Halloween Hiccups: A Mercy Mares Cozy Mystery Novella

by Ava Mallory

  He was right. That was an odd way to go about things, but the fact remained that she couldn't have possibly had footage of me or Ruby committing any sort of crime because we hadn't. I know I hadn't and I was willing to bet my life that Ruby hadn't either.

  I asked, “So, after you found this out from someone at the television station, what did you do?”

  Hank looked at Charlie, a mischievous grin on his face. Charlie had that effect on people. Hank said, “Tawny, the reporter, told us that she didn't want to run with the story because it sounded like a hoax, but then she got a phone call – an anonymous one – and the caller said that Charlene had some information that was vital to the case.

  “Was it Charlene?” I asked.

  Charlie said, “No, he said it was anonymous. Are you not familiar with that word?”

  “Are you not familiar with common courtesy and respect, Sheriff... I mean, Chief Wagner?” I shot him another death stare. He was two for two already. “What I'm asking is, why would anyone care about some anonymous caller? Why would they take that seriously, then blindly give Charlene some air time? It all sounds suspicious, if you ask me.”

  Charlie mumbled, “No one is asking you.”

  I heard exactly what he said, but I let it go for the time being.

  Hank heard it too. I could tell by the smirk on his face, but luckily for him, he knew better than to draw my attention to it. Smart man, I tell you. Smart man.

  “The point is that Charlene has been doing a lot of talking and pointing fingers at you and Ruby, but hasn't got anything to prove her claims.” Hank explained.

  “So, you think having Charlie take her out for dinner is going to make her confess or something? Is that the plan? He's going to woo her with a meal?” I asked Hank, but had one eye on Charlie, standing to my right, mocking me. He was such a child sometimes.

  Nubbin wrinkled up his bulbous nose. “Smells funny!”

  I nodded. Now, finally, someone had some common sense. This whole operation didn't sit well with Nubbin either.

  “You're right. The whole idea stinks. I don't know why no one ever listens to me. That woman is never, ever going to confess anything. She's just looking for a meal ticket. You're about to be used, Charlie, but what do I know? After all, I'm just a lowly nurse with no experience whatsoever in solving crimes or wait – I do believe I helped a sheriff solve a case some time ago. Do you recall ever hearing about that, Charlie?” See, I could be sarcastic too. In fact, I was getting to be quite proficient at doling out sarcasm and snark.

  Snarkasm. I might have to brand that term.

  Charlie squinted his eyes at me.

  “I don't plan on proposing to her. I just need to make her comfortable. You know, make her feel like she's having dinner with a friend. I'll casually mention Stanley's death and see where she goes from there.” Charlie explained as if he had it all figured out and things would play out seamlessly.

  “Sounds crazy, if you ask me.” Nubbin said. “If you're the new head honcho in town and you think she did something, why don't you arrest her?”

  It was no secret that Charlie had grown very fond of Nubbin and his take no prisoners attitude, but he also understood that disagreeing with Nubbin would lead to hours – I mean, hours – of debate. Nubbin liked to be right. Who didn't?

  “I hear you, Nubbin, but the truth is, one, I'm not sworn in yet. Two, I'm not convinced she's done anything wrong, beyond pretending to have footage that doesn't exist. I do plan on making the local police department aware of the situation with her, but I can't arrest her. I don't have that kind of power here or anywhere, especially now that I've officially hung up my Sheriff hat and am looking for a new place to set up shop here in Lake Villa.” Charlie directed that last tidbit of information at me.

  I didn't need to be reminded of the fact that things were about to change for all of us. When I'd first learned that Charlie had applied for and been offered the position here in Lake Villa, I thought it was some kind of joke – another of his never-ending attempts to make me hot under the collar.

  When he phoned to tell me he'd be looking for houses here soon, I still didn't allow myself to believe it, figuring I'd wait and see. Now, with him here, things were becoming all too real. I quite frankly didn't know whether or not I was pleased to have my friend living nearby or terrified by the prospect.

  Hank and Charlie exchanged knowing looks.

  Uh oh, what's next?

  “Mercy, we were wondering...” Hank was never one to hesitate when he spoke. He was always a straight forward kind of man.

  “Yes?” I asked as a sinking feeling in my stomach began to overwhelm me.

  “Do you own any big brim hats?” Charlie asked. “Like the kind women wear to church?”

  “What? Why?” I asked.

  Charlie looked at Hank.

  Hank asked, “Do you think you could tag along on this date. Discreetly, of course, and record the whole thing on a cell phone?”

  “Tag along? What? How? I know Charlene!” I protested.

  “Calm down. Ruby and Hank will be there too, waiting in their car. Can you and Nubbin pretend to be out having a nice dinner and sit somewhere where you can see us and record the whole thing?” Charlie asked, smiling his bright smile at me to try to persuade me to do the craziest thing I'd ever been asked to do for a friend.

  I was no private investigator! What did I really know about solving crimes?

  Chapter Fourteen

  “You have to open your eyes. Just look at it!” Ruby held my cell phone up to my face, so I could see a picture of my daughter's dream wedding gown.

  “I saw it. It's nice.” I bobbed and weaved my way around Ruby's outstretched arms.

  Ruby threw the phone down on my bed and plopped down right beside it. “Okay, I've had enough of this. What is going on with you? You're moody and I don't like it. If I didn't love you as much as I do, I'd leave right now. Mercy, she's getting married, not leaving you. My goodness, she lives on the other side of the country. What are you so hung up on?”

  I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I looked ridiculous. My head full of curls was not made for hats. I didn't know how to wear them and didn't like the way they felt on my head. Too restrictive.

  “I'm happy for her. She's a big girl. She can do whatever she wants.” I answered Ruby, referring to Diana and her decision to marry the 'thief'.

  Ruby gasped when I turned around.

  “See, even you know I look ridiculous!” I said, yanking the hat off my head.

  “No, no you don't. You just look different. Let me help you.” She stood up to grab the hat and fasten it on my head correctly. “If you would just relax a bit, you'd see that everything that has you worked up is going to work itself out. Diana is in love. You're gaining a son... well, a son-in-law. Why can't you be happy? I haven't heard James complain about it.”

  James was still very much a part of our inner circle. He only lived a few blocks away from Ruby, so we saw him quite often, if and when he was in town. He traveled quite a bit for business, so our usual group dinner dates were on hold until he returned.

  “You haven't heard him because he's been out of town. Anyway, he wouldn't understand. He has always believed that Diana should live a free-range kind of existence, where she'd do whatever it is her little heart fancied, with no cause for concern. You know how he is. He thinks everything is okay all the time. It's nauseating!” I shook my head in frustration.

  Ruby threw her hands in the air, proud of her handiwork with my unruly hair and the dreaded hat. “There, that's better! Between the hat and the makeup, you're almost unrecognizable, but about that outfit...” She snickered at my sweat suit.

  “What? Not fancy enough for Luigi's?” I teased.

  She changed the subject as she rummaged through my closet to find the perfect outfit for me to wear on my spy mission at the restaurant. “I hope this goes well. I just can't believe that Charlene was so desperate to win the annual Halloween decorating contest
that she'd kill for it. I can't begin to imagine what other sick things she'd done in her life.”

  I didn't want to say anything yet, but I had my doubts that Charlene was the one who killed Stanley. It just didn't make any sense. Stanley wouldn't have been able to vote for a winner because he'd donated monies to Ruby to operate hers. All the money she collected was donated to charity. What was there to be gained from Stanley's death?

  “What's the prize money for winning the decorating contest?” I asked.

  Ruby smiled. “The top prize is a plaque.”

  I furrowed my brows.

  “What? What are you thinking?” Ruby asked.

  “I think that killing someone seems kind of extreme just to win a plaque.” I said.

  Ruby contemplated it for a moment, finally answering, “Some people will do anything to be winners. Charlene likes being the center of attention. She's jealous of me and everything that I have because she doesn't have that.”

  “You think Charlene killed someone because she's jealous? Are you really that naive?” I asked as I tried to put the pieces together in my mind. “A lot of people are jealous of someone else, but is that reason to kill someone? If she was so jealous of you, why weren't you her target?”

  Ruby's mouth gaped open.

  There I went again, saying the first thing that came out of my mouth without thinking about how it would sound to someone else.

  I cringed. “Sorry, you know what I mean. All I'm saying is that I don't think Charlene did it. I know you want to believe that she did. I mean, look at everything we know she's done already, but what does any of that prove, besides that she's a little bonkers and a whole lot of desperate to snag a hot psychiatrist?”

  Ruby's facial expression switched to horror.

  “Okay,” I started, putting my hand up in the air. “You said it a thousand times. She wants Hank. Of course, he would never go for it. Trust me, he'd never even consider it, but that doesn't stop her from flaunting the child size mini skirts she wears or from batting her long, fake eyelashes at him. Speaking of those, shouldn't they at least be in the same color spectrum of her natural hair color?”

  “Mercy.” Ruby shook her head, giggling. “You are hard to follow. As brilliant as I know you to be, you boggle my mind with your nonsense sometimes. I don't know what color Charlene's eyelashes are. I can't ever see them underneath the three pounds of gunk, she puts on her face to hide the fact that she's pushing fifty just like the rest of us.”

  Now, there's my Ruby, snark and all! I love it!

  I took another look at myself in the mirror. I still looked like a woman who was trying too hard to look inconspicuous.

  Ruby walked over to my closet and pulled out an outfit she'd put together for me. “Here, try this and who said that you have to wear a hat anyway? No one wears hats anymore, do they?”

  She was right. I pulled the hat off my head, taking some of my hair with it and flung it onto my bed.

  “I bet it was Charlie. This is something he'd do just to get a laugh.” I said.

  “Speaking of Charlie, when are you going to let up and admit that you care about him? He obviously cares about you. Look, he's moving halfway across the country just to be closer to you. Doesn't that count for something?” Ruby asked, but didn't expect an answer. She already knew what I thought about the situation.

  One failed marriage behind me wasn't exactly a confidence booster and I never wanted Diana to feel like I was replacing her father with someone else or that someone was taking me from her.

  Diana. My baby girl had grown up. Where did the time go?

  “If you don't let go of the past, you're going to lose what's right in front of you. Charlie is a good looking man. He's going to capture a lot of attention around here with all the local divorcees. What are you going to do when he gets tired of waiting for you and starts dating?” Ruby asked, hitting the nail right on the head.

  Ouch!

  “No one is stopping him from dating! I'm not his keeper!” I said.

  Ruby put her hands to her hips and gave me a look I'd seen a million times before over the years. I knew I was being unreasonable when it came to Charlie. I knew that at some point Charlie would lose interest, but I just wasn't ready for a relationship. I liked things the way they were. It made my life easier.

  “What time is it?” I asked, not yet ready to declare any love for Charlie. I simply didn't know what I felt about him, other than he was a friend, sometimes.

  “Time for you to answer my questions. You can't keep avoiding the issues. If you think that by pushing the thoughts out of your mind, you're going to avoid having to deal with change, you're wrong.” Ruby challenged me. I braced myself for what would come next.

  Now, normally, I'd have a little something to say. Something funny to lighten the mood, but this time, Ruby was completely right. I was avoiding dealing with a lot of things. Hank told me the same thing the other night. I was going to have to get over my issues at some point, but with all that was going on in, right now was not the time to get into any of that discussion.

  Eyeing the outfit Ruby put together, I asked, “A dress? You want me to wear a dress?”

  Ruby exhaled a gush of air in frustration. “That's all you have to say for yourself?”

  Lame, I know, but I wasn't ready to talk about it yet.

  Behind me, Nubbin stood in the doorway, dressed in his best shirt – plaid with long sleeves – and slacks, held up by suspenders of course.

  “Ready for our night out on the town, Corolla?” He asked as he took in my clown face makeup and sweat suit. “That's what you're wearing? I can't be seen with you looking like some sideshow freak.”

  “Okay. Okay. I know I look ridiculous. Let me change and see what I can do about my makeup.” I grabbed the dress off the hanger and marched past Nubbin, leaving him and Ruby barking orders behind me.

  “Don't ruin that makeup job!” Ruby warned. “If you would have stayed still while I applied it, it wouldn't look so harsh.”

  “Get that red blob off your mouth. Red is for ladies of the night, not amateur detectives.” Nubbin ordered.

  In the small hallway, I met Margie, dressed to the nines in a blue maxi dress and shawl with a sun hat atop her head.

  “Whoa! Hot date?” I asked.

  She blushed. “You could say that. I'll let you know when the nights over. Schmeckpickle invited me to dinner tonight.”

  “Shmeckpickle? Don't let him hear you say that. He invited you to dinner? Tonight?” I asked.

  “Sure did, Camaro. What of it?” Nubbin stepped out into the hallway.

  I backed into my bathroom to leave the two of them to talk.

  Unbelievable! Now, I'm the third wheel! Way to go, Mercy. Way to go.

  Chapter Fifteen

  I'd never been so nervous in my life. Luigi's was one of my all time favorite places to eat. I ate there all the time. I knew everyone and everyone knew me, so what was my problem?

  Well, for starters, I'd been hoodwinked into playing the third wheel to Nubbin's impromptu rendezvous with my neighbor, Margie. And, there was the fact that I'd been asked to dine here tonight, not because someone actually wanted to spend an evening alone with me, but because he – who shall remain nameless for the time being – wanted me to help him nab a killer. Except, and this is a big except, Charlene didn't kill anyone!

  “Do you have the thingamabob, Corsica?” Nubbin couldn't whisper if his life depended on it.

  There was a long line of local residents and some tourists waiting to be seated. Little did they know that they were flanked by a topnotch crime solving crew. (Cue sarcasm!)

  “Yes, Nubbin.” I whispered to him, hoping he'd get the hint.

  “Well, what are you whispering about? If you ask me, that killer lady is the one who needs to be whispering! Who does she think she's fooling by saying that she has footage of you killing that man? If that were true, how come no one has arrested you yet?” Nubbin caused an instant stir in the small crowd. The g
asps all around us were enough to suck the air right out of me.

  Thankfully, Margie was with us because I was at a loss as to what to do, short of turning around and running – okay, maybe not running – walking at a quick pace, out of there.

  “Nubbin Schmeckpickle, can't you see these people are trying to enjoy a nice evening out? For all you know, that killer lady could be targeting one of them and this will be their last meal! Do you want to be the one responsible for ruining their last supper?” Margie scolded him, while I mentally removed myself from a situation that I physically couldn't get out of without causing an even bigger stir.