Heartless

by Zizi Cole

  Scarlet cried out. Rosa grabbed the child and covered her mouth with one hand and her eyes with the other. Rosa had always been a smart woman and was intuitive when it came to what children should or should not see.

  Once Luquin trapped Amelia against the wall, he pulled out a dagger and slit her throat in one swift movement. Blood covered him as it sprayed out of her neck. He kept a grip on her until the light left her eyes and then dropped her carelessly on the ground.

  I cried out on accident. I had tried not to, but I had never seen anyone murdered before. He walked up to me and touched my face gently. His hands were warm and sticky with Amelia’s blood.

  He leaned forward, kissed me on the lips and said, “Let this be a warning. Never attempt to leave me again. You belong to me. If you weren’t carrying my child, then I probably wouldn’t let you live either.”

  He began to walk away then turned and looked at the guard, “Bring the dog down here and let him dispose of her remains. There is no need for a burial as she was a traitor and was served a death penalty. Also, escort my queen and her lady to her room. Lock them in. I don’t want them going anywhere for the rest of the evening.”

  “Aye, majesty. What about the child?”

  “I don’t care about the child. Wait on second thought, take her to the queen’s rooms as well. I will deal with them when I have had time to think of an adequate punishment.”

  The guard nodded.

  I looked back and stared at the lifeless body of the only person I had ever been able to call a friend. My heart began to shatter, but I couldn’t let myself fall apart now. Later, when I was alone I would, but I couldn’t do so in front of anyone else.

  Chapter 5

  W e had been locked in my chambers for the remainder of the night. When the moon was high, I knew he wouldn’t be coming in tonight, so I tucked Scarlet into my bed and told her to go to sleep. I sat on the chaise in my parlor, working on my crocheting. Rosa was pacing the room and wringing her hands. She was clearly distraught about what was to come.

  “Rosa, please, settle down a bit. You are making me nervous.”

  “I’m sorry, Lina. I can’t help it. He’s going to kill us all; he is.”

  I shook my head. “No, he wants us scared, but not dead. Of course, we will hurt when he is done with us, but we will heal. On the outside anyway. The inside is a different story.”

  She sat at the end of the chaise and turned to look at me. “What do you mean, different on the inside?”

  I shrugged with one shoulder. “I guess you become numb.”

  She patted my leg and I went back to the blanket I was making. My mind wandered to Tobias, which it did any time I had a free moment. I missed him so much my heart hurt. I hadn’t been able to get over it yet and knowing that I had a part of him inside me, in this baby, was the only thing that seemed to keep me going.

  “I miss him,” I told her softly. “That is one thing that isn’t going numb. I wish it would.”

  “Just know that he is watching over you. He always will be.”

  “I don’t know about that, Rosa.” I put my hand on my stomach and felt the baby kick. I smiled a little to myself. “Tobias is going to miss so much.”

  “I know, but you have to stay strong.”

  I must have dozed off, because I was startled awake when the door unlocked. I sat up to see Rosa lying on the floor by the chaise, asleep. The door slowly opened, and I felt myself tense up.

  I began to relax a little when I realized that it wasn’t Luquin, since he wouldn’t be coming in quietly. He would just stomp in, demanding that we kiss his feet. The shadow slipped into the room and walked to me. When she knelt down, I realized it was Leigh.

  “Are you okay, milady?”

  I nodded.

  “Thank goodness. I heard them release the dog earlier and there is a rumor going around that you were kidnapped. I was worried but then your room was locked and there is a guard on the door. He allowed me to come in and check on you. He said that Amelia was killed. Is that true?”

  I nodded again. I was afraid if I talked about it, I would break down and cry.

  Leigh’s eyes widened as she covered her mouth. She grabbed me and hugged me tightly. I put my arms around her and felt the trembles as she tried to hold back sobs. I rubbed her back and hugged her for another moment.

  She leaned back and wiped her eyes. Studying me, she shook her head. “You weren’t kidnapped. There is no way. You are too strong for that. And Amelia wouldn’t have done such a thing. You were trying to get away from him.” Leaning closer, she lowered her voice even more, “You will never get away from him. He won’t let you. Things are only done on his terms. I was glad when he decided not to take me to his bed. I had heard stories about what a brute he is. I’ve seen the evidence. I’m sorry, My Queen.”

  “I am resigned to my fate, Leigh. Now, you better go before Luquin finds out you are in here and he punishes you as well, for the fun of it. I will see you soon.”

  With a curtsey, she stood and slipped back out of the room. I wondered if the guard would tell on her for going into the room. She seemed sincere in everything that she did. Leigh had an innocent air about her that I found refreshing. I hoped that she never changed.

  The punishment had been to be locked in the room for three days with only bread and water to sustain us. Personally, I felt like that was the best punishment he could have given me. It meant that I was away from him for three days and in the company of my dear friend Rosa. I was also able to get to know the little girl named Scarlet in that time.

  She knew who she was, but she also knew how important it was to keep that information to herself. She had been raised knowing that her existence had to remain below the radar. She had loved Amelia dearly, but didn’t see her often. It had made me sad to know that Scarlet didn’t get to know her mother in the way that all little girls should know their mothers.

  Once the punishment had been lifted, Scarlet was sent back down to the servant’s quarter and to attend her household duties. Luquin hadn’t looked twice at the girl and that brought me a small amount of peace. Since he hadn’t paid attention to her, he wouldn’t have picked up on the fact that the child was special.

  I was having a lot of pain, so I decided to stay in bed after the isolation was over. I curled on my side and braced through the pain. It felt like someone was stabbing me in the back and I wanted to scream. I bit down on my blanket to keep from doing so.

  The door opened, and I heard voices. Pippa and Leigh had come into the room and were chatting away about something. I heard their voices getting louder as they entered the bedchambers. The talking stopped at once.

  “Milady?” Leigh said tentatively.

  I groaned; that was all I was able to convey with the pain going through me. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I opened my eyes to see Pippa standing over me. She frowned as she watched me and her hand moved from my shoulder to my stomach. She kept it there for a moment before removing her hand.

  “Your Highness, I believe you are in labor. At least the beginning stages. I will go get the midwife and have them start setting up for the baby. It is two months too early though. I will have a doctor standing by to have the baby checked out as soon as it arrives.” She turned from me and I heard her giving orders. “Leigh, go to the kitchen and have the cook heat up some water and bring it up here. Also, we are going to need towels and cloths. A lot of them. When you get back we will help the queen take off her undergarments. Be quick, she shouldn’t be left alone long. I will also let Rosa and the king know that it is time. Also, get the wet nurse and nanny up here, too. I want everyone on hand. It is hard telling when the baby will show up, but I feel it will be soon.”

  They both rushed off to do their tasks and the pain increased. I felt like I was dying and part of me wished I was. It would bring me peace to die. I hadn’t even been here a year and I was already tired of it. I had a bleak existence.

  The day passed slowly as the pain and agony built.
When it was finally time for the baby to come, I was ready to be done. I didn’t think I could do this anymore. The pain was too real. I didn’t know how women did this. It was hell.

  I had encouragements from everyone in the room. They were telling me to push and to keep up the good work. Rosa sat by my head, held my hand and wiped the sweat off my brow. As I pushed, I felt like the baby wasn’t going to come out. It felt like it was stuck in there.

  “One more big push, Majesty. You almost have it. That’s it.” The midwife coached. I did as she said and pushed as hard as I was able to manage. Finally, the pressure let up, and I could see the baby in the midwife’s arms. She smiled up at me and gently laid the baby in my arms. “Congratulations Your Highness, you have a beautiful baby boy. Future King of Tiven.”

  I held the baby close to me and kissed him on the forehead. He nuzzled his little head against my chest and my heart swelled. I realized that my heart had just left my body in the form of this child. Luquin came into the room with a whirlwind of commotion. People were cleared from the room and he stood over me, glaring down at us.

  “How is it possible for that baby to be as healthy as he is if he is as early as I was told? He should be smaller, shouldn’t he?”

  I shook my head no. “No, milord. We are lucky; he is perfect.”

  Luquin reached down and took the baby from my arms, studying him. Then he laughed at me. “You stupid, stupid woman. You think I’m going to believe for an instant that this is my child? It looks nothing like me. I know you weren’t pure when you came to me, but I hadn’t realized you were this tainted or I would have had your father pay me more to take you off his hands. This isn’t the future King of Tiven, this is the bastard of a dead guard.”

  Fear raced down my spine as my mind whirled. I had to convince him it was his child. I didn’t know what would happen if he knew it wasn’t.

  “Luquin, it is your baby. I don’t know how he is healthy. Maybe because I prayed that our son would be healthy. It is all I have prayed for since I found out I carried him. Please, Luquin, see that it is our son.”

  Luquin looked at the baby again, then back at me. There was a fire in his eyes that told me he wasn’t happy. I feared the worst now. He turned and walked away from the bed, baby still in his arms. Once he was out the door, two guards came in and helped me from the bed. They led me out of the room down to the garden and the fountains. When we reached the fountains, he stood there, cradling the baby, staring at it.

  I watched in horror as he turned and looked at me. He held the baby over the fountain and my child began to cry. He smiled at me before he spoke. “My darling wife, this is what happens to bastards in my kingdom.”

  As he let go of the baby, I screamed and struggled to get away from the guards. They both tightened their grip on my arms. I stomped one guard’s foot, and when he loosened his grip a bit, I turned and kneed the other guard in the groin.

  I rushed toward the fountain in hopes to save my son. Luquin grabbed me and held me far enough from the fountain, where I couldn’t help the baby and I couldn’t look away. His fingers dug into my shoulders and the pain was nothing compared to the pain of what was happening before my eyes.

  “Don’t forget that I am the one with the power here. You are nothing but my toy. You are as disposable as that bastard was,” Luquin whispered in my ear. “The next child had better be mine or you both will suffer a fate worse than this one did.”

  I felt as if my soul had been ripped from my body and my heart ripped to shreds. I could feel my breathing increasing as my head began to spin. I felt something running down my legs. Glancing down, I saw a pool of blood between my feet. My head went light as everything went black.

  Chapter 6

  W hen I woke up, the light was streaming into my window and I felt like it had all been a horrible nightmare. Rosa was sitting beside me, tears pouring down her face. She cried unabashed and a part of me envied her.

  “What happened?” I asked weakly.

  “You passed out, Lina. You suffered from blood loss.”

  “Where’s the baby?”

  “Oh, my dear,” she sniffled. “You don’t remember?”

  “Oh God,” I groaned as I realized it hadn’t been a dream. I shot out of bed and rushed to the closet. I yanked out the first dress I found and fumbled to put it on.

  Rosa hurried over to me and attempted to help me dress. Once I had the dress on, I took off out of the room, running through the halls and out the castle. I headed toward the church, frantic to find out what happened to my baby.

  I rushed into the cathedral, barefoot and wild. I went through to door, into the office and found Father Lopez sitting there, reading something.

  “Father,” I gasped.

  He looked up at me, eyebrows raised.

  “Did they bring a baby here last night?”

  The hesitation was the answer that I needed.

  “What does Luquin want you to do with him?”

  “Milady, I don’t know. They asked me to store it for a short time. The guards are supposed to come and get it later this evening. They didn’t want to cause a spectacle in the crowds.”

  “Don’t let them take him, please Father. I’m begging you. I am afraid of what they are going to do to the child. I don’t want to see them do something to it that is despicable.”

  “Milady, I am not sure what we can do.”

  Tears poured down my face. I frantically searched my mind for something. Then I had an idea. “Can you have him buried in the unmarked graves?”

  “My Queen-”

  “I’ll pay you,” I said cutting him off. “I will send Lady Rosa down with gold if you do this for me. Just have him buried in an unmarked grave, I want to know the exact grave, and let me say goodbye.”

  Father Lopez sighed. I knew I had put him in a difficult position, but I couldn’t help it. Knowing Luquin, he planned on feeding the baby to the dog, and I couldn’t handle that. I had to make sure my baby was safe.

  Finally, the father spoke. “I will do as you wish. Only because I can’t stand the thought of what those brutes called guards would try to do. I won’t tell anyone you came to see me, but I will keep them from him. However, I cannot let you see the child. You don’t need to see it in such a condition. I don’t know what happened, but take my word that you are better off not seeing him now.”

  He showed me where he was going to have the baby buried and we agreed on an amount for him to be paid. I left the room, with a heavy heart.

  Upon returning to my rooms, I walked to the closet and opened it. All the bright colors were a thing of my past. Everything looked bleak now. I began to pull clothes out and tossed them on the floor.

  I turned and yelled for Leigh. She came in with Pippa on her tail. I turned and looked at both of them. “I want you to get someone in here to remove these dresses. If they aren’t gone within the hour, I will throw them into the fire place. Pippa, call upon the dressmaker and tell her I need new dresses. I don’t need color swatches. I want black. Nothing in color. There will be zero color in this wardrobe. I also want veils, also black, made to go with each dress and headdress. Leigh, when you get the maid, also call a steward in to light my fireplace, the room is much too cold.”

  “Milady-” Pippa began.

  “Do not try to talk me out of this, Pippa. Just do as I say. Also, since you get along with the king as well as you do, I want you to tell him that I am formally requesting another lady to replace lady Amelia.”

  They rushed off to do as I bid; I turned to Rosa. I motioned her to follow me into the closet where I shut us in for privacy. Lowering my voice, I began to give her instructions.

  “Take some gold down to Father Lopez. He needs to be paid for a service. Also, I need the utmost discretion on the next tasks. I want you to start to bring me back elixirs from the local apothecary. I will send them a list of what I demand. I am going to pay for not only her services, but her silence. I need the things on my list as soon as humanly possible
. I will not go through this hell again.”

  Rosa nodded her head and left. I walked across the room and looked out the window. Outside my window was a clear view of the fountain. I turned my head with disgust and took off to find a decorator. It was time to cover my windows, too. I didn’t want to see that dreaded fountain again.

  When I returned to my room, I sat and picked up the blanket that I had finished the evening before the baby was born. I gently stroked the blanket, thinking about the time and effort I had put into it. I also thought about the excitement I had at the thought of being a mother. I let my feelings escape, and a tear slid down my cheek.

  Brushing the tears away, I decided that I wasn’t going to let the weakness through again. I could not afford to show it to anyone or allow myself a moment to dwell in it.

  The steward came in and lit the fire for me. I watched him walk out. The room began to buzz with activity as my commands were being carried out. Leigh walked in and came straight to me. She whispered in my ear and I nodded.

  “So, she won’t do anything without the king’s permission?”

  Leigh nodded.

  Shrugging, I walked over to the pile of dresses in the room and picked up several. I shoved them into the fireplace and watched as the dresses began to burn. The room turned silent as everyone watched the fine silks as they went up in flames. Without looking at anyone in particular, I spoke.

  “I am going to put the rest of these dresses in the fire if they aren’t removed from my room immediately.”

  Pippa grabbed Leigh’s arm and pulled her over to the dresses. They scooped the dresses up and carried them out of the room. I didn’t care what they did with them, I just wanted them gone.

  I pulled a chair across the room, so it was in front of the fireplace and I settled in. I sat, watching the flames, not doing anything. I wasn’t thinking, I wasn’t moving. I just stared at the fire.