well.

  You may be wondering why this chapter is titled “This Project Is a Disaster.” Well, this chapter isn’t over yet.

  Grace Chang raced onstage with some soda cans. She said, “That project is too easy. Anyone can do it. Watch.” She shook one of the cans. Then she tapped it.

  Just as she was about to open it, I cried, “Stop!”

  “Zeke the Freak Meeks, you’re not the boss of me,” she said.

  I jumped away from her.

  She opened the can.

  Rudy Morse cheered.

  It exploded all over: in her hair, on her nose, down her body, and over her shoes. The soda also landed on the floor all around Grace. Grace screamed.

  I told her, “You have to tap the sides of the can. You tapped the top of it.”

  “I’ll try again,” she said. She started shaking another can of soda.

  “Stop,” I said.

  She kept shaking the can.

  “Stop,” Mr. McNutty said. He rushed onstage.

  She kept shaking the can.

  “I’ll do it right this time,” she said. Then she tapped the sides of the can.

  “Stop,” I said again.

  Then I jumped away again.

  Grace opened the can.

  The soda exploded all over the place again.

  Rudy Morse cheered again.

  This time, only a little soda got on Grace.

  Most of the soda landed on Mr. McNutty. He cried, “Grace Chang! You have ruined my brand new cashmere sweater!”

  “But I did the experiment just like Zeke did it,” she said.

  “You used a can of diet soda. Tapping doesn’t work on diet soda,” I said. “Scientists aren’t sure why. It might be because diet soda has artificial sweetener in it, or because it has more carbon dioxide gas in it.”

  “Your soda stained my brand new cashmere sweater!” Mr. McNutty screamed at Grace. “You now owe me one hundred dollars for a new sweater.”

  I covered my mouth, but I couldn’t hide my laughter.

  I looked over at Hector. He was covering his mouth and laughing, too.

  Now do you see why this chapter is called “This Project Is a Disaster”? My science project was a disaster for Mr. McNutty and Grace Chang.

  But it was a lot of fun for me.

  After Grace Chang mopped up all the soda from the stage, Chandler Fitzgerald showed off his science fair project. He walked onstage with his fish tank. It was full of Siamese fighting fish. It was also full of Mr. McNutty’s false hair.

  Chandler said, “My project was ruined by Mr. McNutty’s flying hairpiece.” Then he left the stage and returned to his seat.

  Next, Grace Chang brought up large poster boards filled with charts and graphs. She pointed to one of the posters. “This is . . . um . . . um . . .” She looked at her parents.

  Her mom mouthed something.

  “What?” Grace asked.

  Her dad mouthed something.

  “I can’t hear you,” Grace told her parents. “What is my project about?”

  Her parents went onstage and explained Grace’s project to the audience and to Grace.

  “It’s obvious that Grace’s parents did all the work,” my mom told me. She looked straight at me and said,

  Then the parents of Emma G. and Emma J. went onstage. They talked about their daughters’ projects, just like Grace’s parents had.

  Mom told me again that she was proud of me.

  Owen Leach showed off his experiment next. He said, “For my project, I studied how a spider builds its web.” Then he held up a gigantic picture of a spider in a web. It was terrifying.

  I fled to the bathroom. I didn’t return until Owen and his terrifying picture had left the stage.

  Victoria Crow explained her science project by using a PowerPoint presentation she had made and a book she had written. “I will describe my experiment in simple terms,” she said. “I analyzed the optimal method to control bacteria, utilizing various disinfectants.”

  Then she talked for a long time about lab cultures, petri dishes, agar, and other things I didn’t understand. If those were the simple terms, I sure wouldn’t understand the hard terms.

  After Victoria finished, Mr. McNutty came onstage and shook her hand. He said, “Excellent work. Your project is more like a college student’s. You may have found cures for major diseases.”

  Victoria smiled and said, “Being the smartest kid in third grade comes in handy. Keep me in mind for the fifty-dollar prize tonight.”

  I just rolled my eyes and said,

  Hector was the last person to go onstage. Finally, his secret science fair project was no longer secret. He said, “I collected fingerprints just like real detectives do. I took a set of fingerprints from Zeke Meeks’ jacket.”

  So that was what he needed my jacket for.

  “I sprinkled talcum powder on the back of the jacket,” Hector continued. “Then I wiped off the excess powder with a small paintbrush.”

  “Next, I put tape over the area and lifted off the fingerprints. Then I stuck the tape over a sheet of dark paper.”

  Hector held up a piece of paper with fingerprints on it. It looked really cool.

  Then Hector said, “I used the same process to lift fingerprints from Grace Chang’s desk. These are h
er fingerprints.”

  He held up another piece of paper with fingerprints on it. That looked really cool too. The fingerprints seemed exactly like the prints he’d taken from my jacket.

  Hector said, “I studied both sets of fingerprints. It is obvious they both came from Grace Chang. She denied pushing Zeke Meeks. But her fingerprints are on Zeke’s jacket.”

  Grace ran onstage. She said, “Hector is a big fat liar. I would never push anyone.”

  Hector said, “You are the one who’s lying. I am neither big nor fat. And I’m not a liar. The fingerprints are scientific evidence that you pushed Zeke Meeks. After you pushed him, he grabbed the strap of your backpack to ease his fall.”

  “I’m not a liar, and I never push people. I’m so mad at you!” Grace screamed.

  Then she pushed Hector.

  Everyone in the audience gasped, except for my older sister and Hector’s older brother. They were too busy staring at each other.

  Mr. McNutty ran onstage. He said, “Grace, you owe Zeke an apology. And you owe me one hundred dollars for a new cashmere sweater. Zeke doesn’t owe you anything.”

  “Not fifty dollars for a new backpack?” I asked, just to be sure.

  “Absolutely not,” Mr. McNutty said. Then he turned to Hector and said, “That was a terrific presentation. One of the best.”

  “Do I win the contest?” Hector asked.

  “The winner of the science fair prize is Victoria Crow,” the teacher said.

  Everyone clapped, except for my older sister and Hector’s older brother, who were busy staring at each other.

  Victoria walked onstage. She said, “I knew I’d win. I’m the smartest kid in third grade.”

  “And the most annoying kid in third grade,” I whispered to Hector.

  Mr. McNutty gave Victoria a plaque and a gift certificate.

  “I thought the winner got fifty dollars,” I said.

  “Yes. A fifty-dollar gift certificate to spend at Science Products R Us, the science equipment store,” Mr. McNutty said.

  “Hooray!” Victoria shouted. “That’s my very favorite store. There’s nothing more fun than shopping for test tubes and chemical compounds.”

  I could think of some things more fun than that: Playing handball, watching TV, and eating candy. Even brushing my teeth would be more fun than shopping for test tubes and chemical compounds.

  Victoria said, “I know just what I’ll buy at the science equipment store: an insect farm.”

  I gulped. “Did you say insect farm?” I asked Victoria.

  She nodded.

  “Yes. It’s a big clear box full of insects. But don’t worry. I’ll bring it to school to share with the class.”

  “Did you say ‘share with the class’?” I asked.

  Victoria nodded. “Everyone will get to touch the creepy crawlers.”

  “Did you say ‘creepy crawlers’?” I asked.

  Victoria nodded. “You can let them creep and crawl all over your body. Except for the poisonous insects.”

  “Did you say ‘poisonous insects’?” I asked.

  Victoria nodded. “Don’t worry. Only one of the insects will kill you. The others will just give you purple rashes, giant sores, and brain clots.”

  I opened my mouth to ask her something else, but I was too scared to speak.

  “Since you sit right next to me, you’ll get to watch the insect farm on my desk all day,” Victoria said.

  I wondered if I could move to a new seat.

  Or move to a new classroom. Or move to a new school. Or move to a new city. I wondered if I could move to a new planet that had no insects on it.

  Mr. McNutty said, “There’s a second-place prize, too. The winner of a ten-dollar gift certificate to the Candy Palace store is Hector Cruz.”

  I cheered loudly.

  “There’s also a third-place prize,” Mr. McNutty said. “The winner of a five-dollar gift certificate to Candy Palace is Zeke Meeks.”

  I cheered even more loudly.

  When the science fair ended, my mom hugged me. She said, “I’m so proud of you, Zeke. You worked hard and found a great project. You did very well tonight.”

  “I’m proud of you, too,” my little sister said. “I will celebrate your win by putting my prettiest bows and barrettes on Waggles.”

  “Are you proud of me, too?” I asked my older sister.

  She didn’t answer. She was too busy staring at Hector’s older brother.

  I turned to Hector. “Thank you for using your science project to prove that Grace pushed me down.”

  “You’re welcome,” he said. “And thank you for letting me come to your house and do projects with you. It was fun.”

  “But most of my experiments failed. And my mom yelled at me,” I said.

  Hector shrugged. “We have exciting adventures at your house. And you always try your hardest. I’m glad you’re my friend.”

  “I’m glad you’re my friend, too,” I said.

  “Let’s go to the candy store,” Hector said.

  I smiled. “Cool.”

  Hector smiled. “Cool.”

  Then I said, “Maybe we can do more experiments together, too. Some of those science projects tonight looked really fun. I used to think I despised science, but now I like it.”

  “Do you like science even more than you like candy?” Hector asked.

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  D. L. Green lives in California with her husband, three children, silly dog, and a big collection of rubber chickens. She loves to read, write, and joke around.

  ABOUT THE ILLUSTRATOR

  Josh Alves’s most memorable science fair project was a perpetual-motion machine using opposing magnetic fields (sounds fancy, but it was just a metal ferris wheel with magnets). A constant doodler, Josh eventually grew up, married an awesome woman, and gets to draw with his three kids in his studio in Maine.

  DO YOU DESPISE SCIENCE?

  (And other really important questions)

  Write answers to these questions, or discuss them with your friends and classmates.

  Do you despise science? Why or why not?

  Me and my classmates did tons of different science fair projects. Which one was your favorite? (It better not be Grace Chang’s!)

  Describe the coolest science project you can imagine. Could you actually do it?

  How do you feel about bugs? (Obviously, the correct answer is, “I hate bugs!” But be honest.)

  How can I keep my mom from getting annoyed with me? Do you have any advice?

  BIG WORDS

  according to Zeke

  TRY USING THEM IN SENTENCES JUST LIKE I DO

  ARTIFICIAL SWEETENER: Sort of like fake sugar. It tastes sweet, but it doesn’t rot your teeth.

  AUDITORIUM: The huge room in our school where shows, concerts, and other things parents care about are held. Also, the huge room that Rudy Morse stunk up with his fart science project.

  CASHMERE:The super-soft wool fabric that Mr. McNutty’s precious sweater was made out of. I guess it must be pretty dainty.

  COMPLIMENT: Something nice you say about someone or something. It makes you feel really good.

  CONCENTRATE: Think really hard so you can get something done or understand something better. It is impossible to concentrate when Princess Sing-Along is making your ears bleed.

  DESPICABLE: Terrible, horrible, awful things that you should never have to deal with are despicable. For example, bugs and science fair projects.

  DESPISED: If you hated something more than anything you have ever, ever, ever hated before, then you actually despised it.

  DISASTER: A big, huge accident or mistake that usually leads to other big accidents and mistakes. Think of my quicksand science project, Laurie Schneider’s wind turbine, and Grace Chang’s shook-up soda can.

  DISGUSTING: Things that make you go, “EW!” like Princess Sing-Along, most girls, and, according to my mom, Rudy Morse’s science project. (See auditorium.)

  ELECTRONIC: Thi
ngs that are powered by electricity are electronic, and, obviously, awesome.

  MONSTROUS: When things (Grace Chang’s fingernails) are completely awful, huge, and evil, they are monstrous!

  REPULSIVE: Very gross, yucky, pukey, sickening . . . well, you get the idea. (See disgusting.)

  Make Your Own Quicksand

  My quicksand experiment was awesome . . . until I ruined my mom’s bracelet and clogged up the sink with it. Here are directions to make your own quicksand. (Just ask your mom first, keep her stuff away from it, and DO NOT pour it down the sink!)

  What you need:

  box of cornstarch

  1-2 cups of water

  your choice of food coloring (optional)

  large mixing bowl

  mixing spoon

  What you do:

  Pour one-quarter of the cornstarch into the bowl. Add 1/2 cup of water. Stir.

  Continue to add cornstarch and water a little at a time. You want the cornstarch to be about as thick as honey. Use the whole box of cornstarch and 1-2 cups of water in all.

  Now check out how the cornstarch feels. Move your hands through it. Move them slowly. Then move them quickly. Is there a difference in how it feels?

  Push your whole hand into the quicksand, and try to pull it out. What happens?

  Now drop a small plastic toy into the quicksand, then try to pull it out. What happens?

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  Zeke Meeks is published by

  Picture Window Books

  A Capstone Imprint

  1710 Roe Crest Drive,

  North Mankato, Minnesota 56003

  www.capstonepub.com

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