Heartless

by Zizi Cole

  Rosa stepped up beside me. I could hear her softly praying to the Mother Mary. I had a feeling that the Mother wasn’t going to help us. We would have no help. It was going to be a long remainder of my life. I was going to have to find a way to deal with it.

  A butler met me at the gate and motioned for me to lead the way. No words were exchanged, which I found that odd. There usually was some kind of pleasantries or announcement of the arrival of royalty. Instead it was a lowly butler. I should have been greeted by someone of a higher station.

  I stopped at the door of the castle and waited expectantly. If he thought I was going to open the door for him, a butler, he was sadly mistaken. The butler opened the door and I hesitated.

  Something told me that stepping over the threshold was like sealing my fate. I wanted to turn and run, but I had nowhere to go. The church bells began to chime as I crossed into the castle. I hoped that was a good sign and that God was watching over me, but I knew I wasn’t that lucky. The door closed behind us with a resounding thud. I felt like the doors to my prison cell had just closed and I was condemned to eternal damnation.

  The butler led us to the throne room, where he held the door open and motioned me inside. I walked in and up to the throne where Luquin was sitting. He sat ramrod straight and had dark eyes. His hair was also dark, but greying at the temples. He had a strong chin with the beginnings of a beard on his face. Looking into his eyes once again, I felt a chill run down my spine. There was nothing there. They appeared soulless. I wondered if maybe it was just my nerves, but I feared that I wasn’t being fanciful.

  When I approached the foot of the throne I did a full curtsey, bowing my head so it was inches from the floor. I hoped that it was enough to impress him. When I returned to a standing position, he was smiling at me. It wasn’t a nice smile, however.

  “King Luquin, it is a pleasure to meet you. Thank you for being so kind as to ask for my hand in marriage.”

  He laughed then. It was a deep laugh that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. “You are quite the naïve child. I didn’t ask for your hand. Your father begged me to take you off his hands. He even paid me in gold to ease his burdens.”

  I felt my eyes widen at the information that he was freely giving to everyone in the throne room. I didn’t dare look around to see who all was in the room to overhear it, but from the slight gasp I had heard, I knew that Rosa was with us.

  “Thank you for taking me in.”

  He nodded. “Now strip down and show me what I’m getting for my troubles.”

  Chapter 2

  M y heart jumped into my throat. I couldn’t believe he actually said that. Hopefully I had misheard him. I stared at him blankly while trying to process what he said. The smile faded from his face. He stood and stepped off the dais.

  He stood a breath away from me and repeated his request. “I said strip down and show me what I am getting for my troubles. Do not make me ask you again. You will not like the outcome.”

  “Your Majesty, this is no way to treat a princess.” Rosa said from behind me.

  Luquin stalked around me and I heard the sound of the strike, making Rosa cry out. I closed my eyes, trying to hold back the tears. I felt him circling me until he stood in front of me. I must not have moved fast enough for his liking, because I felt his hands on my dress, then heard the loud rip of the fabric.

  There wasn’t a sound in the room and I didn’t dare open my eyes. If I opened my eyes, then this was real and I was going to be stuck with a monster for the rest of my days. I heard him make a small noise of appreciation and one of his hands cupped a breast. I held my breath under his scrutiny. I heard him move and felt the heat of his body circle me. He pinched my side then cupped my buttocks. I felt the bile rise in my throat and my skin was crawling.

  I heard a snap and within minutes I felt cloth touch my shoulders. I dared to open my eyes and saw that Luquin was sitting back on his throne. The butler, who had escorted me in, stood beside him with hooded eyes.

  “You need to lose a few pounds, but we will take care of that. Other than that, you are fine and will make a good queen to go on my arm. I will have your ladies take you to your chambers to prepare for the wedding. It will be at sunset tonight. Welcome to your new home, Abaddon Stronghold.”

  With a wave of the hand, I was dismissed and led to the room that would now be my only escape from the nightmare that was my life. Once we were in my room, I sat heavily on a chaise. Rosa knelt in front of me and wrapped her arms around me. I returned the hug and felt the tears beginning to fall. Once they started, I wasn’t sure they were going to stop. I felt my heart breaking for the life that I could have had. And for the situation I now found myself in. My father had practically sold me into slavery. I wasn’t any better than a slave, and had been treated as such.

  Rosa’s hands rubbed my back in soothing circles. When the tears subsided, I lifted my head to look into her eyes. The left side of her face was swollen and starting to change to the bluish purple color of a bruise. She had tears in her eyes as well, and I knew that we were in for a rough life.

  She tried to smile at me, but she couldn’t manage a full smile. Brushing the tears off my face, she spoke.

  “We need to get you cleaned up and changed. You have to prepare for your wedding. You will have to spend the evening in the king’s chambers tonight, but after that you should be able to stay in here.” She leaned forward and began to whisper quietly and urgently. “Say nothing about the babe. We can maybe swing it so that he thinks it is his child. That will keep the babe safe. Do nothing to make yourself a target. Keep your eyes downcast, stay meek. He wants a trophy, not a woman. I know this is difficult but please try to act more like Gisette. That is the type of woman he is looking for. Mindless. Just remember you will always have me. I’m not going anywhere.”

  I nodded solemnly and knew that she was right. I had to do whatever I could to make my life as easy as possible. She helped me stand, then introduced me to my new ladies-in-waiting. There were five of them in total and I knew I wouldn’t remember their names straight away.

  I numbly nodded at each one as they were introduced to me. Then I was ushered into a room where a tub was set up. It was an old-fashioned wash tub, which told me that indoor bathrooms were just a distant memory.

  Once I was scrubbed down, I dressed in a white wedding dress. Then my hair was quickly done and make-up put on. By the time I was ready, I looked like a different person. I looked almost fairylike as long as you didn’t look into my eyes. I didn’t have much time to contemplate myself before I was ushered out of the room and taken to the church.

  The ceremony was quick, for a Catholic ceremony. It felt like I was in a whirlwind. As I knelt at the feet of Mother Mary, being given to the man beside me, I looked up at her eyes and thought I saw her crying for me.

  At the end of the ceremony we stood, exchanged rings, and kissed. His breath was hot and uninviting. Luquin’s lips were dry and hard against mine. I could tell he didn’t have a gentle bone in his body.

  As the spectators applauded, he leaned over and whispered, “Now you belong to me.”

  I sat in my private parlor, trying to stay comfortable. The night before had been horrific. I was sore and covered in bruises. I was trying to take my mind off it, but it wasn’t working. Rosa sat with me and gently brushed my hair, trying to soothe me.

  She hadn’t asked me about the consummation, but I knew she was curious. She had seen the bruises and bite marks when she helped me dress. I just wasn’t ready to talk about it. I didn’t think I would ever be able to talk about it. I just hoped that I wouldn’t have to endure that treatment often. It was horrible, but I hoped that he would have a mistress and I would be left alone.

  “Are you alright?” Rosa asked me, concern deep in her voice.

  I shrugged. “How can I be? Look at what I’ve been reduced to. A king’s whore.”

  She leaned closer. “No, dear Lina. You are a king’s wife. You will be queen as s
oon as the coronation takes place.”

  I closed my eyes and shuddered at the memory that flooded me. “How can I be considered a wife when I was treated worse than a tavern wench? Not only was I disrespected, we were watched the entire time. I could feel the sneers as Luquin slobbered all over me. I didn’t open my eyes once.”

  The door opened, and my other ladies entered the room, giggling about something. They sobered up when they saw me sitting there. Curtseying, they joined me silently. I felt awkward and I didn’t trust them. I didn’t know why but I wasn’t comfortable around them. Maybe it was because I didn’t know them, but they weren’t as friendly as my ladies had been back home.

  “You are going to look absolutely beautiful at the coronation, Lina.” Rosa adjusted the skirt of my coronation dress.

  The dress had hoop skirts and was so many layers, it was incredibly heavy. I stared at myself in the mirror, my eyes dropping to my stomach. I knew that I didn’t look different yet, but it wouldn’t be too much longer before my body began to change to accommodate the extra person inside me.

  “I don’t want to do this, Rosa,” I admitted quietly. I felt her stop messing with the skirts. I glanced down at her, tears filling my eyes. “I want to go home. No, I take that back, I want to be with Tobias again. I miss him.”

  “Lina, you must move on. Tobias is gone. I know it’s hard, but you know as well as I do, he couldn’t have survived the lashing. The only thing you can do is hold your head high and do what you need to do to survive. Your priorities must change.”

  “How can I? Every time I close my eyes, I see him. First his handsome smile, then him as he was tied to the lashing posts, staring at me as I walked away. How I can live with myself, knowing that I left my love to be tortured to death?”

  The sound of a door caught my attention and I glanced up. The door slowly opened, and my lady, Pippa, walked in and shut the door quietly. Her face and expression were blank for a second before she smiled brightly and hurried up to me.

  “Oh, milady, you look perfect. King Luquin will be most pleased with the appearance of his new queen. You are going to make a fantastic queen.” Pippa gushed as she hugged me.

  I felt unease creep through my body like a shadow crossing my grave. It made me want to shake her off me. I patted her back for a few seconds, before Rosa pulled her back so she could finish working on my dress.

  “Get Amelia and Leigh in here to help the princess get ready for her coronation. We don’t have time for moments until after the coronation. We don’t want the princess late for her coronation as queen. The king would not appreciate her tardiness.”

  Pippa took off to do as she was bid and I felt my shoulders relax.

  “It’s okay, Lina. I’ll help you get through this.”

  As I stood at the front of the church, by my new husband’s side, I felt the oppression of being queen settling on my shoulders. I watched the sea of people as they stared at me and whispered. I could only imagine what was being said or the insinuations of why I was being coronated so quickly as the queen.

  I held the scepter and held my head high as the Queen’s robes were put upon my shoulders and the crown was placed on my head. It was heavier than I had imagined. I repeated after the priest, the promise to the people, and the promise to God. Then I promised my loyalty to my husband, King Luquin, and the country of Tiven.

  When the coronation was over, we headed back to the castle to the ballroom. The night would continue with drinks, dancing and food to celebrate the new queen. I wasn’t up for partying, but I knew I had to keep up appearances.

  Sometime during the dancing and partying, Luquin asked me to dance with him. Asking was putting it nicely. He grabbed my arm and drug me onto the dance floor. As we danced, we kept the proper distance and the dance was formal. Neither one of us spoke, but I was feeling the unease creeping up on me again. At the end of the dance, he bowed and kissed my hand.

  “My lovely wife, would you care to escort me for a walk in the gardens?” he asked. I was taken aback at the politeness of the statement, and nodded my ascent.

  As we walked in the gardens, Luquin led me farther from the rest of the crowds. Once we were alone, he pushed me up against a tree and grabbed my neck. He leaned in and spoke quietly in my ear.

  “I never want to hear of you even murmur the name of that guard you disgraced yourself with. If I hear of his name leaving your lips again, you will greatly regret it. You are my wife, my queen, and you will not embarrass me by bringing up stupid indiscretions that you had in the past. You will show only poise and grace, and your utter devotion to me, your king and husband. Do you understand me?”

  I managed a nod. He pushed me harder against the tree and I could feel the bark biting into my back. His head came down and his mouth smashed against mine in a hard kiss. My stomach churned and I prayed that I wouldn’t throw up on him. That would make the situation worse.

  I didn’t react to his kiss and it became more demanding. He bit my lip hard enough that tears sprung to my eyes. Rosa’s words flashed through my head about doing what I needed to do to survive. I forced myself to respond and kiss him back. I kept my hands down to my side, but let my lips yield to him.

  He pulled back from me and smiled. “That’s more like it. Now let’s go join the party, I’m sure that our company is missing us by now. Before we get back into the crowd, might I suggest that you smile and look like the happy, blushing bride, and new queen that you are supposed to be?”

  I did as commanded and suffered my way through the rest of the night. As I danced and mingled pleasantly among the crowd of royals, I couldn’t help but wonder how he knew I had been talking about Tobias with Rosa. We had been alone. It looked like I had a traitor in my midst.

  Chapter 3

  T he following days turned into weeks. I tried to immerse myself into the duties of being the queen and lady of the castle. I had a lot to learn: duties, responsibilities, and learning the names of the staff. I felt it was important for me to personally know all the staff. That was what my mother had done before she had passed.

  It was becoming more noticeable that I was with child. I wasn’t going to be able to keep it to myself much longer. I looked up from the knitting I was attempting to learn, when the door opened. Pippa walked in with a sway to her step. Something about her made me want to punch her in the face. She sat on the floor beside me and began to straighten out the yarn that had become tangled.

  She looked at me with wide brown eyes. “Milady, can I ask you something?”

  I gave her a slight nod.

  “Have you been gaining weight?”

  I looked her square in the eye. “Why do you ask?”

  “I’ve seen Rosa letting out the hems in your dresses and I wasn’t sure why. The king may not like it if his wife is gaining weight. He thinks his queen should be beautiful and slim.”

  “Pippa, any business between the king and myself is my business, not yours.”

  “Yes, milady. I’ve just seen several prospects come and go from court and wanted to make sure you knew what was going on.”

  “Pippa, please do not concern yourself with my business. If you have forgotten, I am already married to the king and am not going anywhere.”

  “Of course, milady.”

  I decided to ignore her and work on the knitting. I had to master it. Luquin had commanded that I know how so that I was able to make the items needed when we did begin to have children. He hoped it would be soon and had been to visit my chambers every evening or called me to his. I was going to be able to let him know that I was with child soon and he would leave me alone, hopefully.

  Rosa entered the chambers. Looking up, I noticed she had her arms loaded down with cloth. I had a feeling I was going to be a pin cushion while she measured and pieced together dresses. I found it peculiar that she was the one doing it and not a dressmaker. I frowned at her.

  “Are you quitting as my lady and becoming a dressmaker, Rosa?”

  “Of course
not, milady. I told the dressmaker that we would take measurements and pick out materials, so she needn’t bother you.”

  She looked pointedly at my stomach and understanding dawned on me. “Brilliant idea. Pippa, leave us.”

  “Milady, I should help. Amelia and Leigh will help as well.”

  Before I could give her a direct order not to, she stood up and rushed from the room. Moments later, all three women were standing around me, chattering and giggling about something that had happened in the kitchen. I glanced over their heads helplessly at Rosa. She shrugged. We couldn’t deny them their duties or they would become suspicious. However, if they saw me naked, they would know I was with child.

  Pippa stood behind me and began to undo my dress. The memories of the bruises covering my body flashed through my head. “No.”

  Her hands paused and she looked at me in the mirror. “What’s wrong, milady?”

  “I can do all this myself. I don’t need you to undress me. Rosa can help if I need it.”

  Amelia smiled at me. “Don’t be modest, milady. You don’t have anything we haven’t seen before.”

  “I’m quite alright,” I argued.

  Leigh frowned for a moment. “Do you not want us as your ladies? We can talk to the king. Surely he will do what he can to accommodate his wife.”

  “It’s not you. I just. I mean, ugh.” I sighed. I had no reasonable explanations not to let them help me.

  They continued to undress me. As my dress slipped from my shoulders, I stared at my naked body. There were bruises and bite marks all over me. There was only a slight hesitation before they continued to remove my clothing from me. There were no questions or comments about the marks.

  They began to take measurements and were calling them out to Rosa, so she could make notations. Amelia took the tape measurer and wrapped it around my waist. She tried pulling it tight against my stomach and her eyes widened when she realized that it was hard. She looked up at me and squealed.