by A. A. Milne
CHAPTER VI
THERE ARE NO WIZARDS IN BARODIA
Meanwhile "the King of Euralia was prosecuting the war with utmostvigour."
So says Roger in that famous chapter of his, and certainly Merriwigwas very busy.
On the declaration of war the Euralian forces, in accordance withcustom, had marched into Barodia. However hot ran the passion betweenthem, the two Kings always preserved the elementary courtesies of war.The last battle had taken place in Euralian territory; this time,therefore, Barodia was the scene of the conflict. To Barodia, then,King Merriwig had led his army. Suitable pasture land had beenallotted them as a camping ground, and amid the cheers of the Barodianpopulace the Euralians made their simple preparations for the night.
The two armies had now been sitting opposite to each other for someweeks, but neither side had been idle. On the very first morningMerriwig had put on his Cloak of Darkness and gone to the enemy's campto explore the situation. Unfortunately the same idea had occurred atthe same moment to the King of Barodia. He also had his Cloak ofDarkness.
Half way across, to the utmost astonishment of both, the two Kings hadcome violently into contact. Realising that they had met someunprecedented enchantment, they had hurried home after the recoil toconsult their respective Chancellors. The Chancellors could makenothing of it. They could only advise their Majesties to ventureanother attempt on the following morning.
"But by a different route," said the Chancellors, "whereby the MagicPillar shall be avoided."
So by the more southerly path the two Kings ventured out next morning.Half way across there was another violent collision, and both Kingssat down suddenly to think it out.
"Wonder of wonders," said Merriwig. "There is a magic wall stretchingbetween the two armies."
"He stood up and holding up his hand said impressively:
"_Bo, boll, bill, bole._ _Wo, woll----_"
"Mystery of mysteries!" cried the King of Barodia. "It can----"
He stopped suddenly. Both Kings coughed. They were remembering withsome shame their fright of yesterday.
"Who are you?" said the King of Barodia.
Merriwig saw that there was need to dissemble.
"His Majesty's swineherd," he said, in what he imagined might be aswineherd's voice.
"Er--so am I," said the King of Barodia, rather feebly.
There was obviously nothing for it but for them to discuss swine.
Merriwig was comfortably ignorant of the subject. The King of Barodiaknew rather less than that.
"Er--how many have you?" asked the latter.
"Seven thousand," said Merriwig at random.
"Er--so have I," said the King of Barodia, still more feebly.
"Couples," explained Merriwig.
"Mine are ones," said the King of Barodia, determined to beindependent at last.
Each King was surprised to find how easy it was to talk to an experton his own subject. The King of Barodia, indeed, began to feelreckless.
"Well," he said, "I must be getting back. It's--er--milking time."
"So must I," said Merriwig. "By the way," he added, "what do you feedyours on?"
The King of Barodia was not quite sure if it was apple sauce or not.He decided that perhaps it wasn't.
"That's a secret," he said darkly. "Been handed down from generationto generation."
Merriwig could think of nothing better to say to this than "Ah!" Hesaid it very impressively, and with a word of farewell returned to hiscamp.
He was in brilliant form over the wassail bowl that night as he drew apicture of his triumphant dissimulation. It is only fair to say thatthe King of Barodia was in brilliant form too. . . .
For several weeks after this the battle raged. Sometimes the wholeEuralian army would line up outside its camp and call upon theBarodians to fight; at other times the Barodian army would form foursin full view of the Euralians in the hope of provoking a conflict. Atintervals the two Chancellors would look up old spells, scour thecountry for wizards, or send each other insulting messages. At theend of a month it was difficult to say which side had obtained theadvantage.
A little hill surmounted by a single tree lay half way between the twocamps. Thither one fine morning came the two Kings and the twoChancellors on bloody business bent. (The phrase is Roger's.) Theirobject was nothing less than to arrange that personal fight betweenthe two monarchs which was always a feature of Barodo-Euralianwarfare. The two Kings having shaken hands, their Chancellorsproceeded to settle the details.
"I suppose," said the Chancellor of Barodia, "that your Majesties willwish to fight with swords?"
"Certainly," said the King of Barodia promptly; so promptly thatMerriwig felt certain that he had a Magic Sword too.
"Cloaks of Darkness are not allowed, of course," said the Chancellorof Euralia.
"Why, have _you_ got one?" said each King quickly to the other.
Merriwig was the first to recover himself.
"I have one--naturally," he said. "It's a curious thing that the onlyone of my subjects who has one is my--er--swineherd."
"That's funny," said the King of Barodia. "My swineherd has one too."
"Of course," said Merriwig, "they are almost a necessity toswineherding."
"Particularly in the milking season," said the King of Barodia.
They looked at each other with added respect. Not many Kings in thosedays had the technicalities of such a humble trade at their fingers'ends.
The Chancellor of Barodia has been referring to the precedents.
"It was after the famous conflict between the two grandfathers of yourMajesties that the use of the Magic Cloak in personal combats wasdiscontinued."
"Great-grandfathers," said the Chancellor of Euralia.
"Grandfathers, I think."
"Great-grandfathers, if I am not mistaken."
Their tempers were rising rapidly, and the Chancellor of Barodia wasjust about to give the Chancellor of Euralia a push when Merriwigintervened.
"Never mind about that," he said impatiently. "Tell us what happenedwhen our--our ancestors fought."
"It happened in this way, your Majesty. Your Majesty'sgrandfather----"
"Great-grandfather," said a small voice.
The Chancellor cast one bitter look at his opponent and went on:
"The ancestors of your two Majesties arranged to settle the war ofthat period by personal combat. The two armies were drawn up in fullarray. In front of them the two monarchs shook hands. Drawing theirswords and casting their Magic Cloaks around them, they----"
"Well?" said Merriwig eagerly.
"It is rather a painful story, your Majesty."
"Go on, I shan't mind."
"Well, your Majesty, drawing their swords and casting their MagicCloaks around them they--h'r'm--returned to the wassail bowl."
"Dear, dear," said Merriwig.
_When the respective armies returned to camp they foundtheir Majesties asleep_]
"When the respective armies, who had been waiting eagerly the whole ofthe afternoon for some result of the combat, returned to camp, theyfound their Majesties----"
"Asleep," said the Chancellor of Euralia hastily.
"Asleep," agreed the Chancellor of Barodia. "The excuse of their twoMajesties that they had suddenly forgotten the day, though naturallyaccepted at the time, was deemed inadequate by later historians." (ByRoger and myself, anyway.)
Some further details were discussed, and then the conference closed.The great fight was fixed for the following morning.
The day broke fine. At an early hour Merriwig was up and practisingthrusts upon a suspended pillow. At intervals he would consult alittle book entitled _Sword Play for Sovereigns_, and then return tohis pillow. At breakfast he was nervous but talkative. Afterbreakfast he wrote a tender letter to Hyacinth and a still more tenderone to the Countess Belvane, and burnt them. He repeated his littlerhyme, "Bo, Boll, Bill, Bole," several times to himself until he
wasword perfect. It was just possible that it might be useful. His lastthoughts as he rode on to the field were of his great-grandfather.Without admiring him, he quite saw his point.
The fight was a brilliant one. First Merriwig aimed a blow at theKing of Barodia's head which the latter parried. Then the King ofBarodia aimed a blow at his adversary's head which Merriwig parried.This went on three or four times, and then Merriwig put into practicea remarkable trick which the Captain of his Bodyguard had taught him.It was his turn to parry, but instead of doing this, he struck againat his opponent's head; and if the latter in sheer surprise had notstumbled and fallen, there might have been a very serious ending tothe affair.
Noon found them still at it; cut and parry, cut and parry; at eachstroke the opposing armies roared their applause. When darkness put anend to the conflict, honours were evenly divided.
It was a stiff but proud King of Euralia who received thecongratulations of his subjects that night; so proud that he had topour out his heart to somebody. He wrote to his daughter.
"MY DEAR HYACINTH,
"You will be glad to hear that your father is going on well and thatEuralia is as determined as ever to uphold its honour and dignity.To-day I fought the King of Barodia, and considering that, mostunfairly, he was using a Magic Sword, I think I may say that I didwell. The Countess Belvane will be interested to hear that I made4,638 strokes at my opponent and parried 4,637 strokes from him. Thisis good for a man of my age. Do you remember that magic ointment myaunt used to give me? Have we any of it left?
"I played a very clever trick the other day by pretending to be aswineherd. I talked to a real one I met for quite a long time aboutswine without his suspecting me. The Countess might be interested tohear this. It would have been very awkward for me if it had beenfound out who I was.
"I hope you are getting along all right. Do you consult the CountessBelvane at all? I think she would be able to advise you in anydifficulties. A young girl needs a guiding hand, and I think theCountess would be able to advise you in any difficulties. Do youconsult her at all?
"I am afraid this is going to be a long war. There doesn't seem to bea wizard in the country at all, and without one it is a littledifficult to know how to go on. I say my spell every now andthen--you remember the one:
'_Bo, boll, bill bole._ _Wo, woll, will, wole._'
and it certainly keeps off dragons, but we don't seem to get anynearer defeating the enemy's army. You might tell the CountessBelvane that about my spell; she would be interested.
"To-morrow I go on with my fight with the King of Barodia. I feelquite confident now that I can hold him. He parries well, but hiscutting is not very good. I am glad the Countess found my sword forme; tell her that it has been most useful.
"I must now close as I must go to bed so as to be ready for my fightto-morrow. Good-bye, dear. I am always,
"YOUR LOVING FATHER.
"P.S.--I hope you are not finding your position too difficult. If youare in any difficulties you should consult the Countess Belvane. Ithink she would be able to advise you. Don't forget about thatointment. Perhaps the Countess might know about some other kind.It's for stiffness. I am afraid this is going to be a long war."
The King sealed up the letter and despatched it by special messengerthe next morning. It came to Hyacinth at a critical moment. We shallsee in the next chapter what effect it had upon her.
