Take Me Now

by Sullivan, Faith

  “It’s okay. I’ve got you now.” She collapses against me and I can’t help but pick her up. I’m taking matters into my own hands. She wraps her arms around my neck, and I open the passenger door. Depositing her gently inside my truck, I hurry to the opposite side and get in. Afraid that she is going to stop me, I rapidly shift into reverse and head out of the lot. She doesn’t say anything as we pass the Gazette’s office and I finally exhale. This girl needs a little T.L.C. and I’m determined to give it to her.

  Reaching across the console, I take her hand in mine, rubbing my thumb over her knuckles before making circles against her palm. Feeling her hand in mine is electric as she squeezes my hand in return. All I want is for her to feel good, and if I can help make that happen, even better. I know what it’s like to be stretched to the limit, and that’s the last thing I want to see happen to her. I’ll be her rock, if she’ll let me.

  “Thank you for doing this. I realize it’s asking a lot.” She glances nervously in my direction as the breeze from the open window plays with her hair. She looks so beautiful silhouetted against the moonlight. I contemplate stopping the truck right here and succumbing to whatever happens. But she’s tired and I don’t want to push it. They’ll be time for make-out sessions on deserted country roads. I’m in this for the long haul with her, no matter where tonight leads.

  “Are you kidding? I’d like nothing better than to show you around my house. It’s what I planned to do before we were so rudely interrupted.” Ivy looks away when I mention Lauren. Damn it. I have to bring her back to me. “I don’t grant many people access. You’ll only be like the fourth person who’s ever stepped foot in the place. I like to keep it as my refuge from the world.”

  I feel her eyes on me again, but I’m too scared to meet them. I don’t have any plans for sleeping with her tonight or anything. Even for me, it’s too soon for that. It’s been years since I’ve had sex and I’m beyond horny, but I intend to take things slow with her. She deserves to realize she means so much more to me than a one-night stand. I’d rather wake up with her every morning for the rest of my life. But I’m afraid confessing my thoughts will only frighten her away. I can’t come across too strong. I don’t even know if she feels the same way about me.

  “Four? Name them.” She’s testing me and I’m happy to play along.

  “My mom and dad, Cassidy and…”

  “Me.”

  “Exactly.” However, hearing Ivy linking herself with Cassidy in such a way has to be a little off-putting for her. It’s jarring, even to my ears.

  “So you haven’t been with anyone since…?” She’s cutting to the chase and I’m glad to confirm her suspicions.

  “No.” I haven’t slept with a woman since the Valentine’s Day where Cassidy conceived. After that, she was too sick to make love. We attempted it a couple of times but her libido just wasn’t there anymore. I’d never seen Cassidy cry so hard as she did in those moments when her body failed to respond to my touch. To her, it probably felt like she’d lost me already. When I watched her coffin being placed beneath the earth, it’s like she died a second time that day, her body having left long before her soul.

  I made love to Cassidy in that house before it was a home, when it was just a shell of possibilities. I can’t even begin to gauge my reaction of what will happen when I share my passion for Ivy under that roof. Will I be able to let go and be with her or will the memory of what I had with Cassidy linger? Talk about performance anxiety. The last thing I want to do is let Ivy down or think I’m rejecting her in some way if my emotions turn into a jumbled quagmire in the bedroom. We’ll just have to take it one step at a time. Hopefully, my mind will be consumed with nothing but thoughts of Ivy when we’re tangled beneath the sheets.

  For a time the two of us remain silent as we approach the tree-lined lane leading up to the house. It’s a clear night and the sky is filled with a multitude of stars. I make a wish on the brightest one I see. Let me have a fresh start with this vibrant girl beside me. Let nothing stand in our way.

  There’s an old-fashioned lamp glowing in the front window while the upper ones are adorned with battery-operated candles. It feels so much more welcoming, driving up to the door with Ivy at my side. It’s like, for the first time since I’ve built the place, I’ve finally come home. She’s what makes it real. What I’m feeling for her can be the cornerstone holding it all together. If only she could feel the same way about me. Her face is awash in contentment as she stares up at the house. She doesn’t give voice to what’s going on beneath the surface, but I can tell she’s pleased and that means everything to me.

  Pulling up, I glide the truck to a stop before the porch steps. It’s as if I’m moving in slow motion as I get out and open the door for her. Not waiting for her to jump down, I once again encircle her in my arms, lifting her from the cab. She giggles into my shirt at my continued chivalry but I want to carry her over the threshold. We’re not a married couple by any means, but it feels like we’re starting a new life together, and I want to do things right.

  It’s such an important moment for me that my hand starts to shake and I can’t fit the key in the lock. Reaching out, she steadies my hand, guiding it where it needs to go. The door falls open and she turns in my arms to stroke my face. I lean into her touch and she draws my lips closer to hers. And then I literally see stars. She explodes around me as her tongue dances with mine. She tastes like oregano and spices. I can’t get enough of her as I close the door behind me with my foot.

  Pinning her against the wall, she repositions herself so that her legs are now around my waist. Her foot slides down a bit, barely grazing the space between my legs. I let out a moan as I pry my mouth away from hers and devour her neck. Her hands grasp handfuls of my shirt and I know she wants it off. Moving away the slightest bit, I give her room to work as her hands slide up my ribcage and over my biceps as she tears the shirt from my body. She sighs, exploring the muscles formed from years of manual labor. With her thighs, she grips my waist tighter as she begins to move against me.

  I’m about to lose control. It’s been so long since I’ve gotten anywhere close to this point with a woman. My tolerance for foreplay is embarrassingly low. I’m afraid I’m about to come. It’s like having a wet dream but standing up with Ivy wrapped around me. I feel like a teenage boy who lacks self-control and knows next to nothing about pleasing a woman. When she feels the moisture pressed against her core, she’s going to be mortified. I have to stop this now before it’s too late and I ruin everything.

  Breaking our kiss, I carefully lower her to the floor. Out of breath, I prop my hands on either side of her face, willing my pulse to slow down. I can’t open my eyes and look at her yet. I’m afraid of what I’ll see. Will she think that I’m rejecting her? I’m going to have to explain that I just want to take it slow. I don’t know if she realizes it, but she had me right then and there. One more thrust of her hips and I was a goner. Everything is throbbing. I’m full of pent-up frustration, dying to be released. If we ever do make it to the bedroom, the first time we’re truly intimate, I’m going to have to work fast. I’ll probably be inside of her before she’s even ready for me.

  “Are you okay?” She’s breathless, and I can feel the fabric of her shirt tickle the hair on my chest as her breasts heave against me. I have to step away from her. Lowering my hands, I run them through my hair, turning my back to her. Finally opening my eyes, I see the curtains rustling in the night air as she places her hands against my back, pressing her cheek against me.

  “It’s all right. I know this must be hard for you. We’ll take it slow. I promise. I just got carried away.” As she’s speaking, her breath forms warm puffs against my lower back. I don’t know what’s more intoxicating—that bewitching sensation or her words of comfort and understanding. It’s a toss-up.

  Reaching behind me, I lace my fingers through her hair, gently massaging her scalp. “I want to get this right. The last thing I want to do is disappoint you, Ivy
. And I was this close to losing it. I couldn’t live with myself if that happened and you didn’t get to enjoy yourself because my sex-deprived body wants to go from zero to sixty in under a minute.”

  She laughs, slapping my side before proceeding to tickle me. “We’ll work on your timing. I like a good challenge.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Ivy

  “Why don’t you give me the grand tour?” Eric needs a minute to get it together, and I’m so worked up I could jump him right here, right now. If we have to bring the fire that’s ignited between us to a sizzle, I’m going to require one hell of a distraction. Eric’s homestead is like something out of a magazine. For a brief second, I imagine myself living here with him but quickly banish the idea from my thoughts. I’m not going to jinx this.

  “Good idea.” He gives me a shy smile and takes my hand. Despite my best intentions, I can’t help picturing our life together in every room. I can see us fixing breakfast on the stainless steel appliances in his kitchen. It’s a Sunday morning. My hair is unkempt and I’m wearing nothing but his shirt. He’s only in his boxers as he comes up behind me and nuzzles my neck. I flip a pancake on the griddle as he dips a finger in the batter and guides it into my mouth.

  “Ivy?” Eric brings me back to reality. “So…do you like to cook or not?”

  I’m glad that he repeated the question because I was totally lost in another world. “Umm, I’m not the best at it, but I’m sure I could learn.”

  “And I’d sure love to teach you.” He touches my cheek before dropping his hand down to my waist. He guides me into the TV room, and I’m impressed by the sheer size of the fireplace. Now I understand why his dream date involved a stormy night curled up in front of it. It’s like something out of rustic lodge fantasy. My inner romantic is practically jumping up and down.

  “I have to check out your DVD collection.” I mosey over to the vertical shelf containing dozens of movies. To my delight, the majority of them are classic films from Hollywood’s Golden Era. I even spy some of my absolute favorites like Mr. Smith Goes to Washington and The Maltese Falcon. It scares me to think how much we have in common. I’ve finally met a guy who likes what I’m into. That doesn’t happen very often.

  An image of Will flashes through my mind. Yeah, he’s attending film school and actually living in Hollywood, but it seems like it’s an act. That he’s more interested in becoming a celebrity than having any true appreciation for the art of cinema. He may look the part but he’s just playing a role. It’s not who he really is. As usual, Will’s sole purpose is to get people to notice him. I like how Eric could care less about what people think.

  Eric is beckoning me over to the steps. My heart thumps wildly in my chest. His bedroom is up there. No matter how much we’re trying to keep our hands to ourselves, I don’t know if I’ll be able to resist the temptation if we linger too long near his bed. I follow him as we climb the stairs, and I can’t resist checking out the way his jeans perfectly accentuate his butt. Damn. I bite my bottom lip and grip the railing even harder.

  There’s a skylight directly over his bed and the moonlight is streaming in. He goes to turn on the light, but I hold him back. “Don’t. It’s beautiful the way it is.” I look up at him and his eyes darken with desire.

  “You’re the one who’s beautiful.” He leans in to kiss me but I just let him brush his lips across mine.

  “Careful.” I step back while failing to control the grin spreading across my face.

  There are a few picture frames on his dresser. I bend down to examine them more closely and my breath catches. The first photo is a professional shot of Cassidy. I remember what she looks like from the incessant media coverage surrounding her ordeal. She’s beaming with happiness as she smiles at the photographer. Flawless skin. Shiny hair. Not an ounce of fat on her. She looks amazing.

  Fighting a pang of jealousy, I let my gaze fall upon the next frame. And that’s when I almost lose it. It’s an image from a sonogram, Eric and Cassidy’s unborn baby floating in the womb. A chill runs down my spine and I have a hard time shaking it off. This is what Cassidy died trying to protect. She sacrificed her life for this child. How can Eric stand to look at this painful reminder every day? They’re gone and he’s left. What a terrible void to have to fill alone.

  There’s a third frame that draws my attention away from the others. It’s tiny and inside there appears to be some sort of tag. Picking it up, I examine it closer. It’s a tag from a pair of clogs, the same brand that Eric sells in his garden center. “What’s this?” I hold it up for him to see.

  He lowers his head. “You’re going to think I’m a sentimental idiot.”

  “Tell me.” Based on his reaction, the butterflies in my stomach start to churn.

  “It’s from the pair of clogs I gave you. I found it on the floor and kept it.” He raises his eyes and there’s such a sense of longing in them that I can’t look away. He wanted a souvenir from the first time we met. I can envision us telling our kids and grandkids about it. Does he feel the same way? Why else would he hold on to something like that?

  “I like the way you think, Young.” I place the frame carefully back on the dresser, letting my fingers glide over it. “I believe there are two kinds of people in this world. The ones who do everything right, expecting the perfect outcome every time, and those who know better.” I walk across the woven throw rug until I’m standing before him. “You’ve experienced more than your fair share of tragedy, and for you to put your faith in me after all that you’ve gone through, it terrifies me that I’m going to let you down.”

  “Just your being here justifies that what I feel for you is strong enough to endure anything.” He softly strokes my arm with his thumb. “I don’t know what’s going to happen a week, a month, a year from now. Life is too unpredictable. I’ve learned that lesson already, and what it’s taught me is to live for the present and let the future take care of itself. I can’t fight fate. But I’ll do everything in my power to keep you in my life because I can’t imagine sharing it with anyone else.”

  Wow, that sounded like some kind of impromptu proposal. My knees weaken. We haven’t even known each other that long and he’s already declaring his devotion to me. He sees us as something long term, and while I’d definitely like to get there with him someday, I’m not sure I’m ready for it now. I planned on finishing this internship and moving to the main campus in the fall. Now everything has changed. Is that what I really want? Can I walk away from school and not earn a degree after all of the time and money I invested in my education? Can he really ask that of me so soon?

  “Eric…” I begin to voice my concerns but his fingertips trace over my lips silencing my response.

  “I knew that tag freaked you out.” He looks down at me through his lashes with an understanding gleam in his eyes.

  “No, it’s just…” I really feel I need to explain myself but I can’t find the words.

  “We’re in different places in our lives, I know.” He sighs, flopping onto the bed. “Timing has never been my strong suit. I just want to be absolutely clear about how much you mean to me. I’ve laid all my cards out on the table and now it’s up to you to decide what you want to do.”

  I drop down next to him, and the feather mattress sinks beneath me as my shoulder brushes his. “I’d love to wake up next to you in this room, in this bed, every day.”

  “But?” I watch his lips form the word and it’s like a fist clenching my heart.

  “I won’t be here in a couple of weeks.” I know I’m hurting him but I have to be honest with where this heading.

  “Running away to California with Will, are you?” He nudges me in the ribs and I lean into his side as his arm goes around me.

  “Never in a million years.” I shudder when I realize how stupid I’ve been, wasting so much time on a guy who’s not even worth it. Stupid me for believing that one day he’d come to his senses and become this whole different person. When I compare the intimacy t
hat I’ve established with Eric in such a short span of time versus the years I spent clinging to the idea that Will could change, it makes me sick to think of how I might have thrown my life away on the wrong guy.

  “Are you still going to the gala with him?” There’s an edge to Eric’s voice I haven’t heard before. He clearly doesn’t like the notion of sharing me with anyone else.

  “I’m driving myself and meeting him there. Lauren is making it a requirement or I’d bail in a heartbeat. Why don’t we make an oath that while we’ll have to tolerate these assholes for the evening, we still promise to at least leave together, even if we have to sneak out?” I hold out my hand for him to shake like it’s a binding contract.

  “I’d like nothing more.” He clasps my hand firmly as if his life depended on it. “Let’s say we meet back here around eleven o’clock in case we get separated.”

  “Deal.” I cuddle up to his side and breathe in his scent. We still haven’t directly addressed the issue of our future and he seems hesitant to return to the subject. We’re going to have to face it eventually, but for now maybe it’s better to let it drop. We can’t solve all our problems in one night.

  “Do you want me to take you back to the dorm? It’s getting late.” He’s rubbing circles across my back. I don’t feel like leaving this bed. I’m totally relaxed. But the ball is in my court; he’s leaving it up to me. I wrestle with myself, unable to make a decision. I’d love to stay here, but my car is in the office lot and I don’t have a change of clothes or anything, not even a toothbrush. I’m dead tired and I could really use some sleep. If I snuggle in his sheets with him, I’ll never get any rest. My hormones will be on overdrive all night. Sometimes I hate doing the right thing, but it looks like this is one of those times.

  “On Friday, I’ll make sure to bring a bag with everything I need. So that way, there’s no excuse about having to leave.” I kiss his temple in apology and his hair feels so soft against my lips. What I wouldn’t give for more of this, but I have to be patient. We’re just at the beginning of something wonderful. I can’t have everything I want all at once, no matter how he’s making me feel, but it’s hard pulling myself away from him.