No Going Back (Siren Publishing Allure)

by Redrae Gunn

  Caleb paused as the server set the salads in front of them and refilled their glasses.

  “I’ve seen the two of you together, and at first I didn’t think it was possible for a guy and girl to be just best friends, but that is definitely what the two of you are. I think that maybe he needs you more than you need him, which isn’t unusual for someone who needs to be in that constant state of control, but the love the two of you share is definitely not sexual in the least, so I can handle you talking to him about us,” Caleb concluded.

  Caleb noticed that Tayen waited for him to take a bite of his salad before she dug into her own. Caleb felt his protectiveness of her growing. He felt a twist of his gut thinking that if she hadn’t run into him in the hallway someone else might be sitting across the table from her discussing a similar contract. David had already mentioned that he had wanted her to find a sexual Dominant.

  Tayen had noticed his expression change because she tilted her head and her eyebrows came together slightly as she looked at him. Caleb caught her look and was so impressed with how attentive she was to his every movement. It pulled at his gut and made his heart ache for that person that he wanted to let into his life. Someone to know him inside and out.

  “I was thinking that I’m lucky to be the one sitting across from you discussing a contract,” Caleb answered her unspoken question.

  The appetizers arrived, and again Tayen waited as Caleb served her a plate. He put one of everything on her plate and watched her expressions. She definitely loved the seafood, breaded and stuffed artichokes, and mozzarella sticks.

  “I’m going to read through the contract now,” Caleb said. He didn’t ask Tayen’s permission. She nodded her head and grimaced at the sauce she had just placed in her mouth. Caleb laughed at her expression as she swallowed the bite.

  “Mustard shouldn’t be that sweet,” Tayen replied as she pushed the sauce toward Caleb.

  Caleb laughed at her as he opened the envelope. He had his own envelope, opened it as well, and slid it along with a pen, across the table to Tayen. “If we need to make revisions, you can write them down as well.” Tayen nodded and continued eating. Caleb was aware that she was watching his expressions intently.

  Tayen watched Caleb’s brows come together, and she knew he had gotten to the part that she had written “indifferent.”

  “I explain in the pain ranking and medical conditions section,” Tayen whispered. “I really couldn’t place a simple initial by those that I marked ‘indifferent.’”

  “Thank you,” Caleb replied and continued reading.

  The server came and took the salad plates just as Caleb finished reading.

  “You’ve already Googled and Facebook stalked me?” Caleb asked, liking that Tayen had already taken a possessive attitude toward him. He wasn’t going to admit that he had done the same to her and found that he couldn’t find a word about her, anywhere.

  “I don’t have a Facebook account, but I stalked you through David’s account,” Tayen admitted. “I also went onto your website and saw what I could without registering.”

  “Promo pictures always include bikini-clad women,” Caleb defended himself, knowing exactly what was on his website. “It attracts men looking for half-naked women, which they never find.”

  “That’s why I said one to two,” Tayen replied without looking at her papers, “and why I asked for you to explain things to me.”

  “Personal intimacy,” Caleb continued. “Who exactly does that include?”

  “I only speak of sex and stuff like that with my best friend, who I don’t fuck, so I really want the same from you.” Tayen halted and took a deep breath. Caleb waited. It was her telltale sign that some important honest tidbit of information was getting ready to come from her mouth.

  “So if your best friend just happens to be someone that you’ve had sex with, or any relationship with besides just being friends, I don’t think I could handle that. I’ve been screwed over by people before and trust only my best friend not to have an ulterior motive because everyone else…usually does,” Tayen finished in a flurry and looked up at Caleb.

  “My best friends are Damien and Steven,” Caleb replied. “You haven’t met Damien, but you know Steven as Bear and as Casey’s absolute best friend in the world. Their relationship is complicated, yes, but he has eyes for only her, and I’ve known him for years.”

  “Oh.” Tayen was surprised. “Casey loves him.”

  “He loves her,” Caleb replied. “It’s complicated, but trust me she is faithful to her husband. Steve is very respectful of that relationship and is even friends with him.”

  “She told me,” Tayen admitted.

  The main course was served and Tayen looked at her plate, licking her lips. The server offered to take the plate of appetizers, and much to Tayen’s relief Caleb shook his head. He had seen Tayen eyeing the last of the onion rings, and he was going to see if she was really going to be able to eat all the food. So far, she was surprising him. He had never seen a girl enjoy eating and not be shy about it. She had nearly dived into her salad.

  “Pain for pleasure,” Caleb started, “will have to be an exploration thing. The public display is something that I really do enjoy and haven’t done for quite some time.”

  Tayen raised her eyebrows, and she cut into her rib eye.

  “I’ve done several scenes at The Cave, both for fun and for educational purposes, but it is a thing that I enjoy,” Caleb said, and Tayen barely shook her head “no.” “It doesn’t mean that I will force you to do it, Tayen. It means that it is something I’d like to help you explore. If it is completely out of what you are able to handle, I am okay with that.”

  “Thank you,” Tayen said softly.

  “Any things that you need to add to the contract?” Caleb asked and was a little surprised when Tayen nodded. He thought that he had covered all bases.

  “I need to go see Maska.” Tayen paused. “I haven’t been there for a while, and I love his place. He is like a father to me. I used to go for three weeks every summer, usually the end of August, so that places it in the terms of the contract.”

  “How did the two of you meet?” Caleb asked. Three weeks out of three months was a large amount of time.

  “His son, Jeff Thorn, was in the group home that David and I were in, the Dakota Boys Ranch, and I helped Jeff reconnect with his dad,” Tayen said, keeping her head down. It was a part truth. He didn’t need to know how they really met. No one needed to know.

  “Jeff was much like David, stubborn, self-destructive, and most of all, out of control,” Tayen continued. “We ended up in a fistfight at the ranch, and I told him that if I had a father, I would still respect him, no matter how controlling I thought he was.”

  Tayen shrugged her shoulders. “I obviously won the fistfight. So Jeff thought he would prove his point and introduce me to his dad. So when I left the ranch at eighteen Jeff was in the parking lot, with David, waiting to take me to his dad’s place. That’s when I was formally introduced to the man that has been my surrogate father ever since.”

  Tayen took a bite of her rib eye, groaned at the wonderful flavor, and continued, “Jeff got to see how Maska was with someone else, someone not as defiant or aggressive, and I think that really opened his eyes. He also saw that the calmness in Maska didn’t mean that he was angry. Being calm around animals really helps if you want the animals to do what you need them to do. I was driving the team of draft horses before Jeff could even get the cats to come get milk in the morning.” Tayen laughed at the memory.

  “I won’t take your father from you,” Caleb replied. “Three weeks?”

  Tayen nodded. “I promise that I have never been sexual with either of them.”

  “That’s okay with me,” Caleb replied. “My work takes me away from you, so it would be wrong of me to deny you of the only family that you seem to have left.”

  “Thank you,” Tayen replied softly. “You’ll have to meet them sometime.”

  C
aleb nodded his head. “I’m usually up in the Black Hills around the end of August promoting, managing, searching,” Caleb admitted.

  Tayen knew exactly where Caleb would be the end of August. She masked her expression perfectly and made sure to make sure that she kicked Sturgis off her bucket list before Caleb had any more contracts for her to sign, especially now that she had a bike again.

  Caleb glanced at Tayen, feeling a shift in her emotions, but recognized none of the expressions that he was used to, he let it go.

  “We need to discuss a safe word,” Caleb said. “I can’t just have you show me numbers. I don’t work that way because it leaves too much room for error.”

  “Clown,” Tayen said softly.

  Caleb looked at Tayen, his gaze narrowed. “I’m serious, Tayen.” The fierceness in his eyes flowed across the table, and Tayen felt it as it punched into her chest. She sat back, a little fear in her eyes. Caleb realized his error immediately and tried to pull back the gaze, but the damage was done.

  “I wasn’t calling…” Tayen started. Her body tensed. She met Caleb’s stare. Caleb watched the muscles in her arms flex, preparing for a possible attack.

  “The fault is mine,” Caleb said softly, coaxing her back from fear. “We’re still learning here, okay. I’m a little defensive, and you are as well.”

  “I don’t like clowns”—Tayen shuddered—“at all. Anyone in a mask”—she shuddered again, and Caleb watched as goose bumps rose on her exposed arms—“is not good.”

  “Look. At. Me.” Caleb’s voice shot through Tayen’s fear, and she looked up instantly. Caleb’s heart twisted again as he saw that completely innocent look in Tayen’s deep-brown eyes. “Clown is fine.”

  “Will you get mad if I use it?” Tayen asked. Her eyes were still wide, but her question was completely legitimate after seeing Caleb’s initial reaction to the word. “I have other fears.”

  “Clown is fine,” Caleb repeated.

  “No, it’s not,” Tayen said sternly. “I saw that reaction. ‘Clown’ is now an end to all things and either of us can use it. My safe word will be ‘red,’ and I will use ‘yellow’ if I am really nervous and need to slow down. That’s what David and Sean use, so I won’t forget it.”

  Caleb nodded in agreement.

  “I’m sorry, Tayen,” Caleb said and reached his hand across the table. “I was very awkward growing up, and switching schools so often didn’t help. I did the class clown thing to try to fit in. Being called a clown doesn’t sit well with me. I apologize sincerely for making you think that you have any reason to be afraid of me. I won’t lose control like that again. Please forgive me.”

  Tayen breathed out and grinned at Caleb. Her hand locked in his, and she smiled warmly. Caleb felt that tug at his heart. Tayen didn’t hold grudges if people were sincere in their apologies. Tayen was so forgiving, so eager to please, so willing to trust. Caleb knew that her trust came with a price. If he screwed up that trust, she would be wounded, deeply, and it would cost. Her honesty came with a price, and it was his honesty in return.

  “I have to leave, early in the morning, Tayen.” Caleb looked into her eyes, and he was pleased that he saw a flicker of disappointment. “I’d like to take you home now and push you a little,” Caleb said softly.

  Tayen’s eyes dilated, and Caleb grew hard at her response. “Whatever pleases you, Caleb,” Tayen replied, her voice deepened with husky anticipation.

  * * * *

  Tayen followed Caleb back home. The elevator ride to the eighth floor seemed to take forever. Tayen placed a hand on her stomach and glanced at Caleb. He was already staring at her with those intense eyes. He brushed his hair out of his face.

  “Do you feel that, Tayen?” Caleb asked, his hand motioning to the air between them.

  “Yes, Caleb,” Tayen replied softly, “I do.”

  “Have you ever felt that before?” he asked. It was a difficult question, and he waited for her honesty.

  “It wasn’t like this,” Tayen said, looking down at the manila envelope which now held her signed contract. “This is like the big bang compared to one of those little smoke bombs.”

  “What makes it different?” Caleb asked moving closer to Tayen, pinning her against the side of the elevator with his hip. He had no doubt that she could easily maneuver out of the way. The fact that she didn’t spoke silent volumes.

  Tayen looked up into Caleb’s eyes when she replied, “I’m not afraid.”

  Caleb stepped back as he exhaled softly. He felt like Tayen had punched him right in the gut with her honesty, again. She was going to kill him if she kept this up. Caleb swore he had seen a physical bruise over one of his ribs from his muscles contracting so fiercely because of one of her ever so honest answers.

  Tayen stepped forward, her head tilted, those brown eyes focused on Caleb’s, and her fingertips brushed his rib cage, right under his left pectoral muscle. Right where he’d thought he’d seen the bruise.

  “What about you?” Tayen asked softly. “What makes it different?”

  “Your honesty,” Caleb replied.

  “Unless it was before I can remember”—Tayen paused, thinking—“I don’t think I have ever lied to anyone, ever. I have omitted things, but it was for everyone’s benefit. Never lied. Ever.”

  Caleb leaned down and kissed Tayen’s lips, soft at first, then deeper. Her tongue caressed his bottom lip once, and that was all he needed. Caleb brought both of his hands to the back of her head, forcing her lips apart with his, and he backed Tayen against the elevator wall. The elevator dinged, and Caleb pulled back reluctantly, sighing.

  Caleb extended his hand to Tayen as the doors opened. Her breathing was instantly normal as she placed her hand in his and they exited the elevator looking like they hadn’t just exchanged anything but casual conversation. Tayen snuck a look at Caleb and saw the smirk on his face.

  Caleb looked at Tayen and caught her smirking at his own smirk. She smiled her dazzling smile at him, and he growled, trying to hide his grin.

  “Remember,” Caleb said as he shut the door behind them. “You can do nothing wrong.”

  Tayen let out a breath and waited for the lock to click. She glanced at Caleb.

  “Will you please lock the door?” he asked moving past her into the living room.

  Tayen turned and looked at the door. Lock the door? By herself? Cut off her only means of escape? Trap herself inside? She breathed in and out again, staring at the door.

  Caleb leaned against the wall behind Tayen watching her intently. This was his first “push” of the night. Would she be able to lock herself inside his home?

  He had noticed her reaction the first time that he had locked the door behind her. This time she would have to do it herself. Caleb hadn’t commanded her to do it, because she would’ve complied without hesitation. He had asked her to do it. This was mind over matter. Caleb watched Tayen fight with herself as she reached her hand to the door.

  Tayen twisted the lock on the door handle of the double door. The air sucked out of the room, but she managed to stay upright and focused on the deadbolt. She reached up with determination and clicked it into the locked position. The sound was terrifying, and she unlocked it again. She unlocked the lock on the doorknob and opened the door slightly.

  Tayen shut the door softly then clicked the deadbolt…once…twice…then she let it stay locked. She reached down to the handle and clicked it. Almost instantly she unlocked it again and waited. Tayen locked it and waited three seconds before she was nearly ripping both of the locks off trying to get the door opened again. She didn’t want to be trapped, not again, not like that asshole ex of hers had done.

  Suddenly Tayen smiled. She was comparing her ex to Caleb and they were nothing alike. She was confusing excitement with fear. “Oh,” she said softly as she closed the door. She locked both of the locks and turned around with a triumphant smile on her face.

  Caleb pulled away from the wall and met Tayen’s smile with his own.

>   “I want this, too.” Tayen’s voice was soft, gentle, and husky as she realized Caleb had been watching her inner war.

  “That’s all that I needed to hear.” Caleb grabbed Tayen pressing his mouth firmly on hers, claiming it for his own as he carried her up the stairs to his room. Caleb felt Tayen cling to him with all of her strength, though he knew he wasn’t going to drop her, and he never swayed as he took the stairs two at a time.

  At the top of the stairs, Tayen relaxed in Caleb’s arms, and for the first time in her life, instead of trying to please someone, she finally surrendered.

  Chapter 10

  Tayen was naked on Caleb’s bed. Her hands were pulled above her head with thick, soft rope. Her legs were spread eagle, each ankle tied with the same soft rope to each side of the bed. Caleb watched Tayen’s eyes as they followed him through the room. She was relaxed, but…

  “Tayen, I told you to close your eyes and just listen,” Caleb whispered softly as he leaned over her body and planted a wet kiss between her breasts.

  “I’ve tried, Caleb,” Tayen whispered.

  “I know you have.” Caleb smiled and brought a silk, black cloth from behind his back. He ran it across her belly then her hard nipples. He brought it to her lips and then close to her eyes. “I want you to be able to hear me, not look at me,” Caleb said gently.

  “I like looking at you, and it’s not helping,” Tayen replied. There was no way that she was going to not use her eyes if they were functioning. Survivor skills trumped any type of sexual desire any day for Tayen.

  Caleb watched as she looked at the silk and surrendered to it.

  The minute the silk was around her eyes Tayen’s hearing heightened. She remembered all the times that she had gone hunting and fishing at night. Her ears tuned in to her surroundings. The soft hair on her arms moved slightly with the air in the room. She could hear Caleb moving around the room.