Heartless

by Zizi Cole

  The other women stopped what they were doing and stared at her. She jumped up and hugged me. “Congratulations, milady! Does the king know?”

  I shook my head no. Fear was rising in me and I had to fight it down. This was the last piece of Tobias I had left and I hoped that I could keep it to myself a little bit longer.

  “Does the king know what?” Pippa asked, frowning.

  “The queen is with child.” Amelia bounced in place, barely containing her excitement.

  “Already?”

  “Is there a problem, Pippa?” I asked.

  “No problem, milady. It’s just peculiar that it happened so quickly. The king has had many mistresses over the years and none of which have become with child. You’ve been here for hardly a fortnight and you are already with child.”

  I shrugged. “Just lucky, I guess.”

  I didn’t believe that luck had anything to do with it, but that was my problem. They could think I was happy about it; anything to keep them off my back.

  “When do you plan on telling the king?” Pippa asked.

  I made eye contact with her in the mirror. “I plan on telling him at dinner this evening.”

  We were sitting in the dining room, at one end of the long table. Luquin sat at the head of the table and I was sitting to his left. I didn’t understand his need for formality, when it was just the two of us, but I had already learned not to question anything that he did. If I did, I would be punished and that wasn’t fun.

  I was sipping on my soup, waiting for the right time to tell him about the baby. My stomach was churning, I felt like I was going to vomit. I stirred my soup and watched him slurp his. He ate like a pig. I had never seen someone eat in such a disgusting manner. He always used his fingers for everything that he could pick up.

  He looked up and caught me staring at him. “What?”

  “Luquin, I have something to tell you.”

  He paused with his spoon halfway to his mouth. “What’s that?”

  I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’m with child. We are going to have an heir.”

  “Good,” he grunted and returned to his soup.

  I sat in silence for the remainder of the meal. He didn’t seem to care; I wasn’t sure how to feel about it. I should have been relieved, but with as much talk as he had spoken about having an heir, the nonchalance of his behavior put me on edge.

  After dinner, I slid my plate forward and set my silverware on it. I dabbed my mouth with my napkin and turned toward Luquin.

  “Dinner was wonderful as always. May I be excused now?”

  “No.”

  A flutter in my stomach put me on edge. “No?”

  “That’s right. No, you may not be excused. You will sit there until I am finished eating and then you will retire with me to my chambers.”

  “I’m not feeling the best, Luquin. I think I need to go lay down in my own bed tonight.”

  He dropped the rib he had been chewing on. The bone clattered on the plate before the room fell silent. “That is not what I said. You will retire to my chambers. You are my wife and you best remember that.”

  “Yes, Your Majesty. I apologize for my lapse of judgement.”

  “How long have you known you are with child?”

  My mind raced. I wasn’t sure what to tell him. I knew I had to come up with something, and it had to be plausible. “I just found out, Majesty. It must have happened on our wedding night.”

  He nodded once. I relaxed a little when I realized that he had bought my lie. I was going to have to be very careful about any talk of the baby. I wouldn’t want him to realize I was with child before I came to his court.

  After he finished eating, he stood up and led me to his chambers. After he shut the door, he turned and stared at me. I stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. The look on his face told me he was unhappy and wasn’t going to let the little slip go without punishment.

  He pulled his shirt out of his pants and began to unlace it. He stared at me while he was undoing the garment.

  “Undress.”

  I nodded and with trembling fingers, I fumbled at unlacing my dress. It took me three tries to get it untangled. Letting it drop from my shoulders, it pooled around my feet.

  He motioned for me to turn around so I was facing the bed. I did as instructed. He spoke then. “Kneel.”

  As I began to kneel, I felt the tears building behind my eyes. I closed my eyes and mentally braced myself for what was to come. I heard his belt whisk from his pants and that’s when I began to pray.

  Rosa replaced the cold compress on my back, trying to bring the swelling down. I flinched as it touched my back. This had been the worst beating I’d received yet. I tried to relax, but the pain was too intense. I was abused and violated. I didn’t know how I was going to keep this up, but I had no choice.

  “Lina, I am going to sneak down and see the healer. I want to get something for your back so that maybe it won’t scar. I’ll be back in an hour’s time. The other ladies are waiting in your private parlor. I can have one come sit with you, if you would like.”

  I attempted to shrug, but stopped midway since it hurt. She slipped my teddy bear under my arm and kissed me on the forehead. Seconds after she walked away, I heard footsteps approach. Amelia sat down in the chair next to my bed. She reached over and took my hand.

  I glanced at her face and could see fear and sympathy in them. She leaned forward and spoke so quietly, I could barely hear her. “Please, listen and don’t speak. I am so sorry you are going through this. I thought that once he found a queen, he would settle down. Maybe he will begin to calm down once the baby gets here. If not, then I would suggest that you come up with an escape plan. He will kill the both of you if given a chance.

  You can’t trust everyone. I wouldn’t really trust anyone. I don’t know who all his eyes and ears are in the castle, but they are everywhere. There are passageways throughout the castle and you need to learn them. There are also spyholes all over the place. There is no privacy in this castle.”

  I lifted my head and mouthed the word how.

  She brushed my hair back and tucked a strand behind my ear, then leaned closer. “I grew up with Luquin. I wasn’t always a lady-in-waiting. I am his younger sister. Once our parents died, he made me a lady-in-waiting so that I would be humiliated. He doesn’t like me, so he wanted to see me suffer. However, he can’t kill me or he would be in trouble, so he used to pass me around to the noblemen. He loves to humiliate and tear women down. I will do whatever I can to help you. I like you.”

  She suddenly leaned back like she hadn’t been talking to me and continued to hold and pat my hand.

  “What’s going on here? I thought I heard whispering.” Pippa said from the doorway to the bedchamber.

  “Just trying to keep the queen comfortable,” Amelia said in a pleasant voice.

  “Do you need anything, Majesty?” Pippa asked; her tone was fake and insincere.

  I shook my head no.

  Once we were alone again, Amelia leaned back over me. “Definitely don’t trust that one.”

  She had just confirmed the suspicion that I had, but the problem was, I didn’t trust her either. I was going to have to do some digging to find out who I could really trust.

  Chapter 4

  O ver the next few months, I had started to bond with Amelia. She would sit with me and talk, long after the other ladies retired to their rooms and she showed me where the passageways were hidden.

  She helped me learn the names of the staff, along with other things I was expected to know, but would have never known otherwise. Amelia has shown me that she was truly on my side and had kept me out of trouble with Luquin several times.

  We were sitting on my bed, talking and laughing, when she suddenly sobered up. She stood and walked around the room, checking where she had pointed out the spy spots, then joined me back on the bed.

  “What’s wrong, Amelia?”

  She leaned close and spoke
softly to me. “I have a confession to make, that no one else knows. I don’t know why I feel like it is important to tell someone else, but I trust you. I need you to know and promise me something.”

  “What?” I felt anxiety cross my shoulders and settle in my stomach.

  “You know the little girl, Scarlet?”

  I nodded as the picture of the little girl learning to be a maid flashed through my head.

  She leaned closer to me and spoke, voice barely audible. “She is my daughter.”

  My eyes widened as I pulled away from her to stare at her for a minute. Once I studied her, I could see the similarities between her and the child in question. “Who’s her father?”

  We leaned forward together, foreheads almost touching while she explained herself to me. “Her father is a duke of a neighboring kingdom. I got pregnant when I was being passed around by the noblemen. The maids helped me keep my pregnancy a secret and they have kept Scarlet out of Luquin’s sight since.”

  “What’s the promise?”

  “If anything happens to me, I want you to promise to help keep her from Luquin. He cannot be too close to her. She will be important later in her life and we have to make sure she lives that long. Scarlet is a special girl.”

  “I promise.”

  Things were becoming increasingly worse. Luquin was short-tempered and it was taking less and less to set him off. I had been put on bed rest with the baby because I was starting to have contractions too early for where I was supposed to be in my pregnancy. Rosa and I were the only ones who knew the truth about when it happened.

  Amelia and I had started planning an escape route and traveled it, that way I would know where I needed to go. We had Scarlet go with us. It was important that she knew how to get out, too, if need be. We took it several times throughout the month leading up to my bed rest.

  I was lying in bed, trying to get comfortable, when Luquin burst through the door. I looked up at him and sat up, trying to get comfortable. I watched him stalking around the room, demanding my ladies to leave. He entered the bedchamber and stared at me.

  “What are you doing still in bed, Malina?” He demanded. His face began to flush to an unhealthy shade of red. “As the Queen of Tiven, you are supposed to be getting everything ready for the ball tonight. You are to oversee everything and be the perfect hostess.”

  “Luquin, the midwife wants me to stay in bed. She fears that if I move about too much, the baby will come too early and it won’t survive,” I tried to reason with him.

  He grabbed my arm and jerked me off the bed. I fell to the floor in a heap of blankets and sleep clothes. I fought the blanket to get my baring but didn’t have long to wrestle with it before Luquin pulled me up by my hair.

  “I told you that you are to get up and be the perfect hostess. That is the job of the queen. You, my dear, in case you have forgotten, are the queen. I don’t care what the midwife said, you will perform your duties like you were told. I am not going to take the word of some wretched woman.”

  I grabbed his hands and tried to lift myself to keep him from yanking the hair out of my head. He pulled harder, lifting so I was back on my feet. I felt the tears stinging my eyes. He released my hair and I stumbled backward.

  As I tried to regain my balance, I didn’t see Luquin rear back. I wasn’t prepared for the blow and it knocked me on my butt. I slid and smacked the wall. My head glanced off it causing me to see lights exploding in front of my eyes. I licked my lips and could taste blood from the cut in the corner of my mouth.

  “Now get dressed in an outfit fitting of your station. I want you ready before the ball starts. You will be by my side for the entire thing and you will dance with me.” He walked away without looking back at me.

  Within minutes of the door slamming shut, my ladies and Rosa came into the room. Rosa saw me sitting on the floor and rushed to my aid. She helped me stand and attempted to help me to the bed. I stopped her with a gesture.

  “I have to get ready for the ball.”

  Rosa’s eyebrows shot up into her hairline and she shook her head no. “Majesty, you heard the midwife. She said that you need to rest or it will be detrimental to the baby’s health.”

  I sighed. “Luquin commands my presence. I am to be the perfect hostess and flawless queen.”

  Amelia brought me a cloth and began to dab at the blood on the corner of my mouth. She didn’t say a word, but her eyes said it all. It was time to put the escape plan into action. Before the baby came, so we could guarantee its safety.

  I gave her a slight nod of agreement. After the ball, we were taking back our freedom.

  I stood at Luquin’s side, trying to breathe through the pain shooting through my back. It felt like there was an anvil sitting on my pelvis. I kept the smile on my face, but I could feel sweat beading on my brows. I glanced at Luquin, who was speaking and laughing with the Earl from Eshen.

  I had hoped that I would be able to sit on my throne, but I wasn’t allowed to take my seat until Luquin allowed it. I had to stand at his side the entire time he was greeting guests. The Duchess of Logoria walked up and pulled me into an embrace. We kissed the air next to each other’s cheeks and she frowned at me.

  “Are you okay, darling?” Her thick accent rolled off her tongue like syrup.

  I gave her a slight nod and used a hand to put some pressure on my lower back. “Yes, I am well, thank you.”

  “Nonsense. You need to sit down. I remember when I was with child. Standing was torture.” She turned to Luquin. “Shame on you, Your Majesty. Can’t you see your poor wife needs a moment off her feet. Help her sit down like the gentleman you are.”

  “Of course, I will take care of my darling wife at once.” He turned and looped his arm into mine. “Why didn’t you tell me you needed a rest, love?”

  “I didn’t want to bother you.”

  “It would never bother me. You and our child are my top concerns.”

  The charade that he was putting on was making me want to vomit right there. I hadn’t ever seen him put a show on like this before. He helped me sit on my throne and bent down to kiss me on the forehead. He mouthed ‘good girl’ as he turned and walked back to the duchess.

  I could hear them discussing how tough I was and what a devoted wife and queen I was, to not complain about pregnancy pains. If only she knew the truth of the situation.

  The rest of the ball went smoothly; I was given permission to retire to my chambers early. When I got back to my chambers, I gave my ladies the evening off. As the others left, Amelia took time to tidy up. Once they were gone, she looked at Rosa. I walked over and gave her a hug.

  “I have to get out of here. You know that he will find out the truth if I stay. I am giving you a choice. You can go with me or you can stay, it is up to you. I can’t promise that he won’t hurt you to try to find out where I am.”

  “Let’s go.” Rosa looked at Amelia and nodded.

  Quickly gathering what little items we planned on taking. We rushed out of the room and slipped down the servants’ stairs to the kitchen, then the servants’ quarters. Once there, we roused Scarlet from her sleep. Going to the closet, we opened the door then the secret panel. I climbed down the ladder first then the others. Once we were on the ground, Scarlet grabbed the torch and lit it.

  We headed silently through the passage when we heard other footsteps right behind us. Picking up the pace, we began to run, trying to make it out of the tunnel before whoever was behind us caught up.

  It wasn’t easy for me to run with my belly swollen with child and I was moving slower than I normally could have. A hand grabbed the back of my dress and yanked me backwards. I fell into the chest of the head of the guard. He wrapped his arms around me to keep me from moving and leaned forward to whisper in my ear.

  “Hush, Majesty, if you want to keep your life and the life of the babe.”

  I stilled and heard the heavy footfalls of Luquin coming up behind us. I felt myself freeze in fear. The others had stopped w
hen I was caught. I wished they would have kept going. I didn’t think he will kill me immediately, but I didn’t know if the others were safe or not. I knew what Amelia had said, but Luquin liked to play by his own rules.

  He stepped into the pool of light from the torch held by Scarlet. Luquin looked around at us and smiled broadly. The smile sent chills down my spine, but I managed not to show it. I knew that we were going to pay for trying to get away. My next question was how he knew we were leaving. He should have been busy at the party, entertaining the court or being entertained.

  He turned his back to me, clearly dismissing me, and looked at Amelia. He stood there for a moment before he spoke.

  “I should have known that you were up to something. I should have killed you when our parents died. I couldn’t find a good reason for it then. There were still a lot of eyes and suspicion on me. I tried to turn you into a whore to teach you where your place was, but that didn’t seem to work. Amelia, I don’t know what I am going to do with you.”

  The silence when he paused was deafening. I could hear my heart pounding in my chest and I was sure the guard could feel it. It was almost as if everyone held their breaths to see what was going to happen next.

  Amelia finally spoke, “There is nothing you can do, Luquin. Beat me up if you must, I’m used to it. You won’t be able to break me and I won’t stop trying to get out of here. I don’t know why you won’t just let me go, since you hate me so much. It’s almost like you feel you will lose one of your possessions.”

  “Here’s the thing, darling sister, you have just committed treason against the throne, by trying to kidnap my wife and child. That is a death sentence, so I will get what I want after all. There is nothing anyone will do about it. You are nothing now, most people forgot there was a Princess of Tiven.”

  He grabbed her and yanked her to him. She bounced off his chest and tried to get away from him. Grabbing her upper arms, he made it so she couldn’t move very far. He backed her into the wall to efficiently trap her.