Healing the Doctor's Heart

by Shirley Hailstock

  “Where?”

  “Jake, you have a car. Let’s take it out for a spin.”

  “I haven’t... I mean it hasn’t been used in a while. It probably won’t run.”

  “Let’s go see. I’ll drop these packages and we’ll get lunch—in New Jersey.”

  He opened his mouth to refuse, but Lauren was still talking.

  “Meet you in five minutes. Bring the keys.”

  She didn’t wait to see what he said or did. She wasn’t giving him a choice. Five minutes later, he was standing by the door. She rushed toward him.

  “Do you have a valid driver’s license?” he asked.

  “I do. I’ve got my car parked in a lot not far from here. But I don’t drive that often,” she told him.

  “How long has it been?”

  She smiled. “Are you afraid I’ll have an accident?”

  “It’s a possibility.”

  “A few weeks ago. I went to an interview.” She left it at that.

  Lauren raised her hand for the keys. Jake took his time, but he passed them over. She reached for both the keys and his hand as she led him out of the apartment.

  She should have known the car would be a sporty model. Jake led her to a bright yellow Mercedes. He opened his own door and got in, but he couldn’t pull it closed. Lauren did so, then clicked the button to open the trunk before getting behind the wheel, slipping onto a seat that was as smooth and soft as butter.

  “What did you put in the trunk?”

  “My sweater and jacket. My parents taught me to always take something in case the weather changed.”

  The engine fired on the first try. She smiled and put the car in gear. It drove like a dream.

  “Enjoying yourself?” Jake asked after several minutes. He seemed to like watching her.

  “It handles like it knows what I want to do. All I have to do is think it and the car responds.”

  “Almost,” he said with a smile.

  Lauren was sure he hadn’t intended for her to see it. She negotiated the streets of Manhattan, then took the tunnel into New Jersey. Once there, Lauren opted for the turnpike. Although the speed limit was sixty-five, she exceeded it by fifteen miles and hardly felt any pull on the car.

  “I think you should slow down,” Jake said. “Not only is the car unfamiliar to you, but you will get pulled over by the police.”

  “It’s almost worth it,” Lauren said, but she slowed down anyway. She drove past exit after exit until they were close to Princeton.

  “Aren’t we going to stop for lunch?” Jake finally asked.

  “Soon,” she said.

  “I wonder how long you would keep driving if this was a convertible.”

  “I’ve never driven a convertible. My first car was an old Chevy that was handed down to me. I was forever fixing it since it was always breaking down.”

  “A mechanic in our presence,” he teased.

  Lauren was loving this. She hoped this Jake would remain as the dominant personality. He was funny, playful and good to be around. Lauren saw her exit. She took a side road that was wide, but not heavily trafficked. Ten minutes later she slowed and turned into a public park.

  “Here?” Jake questioned. “We’re having lunch here?”

  “We’re having a picnic.”

  She parked, cut the engine and got out. Again she opened the trunk and instead of pulling out a sweater and jacket, she took out the picnic basket and a blanket.

  “How’d you do that?” He indicated the picnic basket.

  “I ordered it and the doorman put it in the parking garage. When I opened the car, I stored it in the trunk along with my sweater and jacket.”

  After choosing a place close to the pond, Lauren spread the blanket and sat down. Jake joined her. Together they put out the food.

  “When was the last time you went on a picnic?” she asked.

  “I don’t remember.”

  “It was with her, right?”

  “Her?”

  “Yes, the woman who you don’t mention. And before you ask, Caleb said nothing about a woman, girlfriend, fiancée, friend or even a person of interest.”

  “So, why do you think there was someone?”

  “Because I wasn’t born yesterday and I recognize the signs if not the photo.”

  His head came up and he stared at her. Lauren hoped she wasn’t changing his mood, forcing him back into the sullen Jake.

  “I found it on the shelves behind the piano. I was looking at some music and a photo slipped from between the pages.”

  “The last picnic wasn’t with her. It was with a patient, a seventeen-year-old girl with a heart transplant that was rejecting. She told me she had only one wish before she died.”

  Lauren stopped moving and sat back on her heels.

  “She wanted to feel the sun on her face. The nurses organized a picnic on the hospital grounds. There’s an inner courtyard designed to look like a park.”

  “You took her there?”

  He nodded. “She laughed and cried, ate a little. She told us stories about her life. It was a happy day.”

  “But it was sad for you.” Lauren knew the memory wasn’t good. “Tell me the last picnic you attended where you were happy.”

  “It was a beach picnic. We were in Florida on the gulf side. The sun was hot, the water warm. Cal was there. We spent the entire day and part of the night. We had food and music, swimming races and sailing. After the sun set, we had a fire on the beach. Sitting around it, we told ghost stories.”

  “That sounds like fun.”

  Lauren was dying to ask if she was there, the woman in the photo, but held her tongue. She recognized Jake. Cal had told her how athletic he was, how he once did extreme sports before going to med school. Sailing and swimming were two things that would excite him.

  The day passed quietly. While they ate, Lauren told him about her life, keeping to the script of the kindergarten teacher. She told him about her family and things she and her sisters had done as kids and teenagers. Eventually, she and Jake lapsed into a companionable silence.

  “What are you going to do when you leave here?” Jake asked after a while. “Are you going back to teaching kids?”

  “Probably. I don’t know for sure.” Lauren shook her head and looked toward the sky to prevent Jake from seeing there was something about his question that touched her. “What about you? When I leave are you going to retreat into your bedroom and only come out to eat?”

  He chuckled. “I think I’m past that.”

  Lauren looked back quickly, her smile wide. Her hand was on his right arm before she thought about it. “Glad to hear it.”

  He smiled at her and Lauren started to move her hand, but Jake clasped it in place. Their eyes met and held. Lauren’s brain shouted at herself to look away, move her hand, but something else inside her wouldn’t let it happen. She didn’t know how long they stared at each other. The bond that held them suspended, pulled them closer to one another. Lauren’s eyes were closing when she realized what was happening. He was going to kiss her. She wanted him to kiss her. But she pulled away, sat up straight.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m your companion and I should have remembered that.”

  Jake cleared his throat, but didn’t say anything. She saw his shoulders rise and fall as he took a long breath.

  “Maybe we should leave,” he suggested.

  It was late afternoon, time to return to the city. Time to return to reality.

  Once everything was packed in the car, Lauren held the keys out to Jake. He looked at them and then at her as if the world was about to end.

  “No,” he said emphatically. “I haven’t driven since the accident.”

  “Yet you keep a valid driver’s license,” she teased, trying to lighten the mood.

 
“Identification,” he said. “I need it to get on planes.”

  “You haven’t been on a plane since you returned from Paris.”

  “I guess Cal told you everything there is to know about me.”

  “He didn’t have to. I can tell a lot of things about you from your attitude.”

  “Then you should know that driving is one of the things that’s off-limits to me,” he said.

  “This parking area is huge and there are no other cars around.” Going to him, she took his arm, tugging him toward the driver’s side of the low sporty model.

  The parking lot was empty of cars except for Jake’s. It was a workday. The lunchtime crowd didn’t get out this far and it was well past four o’clock.

  “We should go,” Jake said. “As it is we’re going to get caught in the rush-hour traffic.”

  “I think you should drive.” Lauren said it nonchalantly as if she was offering him a cookie. She grabbed the keys and dangled them in front of him. Jake stepped back as if she had a snake in her hand.

  “I can’t drive.”

  “Why not?”

  He looked perplexed, as if she was being facetious.

  “You haven’t been away from the wheel that long. You wouldn’t have forgotten how in a couple of years. If your medical knowledge is still there, then so is your ability to drive.”

  “One of those has nothing to do with the other.” He glanced at his arm.

  “Don’t try that.” Lauren cut him off. “If you don’t want a skill to atrophy, then you need the practice. And what better place to try than here?”

  Lauren opened her arms to encompass the deserted area.

  “Don’t you want to try?” She whispered the words, giving him an option she knew he wanted. “Don’t you want some independence? If you can drive yourself, you can go where you want without a companion.” She let her voice rise a little at the end.

  Jake said nothing. Lauren could tell he was thinking about it. She waved the keys close to his face.

  “Don’t do that,” he said.

  “Why not?” Lauren continued waving the keys. She stepped closer to Jake, baiting him. She knew she had him when he stopped backing up. Her final step had her nearly bumping into him.

  “Come on, give it a try. What do you have to lose?”

  Jake looked down at her. With a sigh, he took the keys.

  Lauren ran around and slipped into the passenger seat. “It’s a very powerful car,” she told him. “Be careful, the owner is a real grouch. He’ll probably have you drawn and quartered if you hit a blade of grass.”

  Jake cut his eyes at her, but accepted the criticism with a smile. He pressed the start button. The car purred to life. Lauren noticed the slight smile of satisfaction on his face. It had been a long time since he’d been behind the wheel, but she understood men and their machines. He put it in gear and took off a little too fast. When he hit the brake, Lauren lurched forward. Instinctively Jake took his hand off the steering wheel to brace her and the car jerked. In a second it straightened as well-maintained, high-powered vehicles were designed to do. Still he quickly moved his hand back, fighting the wheel, stomping on the brake and causing more jerks.

  “I mentioned it was a high-powered vehicle. Be kind to it.” Lauren gestured at the steering wheel.

  “I told you I couldn’t drive,” he said angrily.

  She ignored the protest. “That was only your first time. Try it again.”

  He calmed down and asked, “Are you all right?”

  “I’m fine.” She put her hand on his arm and squeezed, but quickly released him. “Try it.”

  Jake looked over the steering wheel. He slowly released the brake and the car rolled forward. He stopped, then started again. Lauren realized he was testing the brake. Like a teenager at his first driving lesson, he went through the steps of getting to know the car. He took it slow until he felt comfortable.

  “Great,” Lauren praised. “You’re doing fine.”

  She knew he didn’t need her approval, but after her comment he spent the next twenty minutes driving back and forth through the parking lot, picking up speed and becoming more familiar with his skills. Several minutes later, he took the car out on the park’s roads. They drove through the park, encountering no other cars. Jake was doing well. And he was smiling.

  “Ready for the real road?” she asked.

  He pulled into another parking lot and stopped the car. When he swung around to get out, she grabbed his arm. Muscles tensed under her hand.

  “Don’t get out,” she said. “You’re driving us back.”

  “No.” He elongated the word. “I’ve already proved—”

  “That you needed a little practice and you can do anything you set your mind to.”

  Jake only looked at her for a long moment.

  Lauren nodded. “Yes, I believe that.”

  “Are you sure?” he asked.

  “Absolutely.”

  “Your confidence is better than mine.”

  Lauren shifted in her seat. She faced him head-on. “You drive back and when we get close to the tunnel, I’ll take over—deal?”

  He didn’t take a moment before agreeing. “I’ll at least give it a try, but if either of us thinks I’m a danger, we stop and you drive.”

  “Deal,” she said. “But you’ll do great.”

  * * *

  JAKE DIDN’T STOP driving when they approached the Holland Tunnel. Neither did he relinquish control of the car when he started driving the streets from Chinatown to the Dakota. He pulled into the garage and cut the engine. Neither he nor Lauren moved.

  “Enjoyed it, did you?” she asked.

  He didn’t hide his joy. “I did.”

  “See, I was right. You can do anything you put your mind to.”

  Jake knew she was thinking of their conversation about him consulting or writing or doing something that didn’t require the use of his right arm. Jake couldn’t help but agree with her. The car had shown him he could go where he wanted without a companion, without his brother being on hand. As a teenager, his first car had given him his freedom. He could go places his bicycle never took him. And oh, the places he went.

  Lauren turned to get out. Jake’s hand on her shoulder stopped her. “Thank you,” he said.

  His words meant a lot more than they seemed.

  “You’re welcome.”

  She tried to move again, but he pulled her back. Lauren stared at him. The air in the car was heavy and electric. He pulled her close and kissed her lightly on the mouth. Lauren didn’t resist, but he could sense her confusion and regret.

  Neither spoke until they were in the apartment.

  “I’m going to go and clean up,” she said, opening the door.

  “You’ll be down for dinner?”

  She nodded.

  Jake thought he’d lost all feeling in his body from his arm to his toes, but when he kissed Lauren he discovered that wasn’t true. He admitted she was having an effect on him that he hadn’t wanted, or at least hadn’t thought he wanted. Now he knew he wanted more out of life than sitting around brooding about the past.

  And he had her to credit for it. It was a miracle that he ran into her that day and that she goaded him into lunch. Where would he be today without that chance encounter?

  Jake glanced at the door to her bedroom. What was she thinking in there? Had his kiss overstepped their boundaries? In the park, she said as much, but in the car she hadn’t stopped him. He felt she wanted more.

  Was it his arm that had her pushing back? Jake rejected that thought. She’d immediately made it apparent that she cared little about his arm other than to make sure he was in no pain. Where others shied away from even mentioning it, Lauren took on the subject without reserve. She touched him often and he liked her touch. He could feel the warmth of her hands
and the miracle of her fingers as she massaged his shoulder and upper biceps. Lately, that touch had felt more than clinical.

  Taking one more look at Lauren’s door, Jake bounded up the steps and went to his own room. Twenty minutes later he was back, showered and dressed in fresh clothes. Lauren was in the kitchen.

  “What are we having tonight?” he asked jovially, masking the strange way he really felt. That picnic today had thrown him. No, he told himself. That was a lie. It was the way Lauren had looked under the bright sunlight, the way he felt when she touched him and that sudden need to kiss her. He felt like that now. She opened the refrigerator and took out a container, yet all he could think of was the way her hair fell against her shoulders and how he wanted to brush it back.

  “We’re having a gourmet dish—spaghetti and meatballs.” She laughed, holding up the bowl of spaghetti.

  “Actually, it’s a favorite of mine.”

  “Really?”

  The question in her voice was defining. He realized how much she didn’t know about him and how little he knew about her.

  “Set the table,” she said.

  Jake moved to comply. This was his favorite part of the day. Usually, the housekeeper would prepare their meals and set the table, but when they were late, she left the food in the refrigerator and they only had to heat it up. They worked together well. Jake admitted he was going to miss Lauren when she left. She’d told him in the beginning that if she was hired it was temporary. She was going.

  Jake tried to broach the subject this afternoon, but she pivoted any discussion back to him and he didn’t challenge it. But now he wasn’t looking forward to her leaving. He wouldn’t have anyone else to step in. There was no one he would want to replace her.

  “Do you cook your own spaghetti or was it your mother’s that you preferred?”

  He finished setting the table. “It was my housekeeper’s. My mother didn’t cook.”

  “You were a regular kid once?”

  “Yes.” Again he drew out the word. “Don’t you think I could have been?”

  They slipped into the chairs as they had done before, each taking the same place.

  “At first I thought you were born full grown, holding your medical degree, but already experienced in every aspect of surgery.”