Smoldering Desires

by C. E. Knipes

  “I will. I still need to pack, so I’ll have to stay in my room tonight. But I’ll stop over when I’ve had enough. If it’s not too late. Are we still leaving at ten for your parents?”

  “That’s the plan. It’s supposed to snow tonight and tomorrow. So it might take us extra time to get to Lancaster.”

  “Okay. Walk me out?”

  Outside Mandy’s we hugged and he kissed me good-bye.

  “I’ll see you soon. Love you.”

  “I love you too, Sebastian. Have a good time.”

  With the next few hours free, I decided to focus once again on packing. I smoked a joint and listened to Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon while I did so.

  My phone buzzed. It was a text from Sebastian.

  “Having a good time. Won’t be out 2 late.”

  As the evening passed, I was on my fifth beer by the time I finally got another text from Sebastian.

  “Still out with the guys. Don’t wait up. I’ll c u in the morning.”

  “Why don’t u come home now?” I texted back.

  There was no response. I waited another ten minutes, and there was still no response. I texted again. Nothing. I opened another beer and sat on my bed. It was close to one a.m. Should I go out in search of Sebastian? That would certainly prove how insecure I was. Plus, did I want to run into a drunk Brent? The answer to that was a resounding “no.” Screw it. I would go to bed and see him in the morning.

  I brushed my teeth and got ready for bed. I checked my phone. Nothing. No missed calls and no new texts. I lay awake for a while, listening for the sound of Sebastian unlocking my door. There was nothing. Sleep finally overtook me because the next thing I knew my alarm was going off. I immediately checked my phone. Still no texts or missed calls. An uneasiness settled over me. I texted Sebastian and waited ten minutes. No response. When I called him it went straight to his voice mail. What the hell had happened last night. How fucked up had he gotten?

  I got out of bed and quickly showered and dressed. I would go to Sebastian’s room to find out what was going on. As I walked along the path to Sebastian’s dorm, I ran through the events of last night in my mind.

  When I reached his room, I knocked on the door. There was no answer. Because most of Sebastian’s nights were spent at my dorm, I didn’t have a key to his room. I was getting ready to knock a second time when the door opened. Brent stood facing me, in just his boxers. Through the open door I could see Sebastian lying naked on the bed. He was highlighted in the light arcing in from the open door. The bedclothes were rumpled around him.

  “What the hell do you want, McGarrity?”

  I ignored his question.

  “Well, isn’t this cozy? Back together at last. You two deserve each other.”

  “That’s what I told you, asshole. Now, get lost.”

  Sebastian, apparently awakened by the sound of our voices, stirred on the bed. He sat up and slid to the edge of the bed. I could see he looked like hell.

  “Who’s there?”

  “It’s that pest, Evan. I was just telling him that we were back together. And to get lost.”

  Sebastian stood up. To add insult to injury, he was sporting a raging hard-on.

  “What are you talking about, Brent? Who’s back together?”

  It was then that he saw me. At the same time, he realized he was naked.

  “Evan, what’s going on here?”

  He turned to Brent.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?”

  Brent laughed.

  “I think someone had a little too much to drink last night.”

  My first impulse was to hit Sebastian. My temper was flaring. Instead, I chose Brent as my target. I dropped him in his tracks with a swift right to his face. He sagged against the door, then fell on the floor. As he struggled to rise, I knocked him down again.

  “Stay down, dickhead.”

  By this time, Sebastian was standing naked behind Brent’s prone body.

  “What the fuck is going on here?”

  “Ask your boyfriend, you fucker!”

  I turned to leave, then turned and faced the two of them.

  “By the way, if you haven’t guessed it yet, Sebastian, we’re through.”

  “Evan, I don’t understand what’s happening here.”

  I fairly ran from the small lounge, through the main lounge and down the stairs and out the front door. His shouts echoed down the hall behind me. I had only made it a few feet out the front door when my phone buzzed. It was Sebastian. When I ignored his call, he texted me.

  “Please come back, Evan. We need 2 talk!”

  When I didn’t respond, he texted me again. I turned my phone off. As I reached my dorm, it started to snow. Once in my room, I turned my phone back on and called Jessica. When she answered, I told her we were leaving in ten minutes.

  “Why so early? I’m all packed, but I haven’t showered.”

  “That’s fine. Meet me in the parking lot. Now!”

  “What’s going—”

  The rest of her question was cut off as I disconnected the call. I grabbed my two duffel bags and went down the back stairs to the parking lot. I needed to avoid Sebastian at all costs. If I saw him again I would not be responsible for my actions. When I reached the parking lot, it was already snowing heavily. I threw my bags in the backseat, opened the driver’s door, and slid behind the wheel. I started my car and turned the heat on full blast to defrost the windows.

  Jessica arrived within five minutes. She threw her bags in the backseat next to mine. When she opened the passenger’s door, she immediately knew something was wrong.

  “What happened, Evan? Why are we leaving so early, and so abruptly? I didn’t even get a chance to see Calvin before I left. Just a phone call. I was supposed to have breakfast with him.”

  “Get in. We’re leaving.”

  “I get that. Why? What the hell is going on?”

  “Please get in, Jess. I’ll explain once we’re on the road. We can grab breakfast along the way.”

  As Jessica finally got in, I heard someone shouting my name. I looked toward my dorm. Sebastian was sprinting to my car.

  I threw the car in reverse and backed out of the parking space.

  I rolled down my window as he approached the car.

  “Evan, wait. We need to talk.”

  “Fuck you, you cheating bastard!”

  A look of astonishment appeared on his face.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  By now he’d reached my car and was trying to grab the driver’s door handle.

  “Get the fuck away from my car before you lose an arm.”

  “Please stop, Evan. Please.”

  I ignored him and sped around him and out of the parking lot. I almost sideswiped another car. Tears of anger were streaming down my cheeks. My hands were shaking on the steering wheel. Jessica was silent for several minutes while I drove to the interstate. Not till we were on it did she finally speak.

  “Okay. We’re out of there. Now, please slow down before you get us killed.”

  I slowed down, but I was still driving above the posted limit.

  “Now, tell me what happened.”

  Between wiping the tears from my cheeks, I told Jessica everything that had happened last night and this morning. She didn’t ask any questions. When I was done, she was silent for a good minute before commenting.

  “What a piece of shit. I’m going to kill him. How could he do this to you? I was so sure he was the one.”

  “So was I, Jess. I guess we were both fooled.”

  She was silent again.

  “Now don’t take this the wrong way, Evan. And don’t get angry. Is there any way you could be mistaken about what you just saw?”

  “None.”

  “Did you actually see them having sex?”

  I described again what I had seen less than a half hour ago. I gave the fullest details possible.

  “So no, I didn’t actually
see them having sex. But it was pretty clear what had happened. Sebastian looked like shit. Obviously, he tied one on and hooked up with Brent for old time’s sake.”

  “Wow, I can’t believe him. After all his assurances that he was not still seeing Brent. He must’ve really gotten drunk last night. Not to be insensitive, but this sure puts a damper on the meet and greet with the parents.”

  “I know. It’s going to be hell facing them. My parents, and even Brandon, liked him very much. I’m not going to say anything till I get home.”

  “Let’s smoke a joint. I’ve got a bad headache. It’s in my brown duffel bag in the black tin.”

  Jessica quickly found the tin, retrieved a joint, and lit it. As I took the first hit, she put Wish You Were Here in the CD player. As we passed the joint, Jessica kept up a steady stream of small talk about the upcoming holiday. I knew she was trying to keep my mind off what had just happened.

  “I’m getting hungry, Evan. Let’s stop at Denny’s.”

  “Sound good. I’m hungry too, all things considered.”

  Denny’s was our favorite place to stop on the drive home. Mainly because it was the halfway point between Milton and Lancaster.

  Once we were seated, Jessica excused herself to use the restroom. The waitress came with menus and I ordered water and coffee for each of us. I didn’t bother to open a menu; we ordered the same thing every time.

  While I waited for Jessica to return, I turned my phone back on. I had a dozen missed calls from Sebastian, and half as many texts. The texts pretty much read the same: Please call me. Please let me explain. I don’t know how Brent ended up in my room. I did not sleep with him. Blah, blah, fucking blah.

  I turned my phone off without responding. For a moment, I felt like I was going to throw up. It quickly passed, right before Jessica rejoined me.

  “So, how many calls and texts from Sebastian?”

  “I don’t know. I didn’t check.”

  “Liar!”

  “You know me so well. A dozen calls and half as many texts.”

  “Did you call or text him back?”

  “No.”

  “What’s the gist of his texts?”

  “Please let me explain. I don’t know how Brent got in my room. I did not cheat on you.”

  “Do you believe any of it, Evan?”

  “At this point, no!”

  When the waitress returned we ordered: Three pancakes, two eggs over easy, and three sausage links for me; a Denver omelet with sourdough toast for Jessica.

  As we waited for our food, the snow continued to fall. It was beginning to pile up.

  “I’m going to call Calvin. I need to make sure his flight is going to leave on time. Okay if I fill him in on what’s happening?”

  “That’s fine. I need to call my mom. I forgot to call her and tell her we were on our way.”

  Right as I turned my phone back on, it rang. Thankfully, it was my mother.

  “Hi, Mom. How are you?”

  “Hi, dear. I’m good. Is everything okay? You sound upset.”

  My mom could read me so well.

  “Everything’s fine, Mom. I’m glad you called. Jess and I left earlier than planned this morning. I forgot to call you. We’re grabbing something to eat at Denny’s. We should be home around two thirty-ish, depending on the weather.”

  “Okay, Evan. We’re looking forward to seeing you. You didn’t mention Sebastian. Is he not with you?”

  I only hesitated a moment. I knew I couldn’t lie to my mother.

  “No, Mom. We’ve had a change of plans. He’s spending Thanksgiving with his family.”

  There was a moment of silence on the other end.

  “Is everything okay?”

  “No, it isn’t. But we can talk about it when I’m home.”

  “Okay, Evan. Ian and Colin are already here. And of course Brandon. Rory will be here the day before Thanksgiving. Drive safe, and call me if you get delayed.”

  “Will do, Mom. Love you.”

  “Love you too.”

  Jessica was just wrapping up her call with Calvin.

  “I need to call my mom as well.”

  After Jessica had updated her mother, our food arrived. We made short work of it. When we left the restaurant, the snow had increased tenfold. I had to keep my wipers on high just to be able to see. In the mood I was in now I was not looking forward to the upcoming holiday. Thanksgiving and Christmas were always big affairs for my family. We were fourth generation Irish on both sides of the family. Most of the men in my immediate family, including my paternal grandfather, my father, Rory, Ian, and Colin, were firemen. Only Brandon had gone against the grain, as they say.

  After another hour on the interstate, driving had gone from bad to treacherous. Traffic had slowed to a crawl. It took us an extra hour to reach the exit for Lancaster. It was another thirty minutes till we pulled up in front of Jessica’s house. I helped her to the house with her bags and said a quick “hello” to her parents.

  She walked me back to my car.

  “What are your plans for tomorrow?”

  “I’ll probably just hang with my folks for the day. You know, catch up. Rory will be arriving tomorrow with his wife and kids. Would you be up for shooting some pool tomorrow night at Spenser’s? I know my brothers will want to go out.”

  Spenser’s was the local pub my family had been going to since my brothers were old enough to drink. Probably sooner, truth be told.

  “Sounds good. Let me know if you decide to make contact with Sebastian.”

  “You’ll be the first to know. But I wouldn’t hold your breath. I’m still too angry to even want to hear his voice.”

  When I returned to my car, a snowplow came rumbling down Jessica’s street. It piled two feet of snow against my driver’s door. I retrieved the shovel from my trunk and quickly cleared it away. It took me another twenty minutes to get home; double the usual time. It was going on four o’clock when I pulled up in front of my parents’ house. I turned the car off and reveled in the ensuing silence. A flood of memories washed over me, as they always did when I returned home from college. I sat for a moment staring at the soft light emanating from the front living room windows. The snow continued to steadily fall.

  No one appeared on the front porch to welcome me home. I knew they were gathered around the kitchen table, drinking heartily. I decided I needed a quick lift before I went inside. I reached behind me, undid one of the side pockets on my brown duffel bag, and pulled out the battered, black tin.

  It had been with me for more than a half dozen years. Oh, the stories it could tell. I popped the lid and gazed at the rolled joints inside. I plucked a random one, re-stashed the tin, and exited my car. I locked the doors behind me. I lit the joint and looked at the house as I took my first puff.

  My parents had lived in this house since they were married. My oldest brother, Rory, was born a year later. In fact, he had been born here. My father had been working third shift, and my mother hadn’t had time to get to the hospital. Rory came that quickly. I was certain my parents would be here till the day they died. I walked around the block, smoking as I went. The snow quickly blanketed me. One pesky flake hit the end of my joint, putting it out. I broke off the tip and relit it. I was careful to keep the end cupped inside my hand after that. While I walked, I thought back to growing up in the McGarrity household: The parties, the drinking, the fighting, the holidays, the good times, the family dinners, growing up gay with four older brothers. Most significant of all, at least to me, was when I had told my family I was gay.

  I had been seeing Maxwell Spenser, Max for short, while I was a freshman in college. We had been friends since childhood. His family owned Spenser’s bar. I was home on Thanksgiving break. Rory, Brandon, and I had been at Spenser’s, shooting pool and drinking. Max showed up around midnight. I hadn’t seen him since the summer before I started at Milton. He looked pretty hot. And it wasn’t just the booze talking. Rory and Brandon had gone home, leaving me with Ma
x. I couldn’t help but notice that Max was acting differently toward me. Besides buying me drinks, he was very attentive. He stood very close to me and touched me often. I found myself starting to look at Max differently. Not just as a friend. He was starting to sexually arouse me.

  We had stayed till closing and were pretty lit. As Max’s parents’ house was closer, I decided to crash there. As we walked to the house, Max pulled a joint from his shirt pocket and lit it. The house was completely dark when we walked up the steps to the front porch. We sat on the top step and finished the joint. We got up and headed to the door. Max opened it, then turned back to me. His lips were on mine. His hands were on my back, my chest, my ass, and then my crotch. I could feel his hardness pressed against me.

  “Let’s go upstairs,” he whispered.

  “I’m right behind you.”

  We entered the house and crept up the stairs to the second floor. I remembered his bedroom being at the end of the hall. Once inside, he closed and locked the door. He turned on a lamp on his nightstand. He pointed to his bed.

  “Have a seat.”

  He stood looking down at me, then began undressing. I had never noticed Max in a sexual way before tonight. His chest was hairless and well-muscled. As were his arms and legs. When he tugged off his briefs, he was sporting a huge erection. It was long and thick, with a fat head. Above its thick base was a forest of dark brown pubic hair. His balls swayed in their heavy flesh sac.

  “Your turn.”

  I stood and quickly undressed. He never took his eyes from me. When I was naked, he pushed me gently back onto the bed and lay atop me. I was overwhelmed by his scent, the feel of his skin against mine. His cock pressed insistently against mine. He kissed me deeply, then swung around so his head was at my crotch. Mine was at his. I felt his warm breath on the head of my cock, and then the warm wetness of his mouth was engulfing me. I returned the favor, and soon the only sounds in the room were our moans of pleasure and the sounds of sucking. Before long, Max’s moans intensified, and he began sliding his dick in and out of my mouth.

  “I’m going to come.”

  I never ceased in my efforts, and took all that he had to give. I was close myself. Max finished me when he inserted a finger inside me. Within a minute, I was emptying into his willing mouth.