Mirrors of the Sea

by Sally Wentworth

  So Alys dressed up a little in a white halter-necked dress that showed off her now deep tan and slim figure, and went carefully down the gangway in her high heels. Jack was already there, looking, for him, quite smart in a pale linen suit. He gave her a grin and a peck on the cheek.

  'You look pleased with yourself,' she remarked, smiling back. 'How's it going?'

  'Not bad. Not bad at all.' He looked up towards the gangway as Gail came down, dressed in glistening gold.

  Alys looked too, and froze as she saw that Titus was helping her down. Swiftly she looked at Jack, but he didn't seem at all surprised. 'What's going on?' she demanded.

  'Gail thought it would be more fun if we made up a four.'

  'No!'

  But Jack took her arm. 'Relax. Let's see what Gail's ploy is before you start panicking.'

  'Maybe I don't want to be used as a pawn in Gail's games,' Alys said angrily, her voice lowered as the others came nearer. 'And I shouldn't have thought you would, either.'

  But Jack only grinned and turned to greet them. Gail was buzzing and vivacious, full of excitement, but Titus read the annoyance in Alys's eyes and merely gave her a mocking smile.

  'Let's go for a walk round the town before we eat, shall we?' Gail suggested. 'I'm told there are some super shops.'

  They set off, Alys stepping in front to walk with Gail, the men behind them. 'Why didn't you tell me you'd asked Titus?' Alys demanded in a whisper.

  Gail looked at her in surprise. 'He was the only spare man available. But you don't mind him, do you? I didn't think you knew him well enough to dislike him.'

  Hoist with her own petard! Alys thought, realising how difficult it was to live such a deceitful life. 'I'd just have liked to know who was coming, that's all.' But Gail was already heading for the nearest shop.

  The town was a fascinating mix of bazaars and modern shops. There were shoe-shiners with elaborate brass stands, each trying to outdo the others in ornamentation, sitting outside brightly lit jewellery shops. Boys carrying bathroom scales offered to weigh you for a few coins, while older, pencil-slim young men who were incredibly polite tried to engage you in conversation and lure you into the leather shops, full of the most beautiful coats and jackets. But above everything was the spicy scent of the land, which seemed to get muskier the further east they sailed. But it was never quite the same as the last place, and Alys thought that each piece of land must have its own particular scent.

  'What are you thinking?' They had stopped so that Gail could look in a shop window and Jack had gone with her, leaving Alys and Titus momentarily alone.

  Lifting her head to look at him, Alys said, 'You often used to ask me that. But then you really wanted to know.'

  'Maybe I want to know now.'

  She shook her head. 'I don't think so.'

  'Tell me,' Titus said compellingly.

  'All right.' Her chin came up challengingly. 'I was wondering what had happened to Camilla.'

  Titus's eyebrows rose. 'You were thinking that? Here?'

  'Yes,' Alys lied.

  He didn't believe her, of course, but he amazed her by saying, 'I was wondering when you were going to get round to asking me that.'

  Gail had been drawn into the shop to try on a coat, Jack following. Stiffly, Alys said, 'I'm not really interested, of course; it's just a—a loose end, that's all.'

  'Of course,' Titus agreed smoothly. 'Camilla is married.' He paused deliberately and Alys had to use every ounce of self-control to keep her face passive as she waited for him to add, 'To a solicitor she met while she was staying in our house. Someone she consulted about her legal position with regard to Harry, her ex. He's a very nice, kind, reliable man.'

  'And—and your son?'

  'The solicitor has legally adopted him and has told me quite plainly that he will take over the responsibility for him. Tim knows who I am, of course, and we see each other from time to time. But he's had enough father figures in his life, so I make certain that I don't interfere. And I understand that he's to have a brother or sister before too long.'

  'So Camilla is happy, then?' Alys was unable to keep an acid note out of her voice.

  'Yes, she is. Don't begrudge her that, Alys,' Titus added. 'She's been through a lot. And she was never the trickster you thought her to be.'

  Not knowing whether that was true or not, Alys glanced impatiently at the shop. 'Do you think Gail is actually going to buy something?'

  'Probably not—unless Jack buys it for her. Let's walk on a little way, shall we?'

  Alys hesitated but Titus had already begun to stroll further up the street, so that she had little choice but to follow. A few shops further on they came to a carpet gallery and stood in the doorway to watch two women in traditional dress seated at a loom where they wove the millions of richly coloured silk threads that went into even quite a small carpet. 'No wonder they're so expensive,' Alys remarked, looking at the price labels. 'It must take months to make one of those large carpets.'

  Titus didn't answer, and when she glanced towards him Alys found that he wasn't looking in the shop window but towards her. And what she saw in his eyes, in that unguarded moment, made her heart start to race wildly. Naked desire, need, longing; they were all there, in aching intensity. But the next second Titus had looked beyond her and was smiling as Gail walked towards them. One moment Alys had been certain that look was for her, but it had happened so swiftly that now she wasn't sure; maybe it had been Gail that Titus had been looking at, longing for.

  'Where's Jack?' Titus asked.

  'Oh, he's still in the shop, buying a wallet. He sent me on to find you. They had the most gorgeous leather coat in there,' she told Alys. 'I absolutely loved it, but so expensive! Are you all right, Alys?' she added when she got no reply.

  'What? Oh, yes, thanks. Sorry, I—I was miles away.' Which was a huge lie, because Alys's thoughts were entirely on Titus, who was standing only two feet away. He gave her a speculative glance which Alys avoided by walking over to a jewellery shop to look in the window. She had seen Titus in a similar shop back in Santorini, but Gail hadn't flashed any new bracelet or anything, which Alys was quite sure she would have done, so presumably the gift hadn't been for her. So did he have someone else back in England?

  Jack rejoined them and they walked further along the street, the two men stopping to have their shoes polished at a stand that even contained a clock, then they found a restaurant near the old caravanserai. Alys found herself in a booth next to Titus and opposite Jack, which she didn't know whether to be pleased or sorry about. She was disturbingly close to Titus, their shoulders and hips almost touching, but at least she didn't have to look him directly in the face. She felt restless and uncertain again, at one moment excited, the next desolate, and all the while trying to appear quite natural.

  A smiling waiter came up, brought them aperitifs in very small glasses, and very large menus. For a while it was OK, as they discussed what they would eat, but then Gail suggested they share a meze, mixed dish, with side-dishes of mushrooms and prawns. Without thinking, Alys said, 'Titus has never liked prawns.'

  There was a short, pregnant silence as three of them realised the import of what she'd said. Jack spoke at once, trying to cover her mistake, but Gail said firmly, 'Just a minute. What did you mean by saying he's "never liked" them, Alys?'

  'Er—didn't you say that when we sat together at dinner the other night?' Alys said to Titus, her tone commanding him to agree.

  But, 'We've never sat on the same table for dinner on this trip,' Titus answered unhelpfully.

  'Lunch, then.'

  'Or lunch.' Titus's lips twitched a little at the fuming look Alys gave him, but she nearly died when he turned to Gail and said, 'She knows because we used to live together.'

  'Live together?' Gail looked at Alys's flushed cheeks and made the right guess. 'You mean you were lovers?'

  'Yes. For quite some time.'

  Gail stared at them both, her colour heightening, an angry flare in her
eyes. 'And neither of you had the decency to tell me. You both just let me make a fool of myself!'

  'No, Gail, that isn't true.' Alys reached out a hand to cover Gail's but the other girl snatched it away. 'Titus and I split up long ago. Until this trip we hadn't seen each other or corresponded, or anything, for a couple of years.' Taking a breath, she said as steadily as she could, 'As far as I'm concerned Titus is completely free to have a relationship with anyone he wants. And I'm— I'm sorry I let him know you'd told me you'd become lovers.'

  Gail's chin came up at that and she gave Jack a swift glance, but he was sitting quietly by her side. 'You don't exactly look surprised, Jack. Did—did you know about this?'

  'That Alys and Titus had once been close, yes.'

  'And—and about me?'

  He nodded. 'That, too.'

  Gail's face hardened. 'It seems everyone knows everything, then.'

  'Not quite.' Titus was looking steadily at Gail. 'I think there's something you have to tell Alys.'

  Alys gave him a surprised glance, then suddenly thought, Oh, God, she's going to say that they're engaged. It took a supreme effort to meet Gail's eyes, to wait for her to speak. Gail's mouth looked a little mutinous, but then she shrugged and said, 'Oh, all right.

  It wasn't true—what I said about Titus and me. We haven't been to bed together. I made it up,' she finished defiantly, not needing to explain that vanity had made her do it.

  'Oh.' Alys could find nothing else to say.

  'Well, now that that's all settled, perhaps we can choose what we're going to eat,' Jack said firmly. 'Look, I fancy this red mullet. How about you, Gail?'

  Both girls gave him a grateful look, but it would have been difficult to decide whose cheeks were the most flushed. Alys picked up her menu and studied it unseeingly, wondering why Titus had forced poor Gail to admit her lie so openly, why he'd bothered to do it at all. To put the record straight, yes, but for whose benefit? It could only be for Jack or herself, and if it were the former then all Titus need have done was to have a quiet word in Jack's ear. So it was for her own sake, then. But why should he care, unless...? Alys was afraid to think further than that, too scared of having hopes dashed to even think them. Aware that the others were looking at her, she suddenly became very animated, laughing over the menu, chattering about nothing, and stayed that way until, thankfully, the meal was over.

  'We still have a couple of hours before the ship sails,' Jack said as they came out of the restaurant. 'What would you like to do?'

  'Alys and I are going for a walk along by the sea,' Titus said firmly, adding, so that there would be no mistake, 'We'll see you back at the ship.'

  They passed the end of the quay and walked in silence until they'd left the lights of the main town behind, then Titus said, 'Let's go down to the beach.' He jumped down on to the sand and Alys put her hands on his shoulders so that he could lift her down, although she could have jumped easily enough. She took off her shoes and Titus put them in his pockets. He went to take her hand but Alys walked away from him to the edge of the sea. It was a very clear night, the stars sharp in the sky, the moon like polished silver. Titus stood behind her, waiting, until she turned round and said, 'Why?'

  'What a question! Which why in particular?'

  'Why did you let me go on thinking that you and Gail were lovers?'

  'Did it matter so much?'

  'You know it damn well mattered!' she exclaimed fiercely. 'Why did you do it? Why did you kiss her so I would see? Was it—was it for revenge?'

  'Revenge?'

  'Yes, for me deserting you. For my—not coming up to your expectations? The way you described in that sonnet.'

  Titus shook his head, hesitated as he found the right words, then said, 'I was furious when you left, devastated that you could do it in such a way, more angry than I've ever felt in my life. I knew that because we'd fallen in love at first sight you regarded our relationship, our lives together, as a dream come true, a perfect romance. I tried to keep it that way for you, but when Camilla and Tim needed me I had no choice but to tell you about them. I didn't want to destroy your dream, Alys, but I had to. And then you spoiled mine by not having a love strong enough to stand by me when I needed you.'

  'So it was revenge?'

  'No. I went around with Gail and kissed her because I wanted to see how you would react, whether you still cared enough about me to be jealous. It wasn't my idea— just her vanity which made her brag that we'd gone further than that.'

  'And was I suitably jealous?' Alys asked on a bitter note.

  'You laughed,' he pointed out shortly. 'So I didn't know what the hell to think. But I definitely knew how I felt when you swam out to sea. I was so worried I was on the point of going in after you to bring you back.'

  She didn't comment on that, but said, 'I told you the truth when I said I swam out to be alone.' She was silent for a moment, gazing out to a horizon she couldn't see. 'I was a great disappointment to you, wasn't I?'

  But Titus said, 'It was as much my fault; I protected you too much.'

  She turned at that, trying to read his face in the soft darkness. 'And I expected too much of you; I wanted your love to be purely for me—even before I met you.'

  'A pair of fools, then,' he said gently, and held out his hand.

  But again Alys didn't take it, instead saying, 'Why did you proposition me so—so crudely the other night? To make me feel cheap?'

  'Of course not,' he said swiftly. 'I still wasn't absolutely sure that you still cared about me. I had to find out.'

  'And I suppose my refusing your offer—made you think that I didn't.'

  Titus laughed, his voice rich with gentle amusement. 'Of course not; it proved just the opposite. You got furiously, beautifully angry, and I knew for certain that you still loved me. Can you deny it?' She didn't answer and he gave her a tender, amused look. 'Are there any more questions? Because if not ‑'

  'Yes, there are,' Alys surprised him by saying firmly. 'I saw you in a jewellery shop in Santorini, buying something. Who was it for?'

  Titus paused, then said, 'A woman named Gwen. I see her several times a week.'

  'So there is someone else!' Desperately she tried to keep the devastation out of her voice.

  'Yes. She's the woman who comes in to clean the house. Married, and with two grown-up sons. She also has a charm bracelet. I was buying her one to add to it.'

  'Oh.'

  Coming up to her, Titus put his hands on her shoulders. 'Alys,' he said softly. 'I've missed you so much. Do you know what it's like to lie awake at nights, longing to be with you again?'

  'Yes, of course I know,' Alys said brokenly. 'Why didn't you come for me? I waited and waited, but you didn't phone or write, or ‑'

  'Because at first I was so damn angry with you. I felt that we could have sorted it all out if only you'd have listened to me. As soon as Camilla and Tim arrived I packed my things and moved out, just gave them the keys of the house. I did what I had to do and gave them a roof over their heads. But I didn't want to be with her; I never have. It was you I wanted.'

  'But why didn't you come for me then?'

  'I was still flaming mad. You see, you didn't give me a chance to tell you that Tim was ill, that he needed an operation.'

  'Ill? Oh, God, Titus, no wonder you were so furious with me.'

  He didn't attempt to deny it. 'Yes, well, I saw them through that, but as soon as I could I went to Egypt. I needed time to cool off, to think things through. But while I was there I was offered a post for the next eighteen months. When you didn't answer my letter I decided to take it.'

  'You wrote to me?' Alys stared at him in consternation. 'Oh, Titus, I never received it! I swear I didn't. I ‑'

  'I know,' he cut in quickly. 'Your aunt told me. It seems your father was so angry at the way I'd treated you that he just chucked it on the fire.'

  'Oh, no! Oh, if only I'd known,' she said in distress.

  'Don't blame him, Alys. He thought he was protectin
g you.'

  'What—what did you say, in your letter?'

  Titus gave a small shrug. 'Everything that I hoped would bring you back. That it had all been my fault. That I loved you, wanted you, needed you. That I couldn't live without you. And an apology, of course, for not having told you about Camilla and Tim before.'

  'It would have been better if you had.'

  'Yes,' Titus admitted. 'But it was so long ago, almost forgotten. And the kind of love that we had only comes along once in a thousand lifetimes; I wanted to keep it perfect for you.' He sighed. 'I was wrong. I ruined everything.'

  Eager for him not to take all the blame, Alys said, 'No, it was my fault, too. I was possessive and jealous.'

  'As I would have been if there had been another man in your life. I've been so afraid that you might have met someone else while I was away.'

  Alys laughed shakily. 'And I thought that you had stopped loving me, that you'd grown to hate me.'

  'Never that,' he said softly. 'Never, ever that.'

  He went to take her in his arms but she put her hands flat against his chest, holding him off, her face a mirror of distress. 'Oh, Titus, it all went so horribly wrong. In just one day! If only you'd told me. If only I'd listened. I thought that you wanted your son more than me. That you would fall in love with Camilla and ‑'

  'Don't be ridiculous,' he said roughly. 'How could I ever love anyone but you?'

  She went into his arms then, throwing her own round his neck as he held her tightly, oh, so tightly, as if he would never let her go.

  'Oh, Titus, my love. I've been so afraid. When you didn't come for me I thought I'd lost you, that I'd never see you again.'

  He kissed her passionately, silencing her doubts. 'I'll never stop loving you, wanting you. You were always in my thoughts, every day, every night.' Alys was laughing, crying, and he kissed away her tears, hugging her in a huge bear-hug, laughing as he held her. 'Oh, my darling girl. We've been such a stubborn pair of fools.'

  'But never, never again. Promise me you'll never keep things from me, not even to protect me.'