Heartless

by Zizi Cole

  “This Tobias you speak of, I’m sure if he loved you, he would never blame you for anything that happened. He knew that your father would never agree to let you marry and would have wanted to run away with you as well. He knew when he was arrested, that you didn’t have a choice. Love is something that transcends time so I’m sure he will welcome you with open arms when you meet again.”

  “How can you know that?” Her voice was filled with emotions. I could hear the sadness, but I could also hear something underneath. It sounded like hope.

  “I just know. Be comforted with the thought that you are not alone. He is looking over you and protecting you. I’m sure he would have done the same with the baby, if he could.”

  “I hope so. I pray to Mother Mary day in and day out, that she and Tobias are able to forgive me for the sins I’ve had to commit. The killing of a baby is unacceptable, even to me, but I can’t let him turn an innocent soul into a monster.”

  “My child, you have asked for forgiveness and will be forgiven for your sins. I feel that your prayers will be soon answered.”

  “Thank you, Father. I don’t know why, but you are easy to open up to. Almost like I have known you for years. I have never cleansed my soul like I did today.”

  “Be happy that you have released your demons and you are able to go forth with a lighter load. I am always here to listen to you, milady.”

  I heard the curtain open as she left the confessional. I leaned back and rubbed my temples, trying to absorb and deal with the information that I had been given. She had carried my child, yet the child was gone because of that bastard of a king. She had done everything she could to protect another child from a similar fate. And she believed I was dead. My sweet Malina had lost her sparkle from what she had suffered. I only hoped she could get some of that sparkle back.

  I was going to tear Luquin limb from limb. I wanted him to look me in the eyes as I watched the life drain from his eyes. Maybe I would drown him like he did my son, so he could see what it was like. He would know how my son felt when he was taken away from this world after such a short time. I wanted him to beg me for his life so I could just smile as I watched the water fill his lungs.

  Maybe I would just bypass submerging him under water and put tubes up his nose, filling it with water so the water went straight to his lungs. Then I could watch him drown and not be in water. I’d love to see how the doctors explained that one.

  I did know one thing. Malina was going to find out she didn’t cause my death before it was said and done. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, but I would have to reveal myself eventually. She was safer at the moment thinking I was dead, instead of knowing I was alive.

  I would play with him first. I wanted him to know that someone was after him. I wanted him looking around corners and checking his back at every turn, before I finally took his life. I was going to make him suffer for killing an innocent and torturing the woman I loved. He would know who killed him as I took his life from him. This one went from being just professional to personal.

  I just had to figure out what to do about Malina. She had a target on her back, but was completely innocent in what she had been accused of. If Luquin was involved with what was expected, I was sure Malina knew nothing of it.

  I was going to find out if he was involved and find out a way to protect her from the backlash of what was going on. I wanted her safe and out of it. I had to figure out the way to do that.

  Chapter 3

  I spent the following week tormenting King Luquin. I set fires in various places in the castle and moved things around in his office. Everything I did, I made sure that Malina wasn’t blamed for it. I just wanted to keep him busy where he knew something was up and he didn’t have time to touch Malina.

  I finally decided it was about time to make my final move toward him, but I hadn’t decided what to do about the queen. I figured I could just let her live and be done with hit, but I knew someone else would be sent to kill her. I couldn’t let anyone kill Malina and it was making me sloppy. I should just do the job and be done with it, but I couldn’t. My heart wouldn’t let me. I would rather kill myself than let anything happen to her.

  I paced my room, trying to decide what to do. I could stage a kidnapping, but what would I do with her after that? I couldn’t keep her with me. She would probably hate me. Of course, if her husband died, she may move back to her home, but I couldn’t bank on that. Her father had sent her away because of me and they hadn’t had contact since. I couldn’t seem to make a decision.

  I sat and thought about what she told me during that confession. We had a child, a son, that had been murdered. I still wasn’t sure how to deal with that. I didn’t think that I would have felt anything about it, but it hurt in my chest. The last time I had felt that was when I had been taken into custody and knew I wouldn’t see Malina anymore.

  I ran my hands through my hair in frustration. I wondered where the babe would have been buried, so I decided to find out. I slipped out of my room quietly and headed to the records room. Once there, I locked myself in and lit a candle. Some places had electricity but this rectory wasn’t one of them. I hated it. I hadn’t been to many places that had electricity, but King Cornelius had it. It was coveted and only certain rooms in the castle had access to it.

  I pulled out the large burial records book and began to flip through looking for a date roughly five years ago. When I found the year, I started to scan through to see if the baby had been buried. I hoped he hadn’t been cremated. If so, I would never be able to find him. I finally came across a child that was marked dead at birth. It was the only male born around the right time. He also didn’t have a name and was buried in an unmarked grave on the west side of the graveyard.

  I put out the candle after replacing the book and headed out to the graveyard. Once I was out there, I roamed silently through the crosses that placed each body. They say they are unmarked, but they were only marked with a cross, no name. As I headed west, I felt my heart get heavy. I didn’t think I was going to be able to find the grave of the boy. I didn’t know what drove me to find it, but I had to see it for myself. Maybe to determine it was real, maybe to satisfy my curiosity.

  When I was about to give up, a small teddy bear sitting on a grave caught my eye. I walked over to the grave and studied the bear. I recognized it as one that I had given to Malina after we started seeing each other. I hadn’t realized that she had managed to keep it. I also knew that meant I found the right grave.

  Kneeling, I ran my hand across the cross. I felt a constriction in my chest. Here was the confirmation of her story. That I had a child that was lost to me; that had been lost to me from the moment Malina was taken away from me. I knew, for my sanity I should walk away from all this and not look back, but I was too invested now to be able to step away.

  “I’m sorry, son. I should have been there for you. I didn’t know. If I had any idea, I would have come looking for you and your mother. This is all my fault. I should have fought harder. I should have-” I cut myself off. I had regrets that I would live with, but it wouldn’t do me any good to bare my soul to a cross. A cross that marked where my son lies.

  “Even though I never met you, I want you to know that I love you. I will always love you. I will avenge you. That is something I can promise you. I won’t let you have died in vain. I will make sure the bastard suffers.” I kissed my fingers and touched the cross gently in the middle. I stood.

  With blood in my eyes and vengeance in my heart, I headed toward the castle with no thought of what I intended to do once I got there. I only knew that I had just said goodbye to a child which had been taken away from me, and that was unacceptable. Murder of an innocent baby was even something the most harden assassin wouldn’t do. I knew because I worked with the best.

  I slipped into the castle with no issues. I made my way up to the king’s chambers before I ran into anyone else. There was a guard standing at his door and I took him down with a quick snap of the ne
ck. He hadn’t even seen me coming. I slipped into the room and stood over him while he slept.

  It would be so easy to slip a knife into his heart while he laid there defenseless. I pulled the dagger out of my belt and held it tight enough that I knew it would leave imprints on my palm. I wasn’t sure how long I stood there, gripping the knife, staring down at him. Then I had a thought. Killing him right away would be too easy. I walked to a desk, grabbing parchment and a quill. I wrote a note and walked over to the bed, stabbing the note to the pillow, leaving my dagger behind. When he woke up the next morning he would see two words; those two words would mean the world to him. The note said: YOU’RE NEXT.

  There were whispers through the church about some kind of monster roaming the grounds. It was brought up that there had been threats on the king’s life and that his prized dog had been killed and gutted. There was one mention of the dead guard, but he didn’t merit as much talk. I had to act appalled that anything like that could happen, when on the inside I wanted to laugh. There was talk about who it could be, but no one ever thought that a “holy man” was involved in everything.

  I noticed since I killed the dog, the security and guards had increased, tenfold. It was going to make moving around unnoticed a little more difficult. I would be able to, just had to be a little more careful. This was the longest it had ever taken me to finish a job, and I still wasn’t sure what I was going to do about the issue of Malina. I couldn’t kill her. I was still in love with her, but I couldn’t leave her alive. I was stuck. I decided that I would go ahead and off Luquin and deal with Malina later.

  As soon as I was certain that everyone was asleep, I changed and slipped out of the rectory. As I made my way to the castle, I paid attention to my surroundings and what was going on with the guards. I knew that they were in the middle of a shift change, so it would be easier for me to slip through unnoticed.

  I hadn’t taken into consideration the added security of the castle. I had made it to the floor of the royal chambers, before I realized my miscalculation. I hadn’t realized the mercenaries had made it as quickly as they had. I felt the knife slide into my side and knew I was in trouble. I faltered and dropped to my knees from the pain.

  It was an overwhelming, searing pain. I had a hard time focusing. Once the pain passed, I was up on my feet and on my attacker. I pulled the dagger from my side and cut his throat with it. I stumbled out of the hallway, my first thought was to get out of sight before anyone noticed me. I could feel the blood pouring down my side in sticky warm rivulets. I went through the closest doorway I made it to, and slid into the room. I reached back and touched the wound. Searing pain shot through it. I groaned. I was losing blood quickly. I knew I wasn’t going to make it back to the church before I passed out. I just hoped that no one would recognize me after I was gone.

  I stumbled to my knees again, having a hard time keeping on my feet. I heard a gasp as I attempted to stand back up. Warm, gentle hands were on under my arms in an instant. I felt the support of someone else helping me to my feet and I was settled down into a chair. I tried to focus on the face, but it was difficult with the black spots in front of my eyes.

  As the darkness started to overcome me, I heard the one thing I had never thought I would hear again. My name, coming from the lips of an angel. “Tobias?”

  I was in and out of consciousness; I don’t know how long. I swore I would hear Malina speaking to me now and again, but I knew I had to hallucinating. There was no way that she was with me and talking to me. I felt cool hands on my head.

  “Come now, you need to drink. That’s right, open your mouth.” She cooed as I complied to the demand. The cool refreshing liquid flowed into my mouth and I swallowed impulsively.

  “Are you awake?” The voice asked again.

  I tried to open my eyes, but I couldn’t get them to open fully. When I managed to open them enough for light to get in, it was blinding, so I instinctively closed my eyes tightly again.

  “It’s okay, Tobias. Just rest. You will be strong enough to open your eyes soon. Just work on getting back your strength. Then we will talk. For now, I must go before anyone begins to ask about me. I will be back. Just go back to sleep.”

  I felt lips on my forehead before the shuffling of feet leaving the room. I tried to get up, but I didn’t have the energy to move so I let the darkness of the abyss consume me once again.

  When I managed to open my eyes, I was in a little room. I wasn’t familiar with my surroundings and tried to sit up suddenly, but the pain in my side prevented me from doing so. I looked down to see my shirt was missing and my chest was wrapped from above my pecs to my waist.

  I was lying on a mattress on the floor and had a thin wool blanket covering me. I looked around to take in my surroundings and still didn’t have any clue where I was. I sat up and attempted to take in my surroundings. I didn’t recognize anything in the room. I rubbed my head as an ache began to settle in.

  The door creaked open and a young woman walked in, shutting it softly behind her. She wouldn’t make eye contact with me. She set down a bowl of broth on the floor beside the bed and semi-curtsied.

  “Thank you,” I said softly as I picked up the bowl and sipped it. She simply nodded; didn’t speak. “Can you tell me where I am?”

  She shook her head no, still not looking at me. This was mighty peculiar as I had never seen someone as timid as this woman. I knew she wasn’t stupid since she could answer my questions; I didn’t know why she wasn’t speaking to me.

  “Did you save me?”

  She shook her head no.

  I frowned. This was odd. I didn’t like the silence and found it disconcerting. “Look at me please.”

  She slowly lifted her head to reveal scarring around her mouth. It suddenly struck me why she wasn’t speaking.

  “You can’t speak, correct?”

  She nodded slowly, tears filling her green eyes.

  “They cut your tongue out, I’m assuming.”

  Another nod. I felt sick. Even though I didn’t want to know the answer, I had to know.

  “King Luquin did this to you, didn’t he?”

  She nodded.

  “I thought so. I’m sorry.”

  She shrugged and slipped silently out of the room. I sipped the broth while contemplating what happened. I knew I had been stabbed by a mercenary, but who saved me? Who has been taking care of me? It obviously wasn’t the mute the servant since whoever it was had spoken to me. I leaned my back against the wall, trying to decide my next move. I obviously wouldn’t be able to slip out unnoticed since I wasn’t wearing a shirt. People tend to notice someone shirtless and wrapped in bandages.

  I set the bowl to the side and noticed my eyes were getting heavy. It hadn’t occurred to me until right then, that the broth could have been spiked. I felt myself slid to my side and everything went black.

  When I opened my eyes again, it was dark and I knew that I wasn’t alone. I could feel someone staring at me from the corner of the room. I struggled to sit up and looked toward the corner. I couldn’t see who was there, but I knew I had their complete attention.

  “You know, you didn’t have to drug me to keep me here,” I told the darkness, quietly. I also knew I wouldn’t have to speak loudly to be heard. I didn’t know what was going to happen next. I wasn’t afraid of dying, I looked forward to it. I just planned on going out my way, not someone else’s.

  “I didn’t want to take my chances. I wanted a chance to speak with you before you disappeared into the shadows again,” the voice in the corner said softly. I couldn’t tell who it was that was speaking, but I did narrow it down to a woman.

  “You have my shirt. I wouldn’t be able to slip into the shadows half naked, especially in daylight. Since you have my undivided attention, why don’t you tell me what you wished to speak about?”

  There was a long silence. I was beginning to think this woman had changed her mind about wanting to speak to me. Then she proved me wrong and took me by surpri
se. “How long have you been here, Tobias?”

  Tobias. No one here knew my real name. I had a fake identity so no one would know my real name. That meant only one thing. The person I was talking to could only be one person. Malina.

  Chapter 4

  M alina had saved me? I tried to remember what happened after I had been stabbed but everything was a blank. I didn’t remember anything after escaping the mercenary. I wasn’t sure what to say to her. She would be hurt if she knew why I was there. She would also be hurt if she knew I was the one she confessed to. I sat, silently thinking through my options. I knew I had to be very careful.

  “You’re the one that has been tormenting my husband. I applaud your efforts to get under his skin. But why, Tobias? What is going on?”

  “I’ve been here for a short time, but I came here for work. There is something I have to do. When it is completed, I will be heading home. Malina—” I cut myself off. I wasn’t sure what I was going to say to her. I didn’t know what to say. The words that formed in my mind weren’t enough and quickly disappeared.

  She sighed. “What happened to you? You’ve changed, Tobias.”

  My eyebrows flew to my hair line. “What happened to me? You’ve got to be kidding, Malina. What do you think happened to me? Your father wanted to kill me publicly and in the most humiliating of ways. This is what happened to me.”

  I turned to reveal the scars down my back. There were raised crisscrosses all down my back. So many of them it was hard to tell in spots that they were separate marks. The scars started at my lower neck and shoulders all the way down my back onto my hips.

  Since she couldn’t see some of them, I grabbed the bandage and ripped it off so she could get a full view of my back. I don’t know what I thought I wanted out of her seeing it. I just wanted her to see the full effect of what had been done to me.