Halloween Hiccups: A Mercy Mares Cozy Mystery Novella

by Ava Mallory

  “I don't have to let them know. I own this house and the surrounding property.” Ernie said.

  I stopped.

  “You own this? You bought it from the Andersons? Why?” I asked, surprised that anyone would want to own this creepy structure.

  “No, I inherited it. My mother was an Anderson. When she passed away, she left it to me and my wife.” Ernie explained. “You didn't know that?”

  Uh, no!

  I looked at him more closely. He was a handsome man, by any standards. Not movie star handsome, but pleasing to the eye in a normal person sort of way. Like most men, he improved with age. His once jet black hair had gone completely silver years ago. His dark blue eyes were still his best feature, but the rest of the face attached to them wasn't all that bad. He stood six feet tall, by my estimate. That was a plus.

  I didn't see one iota of creepy Anderson in him. As I recalled, they resembled the children from a book I was warned not to read but read anyway. I can't recall the name of the series, but I distinctly remember something about having flowers growing in an attic or something like that. It gave me chills to think about it.

  “My mom was a blonde.” Ernie guessed what I was thinking. “I took after my father.”

  We continued walking, going in through an unlocked front door.

  “Why is it open?” I asked. “Is someone here?”

  “Just a security guy I hired. He's keeping watch for me.” Ernie explained.

  I had to laugh. “You hired him to keep me out?”

  Ernie smiled, but didn't answer. He led me through the front foyer through to the back of the house. A burly gentleman with a face as round as a saucer, sat in the kitchen enjoying a cup of coffee.

  “This is my security guard. Apparently, he's on break.” Ernie said, looking at him with a cross look on his face.

  I nodded at the man, but he didn't notice. He was too busy trying to look like he was keeping an eye on things. I think the newspaper spread out on the table in front of him wasn't helping his cause.

  “Are you going to tell me what you'd like for me to see?” I asked, reminding Ernie why he'd brought me here in the first place.

  He opened the back door, leading out to the yard and the field behind it. I followed him, anxious to see what it was and nervous about the prospect of stepping in the same spot I'd nearly gotten arrested in twice this week.

  “Here it is.” Ernie stopped under the lone tree in the yard.

  “A tree?” I asked, confused by what it meant.

  “Look up.” Ernie pointed up into a hole in the tree, just above my line of vision.

  I looked at it and thought I'd seen someone looking back at me from inside the tree. I sucked in a gush of air.

  “Is someone in there?” I asked as I backed away.

  Ernie sighed. “Yes, there's a strange little man, living inside of a hollowed out tree.” He said sarcastically. “It's a camera. There's a camera in there.”

  What?

  I stepped closer to get a better view.

  “Is that part of your new security thing?” I asked.

  He shook his head, stepping forward to reach for the camera. It took a few minutes. The camera had been secured in by someone.

  Handing it to me, he said, “Look at it. What do you see?”

  I didn't want to touch it. For all I knew, he was trying to make me put my fingerprints on it to frame me for something. I wasn't about to let him get one over on me like that.

  “No, I'm not touching it. What do you want me to see?” I asked.

  Ernie sighed in frustration again. “There's a sticker on the bottom. See. It's one of those return address stickers that you get in the mail for sending a donation somewhere. Look at the name on it.”

  I turned my head as Ernie flipped the camera over to show me. Without my new reading glasses on, I could barely make out the words. I squinted to see.

  After a moment, I could make out the address and part of the name.

  “Whoa! Does that say...” I started to ask.

  Ernie hushed me, looking around to see if anyone was nearby listening to our conversation.

  “It does. Now, do you understand why I need your help?” He asked.

  I grabbed the camera with the sleeves of my windbreaker. “How did it get in there and why?” I asked.

  “That's what I need you to find out.” Ernie answered.

  Chapter Twelve

  Diana mumbled under her breath, “How much longer are we going to keep this up? He said he's sorry already. What else do you want him to do?”

  I cupped my hand over the phone, to prevent Charlie from hearing what I said next. He'd already heard too much of our back and forth about why Mr. Fireman hadn't asked me for my daughter's hand in marriage. She didn't get that his lack of communication was the equivalent of pulling up in front of the house and honking instead of knocking. No parent wanted that for their daughter.

  Charlie pulled my hand down. “I don't see what the big deal is. Times have changed. What are you, living in the Ice Ages? She's a big girl. She's in love. Why not just learn to deal?”

  I shot a dirty look in his direction. “Learn to deal? Have you been hanging out with all the cool kids? Is that where you learned to talk like that?”

  Slicking back his brown hair with his hands, Charlie said, “I am the cool kids. Do you have a problem with that?”

  Ugh! Was he ever going to grow up?

  Temporarily forgetting that I had Diana on the line, I spoke to Charlie. “I just don't understand how you could be a tough as nails cop in one moment and a teenage boy the next. I'm sure there's a diagnosis, there somewhere, but I'm so busy trying to figure out your train of thought, I'm missing it. I guess my grown up brain can't process your immaturity.”

  Charlie pretended to consider my remark for a moment, then said, “I can accept that. At least, I'm not the one who almost got arrested for stomping all over a crime scene.”

  I covered the receiver again, but it was too late. Diana heard him loud and clear.

  “What did you do now, Mom?” Diana asked.

  I gave Charlie the death stare as I tried to explain all that had happened since the last time Diana and I spoke.

  Charlie spoke over me, telling his slightly exaggerated version of events. “She let some strange man take her back to the crime scene and they were tree hugging and now, she thinks your Aunt Ruby's arch nemesis is a murderer and also happens to be in love with your good old Uncle Hank. How's that for an explanation?”

  I swatted at him playfully to get him to simmer down.

  “She assaulted me!” Charlie yelled. “She assaulted the new Lake Villa Chief of Police and I have witnesses!”

  Diana giggled like a hyena. She adored Charlie! It was pathetic, if you asked me.

  Nubbin walked into the room, his cane up in the air, ready to break up what I'm sure sounded like a knock down drag out fight. “Cut it out! What's all the racket about in here?”

  Suddenly, I felt like a young girl, getting scolded by my grandfather for acting up. Not that I ever did that, but I imagined that's what it must have felt like.

  “Charlie started it!” I said accusingly.

  “Oh, no, I didn't. I'm not the one causing trouble in town. That would be you, my dear. That would be you.” Charlie said.

  “My dear? Did I just hear Charlie call you a term of endearment?” Diana teased as I tried real hard not to let Charlie see me blush, but it was too late.

  “Are you blushing?” Charlie laughed heartily, gripping the kitchen counter to keep himself from toppling over.

  I bit my lip to prevent myself from saying any of the unkind thoughts that were racing through my mind.

  “Ah, Nissan, get used to it. If Casanova is going to be living here, you're sure to get called a lot of names by him.” Nubbin caught what he said after noticing the stunned expressions on both of our faces. “I mean... well, you know what I mean. Why don't you all just grow up? You're all too old for this nonsense, d
on't you think?” He walked out, leaving Charlie and me staring at each other in disbelief.

  “Honey, I'll call you back tonight. I have some business to take care of right now. Love you, sweets.” I said.

  “Love you too, Mom, and tell Charlie I love him too.” Diana said.

  Without giving it a second thought, I turned to Charlie and said, “I love you, Charlie.”

  This time, Charlie wasn't pretending that he was going to collapse to the ground. He did. Right on the tile floor, he fell knees first, clutching his heart.

  “She loves me! I do declare, she loves me!” He shouted, making a big show of embarrassing me further.

  “Now, what is it?” Nubbin came stomping back into the kitchen. “What in the world? What did you do, go off and hit him?” Nubbin asked me.

  I shook my head. “No. I... I said the wrong thing. I... Oh, I don't know.” I walked out of the room, feeling completely mortified.

  Charlie called after me. “No, stop! Tell me again. Whisper sweet nothings in my ear!”

  I had half a mind to march right back in there and tape his big mouth shut, but considering I needed his help, I couldn't do that just yet. I made a mental note to revisit that topic again, after I figured out how to snare Charlene. She was the one I should have been focusing on.

  As Charlie and his shenanigans proved time and time again, he was an unnecessary distraction and I didn't think that having him buy a house here in Lake Villa was going to help me in any way, shape or form. If anything, he was going to add stress to my life.

  “I'm taking a shower. No one is to bother me!” I shut the bathroom door behind me and leaned on the back of it to catch my breath.

  It only took a minute or two before the circus that was my life came knocking on the door.

  “Hurry up in there, Toyota. Some of us have to use the facilities.” Nubbin groaned.

  “Mercy, don't stay in there all day. My memory is long. I'll wait you out. We have to discuss what just happened.” Charlie was relentless in his teasing of me. I don't know how or why that became his modus operandi with me, but I was so tired of it. Every time I opened my mouth around him, I said something that I never meant to say or he misconstrued every single word or phrase and I spent the rest of the day having to endure his teasing and boyish behavior as a result of it.

  “Go away, Charlie! Don't you have to go look for a house or an animal's cage to live in? I heard the zoo has empty cages. You might want to check there.” I said, hoping to get under his skin a little.

  After about two minutes of silence – dead silence – I couldn't resist the urge to peek out the door and see what Nubbin and Charlie were up to.

  “Hello?” I asked, listening for their voices.

  Really? We're going to play hide and seek now?

  “Nubbin?” I called out.

  “What? I'm trying to get some shut eye.” Nubbin answered from the spare bedroom.

  I looked around and didn't see any sign of Charlie.

  “Where did Charlie go?” I asked.

  “I don't know. I'm not his keeper. Last I knew, he said something about paying a lady friend of yours a visit and not to tell you because you'd ruin everything.” Nubbin always told the truth, even if it stung a little and this time, it did.

  I looked out the window. Charlie's car was still parked in the driveway behind my car.

  “How did he get there?” I asked.

  Nubbin growled at me. “He went with your friend – the shrink that looks like Clark Kent. Not the real one, the one from the old show. Remember that one? It was a good one. Never did figure out why he had to wear those women's hose though. I would have refused if someone in Hollywood asked me to do that, but I guess, some people are hard up for money so they'll do anything to get their hands on it.”

  I laughed. Nubbin was such a character.

  I thought about Charlene and her greed. She couldn't wait to get her hands on Hank and on the prize money from the city for the Halloween decorating contest. I wondered if that was why she'd killed Stanley. Did she somehow believe that Stanley could influence the vote or was killing him a distraction, so that Ruby couldn't win?

  “You still there?” Nubbin asked.

  “I am. I'm right here. I'm just thinking.” I answered.

  “You need to be thinking about who moved that tub and why someone put that poor fella in it. That's what you need to be thinking about, instead of chasing around after a man, who don't need to be chased. You already got him. What else do you want? He's about ready to make California his permanent home, so don't rush things.” Nubbin still believed that Charlie and I were some sort of couple. It didn't matter how often I refuted that, he wouldn't let the thought go.

  “They went to see Charlene?” I asked just to clarify.

  “Sure did. They are trying to fix Superman up with her and see if she'll take the bait.” Nubbin answered.

  Chapter Thirteen

  I survived yet another group exercise class with Margie, but my nerves were still on edge. I hadn't heard anything from Charlie or Hank since they took off earlier in the day. I couldn't even get a hold of Ruby by phone, so I had no idea if she was aware of what the guys were planning.

  “Things will work themselves out, Mercy. That sheriff knows what he's doing.” Margie offered.

  I nodded, acknowledging that I'd heard her, but wasn't yet ready to believe that their plan was going to work. As long as I'd known Hank, he'd never given me any indication that he would ever consider stepping out on Ruby, even if it was to help catch a killer. I didn't know what to make of this. It had to have been Charlie's idea because Hank was too loyal to think of doing something so conniving and unmanly like this.

  I heard a car engine rumbling outside.

  Margie peered out the window. “See, they're back. Both of them. They lived.”

  “They better enjoy it while they can because when Ruby gets wind of what they did, heads will roll. I can promise you that.” I stood up, relieved that they were back, but nervous to hear what they had to say.

  Hank walked in first, all smiles.

  “So, are you filing for divorce?” I asked sarcastically.

  Surprised by my question, Hank immediately protested. “No, what are you talking about? That's not funny.”

  Charlie walked in behind him, wearing a huge smile. “Looks like I have a date!”

  I froze in place.

  Nubbin came out of the spare room, awake from his four hour siesta and asked, “Who is making all that noise?” After noticing that Charlie and Hank returned, he asked, “Well, did you catch a killer?”

  Charlie shook his head. “Nope, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to catch one in a few hours. That is, after I wine and dine the lovely Charlene tonight.”

  “Wine and dine? You're sick!” I glared at him.

  “And, you're jealous.” Charlie winked at me. “Charlene is in between husbands these days and,” he paused to mimic her high-pitched voice, “she hasn't been out on a date in so long, so I offered to take her to dinner and let her show me around town.”

  I couldn't bring myself to look at Charlie after that announcement. I kept my eyes focused on Hank.

  “How did that happen?” I asked Hank.

  He took a deep breath and answered, “I'm married and Charlie's single and new in town.” Hank shrugged.

  Charlie offered an explanation. “Before we went in search of Charlene, who wasn't so hard to find by the way, we made a pit stop at the local television station to inquire about the interview Little Miss Sunshine did earlier. It turns out that the footage Charlene claimed to have, hasn't been verified. She wouldn't even hand it over to them so they could get a peek at this evidence she claims to have in her possession. As far as I'm concerned, it sounds like a hoax.”

  I groaned. “It can't very well be a hoax because, correct me if I'm wrong, but Stanley is dead. I'm pretty sure what I was looking at was a dead man. Who knows? Maybe it's some kind of new fad where middle aged men dip their he
ads in tubs of water, just for kicks.”

  Hank opened his mouth to interject, but Charlie was a nanosecond ahead of him with his typical brand of humor.

  “Yeah, all the kids are doing it now. You should give it a try.” Charlie smirked, feeling mighty proud of himself for that jab, I'm sure.

  “You first.” I mumbled.

  “Okay, let's calm down here.” Hank finally got a word in. “What Charlie was trying to explain to you was that Charlene was shopping this supposed video footage around, but refused to show proof that she actually had something. There was no way she was going to admit anything in front of me. I wouldn't have let her if she tried, but don't you find it curious that she wouldn't show the people at the television station, especially because she was looking for a payout?”