Healing the Doctor's Heart

by Shirley Hailstock

  She admonished herself for thinking he would be petty enough to play tit for tat.

  Lauren needed to apologize. She should never have breached his personal space. She found him in the kitchen. He was staring at the contents of the open refrigerator, but not apparently reaching for anything to eat or drink.

  “Jake,” she began tentatively. “I apologize. I should have asked you about the tuxedo.”

  He closed the refrigerator door. The soft whoosh that usually accompanied the action sounded more like a hard thump.

  “If you’d like to cancel going to the ball, I fully understand.”

  He said nothing, making her feel even worse than she already did.

  “If you’d like me to leave, I’ll go. What I did was unforgivable. I’ll call your brother and—”

  “We’re going,” he interrupted, his movement rapid as he passed her and walked out of the kitchen with the abruptness that he did everything. Lauren didn’t understand. This was what he wanted. He had the perfect excuse to get rid of her. Why hadn’t he?

  Why did he not only forgive her lapse in judgement, but was still taking her to the ball? She put her hand to her head, realizing she was getting a headache. Her fingers came in contact with the crown. She certainly didn’t feel like a princess, more like a witch.

  * * *

  JAKE CLOSED THE door to his bedroom. The closet was as neat as it was when he left it earlier in the day. Lauren had replaced the tux in exactly the same spot where he’d found it. And he’d acted like a louse. It was a surprise finding her in his closet. At first he hadn’t realized who it was. Then she turned and the dress, the crown, even the surprise on her face made him angry with himself. Angry that the effect of seeing her dressed like that churned up memories in him of their dance the other night and an awareness of her that he didn’t want.

  He’d lashed out in anger, made even worse when he stood so close to her that he could have kissed her. He wanted to kiss her. But fear was in her eyes. He knew part of it was guilt because of how she’d been found out, but he caused the other part.

  She’d come in the kitchen and given him a solution to the problem of his growing feelings for her. Why didn’t he take it? He’d told her that he didn’t need her, didn’t need a babysitter, yet when he had the perfect opportunity to act on his wishes, he caved.

  She’d gone from a nanny to a princess. Memories of them dancing in the dark, swaying slowly to the music, came to him. He hadn’t danced since before he was hurt, yet with her, with Lauren he’d circled the room unaware of his unused arm. She made him feel like he could do anything. He teetered on anger that she made him forget and the fact that no matter what, when reality set in, his arm would never be as it once was.

  A soft knock came at the door. Jake was standing in the middle of the room. There was no one else in the apartment. It had to be Lauren at the door.

  “It’s open,” he said.

  The lock mechanism turned silently and the door swung inward. Jake forced himself not to gasp at the sight of a princess fully bathed in sunlight. She stood on the outside of the threshold.

  “You asked for a late lunch,” she said.

  “My dental appointment,” he reminded himself. The numb sensation from the dental work had worn off and he hadn’t even noticed.

  “It’s here.”

  Lauren turned to leave. Jake wasn’t sure if she was going to her rooms or not, but he didn’t want her to go.

  “If it would please, her highness—” he called.

  “Just Lauren will do,” she said.

  “Well, Lauren, will you join me for lunch?”

  “I’ve already eaten,” she said. “But I will join you for a soft drink.”

  They walked to the kitchen, where Lauren had deposited the bag containing his lunch. It was meat loaf with gravy and mashed potatoes, his favorite. He opened the package, got a plate from the cabinet and started filling it with the food.

  “There’s enough for two,” he said to Lauren.

  She shook her head. “Just the drink.”

  Jake went to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of water and a soft drink. He set them in front of her, along with a glass. She reached for the soft drink and twisted the top off.

  She got up and went to the refrigerator. The automatic ice maker plopped cubes into her glass. She came back at the same time he sat down.

  “How long are we going to be subjected to this version of a poor urchin girl changed into a princess?”

  “I don’t know. I have three gowns.”

  “Well, you can play the princess, but don’t expect me to take on the role of prince.”

  She looked away, fiddling with her glass. “If a poor urchin girl can change into a princess, maybe a crotchety old man can turn into a charming prince.”

  “Don’t count on it.”

  “Maybe I’ll wear one of the dresses to the ball.” She stopped and touched the crown perched on her head. “And the tiara.”

  Jake dropped the fork full of mashed potatoes. It slipped off the table, catching on his pant leg before plopping to the floor.

  Lauren put a hand up and snickered. It turned into a small laugh that grew and grew. She closed her eyes as the laugh burst into full-blown mirth. Tears gathered at the corners of her eyes. She pointed at him, but she was laughing so hard, she could say nothing.

  “It isn’t that funny,” he told her.

  “You...” she gasped. “You...” Laughter claimed her. She couldn’t talk. “Your...face... You have no idea.”

  * * *

  THE BUZZING SOUND was irritating. Jake tried to ignore it, hoping it would go away, but it persisted. Then he realized it was his phone. He’d set it on silent and the buzz was the vibration against the bedside table. Reaching for it, he wondered who was calling at this hour. The sun couldn’t be up yet. His room had blackout shades, so there was no ambient light filtering through the sides of the windows.

  Swiping his thumb across the answer button, he put the phone to his ear.

  “This better be good,” he said.

  “Why? Are you in bed with someone?”

  Jake sat up straight and checked the covers beside him.

  “Cal?” he questioned.

  “Good morning.” Jake recognized his brother’s voice.

  “Is everything all right?” Jake asked. Rarely did they speak this early.

  “I’m calling to see how things are going with you.”

  “With me and the princess?”

  Who?”

  Jake mentally shook himself. Cal knew nothing about Lauren and her costume changes.

  “Is that code for you acting like a prince?”

  “Not in the least,” Jake replied.

  “So how is it going with Lauren?”

  “She’s surprising,” he said. It was the truth. He never knew what she was going to say or do. When she first appeared in that nanny outfit, he didn’t say a word about it. Instead of forcing him to comment, she just acted as if there was nothing unusual about the way she was dressed.

  “Surprising, how?”

  Jake wouldn’t mention the costumes. He looked forward to seeing what she would wear next. And like she said, it was New York. No one looked more than twice at what she wore on the street. It didn’t seem to bother her and at times she entertained kids, providing a few moments of fun for them. It was an unusual, but kind thing to do. Compassionate, even.

  Jake had the feeling that the stories and dance steps weren’t for the kids, but for him. She was trying to tell him something. To get his attention. She didn’t know it, but she already had it.

  “My arm is usually free of pain after she massages it.” Jake finally answered his brother’s question.

  “How often have you threatened to fire her?” He heard the laughter in Cal’s voice.

&
nbsp; “Daily, but you know her response.”

  “She doesn’t work for you, but for me,” Cal said.

  “Exactly.”

  “Do me a favor.” Cal’s voice turned serious. “Give her a chance for more than your arm.”

  “What do you mean?” he asked. Jake’s mind went to them dancing in the dark. How she felt in his arms and how he loved holding her.

  “I mean talk to her, get to know her, don’t just issue orders.”

  “I tried that. It didn’t go so well.”

  Cal gave a short laugh. “Sounds like she might be a match for you.”

  “Not a match,” he said. “She’s temporary, remember.”

  “Yeah, has she said when she’s leaving?”

  “No.” Jake was taken aback by the reminder. She hadn’t been there that long, but she’d insinuated herself into his routine. He liked having her around. She often anticipated his wishes before he knew what they were. She was friendly with the housekeeper and the other tradespeople who came to the apartment. Jake could often hear her laughing when someone else was there.

  Cal was quiet for a moment and Jake recognized the silence. His brother hadn’t called just to inquire about his health.

  “What is it, Cal?” he asked.

  Cal sighed. “I know it’s an old argument, but hear me out.”

  Jake waited for him to continue.

  “You’ve withdrawn from the world. As long as Lauren is there, try some outings that aren’t related to your injury. Go to a movie or out to dinner, and I don’t mean sit in the media room and watch the big screen. Leave the apartment. Get used to being in the world, not looking at it from the top floor of the apartment.”

  Cal had no idea how many times Lauren had gotten him out of the apartment. “You’re in luck, Cal. Lauren and I go out every day.”

  “You do?”

  “Lauren is a real taskmaster. She gets what she wants. You couldn’t have picked a better companion.”

  “So you like her?”

  “Let’s not go that far. Let’s just say I haven’t changed the lock on the front door.”

  This time Cal’s laugh was genuine. “Well, that’s a start.”

  “So, how’s it going with you? Anyone you’re spending time with?”

  Jake had felt a little guilty for taking so much of his brother’s attention. After the accident, Cal had endured Jake’s anger and spent a lot of time trying to help him. That included giving up his social life so Jake wouldn’t be alone.

  Cal had to be on the ground when it came time to consult on a project and when the opportunity came for him to lead a team in Colorado, Jake agreed he should go. Cal was adamant that he wouldn’t leave Jake alone. And that’s how Lauren had come into his life. Jake smiled despite himself.

  “No, there is no one special out here. I work a lot. There’s little time for socializing.”

  Jake thought it ironic that the person who was always preaching to him to be more social had no social life. And Jake did.

  At least the shadow of one.

  * * *

  JAKE PRESSED THE end button on his phone and dropped it on the bed. Pushing the covers aside, he swung his feet to the floor to propel himself to stand. The phone slipped to the floor and Jake instinctively reached for it with his right arm, but the arm didn’t move.

  He cursed and stood up, leaving the phone where it lay as he headed for the shower. Minutes later water pelted against his skin. He scrubbed himself with the extralong brush that worked better than a washcloth. It reached all the way down his back. When he’d finished, he stood under the slicing water. The phone call hadn’t set well with him.

  He wasn’t falling for Lauren. She was here only to keep him company. He clamped a hand on his right shoulder. Nothing flowed through him, not the warmth of her hands, not the magic that took the pain away whenever her fingers kneaded his flesh. Unceremoniously, he snapped the shower off.

  Ten minutes later, he walked into the kitchen to find his beaming princess standing at the sink. The sight of her hit him like a lightning bolt. Jake’s mouth went dry and he could hardly move for several seconds.

  “What are you planning to wear next time? A mermaid costume?” Jake asked. “I’m looking forward to seeing that. Not sure how you’ll get around with a tail, though. Especially when we’re walking in the park.”

  “Mermaids only live in the sea,” she told him. “If I did that, I’d have to take you with me and you don’t like the water.”

  Throwing the dish towel she was holding into the sink, she glared at him.

  What was wrong with him? How she dressed wasn’t the issue. He actually enjoyed the surprises she threw his way. Everything had been fine a minute ago. It was Cal who put the idea in his head that he might be having feelings for Lauren.

  He didn’t.

  She was amusing and he liked talking to her. He enjoyed their dance together, but other than that there was nothing between them. And there would be nothing between them. She’d made it clear that she was there on only a temporary basis. Getting involved with him could deter her plans. And she wasn’t a person to let anything get in the way of what she wanted. That much he knew for certain.

  “What happened between last night and this morning?” she asked. “Something has set you off and you’re taking it out on me.”

  “So you’re a psychologist now?”

  “I don’t need to be a psychologist to see that you’re ready for a fight. You’ve been trying to wear me down. Since you couldn’t fire me, you’ve been trying to get me to quit.”

  “I didn’t want another nurse.”

  “I’m not a nurse, and I haven’t tried to be one,” she said. “But you’re not equipped to take care of yourself. You can’t even button your shirt. That’s why you wear those pullovers. How you get in them alone is beyond me.”

  Jake knew she said that to get a rise out of him.

  “I can button my shirt,” he shouted. “And I’m well aware of how helpless I am.”

  “You’re not helpless,” she said, her volume equal to his. “At least not in the way you want to believe. You’re capable of thousands of tasks.”

  “And not one of them allows me to tie my shoes.”

  “Big deal. Buy shoes that don’t have ties.”

  They stared at each other like two warring enemies.

  “You can do what you want to do,” she said.

  “How about surgery. Can I do that?”

  “No.” Some of the fight seemed to leave her. “But if you have to, you can still use all the medical training you have.”

  “How?”

  “Someone taught you how to be a surgeon. You didn’t pop out of the womb with a scalpel in one hand and a wealth of knowledge on the human body inside your head.”

  “Are you again suggesting I teach?” He grunted instead of laughing. “That old adage. I’ve gotten to the point where I can’t do, so I can teach.”

  “It’s an important profession, one that is both revered and needed. However, I only said you are not helpless. But I take that back. You are helpless. Anyone who can’t see his own value and for two years has wallowed in self-pity is helpless.”

  “I don’t need this from you or anyone else. You can leave and don’t come back again. You’re fired.”

  “You can’t fire me.” She pointed to her chest. “I can quit, but it was your brother who hired me, remember? Who gave me the skinny on you and your outbursts. And if I go, it’ll be on my terms, not those of someone who’s ranting and acting as if he were helpless.”

  They’d had this argument before. Would it ever end?

  CHAPTER FIVE

  WITH ONE LONG glance at Jake, Lauren turned and left the room. She was angry when she closed the door behind her. For several minutes she stood there, remembering their argument and wishin
g it had gone another way.

  Jake was hurting. She shouldn’t have said those things to him, yet they needed to be said. Not necessarily in that way. But Lauren knew if he didn’t confront his fear, he’d never be any good. She was a pediatrician and he was acting like a child. She could help him. Of course, it would go faster if he would admit his problem and begin to heal.

  She couldn’t tell him she was a doctor. Even without his brother present that would be grounds for dismissal. But despite how the day had gone, she had to go on tomorrow. When this was finally over, she’d find a new place to live and begin her new practice. She could put Jake Masters out of her mind and get on with her life. She could see now that his attack had changed him, robbed him of all the compassion and trust he must have formerly possessed.

  She only hoped there was a way of getting those things back.

  Lauren and Jake bumped around each other for the next three days. She’d walk into a room and he’d leave it. He refused to go to the park with her. They exchanged few words, more grunts than any recognizable language. The only thing Jake said directly to her was he thought she should cut short her time with him and begin her new life.

  Her heart dropped. They’d had heated encounters before and they always got past them. This time it felt as if he disliked her so much, he really didn’t want her around. The pain of his words struck her like a knife to the heart. She had thought he was thawing, but now he’d erected a wall and the friendship she had believed they were building had ended. They were back to being the enemies they were on the first day she’d arrived at the apartment.

  On the morning of the fourth day of war, Lauren woke with a new resolve. She dressed as a ballerina thanks to Amy’s resourcefulness. Lauren was completely in white: tutu, stockings and ballet slippers. She didn’t even consider getting pointe shoes. It had been decades since she took ballet and her toes were no longer prepared for the pressure of her body weight balanced on them.

  She was in the great room near the piano practicing her pirouette when she heard a laugh from above. Spinning around, she saw Jake on the upstairs walkway.