In the Lap of the Gods

by Tony Criddle

  An ingenious perforated central shaft, one end sealed, the other with a connector from a blow torch fitting, provided an adjustable flame, while a length of fine steel mesh above it collected and spread the heat. Metal Vs, bolted at each end cradled a hand turned rotisserie, while the top half of the drum was hinged. A shop-bought one would have looked more elegant, but this one did the job.

  The Scot and Nick assembled it, and Sarah and Laleh beat out and baked naan after naan as they did. When that was done they stuffed corn cobs, pumpkin wedges and yams in the oven to roast slowly. Basic hospitality was what the festival was all about, so there couldn’t be too much food, and the chances of there being anything left at the end of a long, frenzied day weren’t that good.

  Amini threw his gear on while the women cooked, then headed for Qom with Imran in tow. He did his phoning from a small, modern hotel, but two of the Tehran numbers didn’t answer while the other two sounded scared and apprehensive. Neither wanted to talk, let alone come up with something proactive, and both put the phones down when he pushed harder. Amini was depressed and didn’t phone Abdul. On their way back they dropped off at the airfield for acetylene and oxygen bottles.

  More jobs for the morrow took up the rest of that day. The plump ibex was lifted from the freezer to thaw, and later its surface was rubbed with garlic, pepper and salt. Naan went into baskets and metal trays got lined with half-cooked vegetables, while a few sharp kitchen knives were placed casually on the table for people to carve with. Anything else they’d eat with their fingers. Paper plates were unheard of out there and crockery was too valuable to be put in the hands of the almost certainly tipsy. A stack of tissues would do for sticky fingers.

  It was well into the afternoon before they gathered for a late snack. Amini picked rather than ate with his coffee, and didn’t look all that happy while he did. The others noticed it and Nick broke into the sounds of munching.

  “Fred, you haven’t said much since you got back from Qom. Is there a problem mate?”

  All eyes were on Amini when he looked up. “Sorry Nick, not really, but the phone numbers I had for Tehran were bloody useless. Nobody was even vaguely aware of how to get out or even interested in trying.” He took a disgusted swig from his mug.

  Nick tried to look conciliatory. “Well, it’ll take some time to establish an escape route Fred and if we keep things normal no-one is likely to bother us much down here.” He had to lighten this right away. “What’s up anyway you ungrateful prick, you fed up with our hospitality already?”

  Amini smiled wryly. “Not at all Nick. It’s just that it’s an internal Iranian matter that we’re doing bugger all about. Only you guys from outside seem to be, and you guys have done so much already that I do get a bit scared that we might piss you off. I’ll be honest though, I haven’t got a bloody clue what to do next.”

  It was a thing about service people and Nick knew why Amini was frustrated. He needed to be doing something about it. It was Nick who’d been designated leader, so leadership had better be what he provided. Amen.

  “Don’t get the idea that you’re not paying your way Fred, because you are. You’ve thrown in financially and added a bit of zest to a somewhat boring existence, but more importantly you’re a mate who needed a hand. We’ll move you guys when it’s safe to.” He stopped to look at Sinclair and Amini deliberately. “I don’t want you pricks giving me a hard time either, but there’s something even more important to me. Without the chain of events playing out the way it has Laleh and I would never have met. I’m not saying anything other than that, but I can’t imagine a life where that didn’t happen now.” Laleh looked at him with surprise as he stood.

  “I’m going out for some fresh air and a think. When I get back we’ll start nutting something out. You coming or staying Lil?”

  The girl slipped on her moccasins and stood. “I’m with you.” He read that the way it was meant to be read.

  Chapter Thirty

  They took the higher, rough track towards the river, staying well above the twisting, restless waters. Nick was thinking and speculative, his shoulders hunched, and hands shoved deep into his pockets. Laleh’s arm poked through his, respecting his mood. She knew he would talk when he was ready. They walked for half a mile before the pilot pointed out a rock. His brow furrowed slightly when he sat beside her.

  “First up Laleh I need you to say something to Farhad. I don’t want him taking off or doing anything desperate because he believes he’s overstayed his welcome, and I think he’s hard pushed to believe me. Right now we’re okay and it could be a while before anything changes, so we’ve got plenty of time to work something out. It just isn’t necessary.”

  Laleh agreed. “I can see that Nick. We shouldn’t increase the risk to anybody if we don’t really need to.”

  “Well, just to make it perfectly clear I’m not prepared for you to go with him either, you’d be exposing yourself to unnecessary danger. You’re a big girl, and I know better than to tell you not to go if you really want to, but I wouldn’t be happy if you did. We’ll work this out and I want us together when we do it. I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

  He was likely to have looked away when he said something like that before, might have sounded capricious even, but this time he looked directly into her eyes. His gaze was riveting. Her liquid eyes sprinkled instantly but her voice didn’t crack. The right time had arrived.

  “We’ve only known each other for a short time Nickie, and I think we’re heading somewhere important, so please indulge me. There are a few things I need to know if I’m to get over this completely.” She dropped her eyes.

  “The society I come from is much more restrictive than yours and looks at things in different ways. I want to know exactly how you feel.” She still stared at her feet but held up a hand when she sensed he was going to speak.

  “I had two short flings with students in England when I was getting my masters, and both involved some fairly short lived physical stuff. I can see now it was a backlash against how I was brought up, not really me at all, and you know I was raped by those animals a few months ago. I realise that was a deliberate power and humiliation thing now as well, but I do still feel ashamed and dirty, as if I could have done something to stop it. In Iran I would be finished as a respectable woman now, and that was the point.”

  Nick knew this couldn’t be rushed. The emotional pain and horror would be similar for most women, but the implications were much more serious where she came from. And he realised instantly that this was the crux. Had she been damaged in some way? Instinctively he knew what she needed.

  Up to then he’d been shooting from the hip but that was some sort of denial he now realised. This time he had to tap the emotional wells a lot deeper.

  Laleh remained silent, her eyes leaking, expecting a quick, maybe flippant response. She glanced at him through lowered lashes. He might be horrified now she’d compelled him to think about it fully, but she didn’t see that.

  Nick took her hand and brought her around to sit on his knee. It forced her to look at him. He crooked an index finger under her chin, raised her head, and kept his finger in place until he knew it would stay up.

  “Bear with me Laleh, because I’ve thought about this but never put it all together before. Some of it is generalisation as well, that’s how broad brush psychology works, but basically it’s true for most people. So let’s look at the sex thing first.” He shifted to make himself more comfortable.

  “I’m older and wiser now, and one thing I’ve picked up on is that sex when you’re young is mostly about ego not commitment. Especially for the blokes. Teenagers are awash with hormones that cause almost uncontrollable desires, and right then it’s more about pandering to your Id to satisfy the urge instantly. Unfortunately youngsters don’t learn much about the responsibility and the consequences that goes along with it at that age, it’s more about showing off when you are young, and searching for a long-term partner hasn’t got much to do with it.
It’s more about bravery, about maleness not machismo. It’s knowing whether you’ve got any courage, honour and integrity when the shit hits the fan. If they’ve never been tested, blokes confuse machismo with courage, so the more women they bonk, or the more weaker people they dominate, the more of a man they think are. It’s important for other men to admire them too, to believe they aren’t gutless, even if they don’t know themselves. It’s a paradox, but most blokes push the bravado thing hard because they know that supposedly tougher men than them have crumbled when the shit hits the fan, and they don’t want others to think they might be like that. The roles that most men and women play out are on the artificial side because it’s based on our evolution and the different insecurities that men and women developed because of it.”

  He adjusted his rear end.

  “Before the industrial revolution, apart from a few physical limitations, there wasn’t much to choose between what men and women did, and even kids went down the mines along with the grown-ups. Things changed in the late 1700s when the industrial revolution and some safety and kid’s educational issues saw quite a few jobs taken over by machines. Suddenly there were fewer jobs available and women were more tied to child-birth and the domestic stuff so it was the ‘bread-winners’ that got most of them. But it was bullshit really. Apart from a few physical differences women are just as capable as men, and their size and temperament means that women are even better suited to some things.”

  Nick paused to let her think.

  “Men who have actually operated with or against women in combat will tell you that women can be a damn sight more single minded and vicious than most men ever would be. History is studded with the exploits of female warriors, but also women who shared the dangers of pioneering or exploring with their men. It’s been kept fairly quiet over the years, but even the British ships at Trafalgar had some women in their crews. They weren’t paid, but as the wives and girlfriends of the sailors on board they earned their keep by doing jobs like powder monkeys, by doing washing and pressing officers’ clothes or by helping the surgeons during the battles. It’s never been talked about but you can look it up on a computer if you doubt me, and you can forget about the press-gangs pulling in enough sailors. The navy would never have got enough experts at sea if they didn’t turn a blind eye to women on board. The real problem is that evolution meant that men and women saw some things differently, and it was men who became more insecure because of it.”

  Nick ran his fingertips along her cheek. Now he’d started he could see she wanted more.

  “It’s a scientific fact that young females develop earlier emotionally than boys do, so most young girls are usually more cautious and mature than blokes. They realise that it’s them who end up with the consequences of casual sex for instance, and they know that most young males will barely think of those consequences when they’re in pursuit of a bonk. It often doesn’t matter who it’s with when the boys are young either, it’s the bonk itself that’s the ego boost. Those so-called manly things are more a testosterone-fuelled compulsion than any commitment when blokes are young. It’s about seeking approval and respect, about looking dominant and brave amongst your peers. They don’t think about the consequences of casual sex, about dangerous driving, or some of the other stupid, risky things they do, only that they are seen as macho for doing them. Consequently there are a lot of bitter young women out there who weren’t all that attractive physically but were pursued then dropped like hot potatoes as soon as they came across. A lot of girls don’t realise what it’s about and think it will last forever. After that, hating men becomes an obsession for them.”

  He drew a ragged breath.

  “You know how it works Lil, it’s an insecurity thing. Males realise it wasn’t all that difficult for them so they begin to wonder how good they are at it, and then suspect that someone else might come along who is better. They opt out before someone points it out.”

  He wiped her eyes with a handkerchief, giving himself more time to think.

  “Most young males don’t handle competition all that well, so instinctively they steer away from it, but males who’ve been there and done it don’t have that problem. Unfortunately the really insecure of both sexes rarely realise that, so in the end it becomes a sort of emotional blackmail, a you would if you loved me thing. It’s about image, about looking grown up, about being the one who dumps not the one who gets dumped.”

  He paused, but she said nothing. He knew he had to keep going so he raised his head again.

  “People who really love each other usually say and do the most flattering things, so for some it’s more about the ego boost that comes from the nice things that are done as part of love. If we do love each other we use what we’ve got both emotionally and physically, and if it works who the hell really cares when it first happened, and if it doesn’t at least we tried. It’s not as if sex causes us a physical injury like a knife, a gun, or some other weapon would. It takes a lot of thought and effort to make even a good partnership work, and sex is only part of it. That’s more the way educated people in the Western world see it now Lil. Hardly anyone is a virgin when they get married, quite a few get married more than once and some live together without ever getting married at all.”

  He’d never put so many abstract thoughts into words before and he was struggling. Laleh smiled lightly to encourage him but knew better than to break his line of thought.

  “I think I can see now it’s about respecting who you really are and acting appropriately when the chips are down, especially if you’re the only one around to know about it. You have to be strong to be compassionate, you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable if you are going to love, and you have to know you can put someone else’s safety ahead of your own if there’s a good enough reason for it. It’s what I said earlier I suppose. It’s about knowing you have some honour, self-esteem and integrity but not a lot of people end up in a position to find out. I don’t mean just in combat either. It can be about rescuing kids caught in a rip-tide for instance or saving someone caught in a fire. It can even be handing in something expensive that you’ve found, or standing up for an underdog if they’re right. Really it’s about whether you act decently or you wimp out.”

  “If that’s true Nickie, where does it come from, what made us that way?”

  “From what I’ve heard and read about I suspect it’s from our hunter gatherer days Lil. Efficient farming changed mankind’s way of life dramatically, but that only happened when bronze was discovered less than 5000 years ago. Before that our ancestor’s smelted ornaments from gold, tin and copper, but they were soft metals and not much use for anything else. It was probably an accident at the end of a long day, but somehow molten copper got mixed with molten tin and some metal worker discovered it had solidified into a new, hard alloy when he found it the next morning. And that changed everything. Suddenly people could fashion decent, long-lasting tools, and produce weapons with edges that could be sharpened to make effective swords or spears. Bronze meant people could stop hunting and gathering and raise crops and domesticate animals, and when the harvest was in they could even go out on raids. Towns and villages sprang up almost overnight, and lifestyles changed for ever. It was also around this time that having someone working beside you became a valuable asset too. Mankind’s biggest migrations came at the tail end of the last ice age, but that was only 10,000 years ago, and a decent shelter and the opportunity to store and defend your surplus food alongside others meant survival and prosperity, for men and women.”

  Nick gathered his thoughts again before continuing. This was pretty heady stuff and he’d been down deeper and longer than he ever had before.

  “It’s also easy to see now that some things that couldn’t be explained in the distant past were seen as magical, and in some cases it paid people to keep it that way. Archaeologists now think that reproduction was one of the things the clans saw as magical. It was seen to be a purely feminine thing in those days, but it’s no
w accepted that our female ancestors were a lot more aware of their sexuality and origins than we thought they were.” He smiled.

  “It’s called secret women’s business in Australia, but most people now believe that the females knew how and why they conceived, but knowing could be a major advantage, so they would probably keep it a secret. What I’m saying is that it was about survival for them and their kids and knowing gave females some sort of power over the less emotional males. We know that the blokes were only into the physical stuff even then, while the women were more into the emotional and material side of the clan’s needs. And hey what’s changed?”

  He let her absorb that first.

  “God forbid that I make it sound easy though Lil, because it wasn’t. We know now that women and children gathered the roots and nuts and fruit that made up the bulk of the food the clan ate, but it was meat in the diet that increased brain size and body strength. That gave the clans more stamina for travelling, and the extra mobility allowed ideas to spread from group to group. Meat in the diet became important too, but the hunting and protecting the cave was generally a male thing.” He took her hand.

  “Each clan had a leader, an alpha male, and he got there because he was the best hunter and fighter, and probably the meanest prick too. Naturally enough it was the alpha that got his pick of the food and females so the other males would have been sure to envy his power, but knew better than to object. Now it’s thought that his dominance was as much symbolic as it was emotional with them, but life was certainly too hard to carry passengers. Either you pulled your weight or you got the chop, and the alpha was the judge and jury. Women already contributed in lots of ways, even fighting and hunting, and they definitely worked at being mystical, so it was mostly males with their more limited, arduous roles who were got rid of if they didn’t perform.” He paused to think again.

  “Herds of animals and troops of primates still act that way today Laleh. If a younger, stronger male defeats and drives the alpha off, the first thing he does is kill all the small males that the old alpha sired, or drive off the ones that are too big to kill. Competition is a no-no. It’s ingrained in male DNA to get rid of likely challenges if they can, and to show the others that they’re in charge. It’s why men from sixteen to sixty still need to be seen as the strong, unemotional, manly type. It’s in the genes. Men actually hate to compete, especially emotionally, but they see competition in everything they do. It’s why they show off, and do those inane, risky things, and why anger is the only emotion they can safely indulge in. What they’re really saying is ‘I haven’t proved myself yet, but hey guys I’m brave, I’m tough, you can’t do without me.’ And even if women didn’t like the alpha’s personality all that much, they still wanted to be under his protection and their kids to have his physical capabilities, so they would have played up to him. That’s where the bad boy syndrome that pisses males off even today comes from. Young, good looking girls seem to be attracted to old, wealthy arse-holes, and ignore the nice guys. They don’t mind being ‘trophies’ because it’s really about survival in the end, about getting enough food, shelter and respect.”