Healing the Doctor's Heart

by Shirley Hailstock

“Do you know how ridiculous you look?” he asked.

  Lauren could almost hear the ice breaking. The outfit had done its job. He couldn’t go back to grunts now. Well, he could, but their impact wouldn’t be the same.

  “And how are you today?” she asked. She waited, wondering if he was going to be the same angry man he’d been for the last several days.

  He came down the stairs, the smile on his face was at her expense, but she was so used to him showing no reaction to her outfits that she considered it a step forward.

  “I’m not the one who’s going to look ridiculous even on the streets of New York.”

  “All eyes will be on me and not you,” she said.

  Lauren never thought she’d be bold or daring enough to appear in public dressed as various characters. But since Jake came into her universe, she’d thought and done things that were not part of her usual behavior.

  The old-fashioned nanny outfit came to mind. It should have been the only one. She assumed it would force Jake to change and the relationship between them would improve. When they went outside, it would focus attention on Lauren and not on Jake’s arm. Yet Jake had proved to be more stubborn than she anticipated. The ballerina had unleashed a greater response from him. She didn’t know how long it would last. Would he suddenly revert to his earlier uncommunicative self?

  Lauren couldn’t determine what his reaction would be, but she had another plan. And she was sure he wasn’t going to like it.

  “About the ball,” she started.

  He said nothing, but looked her straight in the eye.

  “Is it still on the calendar?”

  “What if I say no?” he asked.

  She took two steps toward him. “Then I’ll organize a party here, inviting a few of your colleagues.” Of course, she’d invite only people who didn’t know her. Since she was a pediatrician, they didn’t travel in the same medical circles.

  “I won’t attend it.”

  “Then I’ll remove the lock from your door and bring the entire party to your bedroom. Your choice.”

  “You would, wouldn’t you?”

  “Test me on it.”

  Despite what she was wearing, she was dead serious. “You’ve been hiding here long enough. If you don’t want to be helpless all your life, you have to let people in. These are your friends. They were before the accident and they still are. They didn’t change. You did.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay, what?” she asked.

  “I only said what if I say no.”

  “So your answer is yes?”

  “You’re relentless. You know that?”

  Lauren smiled. “That’s the best thing you’ve ever said to me.”

  * * *

  LAUREN SHOPPED FOR several days before the ball. The idea of a party had her rushing around. She wanted the perfect dress and it had been a long while since she thought of dressing up for anything more than a medical convention. There would be a lot of medical professionals in attendance, but she was there only for Jake’s welfare and the pleasure of proving to him that spending time with his colleagues would be beneficial.

  She had several evening gowns that would be appropriate, but they were packed away in storage.

  The gown she settled on was a regal purple with a high neck in the front. The back plunged into a deep V. She wore her hair up in a mass of curls. Her jewelry consisted of pearl earrings and a pearl necklace that draped down her back.

  Jake appeared at the top of the stairs. Lauren looked up and her breath caught in her throat. Both her heart and her stomach dropped at the sight of him. She’d never seen him in anything other than casual clothes. Wearing the tux, he was devastatingly handsome. The sling he usually wore to hold his right arm was gone.

  Wow was the word that came to mind, but her voice was gone and she uttered nothing.

  “You look amazing,” he said, stepping off the last rung.

  “So do you.” Her voice sounded low and breathy, like some television actress seeing her gorgeous leading man for the first time.

  A soft knock on the door interrupted them.

  “That would be the driver,” Jake said.

  The party was in full swing when they arrived. The ballroom, done in blue and white, was beautifully appointed. Lauren took Jake’s right arm. Immediately, his former colleagues greeted him. Whenever one of them forgot and offered to shake hands, Lauren took the hand and introduced herself. She found this action left no one embarrassed. She spotted no clues from Jake that he was tired, or that he wanted to leave. He seemed to be having a good time. After the first half hour, Lauren left him to to catch up with his old friends.

  Never far away, she gave him space and mingled among the medical professionals, eavesdropping on their conversations. When invited to join them, she told them she wasn’t a surgeon, leaving out that she understood most of the talk that was going on.

  Finally the program began, followed by dinner and dancing.

  “Are you all right?” she asked Jake when the music started. “Would you like to leave?”

  “I believe you wanted to dance,” he told her.

  He stood up and offered her his hand. Lauren took it and they walked to the dance floor. She turned in his arms the way she’d done in the apartment, taking his right elbow as his left hand slipped around her waist and his right hand rested on her shoulder. They started to circle the floor, moving slowly so his hand wouldn’t slip.

  “I’ll lead,” she said, since their positions were reversed.

  “Of course. I’m sure you’re used to leading,” he whispered against her ear.

  She heard the humor in his voice and smiled and they swayed together. Checking the crowd, she observed that no one was taking note of them. She relaxed in his arms and let the music and the night unfold.

  Later, they sat at their table, talking amicably, when they were joined by someone Jake knew.

  “Jake, good to see you.” A tall young man with brown hair, glasses and clear blue eyes stood before them. He offered Jake his hand, the gesture so automatic that it was done without thought.

  Lauren stepped in, so to speak, and shook his hand.

  “Hello, I’m Lauren, Dr. Masters’s assistant.”

  “Lauren, this is Dr. Douglas Faris. He’s a trauma surgeon also.”

  “Good to meet you,” he said. “And please call me Doug.”

  “Did you two work together?” Lauren asked.

  “Yes, and I want him to come back and work with me again.”

  “I don’t see how I can be much help,” Jake said. “Surgery requires two hands. And trauma is an animal in itself. It requires strength and quick action.”

  A couple of other doctors came over and the conversation veered off in different directions. Lauren willingly stepped back, keeping out of the conversations on medicine. She didn’t want to show her hand and knew it could easily happen if she had an opinion on something that someone else was saying.

  A woman came up to her near the table where they were seated for the evening.

  “Lauren, right?” she asked.

  Lauren nodded.

  “I’m Paula Ingraham. A colleague of Jake’s. How’s he really doing?” she asked.

  “Very well,” she said. Even though Jake wasn’t her patient, discussing a person’s medical information was taboo.

  “I’ve tried to call him several times, but he never returns my messages.”

  Lauren was grateful for that bit of information. “He’s been dealing with his brother being away and his circumstances.”

  She tried to be as vague as possible. Cal left only a few weeks ago and Jake had been in the apartment long enough to know it blindfolded.

  “So what exactly do you do for him?” Paula asked.

  She was direct and Lauren figured she’d already decided on
the answer.

  “I keep him safe,” she said.

  “Does that include dressing him and—”

  “He’s mastered that on his own,” Lauren interrupted. “Look, I’m his assistant, not his lover,” Lauren told her.

  “I didn’t mean—”

  “I know exactly what you mean. So to clear your mind, his brother hired me to make sure Jake adhered to his schedule while he was away, and if he needed any help someone would be there. I live in the apartment. I have my own rooms and we don’t share. Anything else you want to know?”

  “I didn’t intend to pry.”

  “Then I apologize. Excuse me.”

  Lauren left her. She knew exactly what the woman intended. She was attracted to Jake and Lauren appeared to be her competition. Not only did she live at the same address as Jake, but she got to see him on a daily basis. According to Dr. Ingraham, he didn’t return her phone calls. Maybe that should tell her something.

  Lauren moved back to where Jake was engaged in conversation with a trio of doctors. He reached for her hand when she got close enough. Lauren felt her blood pressure returning to normal.

  “Have you met everyone?” Jake asked, indicating the doctors in front of him.

  Lauren nodded. “I thought we might dance,” she said.

  “That’s a wonderful idea.”

  “Jake, think about what we said,” a salt-and-pepper-haired doctor name Wilford Styles said. “We’d love to have you back with us.”

  “I’ll think about it,” he responded, then led Lauren to the floor. “Having a good time?” he asked when he turned her into his arms.

  “It’s better now,” she said.

  “What did she say?” he asked.

  “Who?”

  “I saw you talking to Paula. Did she upset you?”

  “It’s nothing,” Lauren said. She felt as if the conversation was moot. She was dancing with Jake and she felt light in his arms.

  “I want to know,” he said.

  “All right.” She reviewed the conversation. “Apparently, she has designs on you and she sees me as competition.”

  “I’m not interested in Dr. Ingram.”

  Lauren smiled. “It doesn’t matter if it’s one-sided. She still thinks she has a chance.”

  “Let’s show her she doesn’t.”

  Jake put his left hand under her hair and pulled her close to his shoulder. They danced around the floor that way. Lauren felt everyone was watching them. Her concern was no longer about Dr. Paula Ingram, but about the man holding her. His aftershave made her heady and both the arm pressed at her back and the one between them had her feeling as if they were in their own magic world.

  Jake kissed the side of her face, just where her hairline met her cheek. While Lauren couldn’t see Paula Ingram, she was sure Jake had waited until she was in view before kissing her. Lauren leaned back, knowing the emotions coursing through her would quickly race out of control if she remained where she was. The movement proved a mistake. When she looked at Jake, his eyes were filled with desire and his mouth was only a breath away from hers.

  * * *

  IT WAS GLORIOUS, she thought hours later as they returned to Central Park West. Lauren slipped out of her shoes just inside the door.

  “Did you have a good time?” Jake asked.

  “I really felt like an actual princess,” she said. “Even if I wasn’t wearing my gown and crown.”

  They walked farther into the apartment, going to the sofa and sitting down. Jake pulled his tie loose and with one hand unbuttoned the top button on his shirt.

  “I danced and danced. And I didn’t have to flee at midnight or watch the town car turn into a pumpkin,” Lauren said, almost cheering when she noticed Jake smile.

  He looked at her and Lauren felt bathed in warmth. She should turn away, but she liked the way he looked at her. They weren’t enemies now. They were friends, companions.

  “What about you?” She could see he seemed tired. “You appeared to enjoy talking with your friends.”

  “It was grueling,” he said.

  “Liar. I saw you smiling and talking medical techniques and new procedures with a bunch of doctors.” She was careful to keep her words in laymen’s terms.

  “It was interesting to hear about the progress that’s happened in the last few years.”

  He’d once been part of that progress, she knew. He missed it. Even if he didn’t say it out loud, she could hear it in his tone.

  “And what about Paula Ingraham? I thought she was going to tip you over at one point. She held on to your arm so tightly.” After her conversation with Paula, she’d managed to avoid the surgeon for the rest of the night. It was obvious Dr. Ingraham wanted more from her former colleague.

  “Jealous?” Jake asked, a wry smile curving his lips.

  The question threw Lauren. She was jealous. “Slightly,” she admitted, waiting a moment to see his reaction. “She got you to smile in only five minutes. It took me three days.”

  “There’s nothing there,” he said. “We mostly talked about the hospital, people we both know.”

  She felt he was refusing to admit that he enjoyed mingling in his old community, even with Paula.

  “I heard someone ask you about consulting.”

  He nodded, without comment.

  “Are you going to do it?”

  “I told him I’d give it some thought.”

  “But you’re not going to?” Lauren asked.

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “You don’t have to,” she told him. “It’s obvious from every pore in your body.”

  “You think it’s something I should do?” he stated.

  “I think you’re healthy. You have a sound mind. And deep down, I think you want to use it. But pride holds you back. You anticipate how you think people will react to your arm.”

  “I’m usually right,” he said matter-of-factly.

  “That might be, but when you begin to speak, no one thinks of anything except the intelligence you share. I cannot tell you what to do. You have to decide what you want your life to be.”

  He grunted, making a sound that said nothing.

  “What?” she asked.

  “You sound like Cal. He says I should accept what I can’t change and use what I have, meaning my brain, to make it happen.”

  “Good advice,” Lauren agreed.

  “That’s why he hired you.”

  “I don’t understand,” she said.

  “Cal took that job in Denver to force me to make a decision. He didn’t want me to be here alone, so he hired you to replace him. A stranger who would do what Cal was doing, but from a different perspective.”

  “Only I’m not doing what Cal did. I’m getting you up and out even against your wishes,” she said.

  “Not exactly against my wishes.”

  Lauren smiled. She was making progress.

  “Secretly, I think you like it. It’s just that you also like being a grump.”

  “I am not a grump,” he contradicted.

  * * *

  THE END OF the ball marked an end to the fairy-tale costumes. Lauren dressed in regular clothes. It was evident three days later. Jake noticed she’d worn only street clothes, shirts and pants or shorts and tops. He admitted he missed the different outfits. He never knew what she would come up with next, still, her own personality came through regardless of her chosen dress.

  There was another change, and this one he’d decided on. He would consult. With the computer facilities he had, he didn’t need to be present in the hospital. At other times, he’d try his hand at medical writing. In school he’d gotten good grades in English and didn’t have a problem organizing his thoughts. There were a lot of procedures he and his former team developed that needed to be put down on paper and completely de
scribed. He could do that.

  He should thank Lauren for suggesting it, even though he’d been resistant. He might well never get the use of his arm back. He might never enter an operating room as a surgeon again. But he was a young man. He was in his thirties. Forty or fifty years lay before him. He couldn’t see himself continuing to get up and rattle around this apartment doing nothing for the next five decades.

  It was a stark realization. What was he going to do with his life? The one he’d had was gone and he had to come to terms with that. He went into the office. Lauren wasn’t there. She wasn’t in the apartment and had not told him where she was going. He sighed, realizing he missed her. Several boxes addressed to him arrived that morning and were sitting in the corner. He’d ordered them the day after the ball and until now they’d remained unopened.

  Juggling them with one arm, he took them to his bedroom and installed a video conferencing system on a table his grandmother had told him was a family heirloom. He’d never thought much about it, but because of her, he didn’t move it or use it often. Now it held the face-to-face communication unit and a laptop on which he installed a voice recognition program.

  Trying it out for the first time was awkward. He wasn’t used to hearing himself speak to a machine. And he’d never dictated before. He’d given orders, but that was like staccato speech. Sentences were clipped or fragmented and medical code was used to tell the nurses what he wanted done. This required a new style of speaking. But for Lauren’s sake, he’d try it.

  He heard the apartment door open and close, and his heart raced a little. She was back.

  “Jake,” she called.

  He left the room and looked over the banister. She looked up at him. The wind had ruffled her hair, and her face glowed.

  “Let’s go for a drive.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  JAKE HAD A CAR. Lauren had casually spoken to the doorman and learned that Jake maintained a car and a parking space nearby. It hadn’t been used since his accident, but it was still there.

  Instead of walking the same route through the park every day, they would have a greater reach to the outside world with a car.