Shalia's Diary Omnibus

by Tracy St. John

  He headed right to my table. “May I join you?” he asked, as smooth and friendly as before.

  “Sure,” I said. “I’m solo tonight.”

  Matt settled in a chair next to me, not distant in the least. “Let me start off by saying how sorry I am to hear about your mother’s illness,” he said, his smile dropping off. “It is hard to see someone who has already had a time of it suffering more.”

  “Thank you,” I answered. “It does feel like a case of adding insult to injury. Fortunately, she’s expected to get much better, especially after she receives treatment on Kalquor.”

  “The aliens have been such a welcome surprise.” Matt punched in his dinner order at the table computer, a mix of Kalquorian and Earther food. He wasn’t giving our needed partnership lip service.

  “A lot of Earthers would beg to differ with you on that score,” I muttered.

  “I have to admit that I was deeply suspicious of the Kalquorians at first. After all that propaganda we were fed about their evil, and then Armageddon hit...well, I allowed the government and Church to think for me.”

  “As they wanted you to. As we all did, to some extent. In a fashion, life is easier when others make all the decisions, even when you realize they’re wrong.” It was nice to be able to talk to somebody of my own species about how things had been. I appreciated the openness and not worrying about being hurt.

  Matt sighed. “We’re coming under attack here at the Academy, Earther and Kalquorian alike. I’m worried about how many angry people are out there, eager to kill not only our former enemies but those of us they believe are traitors.”

  “Commander Nang is concerned too,” I said. “The soonest reinforcements are still three months away.”

  “Really?” Matt’s eyes widened. “That is frightening. What is his plan in the meanwhile?”

  “He’s sent squads out there trying to track down the attackers. He’s hoping to find out their numbers and strengths. Then he can figure out the next move.”

  “Smart man.” He gave me another of his approving expressions. “You are doing such wonderful work with the Kalquorians, Shalia. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. Others do too, though they are too afraid of the disapproving few to say so.”

  That was nice to hear. I’d thought everybody hated me. Was it true that I had more friends than I was aware of? That simple fear kept would-be allies from approaching me?

  The rest of dinner was enjoyable. Matt and I traded a little of our histories. He actually had been a politician before Armageddon, but only a local commissioner. He’d worried more about keeping his jurisdiction under budget than ruling his fellow man. I, Shalia Monroe, hater of all things political, like this guy. The other Earthers were smart to vote him in as their spokesman.

  It turned out to be a decent end to a crappy day. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t so crappy. Mom’s getting better, the attack didn’t end with any of us killed, Nang was kind without trying to climb in my pants, and I found out I’m not the most despised Earther ever. I miss Dusa and Esak tonight, of course. We don’t have nearly enough time together before I have to leave. But overall, I think I can count on some decent rest tonight...aw, please tell me I didn’t jinx myself by writing that!

  October 7

  Mom continues to improve. When I walked in this morning, she gave me a tiny half-smile and whispered, “Hi Shalia.” I proceeded to jump up and down like a human pogo stick, laughing and crying all at once before I kissed her entire face. She knows me. Mom remembers who I am.

  Drs. Dad and Ginna were pleased with this development. They reminded me not to tire her out. She’s got a long way to go to recover, but damn it, we have real hope now. I can’t even begin to say how over the top happy I am.

  Weln scored a day off. Sweetheart that he is, he spent a sizeable portion of it sitting with me and Mom. Mom sleeps more than she’s awake, so Weln was mostly stuck with me. I was finally able to put in a good word for Dusa and Esak.

  “You don’t have to tell me how great they are,” he grinned. He turned red. “I’ve stopped seeing all my other clanning prospects, in fact.”

  “That will thrill Dusa and Esak,” I said.

  Weln’s eyes went wide. “Do you think they’ll seriously consider me?”

  I snorted. “Who do you suppose asked me to talk to you about them? They’re positive you’re the perfect Imdiko for their clan.”

  If Weln had smiled any broader, his noggin above his upper jaw would have fallen off. He’s too masculine to resemble a little girl with a crush, but he came as close to it as a six-and-a-half-foot-tall alien can. I was amused that he was so thrilled over the news. His whole body wagged like an overeager puppy. I had to laugh.

  “I know, I’m acting stupid,” he said, ducking his head as he turned redder than before. “Clanning is a huge deal, though. As an Imdiko, I require people to take care of and watch out for. It is not easy to be alone when you have that amount of desire to give.”

  “Weln, you offer yourself constantly to plenty of people,” I pointed out. “Look at where you are on your day off. You could be outside, taking a walk, enjoying yourself, hanging out with your friends. Instead you’re sitting here with me and Mom, watching over us. Don’t you relax?”

  He shrugged. “I need to be needed. Taking care of others makes me feel good. Without that, I’m empty.”

  I wonder if there has ever been as sweet a man as Weln. He meant what he said.

  “Thanks for making me discover the selfish, self-absorbed person I am,” I teased, smiling so he knew I was joking. “I can barely stand most people. I can’t get away from them fast enough, though there are a few exceptions.”

  Weln patted my shoulder. He said, “You’ve had a terrible time of it, Shalia. Too many have hurt you, so it’s no surprise you can be distant now and then. If I’d had your experiences, I would feel the same.”

  I couldn’t imagine it. Weln was born to be everybody’s darling. I said as much.

  “I had caring parents. They provided an atmosphere that supported all I wanted to do with my life.” He seemed a trifle sad as he gazed at me. “I envy you, believe it or not. Your struggles have made you strong. I worry that if I were faced with something bad, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. That’s why I signed on as an orderly for the fleet’s medical corps, so maybe I’d have challenges that would force me to be tougher.”

  “You got more than you bargained for, didn’t you?” I asked.

  Weln shrugged. “Not really. Not yet. The men in charge of this place keep us in Medical and invalid care almost as well protected as you Earthers. Noticing the trauma your kind has suffered has shoved me out of my comfort zone. I am becoming mentally stronger as a result, but more gradually than I thought would happen.”

  “Don’t rush it,” I advised him. “I hate the thought of you not being the gentle soul you are. You’re perfect as is.”

  Weln looked surprised and touched. “Thank you, Shalia. That’s very sweet of you to say. It’s no wonder Dusa and Esak are in love with you.”

  That was a splash of freezing water over me. “They’re not.”

  The Imdiko snorted. “Like hell they’re not. They’d give anything for the rank and status to make you their Matara. From what I’ve seen, I wouldn’t be averse to it either. You’re an amazing woman.”

  My lips were numb. I mumbled, “They told me they would clan me if they were able, and that they care for me. They didn’t say a word about love.”

  Weln gave me a rueful smile. “Maybe I spoke out of turn. They do love you, Shalia, with every ounce of their beings. However, their greatest concern is that you head to Kalquor to find a clan worthy of you. It’s making Dusa crazy that you could end up with less than what you deserve.”

  I had no idea what to say to that. A few days ago, I was wishing I didn’t have to leave my sweethearts. I considered being their Matara if it was possible. Now I’ve returned to believing I’m not ready to join any clan. I don’t know that I ever will
be. Don’t get me wrong; I adore Dusa and Esak. I might even be in love with them. But they lack maturity, which I need them to possess. Sometimes I consider myself more of a den mother than their girlfriend. That’s not how I want to feel for men I’m romantically involved with. I prefer us to be equal.

  The fact that clanning is lifelong freaks me out. Kalquorians don’t do divorce or de-clanning, as they call it, except in the most extreme situations where a clan member is a threat to another member’s life. Or in the case of royalty, when somebody important objects to a match. I’m not royalty, and Dusa and Esak would never hurt me. If I take that step, if I join a clan, there’s no taking it back. Quite frankly, I’m afraid to not have an out.

  I have some mental cogs to work on before and if I decide to tie the knot with Kalquorians. At this moment, I’m concentrating on enjoying the short number of weeks I have left with my sweeties and getting Mom to Kalquor so she can be cured. There’s nothing else to think or worry about.

  October 8

  When I got to my dorm last night, I found Dusa waiting for me. He paced back and forth in front of my door, worry on his face aging him beyond his years. It scared me to witness him in such a state, and I hurried to him.

  He smiled at me and pressed a kiss to my forehead, uncaring of my Nobek bodyguard watching us. “How is Matara Eve?” he asked.

  “She spoke to me today,” I told him. “I believe she’s going to be okay.”

  “Wonderful. Can we go in?”

  “Of course.” I led the way and closed the door, leaving my bodyguard outside.

  The instant we were alone, I asked, “What’s wrong? Is Esak okay?”

  Dusa nodded, but a shadow passed over his face. “He’s fine. They sent him out to track the group that’s been attacking the Academy.”

  No wonder my favorite Dramok looked so concerned. “Yikes. That’s a dangerous bunch. I hope he’s careful.”

  Dusa snorted. “As careful as a Nobek knows to be. He’s excited to be at the forefront of the action. It makes me anxious, though.”

  Poor guy. I was troubled for Esak’s safety too. The Earthers who had bombarded the gates meant business, and I was sure they wouldn’t hesitate to kill any Kalquorian they came across. I went to Dusa and wrapped my arms around his waist. He enclosed me in his strong arms and we stood that way for a little while.

  I said, “I spoke to Weln today.”

  That made Dusa’s voice brighter. “How did it go?”

  “He’s not entertaining anyone but you and Esak. He was thrilled you’re considering him for your Imdiko.”

  When Dusa didn’t respond, I gazed up at him. His expression was a mixture of quiet joy and concern.

  “What?” I asked. “You said you were ready to clan him.”

  “Oh, more than ready. I just wish we weren’t constantly under some kind of threat.” Dusa frowned. “I hate asking him now when Esak and I work so many hours. We’d rarely see Weln, and that’s not right. Our work is dangerous. He’s been sheltered for most his life.”

  “He’s attempting to toughen up,” I said, recalling our conversation earlier in the day. “He wants to worry over you.”

  “That’s an Imdiko for you,” Dusa chuckled. He sobered again. “It would be horrible if I clanned him and then something happened to me and Esak. Leaving him on his own like that…I can hardly stand the notion of it.”

  “Would he feel worse if the worst happened to you two and he didn’t get the joy of being your Imdiko, even for a short interval? Maybe you should ask Weln and let him make that determination.”

  Dusa’s frown deepened. “I hadn’t thought of that. Trying to rescue people who don’t wish to be rescued has complicated things. Not to mention, they’re bent on killing us now.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “I need to shut up and stop making it worse with questions you hadn’t considered.”

  Dusa laughed. “Shalia, I appreciate that you bring up all the options. I would never ask you to shut up.” Then he got that mischievous twinkle in his eyes that clued me in on the fact he was entertaining naughty ideas. “Of course, there are some situations in which making you be quiet could be fun.”

  “Uh oh,” I said, warming at the dangerous look coming over his face. “What has that devious mind come up with?”

  He showed me by tearing a strip of material from my bedsheet and gagging me with it. Then he tied me naked to the bed with my arms and legs splayed wide. I lay helpless beneath him, the flow from my pussy soaking the sheet beneath me.

  “Someone enjoys being dominated,” Dusa teased me. He hadn’t bothered to disrobe yet, except for pulling his boots off. Somehow me being nude while he was still fully dressed made me feel more vulnerable, though I couldn’t say why.

  He kneeled over me, his knees straddling my torso. His play began with my breasts. He rubbed them as if giving them a massage. The rough pads of his calloused palms and fingertips urged my nipples erect in no time. He plucked at the stiff points, sending warmth tumbling down from my chest, into my belly, and lower to excite my pussy. I moaned against the cloth tied around my head.

  “Some enjoyment to start,” Dusa whispered. His smile turned a bit cruel. “Then some pain. You desire a little pain.”

  I whimpered. What was he planning to do?

  He cupped my breasts. His thumbs stroked my pebbled nipples, sending more thrills through me. “Yes, lovely Shalia. A bit of punishment will do you good. Not because you deserve it, but because it pleases me to give it to you. Does it please you to surrender yourself to my discipline?”

  I wanted to say no. I wanted to deny him, to tell him I wasn’t going to surrender to such strange urges. However, my sex gushed in anticipation of what he might do to me. I was falling under his spell. Something deep inside me begged to give in and to please him with my submission.

  I don’t get myself sometimes.

  Almost against my wishes my head nodded, giving Dusa permission to do with me what he desired. Part of me—okay, I’ll be honest—most of me was happy to yield to him. My lower parts clenched in anticipation.

  “Good girl,” Dusa said. His approval convinced me I’d done right.

  He continued fondling my breasts. He bent over to stroke them with his tongue, the rough flesh rasping over them. My nipples engorged, delighting in the pleasure. Dusa suckled on one, the tip of his tongue dancing over it. Then he did the same to the other. Each touch transmitted directly to my sex. I moaned under his sweet enticements, though my guts churned nervously. My lover had promised pain as well, and it made every sensation more acute.

  Dusa released his mouthful of breast. His gaze trained on my face, he flicked his tongue over the tip of my nipple, whipping it fast to send darts of the purest excitement down into my belly. His finger and thumb closed over the other nipple as he did this, and he applied pressure. I groaned, caught up in the thrills charging through my body.

  The pinching continued to tighten, resolving into an ache. I gasped. It was beginning to hurt. A splinter of heat speared into that breast, even as the other continued to receive the thrill of Dusa’s lashing tongue. I whimpered.

  The vise of his finger and thumb bore down harder. Dusa watched me intently as I trembled. Dull pain suffused where he pinched, throbbing with my heartbeat. The sting caused tears to spring to my eyes.

  He relented, releasing my smarting nipple. His mouth went to it, sucking gently, soothing the sting. At the same moment, he seized its twin and began squeezing it as he had the first. Again, pain pulsed from the rude grip. He didn’t stop until a tear escaped my watering eye.

  “Wonderful girl,” he breathed, kissing the hurt away. “My girl.”

  Much like when he and Esak had spanked me before, I felt a mild wash of euphoria. I thought it might be the influence of endorphins, released to assuage the pain of rough use. It was amazing. I needed more.

  Dusa kissed the tip of each breast, then sat up. He moved, and there was the sharp sound of flesh slapping flesh. An instant later, I re
ceived the slight sting of his strike on the side of my breast. My breath caught.

  He slapped the other. Another sting. A groan that might have been pain or rapture escaped from behind my gag.

  Those big hands swatted my breasts in turn, quickly, lightly. Almost gently, in fact. Dusa’s gaze shifted from my chest to my face, watching me take the tender discipline and gauging my reaction. My skin warmed under the lightning-fast strikes. Little by little, the slaps gained in power until he was spanking the shivering mounds, making them red and hot.

  I felt no pain, just the burn and occasional twinge of discomfort. I was kind of stoned, my senses submerging in bliss. The endorphin hit was full force. Dusa’s power display had me aroused. I thrust my chest up, inviting more of his mastery.