Healing the Doctor's Heart

by Shirley Hailstock

  “That’s insulting,” he said, but not with anger.

  “I said at first.”

  “What do you think now?”

  “That you’re not as afraid as you once were,” she said.

  Jake couldn’t help the small chuckle. She was very observant. He wasn’t as afraid.

  “I can credit you for that.”

  “Thank you.” She smiled. “So have you decided on anything?”

  “Consulting work. I’m doing it by video conference...at least at the beginning.” He emphasized the last phrase, stopping her from speaking. Jake knew her argument would be that he should get out and interact with people in person. Maybe he would, but not yet. “What is your favorite food?”

  “It isn’t the food exactly. What I love about cooking is the company, people preparing it, the fun in discussing things while you work. The food always tastes best that way because of the love you put in it.”

  “Wow,” he said. “What are we talking about?”

  “Family,” she answered. “They don’t have to be blood related. Friends count too.”

  “So you can eat liverwurst?”

  “I happen to like liverwurst. I also like bratwurst, bockwurst, knackwurst and weisswurst.”

  “So sausage is your thing?”

  She laughed. “Yes.”

  “We’ll have to add those to the menu.”

  “There’s a diner near where I went to school that served them all. We used to go there after class and eat tons of them.”

  Lauren looked so happy. He’d rarely seen her look otherwise. There was a sadness he’d noticed in her eyes a while ago, but lately it had disappeared. He wondered what had put it there and he hoped being around him had caused her to lose it. Even though he hadn’t been the most welcoming in the beginning.

  “Why don’t we go to see a movie?” he said.

  From Lauren’s reaction, that was the last thing she expected to hear him say.

  “You mean in a theater or in the room with the big-screen television?”

  “I thought of going to a theater, but if you’d rather stay in and watch something here...” He left the sentence hanging.

  “I would rather go out,” she said. “But not tonight. It’s been a long day. Maybe we could watch something here and go out Thursday.”

  Jake recognized her companion voice. It had been an experience for him and she didn’t want to stretch the day’s activities too far.

  He nodded. “What would you like to see?”

  “You know I’d pick a sappy romcom and you’d hate it, so why don’t you make the decision. Just don’t choose something too gory.”

  “I don’t like gore.”

  “Too much like medicine?” she teased.

  “I can’t stand the sight of blood,” he retorted, good-naturedly.

  Lauren got up, taking her plate. “You go choose a movie. I’ll clean these up and meet you.”

  Jake stood, but didn’t immediately leave. Typically, they cleaned up together. He piled his silverware and glass on his plate and took it to the sink. Lauren accepted them with a smile. He stepped back several feet, before turning and going to find a DVD. Seconds later, Jake searched through his collection, rejecting almost everything. Too long, too much profanity, too little story.

  “What did you choose?” she asked, coming into the room and curling up on the sofa.

  “I have three I’m deciding on.” He showed her the covers. “If you like Bruce Willis, we can watch any of the Die Hard action movies. If you’re in the mood for the supernatural, I have a wide array of Stephen King adaptations. Or if you want to check out a black-and-white classic, there’s Hitchcock’s version of The 39 Steps.”

  She pointed to the last one.

  “The 39 Steps it is.”

  He placed the DVD in the machine and joined her on the sofa.

  “I thought of making popcorn, but we just ate dinner,” Lauren said.

  “Does white or red wine go with popcorn?” Jake lifted a bottle of wine from the table in front of them. Two glasses sat next to it. Lauren had no idea how long he’d practiced lifting both the wine and the glasses without dropping either. He also managed to pull the cork out and allow the wine to breathe. Now that the opening credits were running, he poured the two glasses and they settled back to watch.

  “Have you seen this before?” Jake asked her.

  “Many times. It’s one of my favorites.”

  “Mine too,” Jake said.

  He lowered the lights and they silently concentrated on the movie. At least Lauren concentrated on it. He couldn’t keep his mind on discovering the message of The 39 Steps. He was more concerned with the woman next to him. Their day had been momentous and by all rights he should be exhausted, but instead he was exhilarated. She’d forced him to step outside his comfort zone, not with hostility or anger, but with cajoling and teasing. He liked it when she teased him.

  Lauren unfolded her legs and stretched them out on the coffee table. Her foot kicked a magazine and it fell on the floor. She leaned forward and looked down.

  “I’ll get it later,” she said almost to herself.

  Repositioning herself, she was slightly closer to Jake than before. He wondered if she knew it or if she was just making herself more comfortable. For several more minutes he tried to follow the story.

  When he glanced at Lauren, she’d fallen asleep, her breathing even. He reached over and removed the wineglass from her hand, setting it on the table. As he sat back, she slipped sideways and fell against him. Jake let her rest there, while he held his breath. Then he pushed her up and repositioned her on his shoulder as the movie played out. When the final scene came and went, Jake let the DVD run to the end. Lauren still rested next to him and he was reluctant to move or he’d disturb her. Yet his arm was going numb from her lying against it.

  He slipped away from her, and she shifted on the sofa, but didn’t wake. Jake lowered her to the sofa. In the dim light of the room, she was beautiful. She no longer smelled of sunshine and grass as she had when they left the park. The floral scent of her soap and shampoo filled his nostrils and he forced himself not to wake her. Kneeling, he moved her legs from the table to the sofa.

  Finding a blanket, he draped it over her and silenced the television. The room was thrown into semidarkness. Jake blinked a couple of times to let his eyes adjust.

  He reached to collect the wineglasses and stepped on the magazine. The space between the table and the sofa forced him to drop down on his knees. As he reached down to pick it up, his face was close to Lauren’s. He stopped in case she woke. She stirred, but settled without opening her eyes.

  Quickly, Jake stood up and moved away. The urge to stay and watch her was strong. He went to his room and closed the door, but his thoughts remained in the room downstairs where the princess lay waiting for her prince to kiss her awake.

  Jake had said he was no prince, but at the moment he seriously thought of making that fantasy a reality.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  “OWWW,” LAUREN SCREAMED. She was falling and suddenly she stopped, hitting the bottom. Her heart thundered and fear that she’d killed herself knocked the breath out of her. Opening her eyes in the small space, she fought for freedom. Then memory came back. She was still in the television room. She’d fallen off the sofa. If she hadn’t bumped her arm against the table, she’d laugh at herself.

  Groaning, she pushed herself upright, looking for Jake. Where was he? The room was softly lighted, but she was alone. Her eyes fell on the digital numbers on the cable box. It was after three in the morning. There was a soft blanket that she was now sitting on. Jake must have put it over her. She stroked it, silently thanking him for his compassion.

  Thirst woke her. Her throat was dry and burning. She got up and wove around furniture and into the kitchen. The water was i
ce cold and delicious. She drank a full bottle and took a second one to go to her room. The view stopped her. The city wasn’t asleep as New York never fully rested, but there was a calm to it. She could feel it in the way it looked back at her.

  Lauren realized she would miss New York when she left. She sank down on the piano bench and thought about her time here. She’d come to New York straight out of Johns Hopkins medical school. She thought life would be perfect, but it had a way of disappointing you. Lauren knew her brushes with life were only scrimmages until Naliani died.

  Tears flew to her eyes and she quickly brushed them away. Raising her head, she looked at the sky. It was dark and starless. She knew the stars were there, but the wash of city light, even at this hour, hid them from view. Could Naliani see them? Was she looking down on her mother and wondering why they were no longer together?

  Her death was the reason Lauren had decided to start over. She’d move from this city and find a place where no one knew her, where no one could ask about her child and where there were no reminders of the times and places they had gone together. And then she’d seen Caleb’s ad. Now she was here, postponing her plans and working with a man who had no idea who she was. And if he found out, she’d disappear from his life, this time forever.

  “Lauren?”

  She jumped at the sound of her name in the darkness. Even though it was spoken softly, the unexpectedness of it startled her.

  “Why are you sitting in the dark?” Jake asked.

  She swallowed, knowing she couldn’t speak with the tears still stinging her eyes.

  “Lights,” she said, unable to utter more than one word. She was sure he couldn’t see her and that helped her get herself under control before she had to speak again. “I woke up and the city looked so pretty.”

  She wondered why he was awake, but she didn’t ask.

  “You were sleeping so peacefully and the day had been long. I didn’t want to wake you,” he explained.

  “I had a nice time today,” she said.

  Jake came down the stairs and walked to the piano.

  “Do you play?” he asked.

  She shook her head. “I had a few lessons when I was a child, but I didn’t stick with it.”

  Jake took a seat next to her on the bench. He wore a robe over his pajamas.

  “Will you—?”

  He ran his fingers over several keys. Lauren recognized an arpeggio. She smiled at him even though her heart wasn’t in it. She’d asked him about the piano before and he hadn’t said he played it. The changes in him the last few weeks made her think he was returning to the man he was before the accident. She should encourage him to play. Yesterday she would have pushed him to try, but right now she had her own wounds to lick.

  “Lauren, is something wrong?”

  Jake didn’t look at her. His fingers continued to skate over the keys. They were tentative at times as if he hadn’t practiced in a long while. She knew that to be true, but his proficiency would return quickly once the use of his arm came back. She didn’t know why she thought it would. He’d made so much progress in just the short time she’d been with him. He was on the road to recovery even if he didn’t yet know it.

  “There’s nothing wrong,” she said.

  “You’re awfully quiet. For someone who loves to talk, your silence feels like shouting.”

  “I’m sorry.” Lauren looked away from Jake. “I guess sleeping on the sofa made me a little groggy.” She couldn’t tell him the real reason for her mood. It’s not that he wouldn’t understand, but she couldn’t relate the story without dissolving into tears. The pain of loss was too close to the surface.

  His one-handed piano playing continued. And then it struck a raw nerve. Lauren almost hopped off the bench when the happy notes of “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” filled the cavernous room. The water bottle she’d been holding fell to the floor.

  “I think I’ll go to bed now,” she said. Leaving the water, she held herself erect and walked as normally as she could up the stairs and into her room. She didn’t undress, just lay on the bed and crawled into a fetal position. Tomorrow would be better, she told herself. Tomorrow she’d move Naliani back into the safe place in her heart where she lived and resume her duties to Jake.

  Lauren closed her eyes wondering if sleep would elude her, but she fell asleep within minutes. When she woke, the sun was blaring through the windows. The bedside clock said it was after ten. She sat up straight, restricted by the shirt and pants she’d changed into after she and Jake returned from their picnic. Quickly, she went through her morning routine and headed downstairs. The apartment was quiet. As she looked over the railing, she didn’t see Jake, but reaching the bottom of the steps, she heard him speaking in his office. She smiled. Since she’d arrived, she’d never seen him in that room. She heard his muffled voice. He was on the phone. Hopefully, he’d begun his consulting.

  In the kitchen, the housekeeper was still there and coffee was ready.

  “How about some breakfast?” she asked with no censure for the late hour in her voice. Lauren was used to being up early. In her previous life, she was usually in her office at 7:00 a.m. Her first patient was scheduled at nine. Sleeping until after ten was unlike her.

  “I’d love some.” She took a drink of her coffee. “Have you seen Dr. Masters this morning?”

  “He was in that room when I arrived and he hasn’t come out. The coffee was made and there were fresh bagels on the counter. I think he took his own breakfast.”

  “Thanks,” Lauren said. “He must be ready for something else by now.”

  “I’ll make him a tray,” the housekeeper said.

  “I’ll take it when it’s ready. I think he’s speaking to someone from the hospital.”

  “Good,” she said with a smile.

  Lauren was finishing her second cup of coffee and the last of her toast when the tray was ready. She knocked softly on the door and opened it. Jake was on the phone, but waved her in. She heard the familiar medical jargon and smiled inwardly. After setting the tray near the desk, she picked up his coffee cup and an empty plate that held crumbs and a smear of cream cheese and returned to the kitchen.

  The housekeeper took the dishes and Lauren found herself with nothing to do. Jake sounded as if he’d be a while on the phone. Her thoughts from the night before came back to her. It had been a long while since she allowed memories of Naliani to break through her resolve. But today she would confront them.

  * * *

  JAKE CAUGHT UP WITH Lauren after his phone call. He swung her around in a mock dance.

  “My, you’re in a mood today,” she said.

  “Let’s go for a drive,” he suggested.

  “A drive where?”

  “Does it matter? Let’s just get in the car and follow where it leads us.”

  “Okay,” Lauren said. Her mood lightened. “I’ll get my purse.”

  She also got a blazer and changed into pressed jeans and slipped on a pair of high-heeled shoes. To be safe, she added casual shoes to a shoe bag. Wherever they were going, she could be either casual without the jacket or neatly dressed with it. They drove to Connecticut, taking the Merritt Parkway. Jake commented on the art deco bridges as they passed under them.

  “Who knew you were such a font of nonmedical information?” she said when he’d parked the car and they were sitting at an outdoor ice cream stand eating identical boats of banana splits.

  “You’d be surprised,” he said. “Just as I would. What are your nonkindergarten talents?”

  “Brain surgery,” she teased.

  Jake shook his head.

  “Tap dancer?”

  He glanced at her legs. “A possibility,” he said. “You’ve got the legs for it.”

  “Keep your eyes on your ice cream,” she said.

  Jake shrugged. “Seriously, what do you do
other than take care of kids?”

  “I make pop-up books.”

  “What?” His voice was a mixture of laughter and wonder. “That’s something you do with your kids in class.”

  “Not these. They’re very elaborate and not for kindergartners.”

  “Really, so they’re not trees or a house that comes up when you turn the page?”

  “Yes and no,” she answered. “The concept is the same, but the elaborate house that pops up could match this elaborate apartment you live in.”

  “Wow, I need to see these. How did you get into that?”

  “At first I did it for relaxation. I made one in a craft class and it took forever, but after I got the mechanics down, I loved the result. So I kept at it. I have some very complicated designs.”

  “Where are they?”

  “Right now they’re in storage until I decide where I’m settling.”

  “So you haven’t made a decision on that yet?”

  She shook her head.

  “I’m getting closer.”

  They finished their banana splits and went back to his car.

  * * *

  DRIVING DOWN THE HIGHWAY, Jake’s heart thumped. He realized he didn’t want her to go. He’d become used to her being there. He even enjoyed their arguments. Sometimes he looked forward to them. But she had to be thinking of returning to work. And why wouldn’t she? He’d taken her suggestions and he was all the better for them.

  “Lauren, I like having you here. If you can postpone leaving until Cal returns, I’d appreciate that.”

  Jake wanted to look at Lauren as he spoke, but he was driving and could only glance at her. She appeared at a loss for words. He didn’t think she’d expected him to say that. He hadn’t intended to, but he liked talking to her. He liked her more than as a friend, but he couldn’t go further than that. He remembered her first day, when she walked into the apartment and had to pry him out of bed. Now he was asking her not to leave.

  “I...” she began. “I have to...”