[Marvin's] World of Deadheads

by Paul Atreides

  “Oof.” Larry pressed a fist to the sudden tightness in his chest and walked out of the room. “You know maybe I will sit for a minute.”

  Jenna scurried after him. “Larry! Are you okay? Should we go now?”

  “No. No, I’ll be… I don’t know what the deal is. Maybe it’s indigestion. Go help Colleen clean up, I’ll be fine. Really.”

  Marvin glowered in front of Larry. “You won’t be fine if you keep it up. I should plant a foot in your ass. Or, better yet, right in the nuts. That’d knock the wood right out of your dick in a hurry, wouldn’t it?”

  Jenna studied Larry for a minute and wondered if he would feign illness to avoid helping with dishes. The sweat beaded across his brow convinced her otherwise and she went to the kitchen.

  “Listen up, you schmuck,” Marvin said. “I might be stuck over here, but it doesn’t mean I’ve left her. I’m gonna warn you right now, don’t get attached. I’m not leaving her there with you. She belongs with me and that’s exactly what’s gonna happen.” He poked a finger in Larry’s direction and mumbled, “As soon as I figure out how.”

  -33-

  At the deli, Tommy handed Marv his coffee and they slid into the booth in their usual spots with Tommy and Mike across from Marvin. The smile on Marv’s face should’ve told them everything they needed to know, but Tommy decided to ask anyway. “So, how was Jenna last night?”

  “Fine. Fine.” Marv took a sip of coffee and grinned.

  “Come on, Brody, spill it! What’s with the grin? You look like the proverbial cat.”

  “Yeah, dude. You look like you’ve been to Wonderland with Alice.”

  Marv laughed. “They had a birthday party for me! Can you believe it?”

  “Who had a party?”

  “Jenna, the old lady, and,” Marv frowned, “the guy Jenna’s been dating from the law firm.”

  “Seriously?” Mike asked. “The guy was part of the celebration?”

  “Yeah, but I don’t think he knew it from the get-go. The old lady slipped. I noticed a quick look on the guy’s face, but he recovered quite nicely. He raised his glass and wished me a happy birthday. The schmuck.”

  “Brody, come on. I think that was nice of him.”

  “Oh, get real, Mike! The guy’s just trying to get into her pants. He’ll do whatever it takes, but I’m not about to let that happen. I knocked the wind out of his sails.”

  Tommy scowled at him. “Marvin, what did you do?”

  “Ah… nothing brutal.” Marv looked into his cup. “I punched him in the face. Once.”

  “And?”

  “And nothing. He rubbed his temple a bit and he was fine.” Marvin shrugged and took a swig of coffee without looking at either one of his inquisitors.

  “Brody!”

  “What?”

  “You’re not telling us everything.” Mike prodded.

  Marv stalled. Tommy had said they’d help. “Well, okay… so, I sucker-punched him, too. Big deal.”

  Mike and Tommy laughed, leaving Marvin to glare at them in defiance.

  “Dude, how do you sucker-punch one of them? I mean, he couldn’t see the fake!”

  “I guess you got a point.” Marv’s knitted brow smoothed. “But I landed one right above the diaphragm. And told him I’d kick him in the balls if he didn’t knock it the hell off.”

  “You still got it bad for her, don’t you?” Mike asked.

  Tommy sang, “I got it bad and that ain’t good…” He stopped but smiled anyway when Marvin kicked his shin under the table. “Ow! Dude, not cool.”

  Marvin’s mood brightened again. “But you should’ve seen the spread they put out! Corned beef, knishes, green beans with almond slivers. And Jenna broke out the scotch for the toast.”

  “This was at your place, then?”

  “No, across the hall at the old lady’s. Oh, and get this, Jen’s taken up golf! At first I thought it was because of this guy, Larry, but then the old woman lets it slip Jen might have a promotion coming.” Marv paused in thought for a second. “Maybe all the long hours she put in over the years are gonna pay off, so I figure the golfing is a way to schmooze with the partners.”

  “And this Larry guy didn’t know about it?”

  “Guess not, Mike.”

  “Well, that’s good then, right dude? I mean, if she was at all serious about him, she’d have told him, don’t you think?”

  “Hey, yeah. Tommy has a point there.”

  Marvin decided it shouldn’t change his plans. As far as he could figure it, Jenna belonged with him, plain and simple, and he was determined to go through with things; however that could be accomplished. “Yeah, and so? It doesn’t change a thing.”

  “Well then, dude, let’s get on with it. I, for one, am sick of watching your tired ass mope around moaning over this woman. So, let’s get a plan together here and do it.”

  Marvin looked at Tommy in surprise and then turned to Mike with a silent question.

  After Mike studied Marvin for a minute, and a quick glance to Tommy, he nodded. “Okay, I’m in.”

  A loud sigh of relief escaped from Marv and he smiled. He hadn’t been sure they would actually carry out the promise they’d made while basking in the afterglow of the cruise. Now, he just needed to get them to help him figure out how to accomplish it.

  “So then Brody, how do you want to do this?” Mike asked.

  Marv shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  Tommy began ticking off the failed attempts on his fingers. “Okay, dude, let’s look at this. You tried pushing her off the balcony — which I found to be very funny, because, man, you should’ve known you’d go right through her. Then, like a real dumb-ass, —”

  “Hey! I’m new at this. What do I know?”

  “— you tried to grab her and take her over with you,” Tommy continued. “That didn’t work for the same reason. What else have you tried?”

  “There was the gun episode,” Mike offered with a snicker.

  “Oh, yeah. Right. The gun episode; where you shot yourself instead of her! And let’s not forget the night in the restaurant when you tried to stab her. Dude, your batting average is not good so far.”

  “So, hire Jen’s law firm and sue me! What d’ya want from me? I don’t know how all this being dead thing works.”

  Tommy chuckled. “You know, it gets tiresome trying to teach this shit. I swear I should put a handbook together for newbies. I’ll steal your phrase, Marvin, and call it The Handbook for Deadheads.”

  “Terrific! Start on it when Jenna’s with us; she can do your typing,” Marvin said in droll response.

  “Look, we need to think linear here. There are certain things, like pushing or stabbing, that won’t work. I’m not in favor of guns, dudes, for obvious reasons. But tell me this: where did the bullet end up?”

  “I have no idea. I got the hell out of there when the gun fired and the window busted.”

  “Well, contrary to what your actions may lead us to believe, it’s not lodged in your head.”

  Tommy laughed at Mike’s witticism, but Marv didn’t quite see the humor. “Ha, ha. Very funny, Mike.”

  “Wait! Brody, didn’t you say the window shattered? And that’s why you ran out of there?”

  “Mmm…yeah.”

  “No! No guns, dudes. I don’t like guns!”

  “I’m not thinking a gun, Tommy. But I might have an idea, something that could work.”

  Marv waited for Mike to explain, but all Mike did was focus on something out the window. When he couldn’t stand the suspense any longer, Marvin prodded for an answer. “Which would be…”

  “Let me mull this over a while. I’ll let you know tomorrow.”

  -34-

  Jenna heard the phone ringing as she put the key in the lock. Marvin walked through her and the door, strode to the living room to stand next to his chair and waited for her to answer it.

  “Hello?”

  “Jenna?”

  “Yes?”

  “Hey, it’
s David.”

  “David! I didn’t recognize your voice. Hi! How are you?”

  “David? My brother, David?” Marvin moved closer to the phone.

  “I’m good. I’m good. You?”

  “Okay, I guess. Doing a little better, anyway.”

  “It sounds like you’re out of breath. Did I disturb something?” David asked in an insinuating tone.

  Jenna laughed good-naturedly. “No. Not at all. I just came in the door.”

  “Good. It’s nice to hear you’re doing well.”

  “And you’re calling my fiancée, because…” Marvin wasn’t sure he had blood pressure; but, he thought, whatever we have, it’s rising. “Ma isn’t at the bottom of this, is she?”

  “What’s been happening? Are your folks all right?”

  “Yeah, yeah, they’re fine.”

  With the initial niceties taken care of, Jenna went to the point. “So, to what do I owe this pleasure?”

  “Well… I don’t know. I was just thinking about you. Wondering how you were doing. Kinda surprised we hadn’t heard from you in a long while.”

  Jenna picked up on the we and realized David had called on his mother’s behalf. She listened hard and could tell Madelyn was there, her voice barely discernable in the background. “Oh, David! I’m sorry. Really. I’ve been so busy at work, which I think just might be paying off.”

  “Really, how’s that?”

  “If the judge agrees with the opinion of my latest brief, I get promoted!”

  “Hey, that’s terrific! Ma’s gonna love hearing that.”

  Marv laughed. “Yep, I knew it. That woman is like a pit bull. She gets an idea and clamps her jaws down on it; you aren’t going anywhere until she’s satisfied.”

  Jenna smiled. “She’s actually interested in me now? Why?”

  Marv looked at her in disbelief. “I told you months ago! Jesus H., Jen! You never listened to a word I said, did you?”

  “Oh, you know… She never didn’t like you.”

  “Could’ve fooled me, David. But, anyway…”

  “Listen, I’m going to be coming down there next week. Um, can I interest you in a drink, or um, maybe dinner?”

  “Dinner? A drink?” Marvin blood pressure ratcheted up another notch and he leaned closer into the phone. “You listen to me you little bastard! Brother or no brother, she’s not available!”

  David’s head tilted and he smiled. It wasn’t the first time he thought he’d heard Marvin’s faint voice in the background during a phone conversation with Jenna.

  Jenna rubbed the side of her face to brush at the fly, or the strand of stray hair that had just tickled her cheek. “That’d be nice. Depends on when, though.”

  “Uh, next Sunday? Maybe a nice brunch?”

  “Mmm. No. I can’t, I already have plans.”

  Marv looked at her, surprised. “You have plans? For what?”

  “Oh. Well, then, how about an early dinner on Saturday?”

  “Well, maybe. I have golf at eleven.”

  It was David’s turn to be surprised. “Golf? Really?”

  “Yeah. I thought it might help me.”

  “It’ll help you with the job all right. You may not realize it yet, but it’s also going reel that creep, Larry, in further,” Marvin interjected.

  “You know, I never realized how much gets accomplished on a golf course, but Larry, he’s one of the lawyers at the firm, took me out for a round yesterday. After we played the front nine, we ran into a foursome from another firm and by the time they were done talking, they’d settled a case. So, I figured, since he asked again, I might as well add golf to the gamut of skills to help advance my career.”

  David’s laugh contained a hint of naughtiness. “Hey, as long as that’s all you’re doing with him. Maybe I should chaperone.”

  “Okay, little brother, maybe I changed my mind. I like the sound of that.”

  Jenna joined David’s laughter. “You’re beginning to sound like your brother! He —”

  Marv bristled at the accusation. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “— was always wanting to know where I was going and who I would be with. It got on my nerves at times, but it was kind of sweet too.”

  “And Sunday is out, huh?” David asked again.

  “Well…” Jenna hedged. “Maybe I can back out. But I’d feel really bad doing it. I’ve neglected the place for so long.”

  Marvin looked around the condo. “It doesn’t look neglected to me. Besides, you still have the girl coming in.”

  “The shelter has called me and called me since Marv died to ask if I’d come back to volunteer again. I finally said yes.” Jen sighed. “Let me think about it, okay?”

  David and Marv responded at the same time. If Jenna could’ve heard Marvin, it would’ve sounded like stereo in her ears. “Shelter? What shelter?”

  “Oh! Didn’t Marvin ever tell you?”

  “Now how could I tell him something I’d never heard about?” Marvin tilted his head in thought, but quickly shrugged it off. “Maybe I forgot.”

  “I used to volunteer at a women’s shelter. I kinda drifted away when Marv asked me to move in. I don’t know, I guess I felt I should put all my efforts toward him.”

  “Really? No, he never said a word to me, or the folks. I’m sure of it. Something as important as that, I’d remember.”

  Marv poked Jenna in the ribs affectionately. “All your efforts toward me? I would’ve liked to have seen that!”

  Jen flinched. She looked behind her to see what she’d bumped into and frowned at the kitchen chair she’d passed in the kitchen on the way to the balcony. “Well, either he forgot, or he didn’t think it was worth mentioning. But, yeah, I put in quite a few hours over there helping out.”

  “You sound as if you enjoyed it.”

  “Mmm,” Jen managed to get out as she swallowed a sip of the soda she’d pulled from the refrigerator on her way outside. “I did. I mean it was heartbreaking to listen to some of the things those women went through. Sometimes, I’d be on my way home and think I couldn’t do it anymore, you know, listen to the brutalities they put up with before they finally found a way out. But I always went back. How could I not? Some of them were so emotionally scarred they needed to know somebody cared about them.”

  “That’s nice, Jenna. You’ll move up at least three or four rungs on Ma’s ladder for that one.”

  This was a Jen Marv hadn’t met. She sounded soft and vulnerable and caring to a fault. And while he found concern for others commendable, it sure didn’t remind him of the girl he met in the bar and found irresistible. He’d seen her from across the room and couldn’t stop staring. Besides being beautiful, she looked so put together, so confident in the way she perched on the bar stool and the way he saw her interact with the bartender. He’d finally walked up to her and abruptly asked for her phone number without even a simple introduction. She’d stared him down without effort, and said, “You’re one ballsy son-of-a-bitch,” and turned away. He thought in that instant, here was a woman who could hold her own, a woman who could see right through the bullshit, call a spade a spade, take as much in stride as she gave out; he was hooked. He ignored the group of guys he’d walked in with and spent the rest of the night trading barbs with her and fell in love.

  Jen let loose a sardonic laugh at David’s remark. “Marv’s gone, David. He’s not coming back. Tell Madelyn, if she’s not close enough to the phone to hear it, she should’ve thought about her level of appreciation for me while he was still alive.”

  A broad smile spread over Marv’s face. “Now that’s my girl!”

  David met the comment with a short silence. “Well, anyway, um… So, where were we?”

  “Next Sunday.”

  “Right. So, uh, I can call later in the week? Maybe you’ll change your mind?”

  “Sure. I’ll let you know what my schedule is then.”

  David’s voice pitched lower and sounded as if he’d stepped into
a tunnel. “No, Jen, really. This is me asking now. I’d really like to see you.”

  Jenna lightened her tone. “In that case, David, I’d be happy to meet you for coffee.”

  -35-

  In the hotel suite, Marvin kept fidgeting in his chair. It grated on Mike’s nerves until he couldn’t handle it. “Brody, what the hell is bugging you this morning?”

  “David.”

  “David who?”

  “David. David! Remember my brother, David? That David.”

  “Okay, okay! Holy shit, man. You don’t have to bite my head off. What’s the problem?”

  “I think he’s actually interested in Jenna.”

  “And this is a problem because…”

  “Because it’s not right! Jesus H! He’s my little brother. It’s freaky. And I can’t believe he doesn’t think that. My mother is the real problem.”

  “Um, I thought you just said David –”

  “I did! But this has my mother written all over it. I’ll bet she’s nagged him until she’s convinced him it’s his idea.”

  “What’s your mother’s idea?”

  “Jenna and David! I told you guys at the cemetery. You didn’t believe me or you weren’t listening.”

  “Well, look, Brody… It’s not all bad. I mean, she’d stay a part of the family. You’d know she was being taken care of.”

  “She’s gonna be taken care of all right! So is that little schmuck of a brother!”

  “Come on, calm down. You’re gonna wake Tommy. Besides, you know how he hates seeing you all worked up.”

  Marvin took a deep breath. “Well… Shit. I’m sorry, but I can’t help it.”

  “So, what do you want to do about it?”

  Tommy yawned and stretched on his way out of the bedroom to the coffee pot. “Geez, you couldn’t hold it down a little? You dudes have to be loud enough to wake the dead?”

  “Sorry, hippie. I didn’t mean to wake you. I just got a little worked up.”

  “ ‘A little worked up.’ Marvin, you never get just a little worked up. I heard Mike ask what you wanted to do about something. What’s the problem now?”